"Until I can figure out this confusion, until I know what these feelings are... don't you dare go far from me."

-Moon Embracing the Sun

✈️| N O W- 2018 |✈️

"Sigurado ka bang safe ka riyan, anak?"

I multi-tasked by speaking to my parents who are still currently working abroad and arranging the stuff I had brought from Myeongdong last night after I got back from Nami Island.

"Ayos lang po. 'Wag na kayong mag-alala. Malaki na 'ko."

"Baka naman may trabaho riyan na puwede sayo, 'nak," komento naman ng Tatay ko.

"Wala po eh. Hindi po sila tumatanggap ng mga Pilipino as teachers. Native English Speakers po dapat."

"Eh 'yong kaibigan mo? Si Ruby?"

"Housewife siya, Ma."

"Tanungin mo lang 'nak. Malay mo, makapag-trabaho ka riyan," suhestiyon ni Papa.

"Mabuti 'yon para may matuluyan kami riyan ng Papa mo kung sakaling makapagbakasyon diyan. Saan ka ba pumunta kahapon?" excited naman na usal ni Mama.

Tulad ko ay adik rin sa kdrama si Mama kaya mas excited pa siya para sakin nang sinabi ko na na-approve ang tourist visa ko pa-Korea.

"Petite France, Nami Island and Myeongdong– 'yong isa sa mga shopping district nila rito. Bought you a Mr. Buckwheat stuffed toy."

Tumili si Mama na parang teenager nang narinig ang sinabi ko. "Thank you, 'nak!"

Kilig na kilig ang boses niya dahil paborito niya talaga ang Goblin. Kaya ko sinadyang bilhan siya ng Goblin merch.

"You're welcome po, Ma."

"Basta 'yong napag-usapan natin ha. Pagbalik mo sa Iloilo, mag-apply ka na for Training Specialist sa HR. Sayang naman ang abilidad mo!" pangungulit na naman ni Papa.

I said goodbye without responding to his reminder. It's not something I want to think about right now, lalo na at gusto ni Papa na bumalik na ako sa pagtuturo, "sa totoong trabaho". His words, not mine. I'm a licensed teacher but I honestly don't feel like I can stand teaching for the rest of my life.

See this is what they don't tell you as young people. They expect you to know what you want to do for the next forty years at the tender age of sixteen. But you don't even know yourself thoroughly at that age. And the sad reality is, intelligence isn't enough to make good career choices. Being smart is not enough; you should have a realistic vision of the future, make strategic career plans and work hard to achieve them. Snagging a job isn't enough, one must plan for a career– hopefully, one that you love and can sustain your lifestyle.

Just thinking about it now is giving me a headache.

Pagkatapos naming mag-usap ay umalis na ako para makapunta sa EWHA Women's University. Wala talaga 'yon sa itinerary ko pero ayun sa Google maganda ang shopping district doon.

However, in the end, hindi ako masyadong natuwa sa mga coats na binibenta doon dahil medyo pricey. Naalala ko na naman si Ruby Rose! GRRR.

Nevertheless, I bought a nice black coat because it was either that or bear the cold (which was totally out of the question). Gusto ko man na mag-explore din sa EWHA Women's University ay minabuti ko na balikan na lang ito sa susunod.

My next stop was Lotteworld. Dahil nakabili na ako ng ticket sa Klook ay hindi ko na kailangan na pumila. 'Yon nga lang ay iba pala ang entrance para sa mga Klook ticket holders. ₱1,365 ang bili ko sa app pero kung dito ako bumili ay aabot ng higit sa ₱2000 kaya ayos na rin siguro. Lalo na at kasama na rin ang ticket sa Aquarium.

Lotteworld is an indoor amusement park owned by one of the most popular malls in Korea. Sa carousel at skating rink ng Lotteworld nag-shoot ang marami sa mga kilalang eksena ng Kdrama na Stairway to Heaven. But that was way back in 2003 and honestly, I found the place a bit boring. Maybe I'd have been better off in Everland. I am not the biggest fan of extreme rides thus I opted for the more kid-friendly Lotteworld. But gosh, it bored me to death.

Sinadya ko talagang pumunta rito sa araw ng Miyerkules para sana makaiwas na maraming tao pero siksikan pa rin.

Kung kasama ko siguro si Seth hindi ako masyadong mababagot o maiinis. Pero dahil mag-isa ako na parang loser at kinailangan kong maghintay sa pila ng isang oras para makasakay sa roller coaster, nawalan na ako ng gana na sumubok ng ibang rides.

The Lotteworld Aquarium which was located in another building was pretty interesting. They had a variety of fishes and other sea creatures. The Beluga whales were fascinating as well as the cute stingrays but let's be honest here, how many hours do you need to check these cute creatures out?

Today was a bleak day and I don't have the heart to see other folks eating with their friends, family or jowa.

If there's one thing I've seen in Kdramas that have been proven true to me on this trip is that Koreans do like eating out with colleagues.

Kaya naman imbis na kumain sa isa sa mga restaurants malapit sa tinutuluyan ko ay nag-grocery na lang ako.

I got a big pack of honey butter chips, Shin ramen cup noodles and honey butter almonds. Bago dumating sa counter ay nagdagdag na rin ako ng apat na can ng Iseul Tok Tok, isa sa mga pinaka-sikat na sparkling alcoholic drink dito.

I had booked an entire apartment at Jeongno area from Airbnb but although I like the privacy, it now feels absolutely lonesome.

Kakapasok ko lang sa apartment nang biglang tumunog ang cellphone ko. Si Felix siguro, mangangamusta at mang-ookray.

I swiped at my phone without checking the name of the caller.

"Hi, I said, not bothering to keep the exhaustion from my voice.

"You sound really tired. Andy, are you okay?"

It was Seth. And although he's just being nice when he asked, I couldn't keep myself from bursting into tears.

✈️| T H E N - 2010 |✈️

Tanga. Wala na akong maitatawag sa sarili ko kundi tanga.

Tatlong buwan na mula nang unang pagkikita namin ni Seth. Nanligaw siya sakin ilang linggo matapos 'yon. Honestly, it's not a drastic move. Before meeting in person, Seth and I have been textmates for a year already. Nothing romantic or anything before that of course. Casual friends lang kami noon. Si Seth ang natatanging textmate ko na tumagal ng isang taon. Siya lang rin ang pumayag ako na magkita kami sa personal. Madali kasi akong magsawa sa mga nakakausap at hindi rin ako mabilis magtiwala. Pero kay Seth... ewan ko. Dati pa magaan ang loob ko kapag kausap siya, at lalo na nang nagkita na kami.

I like him. What's not to like about Seth? Honestly, I'd have accepted him as my boyfriend if Ethan hadn't come along.

Ethan Lee was my classmate in a minor subject last term, who's taking up BSBA in Entrepreneurial Management. In short, he's a Fil-Chi studying to take over their business someday. We've started talking recently and he's already invited me to watch a movie with him.

"Alam mo, okay 'yan, may negosyo na ang pamilya niya 'di ba? Kapag kayo ang nagkatuluyan, okay ang magiging buhay mo," sulsol sakin ng Tita ko nang kinuwento ko sa kaniya ang tungkol kay Ethan at Seth.

"Hmmm pero Tita, parang mas mabait si Seth."

"Eh mabait din naman si Ethan ah. Ano'ng problem do'n?"

Oo nga naman. Kaya dahil ayoko naman maging two-timer ay binasted ko si Seth kahit sa totoo lang, hindi naman nanliligaw si Ethan. Stupid. I know, I know.

"So dinala ka niya... sa Jollibee?" Mimay asked with her left brow raised.

"Yeah... tapos sa sasakyan niya na kami kumain kasi 'di ba may class pa 'ko," I replied casually.

"Jollibee talaga?" tanong pa ni Felix.

"Hoy, gusto niya nga pumunta kami sa Coastal pero ang layo pa no'n. I don't want to cut classes dahil lang sa date no!" pangangatuwiran ko.

Parehong dismayado sina Mimay at Felix nang sinabi ko na hindi ko sinagot si Seth dahil kay Ethan.

"Hay... kung si Seth 'yan..." simula ni Mimay.

"Hoy, kayong dalawa, kalimutan niyo nga muna si Seth."

"Alam mo, ang tanga mo lang girl. Walang sasakyan si Seth pero tingin ko mas mabait siya eh. Mas matiyaga pa. Isipin mo ha, pinupuntahan ka pa niya rito dati galing sa Lapaz," Felix said thoughtfully.

"Eh ano naman ang magagawa ko kung wala akong nararamdaman para doon sa tao? Ano'ng gusto niyo, sagutin ko kahit wala akong feelings?"

"Yeah, yeah. Ano, sinabi mo ba sa kaniya kung bakit mo siya binasted?"

"Siyempre hindi. Ano ako, heartless? Sabi ko lang I think we're better off as friends. Safe answer, 'di ba?"

"Magagalit ka ba, girl kung sakaling landiin ko si Seth?" I turned quickly to Felix and was relieved to find him laughing at me. Akala ko totoo na eh.

"O, possesive? Ba't mukhang ayaw mo i-share si Seth? Ano 'yon, ayaw mo sa kanya pero ayaw mo rin mapunta siya sa iba?" Mimay asked, watching my face carefully.

"Alam mo ba ano'ng tawag do'n, Ariadne? Selfish."

I looked at them and just rolled my eyes. Whatever.