I sighed as I drew a circle in the dirt with my index. It was three days before school.
Three days.
Lloyd and I still hadn't spoken.
It had been two days.
Two days.
I know, I know. Misako told me to talk. But I didn't know what to talk about! We spent three hours in complete silence, staring at the ceiling while my mind raced and pulsed and screamed at me to find something to say. Something to break the tension. Something to get us back to the way we were before.
I guess a part of me knew that after he revealed his secret, things wouldn't go back to exactly being the way before. It never would. I knew. I was wiser. How we decided to act about the information was up to us.

The last two days were tedious and boring. After getting home via Kai's dragon (because Lloyd didn't move from his spot which kind of made me feel a little sad and guilty but also,,, constant mood), I found myself face down on my bed and frustratedly screaming into my pillow. Mum came in only to find me with tears and snot trailing down my face while sobbing uglily and angrily - angry at myself for not trying to make things right. She said nothing, but instead returned with a whole block of chocolate she had stashed away and rubbed my back while I devoured it in record time.

"He broke up with you?" Mum predicted softly after I managed to calm my hysterical hormones down.
"What?" I sniffled incredulously, raising my gaze to hers with owlish eyes. "No!"
Mum sat back, dumbfounded. Her face pulled into an expression of confusion.
"Ah?" her eyebrows raised. "Then, uh, what's going on, honey?"
"It's-" I paused to wipe my nose with my sleeve. "It's nothing. I can handle it."
Mum's gaze dropped into an unamused frown. I began to regret pushing her away and shrunk a little under her hardened face.
"Look, honey," she said soothingly despite the steeled look in her eyes. "You're seventeen. You can't expect yourself to be able to tackle everything in the world alone. You've got friends and family that love you and want to help you."

Mum smiled as I slumped a little in resignation.
"Come on, spill," she urged calmly, squeezing my shoulder fondly. "I'll do what I can to help, I promise."
I shakily sighed, caving.
"Lloyd's fourteen," I mumbled, staring at my hands. "Well, mentally fourteen. Physically eighteen."
Mum continued to smile. I glanced up, waiting for her reply. It came soon after.

"What the fuck."

I winced remembering the odd conversation I had with her, retelling the story Lloyd and Wu had told me. She simply blinked and shook her head before heading off to bed early, a lost look in her eyes.
It didn't do too well for my nerves.

I was sitting in the park, crossed legged before the water feature. Nya had texted me and told me to wait there. I had an inkling of a feeling that she was up to something, but kept my suspicions to myself.
I sighed and threw myself back against the grass, staring disdainfully at the blue sky. The temperature was dropping day by day, nearing autumn which was just a few weeks away. The height of summer had been and gone.
That would've meant that it's almost been three months since I met Lloyd. Three months seem so short, but the summer felt like an eternity. So much had happened - meeting him, finding out he's the Green Ninja, meeting his friends and then his family, kissing him for the first time, him being possessed by Morro, defeating the Preeminent, saving Ninjago and...
Admitting that he had lied to me.
He wasn't eighteen.

In the grand scheme of things, it wasn't even the age gap that bothered me. Sure, at the age that we're were at currently - my seventeen (almost eighteen) to his fourteen, I know a lot of people who would look down on that. But in a few years, it wouldn't matter anyway! Three-to-four year age gaps are nothing in adulthood.
It was the fact that he wasn't upfront to me about it that bothered me. Sure, I got that he had to keep his secret identity as the Green Ninja from me and I was fine with that, I totally understood - and I guess I could see why he was reluctant to tell me about his age, but I was worried about when - or even if - he was going to tell me. Was he just going to spend the rest of his life pretending to be somebody he wasn't? An age he never was?

Was he keeping other stuff from me, too?

I closed my eyes and sighed, clutching at the grass and slipping the blades between my fingers. Things were just confusing and a mess. I wanted to fix it, to repair what we had, but I didn't know how. I didn't know what to say. There was a glacier between us, but no icebreaker to help us hack it down. We were stuck. Frozen.
I felt helpless and I hated it. I hated myself for feeling helpless.

"Hey."
A shoe kicked my shoulder. I jolted up, blinking in the light as I turned my head to send a disgruntled glare at the person who kicked me. A small ball of rage bubbled in my stomach.
It was Nya. My mouth parted in surprise at her sudden arrival. Also her unconventional way of getting my attention because - oww! She kicks hard.
"H- hey," I stammered as I stumbled to my feet, brushing off any grass that might of gotten stuck to my shorts. The earlier rage disappeared instantly. She picked a leaf off of my shoulder before addressing me professionally.
"We need your help."

Nya began to walk off promptly. I stood for a second, gaping like an idiot before remembering to follow her.
"M- my help?" I echoed in disbelief as I scampered behind the water ninja. "For what?"
"I'll explain on the way," she called as we entered the parking lot and lead me to an odd looking car, obviously handmade. Most likely by her. I wondered if it was warranted. Or even road safe.
I'm sure it's fine!
I think...
We clambered inside. I buckled up while Nya did an odd starting manoeuvre, which included throwing her seat back then forward, punching the stick before thrusting it sideways and stomping her foot on the break. I sent her a terrified look. She sheepishly shrugged.

"I'm still working out the kinks," she replied while urging the car forward. I suddenly felt a lot more unsafe.
"Oh, my god, we're going to die," I whispered under my breath as the car rattled and shook, bouncing down the road and earning a lot of curious and scrutinising stares. My fingers wrapped tightly around the seatbelt. My knuckles were white.
Nya snorted and shook her head.
"Nah, she runs like a beaut" she denied, patting the dashboard. The car jolted and spluttered at her touch. Nya sweatdropped and smiled a little tighter. "S- see? She's- uh, agreeing, yeah."
I ran a hand down my face. It was going to be a long ride.

"Look," Nya said seriously as we made a turn onto a less busy street. "We do seriously need your help. Lloyd was out in the forest and he found this puppy stuck in some stupid bear trap that an asshole of a hunter set up too close to our boundaries. Problem is, the trap's obviously been forgotten about because it's all surrounded by brambles and bushes that are too dense for us."
I turned my head to send her a look. My stomach rolled at the thought of the puppy being in pain.
"And where do I come in?"
Nya pursed her lips.
"You're small."
"You want me to pry a puppy out of a bear trap?!" I cried, clutching at my seatbelt tighter. I was beginning to feel sick. "What if I make it worse!"
"The longer it stays in the trap, the worse it becomes, anyway," countered Nya calmly as she turned down the driveway to the Monastery. "It's easy. It's only a conibear trap."

Frowning, I pulled out my phone to bring it up on google to understand how to release it. My heart dropped at a fact that stood out among the others.
"It closes at a force of ninety pounds!" I exclaimed as the car pulled to a stop. Nya and I frantically unbuckled before racing over the crunching gravel. "It's only a puppy! How is it still alive?!"
"I don't know, but it's going to stay that way," Nya said sharply as she shoved open the front door and galloped down the hallway with me trailing behind her.
"I need shoestring for the trap," I informed her, before gulping and steeling my nerves. She nodded in acknowledgment as we burst into the living room and found ourselves in the midst of a group meeting.

"Great! She's here," clapped Cole as he threw a bunch of clothes at me. "Get changed into these. The brambles are vicious monsters who want your blood."
Ignoring Cole's attempt at humour, I simply nodded and darted out the room again, heart beating. A puppy in a bear trap?? How the fuck???? Why me?????????? UGH??????????????
I didn't do well under pressure. A puppy in a bear trap is the height of pressure that I'd ever been accustomed to in my life. I could already feel the lightheaded nausea approaching.
The clothes Cole gave me was a pair of waterproof track pants, gloves and a jacket. Great for crawling through bramble bushes. Mm.
Was Lloyd in the room? No.
No, he wasn't.

Sighing heavily, I quickly sped back out to the others, who were already waiting for me. It was a short jog, apparently, so we set out running into the forest surrounding the Monastery. Lloyd's elders stayed behind to set up a temporary home for the puppy.
"How did a puppy even get all the way out here?" I asked as we ran, dodging trees and jumping logs. "It's miles from civilisation."
"Dunno," Kai shrugged. "We don't know how long it's been there, either, but it looked to be in pretty bad shape. Lloyd's trying to keep it calm until we get there."

He exchanged a knowing look with Cole.
I swallowed awkwardly.
"Alright," Jay said as he ran while staring at his phone. He handed me two shoestrings. "First you're going to-"
"Maybe wait until we are there?" Zane suggested, cutting him off. Jay huffed but silently agreed.
"So, uh, you guys do realise that I know you didn't just get me to come for the puppy, right?" I commented before almost tripping over a root. I rebalanced myself, heart pounding. "I mean, come on. You guys are ninja. You could easily do it yourself."
Zane clicked his fingers and sent Jay a pointed stare.
"I told you she would be quick to find us out," he said smugly. Haha, smug soccer mom. Nice. Jay just 'pfft'd' and shoved Zane's shoulder as we ran.

"Look, you need to talk to Lloyd," Kai began seriously, setting his hard gaze on me. I flinched. "He's been moping around like a heartbroken loser and, for a ninja, any half-heartedness on the job can and will result in missions going wrong."
Something resembling ice trickled down my spine. I had to make sure Zane really was in front of me. Nya noticed my paled face and sighed.
"I know the whole age thing is hard to wrap your head around, but you've got to forgive him-"
"Forgive him?" I echoed with a tilt of my head. "I never really blamed him."
Jay frowned.
"Lloyd said that you were angry," he commented with confusion. My brow furrowed.
"I was never angry," I shook my head. "Just... just, uh... sad."
"You can tell this all to Lloyd," Cole ordered the team, taking up the role of leader easily in Lloyd's absence. "We don't really need to hear this. It's between you and him."

Silence fell over us. All we could hear was the birds in the trees and our feet on the leave-covered ground.
Before long, Lloyd's crouching figure came into view. I reminded myself to focus on the task at hand - the puppy. My throat suddenly felt very dry.
Lloyd glanced up and held my gaze for a second before returning his attention to the puppy. He couldn't reach through the brambles to pet it in reassurance, so he was stuck with just using his voice. His soft, cooing voice sent shivers down my spine. I missed his voice.

"How am I supposed to get through there?" I asked as I shoved on my gloves and returned my attention to the problem at hand. Lloyd's voice broke and his head whipped up at my appearance. His taken-aback gaze slid over to a suddenly sheepish-looking team. His eyes narrowed.
"Zane and Cole are going to hold up some of the thicker branches," Lloyd explained quietly as he stood, ignoring his team and startling me as he pulled my sleeves over the gloves carefully. I blinked. My heart thundered. He was speaking to me? Oh, thank gOD. "You just have to shimmy through and get to the puppy."
I hesitated, still lost in the fact that he was standing close to me again. Close enough to hug, to -
Puppy, Y/n. Focus on the puppy.
"O- okay," I nodded, stuttering.

Zane and Cole nodded to each other before grabbing a hold of a strong, sturdy branch and lifting. The bushes cracked and snapped, uprooting just to reveal a small gap. A small whine squealed from deep in the brambles. We all winced.
"Ready?" Lloyd murmured, lifting his gaze to mine intensely. My spine stiffened.
"No," I mumbled before inhaling heavily and squaring my shoulders. "Okay. Now I am." Lies.
"You have to loop the shoestring through the spring to decompress it like this," Jay said as he showed me a diagram. "Then pull it up to release the jaws. Tie it off and do the same on the other side if you need to."
I nodded, zipping the jacket up to my chin. Cole and Zane pulled the branch up higher. The puppy, hidden by brambles, yelped. I grimaced before dropping to my stomach and scrambling across the dirt.

"Oh, ew," I grumbled under my breath as dirt got caked under my nails and my hair got caught in brambles and thorns cut into my skin and scraped against the jacket. "Also ow."
"You okay?" Nya called. The gap between the brambles and the ground was getting smaller. I was forced to shimmy along my stomach and press myself against the soil.
"Peachy," I replied, flinching back as a mouse scurried in front of me suddenly. All I could smell was dirt. Yum. "But I'll definitely need a shower after this- eW."
"I grant you permission to a shower," Nya joked. I paused, huffing, before wacking at some more branches that were in my way.
"Ow- ow- ow- thank you for your kindness, ma'am- owowowow."
I pushed some more branches out of the way, spluttering as leaves smacked against my face. I was about to reach forward blindly to grab at some more brambles before a whine made me stop. I dropped my gaze to see a reasonably large dog, but its large puppy eyes gave away its young age.

The puppy whimpered, making my heart shatter as it lay in an awkward position, its right front leg trapped impossibly tight in the conibear. Scratches and gashes dotted its beige fur and its dark muzzle was covered in muddy blood. My breath caught at its helpless and pained look in its eyes.
"Aw, baby," I whispered brokenly, bringing out the shoestring and looping it through the spring with shaky fingers. I held out a hand for it to sniff but it just continued to lay its head on the littered ground numbly, hopelessly. I bit my lip and tried not to cry. "It'll be okay, I promise."

I retreated my limb and wrapped the shoestring around my gloved hands. I closed my eyes to regain my nervous composure before exhaling sharply and pulling up with all my might. I grunted from the effort but didn't dare let up, ignoring the material digging into my skin and rubbing it raw. I ignored the feeling of my tearing flesh as blood soaked into the gloves and shoestring. I had one job on my mind - get the puppy free.
To my relief, the jaws slowly released the puppy's leg, making it slip out and fall limp. I released a heavy gasp as I dropped the shoestring and slumped onto my forearms, breathing hard from the exertion. My fingers ached.
I glanced up at the puppy with sweat beading on my forehead, and for a brief second, I was worried that the puppy was going to make a run for it, but it stayed still, staring at nothing.
Oh my gOD IS IT DEAD-
Oh. No. It just blinked. Cool.
The puppy suddenly whimpered louder, lifting itself up violently and biting at its injured leg with a ferocious intent. Blood began flooding out of the abrasion from the trap, making me panic and shove off my coat to tie around its stomach and then its leg in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

"Alright," I said a little shakily as I held the pup close to my chest, ignoring the scratches from surrounding vegetation. "I'm coming back."
I glanced at the brambles before dropping my gaze to my bare arms. I shivered. Fuck it.
"C'mon, buddy," I murmured to the wiggling and wailing pup. It must've been an English mastiff from its size, as it was almost flopping right out of my arms. I struggled to keep it up off the ground.
I sighed before pushing the pup through the brambles before me, protecting its body as much as I could with my hands. The gloves were quickly ripped to shreds.
My bare arms were victim to multiple assaults and by the time I had shimmied my way to safety, my own blood was dripping from countless cuts. There was dirt everywhere, around and inside my injuries. Gross. And ouch. But mostly gross.

"Oh, my god, you look horrible," Kai blurted as I stood with trembling legs with help from Zane, holding the puppy against my chest. I sent him a dry look.
"Gee, thanks, Kai," I replied sarcastically. Nya rolled her eyes at her brother. Kai grinned.
"Are you okay?" Cole asked as he gently attempted to grab the squirming pup. His ghost hands grasped at nothing and he tried not to look pissed off at himself. Jay grabbed the puppy instead, sending it a worried look as he hugged it to his chest. "Why did you put the jacket around the puppy?"
I shrugged, ignoring a burning yearn to itch at multiple scratches on my forearm. My t-shirt was in tatters. Damn. I kinda liked that shirt.
"Its leg started bleeding a whole lot," I explained, tugging at the hem of my ruined shirt nonchalantly. There were three large holes placed conveniently close to my chest. I frowned at the bottom of my bra being exposed from a rip. "I needed to put pressure on it."

"And now you're covered in dirty scratches," Lloyd said disdainfully as I shifted my shirt to be more decent. I only succeeded moving another hole over a different exposed part. Fuck. "We need to head back to the Monastery and get the both of you cleaned up."
I swallowed at his gaze caught in mine. His eyes blocked no emotion. He was sad. Really sad.
His sadness hurt me. It made me feel horrible and terrible and like I was the worst person on the planet. My eyes stung.
"Let's start heading back," Kai quickly suggested as he grabbed his sister's and Zane's hands and began to drag them back to the Monastery frantically. Jay and Cole followed after them hurriedly, pup in tow. My eyes stayed trained on Lloyd's.
It was just us.

Eventually Lloyd sighed and tugged off his shirt. My face exploded into heat before the neckline got caught over his head. He tugged at it, but it wouldn't budge. My flustered-nervous-wreck of a self snickered.
"What are you doing?" I said as I shook my head in amusement. He dropped the material and sent me an exasperated look. He looked like some kind of nun. That had abs.
"I was trying to be gentlemanly," he explained tiredly, grabbing at his shirt that made him look like a fucking doofus. "I thought that you would be more comfortable with my shirt on rather than - that."
I glanced down at my soiled shirt. He was right.
"You're too kind," I mused with a bitten-lipped smile. Lloyd blushed, which only made him look all the more ridiculous. I sighed in amusement before grabbing his arm and turning him around, slipping my fingers under the neckline and easily slipping it from his head. My brow knitted together with confusion. Lloyd sheepishly chuckled.

"Maybe it wasn't actually stuck," he shrugged. "And perhaps I was making a fool of myself to ease the tension."
I stifled a giggle as I tugged his shirt over my own before pulling the ruined material off.
"It worked," I acknowledged with a grin. Well, it worked somewhat. It was still awkward. We knew that a topic of conversation needed to be addressed, but to get to that point was beyond us.
We began dawdling after the others in silence, hands stuffed in pockets and gnawing lips as we stared at the ground. I glanced at the back of Lloyd's head occasionally, mind a muddled mess of thoughts. He'd been through so much. So much, even in the past month alone. And he was only fourteen. But... also mentally eighteen? But also not? It was confusing.
I was suddenly reminded of something in the news a while back - the Green Ninja vs. Lord Garmadon. He had to fight his own father. I couldn't imagine how horrible that must've been.

I didn't realise tears had begun to trail down my cheeks until Lloyd was suddenly wiping them away with the pad of his thumb, a concerned look etched into his face. That just made more tears spill - how could he he comfort me after everything he'd been through? It should be the other way round. It should be me comforting him, but there he was, whispering soothing words as I sobbed into his bare shoulder.
I wasn't usually the one to cry. I very rarely cried. But Lloyd- he had this way of making it impossible for me to hide my emotions around him. Everything was out there for us to see. My fear and confusion and pain. He played havoc with my feelings. How dare he, but again, how could he not? My entire world suddenly became the boy in front of me, somebody who I had begun to understand better than myself, somebody who had been through so much, had too many scars and battle wounds to count, too many stories and tales for his young age, too many problems and-

I cried harder, the back of my mind embarrassed that I was wailing like some baby, but the rest too consumed with the overwhelming thought of Lloyd struggling alone - because that's exactly what he did. He wouldn't want anybody else to have to shoulder his emotional baggage so he shouldered it alone. And I cried for him. I cried his pain. I cried because I was sad and hurt and he was sad and hurt and he was crying, too. We were both sad and hurt. Sad and hurt together.

Lloyd clutched at my shoulders as his tears soaked into my hair. He must've realised what I was sobbing about, as his own body slumped out of exhaustion as he released his own torment. And we cried. And we grasped at each other. And despite our estranged last two days, I never felt emotionally closer to him.
"I'm so sorry," I choked into his shoulder, eyelashes soaked and beaded with tears. "I had- I had no idea you went through all this when you're so young-"
Another violent sob tore through my throat. I pushed myself closer to him, consumed in pain and regret and fear and hurt and and and-
"I'm sorry," he cried, pressing his forehead against my temple. "I should've told you sooner. I was scared-"
"You don't need to be scared."
"My life sucks."

I choked a laugh but I didn't feel any humour.
"You were- are the best thing in my life- and- and I was scared that if you found out, you'd leave me," he sobbed.
"You've been through so much."
"I know."
"I'm... I..."
"Being the Green Ninja sucks," Lloyd chuckled dryly. "I didn't sign up for so much emotional torment. Being Lloyd Garmadon is worse."
I struggled to swallow, pulling back and holding his face between my hands. More tears. More crying.
"I was confused," I confessed. "And scared."
Lloyd drew silent, watching my eyes intently.
"I- I was worried that you were keeping more from me," I continued quietly. "I was worried that if you didn't tell me then, would you ever? I was worried that... that you don't trust me enough."

"I trust you with my life," Lloyd whispered, tangling his fingers through my already tangled hair. "With my heart and my soul."
"I- I've never felt this way about anybody, Lloyd," I murmured, closing my eyes tightly and forcing the brimming tears out. "And I'm scared all the time because- because of how much I care for you. And at that moment, I was worried that you didn't feel the same amount- I- it's stupid-"
"It isn't," Lloyd reassured, voice barely above a whisper.
"I'm- I'm scared," I stumbled over my words. "I'm so scared. It's so intense and- and controlling and... I don't think I could ever live without you, and it's terrifying. Hell, it's- it's only been a few months and you've already got me spellbound. Every thought is you. Everything is you. I never... I never thought I could love somebody as much as I love you."

Lloyd swallowed heavily, eyes swirling with emotion. He pulled my hands from his face and instead intertwined his fingers through mine, frowning at my injuries.
"When I first saw you in that coffee shop, you were the first stranger to not scowl at me," he began. "That... that was huge. It still is huge to me. And again in the park, even when you smacked me across the face like some professional baseball player-"
I laughed. He grinned fleetingly, chest heaving as his heart beat erratically. I could hear it from how close we held each other.
"I was astounded that somebody I didn't know could look at me without hatred. And even as time went on and you learnt my name and about my dad, you stayed. You stayed. And I thought that you were my angel. So when we became closer and closer, when you figured out who the Green Ninja was and when we kissed and fell in love I just- I felt that I couldn't tell you, because I didn't want what we had to disappear. I wanted to keep you by my side forever. I admit, keeping it from you was selfish, but... I just didn't know how you'd react. I didn't want you, the one good person that loved me just as much as I loved them, to leave. You've become the sole reason for me to return home after each mission, you were the sole reason I didn't give up when Morro possessed me. It's impossible to understand how much you mean to me."

I ducked my head into his chest. My eyes was like a tap, tears leaking out, more and more.
"It's not the age gap that bothers me," I whispered.
"It's not?" Lloyd asked, confused. I nodded.
"It's the fact that you didn't tell me."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry, too."
"Do you still love me?"
I breathed a laugh as I smiled, leaning back to send him a small, genuinely warm, endearing look.
"I think it would be impossible for me not to love you, Lloyd Garmadon," I replied. He huffed a relieved grin.
"How dare you become everything that I care for," he mumbled as he pressed a kiss on the top of my head. "How dare you consume my every thought and every daydream. How dare you be so perfect. My perfect angel."

"I'm not perfect, Greenie," I shook my head in disagreement. He shrugged a shoulder.
"But you're perfect to me, and that's what really counts," he replied. I couldn't help but smile flusteredly. He grinned. It fell.
"They'll go after you, too," he murmured, broken-heartedly. "The people that try to hurt me."
"Let them," I breathed, shaking my head. "You make me happy. They can't take that away. I won't let them."
Lloyd looked like he wanted to discuss it further, but a sudden drop of water from the sky landed on his shoulder. He glanced up questioningly at the brewing clouds above the treetops.
"First rainfall of summer's dying days," he mused. More drops fell, gaining ferocity. They trailed down our faces and mixed with our tears. They pitter-pattered on the leaves of the forest trees, echoing around us like some perfect kind of orchestra.

"Do you mind if I do something totally cliché?" I asked, making him glance back down at me. It didn't take long for him to understand what I was hinting at, as a smile overtook his features. I smiled myself, bringing his head down and fluttering my eyelids close as I found his lips with my own. The rain poured around us, hitting the leave-covered ground and dripping down trunks like how they dripped down our faces. We were soaking, but we didn't care.
Instantly, I could tell something was different. It was the beginning of something new. We were mending ourselves, mending us. The hurt was still there, the pain would take some time to go away, but it was a start, and a start was always good.

The world was a song. It followed the same beat. Lloyd was on the offbeat, and he pulled me off rhythm with him. But I didn't care.
We could make our own song.
We could make our own beat.