"Meatball! What are you doing here?" the Sargent Major of the Ninjago Military, aka my papaa, asked after I all but tackled him into a hug. "You should've told me you were coming! I would've put on my good suit."
I stared at his camo pants and sweaty singlet. A dog tag was strung around his neck. He wasn't the most traditional of Sargent Majors, especially on off days.
"Papa, these are your good clothes," I chastised, piquing an eyebrow. He laughed loudly, achieving peak dad as he held his stomach and tilted his head back. I rolled my eyes in amusement, snorting at his overzealous humour.

"Right you are, cupcake," he chortled, wiping an eye. He calmed, glancing behind us at Lloyd and Cole, both in their ninja get ups, and Naomi, who was hovering awkwardly and trying not to look like she was emotionally close to Earth. Dad turned his questioning, hardened-by-the-climate face to me. "You know the ninja?"
My smile strained at the edges.
"U-um!" I stuttered, beginning to panic. "Kind of!"
Dad's brow furrowed in concern.
"How so?"
fuck.
"Hhh-"
"She helped defuse a bomb for us!" the Green Ninja cut in swiftly, squinting his green eyes in proud mirth. He was trying to hide how panicked he looked.
FUCK. I shot a bug-eyed, slack-jawed really???!!! look at the Green Ninja, whose face fell behind the mask when he realised his mistake.

Dad straightened. "There was a bomb threat in Ninjago City? Why don't I know about it?"
The back of my neck began to bead with sweat. I had a sneaking suspicion that it wasn't because of the heat.
"It was just practise," Earth smoothly lied, voice steady and calm - a stark contrast to Lloyd and I. We were both total disasters. "She was teaching us how to defuse a bomb in case we encounter one and can't afford to wait for back-up."
"Oh!" a proud smile slipped onto my father's face. He ruffled my hair affectionately. "Good to know that she's sharing her knowledge."
"Haha yup," I breathlessly replied.
"Alright, well, let's go," Dad clapped his hands. "The others are waiting."

We began to follow behind him as he lead the way. I fell into step with Lloyd, who didn't look all too chuffed that he essentially just fucked up his first time meeting my dad. After a quick glance around to check if anybody was watching us - there wasn't - I slipped my hand into his and squeezed it reassuringly.
"You okay?" I asked quietly. Lloyd hummed, adjusting his gi with his free hand. He didn't give me an answer, so I changed the topic. "What's this ceremony for?"
Lloyd exhaled, dropping his hand while linking his other through my fingers tightly. His gloved thumb rubbed circles onto the back of my hand.
"It's the anniversary of when the military and the secret ninja force began working together," Lloyd replied, but he seemed absent minded. "It's not a public affair because we try to stay out of the limelight as much as possible. You know, keeping our identities secret and all."
I nodded in understanding, swinging our arms between us.

"How's Kashu?"
"Dimitri's his favourite now."
I went to tease him, but he continued.
"Probably because I'm never home."
My jesting grin faded. Lloyd's eyes were shielded, staring at the ground. My lips pursed into a frown and I grabbed his chin.
"It's. not. your. fault," I stressed. Lloyd heaved a shaky sigh in exasperation.
"Why does it feel like it is, then?" he began breathlessly. "I should've stopped him from going into that time vortex! I should've been a better nephew! He's gone and-"
Sensing his rising levels of panic, I tugged him over to an empty barrack and shut the door. He was on the cusp of an attack, unable to regulate his breathing, eyes dilated. I pulled the hood from his face. His blonde locks, sweaty and messy, flopped down around his slightly red and exerted face.

"Lloyd," I began sternly, softly, placing my hands over his cheeks. "Lloyd, it's not your fault."
"It is- I should've been there for him-!"
"Did you tell Wu to do it?"
Lloyd paused. His breathing began to slow.
"Did you want the time twins to be released? Did you want them to fight Wu?"
"... no..."
"Lloyd, please, let me understand... how is this your fault?"
I stared at him, desperate for answers, desperate to help him. His gaze was flickering, staring at the space between us with a conflicted light.
But then Lloyd's eyes hardened. His face steeled. He wrapped his iron-like fingers around my wrists and lowered them from his face.

"Because it should've been me."

🔋🧪🔋

For the rest of the ceremony, Lloyd seemed to run on autopilot. He plastered on a fake facade from under his mask, shaking hands and telling jokes and basically being his old self.
But I knew. I could tell.

I spent the majority of the time worriedly glancing back at him, checking to see if he hadn't run off or wasn't experiencing another attack. My mum was there, too, an unexpected but pleasant surprise. She and dad spent most of the time hanging off of each other's shoulders. I didn't blame them. They hardly got to see each other during the years I'd grown up in Ninjago City, but with mum in Jamanakai again, I hoped that they made more time to see each other now that they were barely a half-hour out from each other.

I was glad that mum and dad were preoccupied with talking to adulty-adults, because I knew that they'd easily pick up on my uneasiness. I was also thankful that Jay, Nya, Zane and Kai were mingling with the military personnel and animatedly talking with them, as well as Garmadon and Misako, because I knew that they'd be able to tell, too.
Cole and Naomi were nowhere to be seen.
Lovebirds, right?
Unfortunately, oblivious bliss doesn't last for long.

"I see you've got a thing for the Green Ninja," came a voice from beside me. I yelped, almost spilling my drink of apple juice and glanced at the figure beside me. Jonesy.
"W- what?" I stuttered, flustered and alarmed at my godfather's accurate deduction skills. Shit. I forgot to account for Jonesy. "N- no, I don't!"
"Hey, relax, desertfairy," Jonesy chuckled, patting my shoulder. "Everybody loves a hero. It's how your parents fell in love, after all."
I blinked. "Really?"
"Oh, yeah," Jonesy grinned reminiscently. "Of course, back then your father wasn't in the military. He could barely lift a rock! He was so scrawny that he got bullied half the time, until M/n stepped in. She was the scariest fourth-grader I'd ever seen. I tell you what, nobody picked on D/n after she snapped somebody's calculator in half."
I huffed a disbelieving laugh.
"You're kidding."
"Nope, not at all," Jonesy grinned. "M/n was fiercely protective of him. She'd do anything to keep him safe. Of course, then he joined the military..."

Jonesy's voice began to fade into the background as I stared blankly at his shoulder. He didn't notice that my eyes had glazed over, lost in the memories of the past.
She was fiercely protective of him. She'd do anything to keep him safe...
For a reason unbeknownst to me, my stomach twisted with dejavú. She'd do anything to keep him safe. It sounded so familiar, but why?
I glanced over at Lloyd. His eyes were smiling a fake smile, his laughter ringing but empty. Tears prickled behind my eyes. How could I keep him safe from himself?

And when my gaze slid over to my parents, it struck me - no wonder why this tale sounded so familiar. It was us. Lloyd and I. I was fiercely protective of him. I jumped into an underground cave river to save him. I literally went through hell with him. I stood up for him at school.
All these things didn't concern me. It was Lloyd's problem first. I could've stayed back, watched on, did as other people told me.

But whenever Lloyd was in danger, I'd blindly leap in after him.
Because I was protective. Because I wanted to keep him safe and happy.
But when he's blaming something that wasn't his fault on himself - hurting himself, refusing to believe otherwise... how could I protect him from that?
My head spun. The revelation sunk in my stomach, etching itself into the back of my brain.

She was fiercely protective of him. She'd do anything to keep him safe...
For some reason, that sentence lodged itself into my chest. It felt heavy, important. Like it held more secrets than it let on. It was more than what breached the surface, it was more than what I discovered. It was a riddle, one that would only be cracked with time, and it bothered me to no end.

What did it mean?

⛩🏯⛩

"That Green Ninja is some guy," my dad said merrily. I hummed, staring out of the window while mum drove dad and I back to her place. I'd stay the night there before venturing on on my own to the Monastery to spend the rest of the break.
"Uh huh," mum mused.
"Jonesy said something about you not being able to tear your eyes away from him," dad teased. "Is this true love I'm smelling?"
"I think it's your own ego that's stinky."
Dad gasped at mum's jest.
Mum's amused gaze caught mine in the rearview mirror. My eyes lacked the warmth of humour, too lost in worry about how Lloyd was acting. Mum frowned.
"Are you okay, honey? You're awfully quiet."
"Huh?" I lifted my chin from my palm. "Oh. Yeah. I'm just tired..."
My parents didn't look convinced. I tried again.
"... it's been a long semester."
They decided to let it go after that.

It rained that night. I stared at the ceiling that I couldn't see, listening to the storm.
I never liked storms when I'm alone. 
I felt... really alone.

I exhaled, rolling onto my side and flinching at a loud crack of thunder.
Be calm, my heart, I thought to myself, placing a hand over my chest and hiding under the duvet. It's just a storm.
My heart was pulsating in fear.

I hoped that Lloyd was feeling better than me.