It was like a mid-summer night's dream. Now I'll disappear, like the dream you dreamed last night. Goodbye.

- The Heirs

✈️| N O W- 2018 |✈️

It was around nine o'clock when we got back to Seoul. My flight was on the following night and truth be told, I ought to be taking a rain check. However, when's the next time I will see Seth?

"Are you sure it's ok if you join me?" I asked again as we sat inside a makeshift tent—a quite common setting where you can drink soju as depicted in Korean movies and dramas.

"Oo naman. Na-confirm ko na ang booking ko sa hotel kaya kahit anong oras puwede akong mag-check in dun. Ikaw? Kaya mo pa ba?"

"Yes! Isang item kaya 'to sa bucket list ko: to drink soju inside a pojangmacha."

Malamig ang gabi kaya tamang-tama na medyo maanghang ang pulutan namin. Seth ordered Dalkbal (Adidas), Nakji Bokkeum (stir-fried small octopus) and dubu-kimchi or tofu and stir-fried kimchi.

"Ang dami nito ah. Baka mapasobra tayo sa inom!" I said excitedly.

"Subukan mo, masarap 'yan."

Unfortunately, my long-awaited pojangmacha experience was cut short because the spring rain suddenly poured! May silong man ang pojangmacha, takot akong mas lalo kaming mahirapan na umalis mamaya kung sakaling hindi tumigil ang ulan.

Seth spoke to the ahjumma and asked to wrap up our food instead.

"Saan ka tumutuloy?"

"Sa kabilang kanto lang."

"Kaya ba nating takbuhin?" he asked.

"Kaya?" I replied in an unsure way that made him laugh.

"Kaya," he said and took my hand before pulling me to run out to the streets.

"Seth!" maarte kong sigaw. Pinagtinginan na kami ng ilang mga tao. Siguro iniisip nila na ang baliw namin dahil sinulong namin ang malamig na ulan!

The apartment was only a street away from the pojangmacha but by the time we got to the place I rented, both of us were shivering.

"Sabi mo malapit lang!" akusa niya sakin sabay halakhak.

"Malapit... lang naman ahhh..." I replied through gritted teeth.

Iniwan namin ang nakabalot na dalang soju at pagkain at nagtungo kami agad sa banyo para ilapag ang mga basang coat namin sa tub.

✈️ | T H E N – 2012 | ✈️

The knock came sooner than I anticipated.

I lighted the candle carefully and carried the platter of chocolate cake towards the door before opening it to Seth's surprised face.

"Happy birthday!" I called out cheerfully.

"Thank you," he replied and took the platter from me with one hand while putting the other arm around me.

"Pasok tayo," I said and pulled him inside the hotel room.

"Ilapag mo sa mesa," I instructed and pointed towards the bedside table.

The happiness and love that I immediately saw on his face awakened the barely sleeping guilt in me. It also made me want to cry. Ilang beses ko bang sinubukan na gumawa ng paraan para mapasaya talaga si Seth?

Nakita ko na medyo kumunot ang noo niya habang tinitingnan ang kabuohan ng kuwarto kaya iniwas ko ka agad ang tingin mo. I busied myself by cutting the cake, all the while, bracing myself for the inevitable question.

"Andy? Ano'ng ginagawa natin dito?"

I gulped nervously and faced him.

"Naisip ko na... mag-overnight tayo para sa birthday mo."

Lumapit si Seth sakin at hinawakan ang magkabilang pisngi ko bago ginawaran ng halik ang noo ko.

"Ano'ng paalam mo sa inyo?"

"Na... sa bahay ako ni Mimay matutulog."

"Andy..."

"Sorry kung nagsinungaling ako kay Tita. Pero—"

He interrupted me with a gentle kiss.

"I love you, and I appreciate the surprise... Pero love, hindi dapat natin gawin 'to dahil magagalit ang parents mo 'pag nalaman nila," pasensyoso niyang paliwanag.

"Paano 'yan, nabayaran ko na ang kuwarto."

He chuckled lightly and shook his head.

"Ako na ang bahala. Ako ang magbabayad."

Dismayado akong tumingin sa kaniya bago iniwas ang mukha ko at umupo sa kama.

"Ayokong umuwi. Hindi ako uuwi. Kung ayaw mo akong samahan dito, bahala ka. Basta hindi ako uuwi," pagmamaktol ko.

"Andy..."

"I just want to do something for your birthday."

Umupo siya sa tabi ko at tumagilid nang kaunti para maharap ako nang mabuti.

"You don't have to do anything. Makasama lang kita sa kahit anong araw, kahit hindi ko birthday, okay na ko."

"Ayaw mo yata akong makasama eh..."

"Love, it's not that I don't want to stay here with you. Kaya lang baka madisgrasya tayo," he patiently explained like I'm a sulky toddler.

"Aminin mo na na ayaw mo lang akong makasama!" pagalit na turan ko kaya't niyakap niya ako nang mahigpit.

"Sino'ng maysabi na ayaw ko? Ha? Ilang linggo na kitang hindi nakikita. Sabik na sabik na ako sayo," bulong niya na nagpatindig sa mga balahibo ko. He nuzzled my neck softly and groaned a little as I moved.

I shifted so I'd be able to kiss him but he let me go and stood up abruptly.

"Kain na tayo?" tanong niya.

I had saved up my allowance for two months just to be able to afford the cake and some food which I also ordered. Pati na rin ang pangbayad sa hotel room. Kung sana ay mas marami akong pera, baka inimbitahan ko pa sina Mimay at Felix. Kung hindi rin sana sila galit sakin...

Nagpatianod na ako sa pamimilit niyang pumunta kami sa dining table para tuluyang makakain.

"Gusto mo pa?" tanong ko sa kaniya at pinaghiwa ulit siya ng cake. Nakakain na rin siya ng isang slice ng pizza at ilang subo ng pasta.

"Tama na muna, love. Come here," protesta niya at hinila pa ako kaya nilapag ko ang kutsilyo sa lamesa.

He pulled easily me so that I ended up sitting on his lap.

Niyakap ko siya nang mahigpit at hinalikan sa noo. I feel so guilty.

"Happy birthday," I whispered in his ear and smiled when I immediately felt my effect on him.

"Uwi na tayo?" tanong niya.

Hindi na ako sumagot. Bagkus ay hinalikan ko siya ulit.

The kiss was tentative. I may have had some boyfriends and a fling but I don't really have a lot of experience in kissing. Si Seth na rin ang pinakamatagal kong relasyon kaya naman hindi talaga ako marunong humalik nang maayos. I refuse to remember the moments Andrei and I shared, and focused on the person with me at the moment.

"Love... enough," he whispered, gently disengaging my arms from his neck.

I gamely obliged him and stood up from his lap, only to quickly take off my t-shirt before he had time to stop me.

"Andy!" medyo galit ang boses niya at hinawakan niya ang isang kamay ko para sana pigilan ako pero natanggal ko na ang suot ko.

Kinalas ko nang saglit ang pagkakahawak niya sakin at inabot ang lock ng bra ko sa likod at tuluyang hinubad 'yun.

I did everything as quick as I could because I was afraid I'd lose my nerve.

Nabigla na lang ako nang bigla niya akong yakapin para matakpan ang dibdib kong wala ng saplot.

"Andy, stop," he groaned, embracing my tightly.

"Ayaw mo ba?" nanlulumo na tanong ko.

"Love, hindi sa ayoko. Gusto ko. Gustong-gusto ko. Pero hindi pa ngayon ang panahon para gawin natin 'to."

The flood of guilt that poured all over me as I heard his words overwhelmed me so that I burst into tears.