"You don't see yourself." Because he lacks the understanding that I hold, the knowledge of my vision, perception that keeps me so attached to all that he is. Morally superior, unequivocal to any other I have known. But I can't say or admit the powerful baring uncommon within me he holds in his grasp. From persona to manner, to the way he roles and hits me in the chest in sleep. Nothing is unimportant about him. I know, and the understanding I grapple with; he does not see how irreplaceable he is.

So I stand there, keeping him under the shelter of my arms, because he is weeping now, even though he doesn't want me to see. I feel his body shake, the hiccups that resonate in his chest. Until just recently I have never seen a echo of negativity in him, not sadness. I wonder if failure follows me so swiftly, to not have noticed the crawling pace of depression or anxiety burrow inside his mind. Failure is my accomplice, and I thought for a shining luminescent moment that as apology, I was given Natsu. Redemption perhaps, it doesn't matter, a chance to feel successful in the way I dictated my life for once. He is not perfection, but he is the most influential thing in my life, I would do anything for him. Even if he should crumble under himself and become something malicious, I would slaughter for him. Even though I hate death.

The one thing I have present. One thing I can love no matter what.

What caused his tears? His nerves to flare? I know him well, insecurity doesn't become him, yet a lingering motion seeps through him and gains momentum. I would do anything for him, even though he has never asked.

Except once, today was the only day he had want for something from me. In the simplest of forms, my coat. The only reasoning I can find, is the women at the docks, her cruel taunting, the child behind her oblivious but no less oppressed. Or PhantomLord's attack on his guild, insult and dismantling of a place he considers home more then his cottage, the injury and affront to his friends and family, the pain they inflicted.

I harbour no attachment to Fairytail, only their Salamander carries my interest. Revenge for what they had done to him had been all I could think about since he cried in front of me. Helplessness so redundant because I could not even comfort him when it was needed so desperately. What type of man watches their lover distress and does nothing. A failure. Myself, with nothing to lose in life, apart from the everything I hold in my embrace.

I have no charm with words, no charisma, a vocabulary more filled with cusses then fluidity. I fight with sentimentality when speaking, because open verbal sentiment is weakness. With him however... I would learn every word, study the dictionary itself in order to properly express what I feel for him. About him.

"You don't know yourself you said. Well, I know you. Natsu... I would move the world if you asked me too." His sobs get louder, but he turns to me with a shaken and such joyful expression that his body looks to be acting on its own. A coy look rests in his eyes, challenging me to finish what I was going to say, there is too much. Strong is the most bland word to describe him in battle or brawl. Still, I can't help but filter to my instinct, what I wish against what I understand of him. "I want to break Phantomlord myself, all that hurt you, all that left a bruise on your skin. So that I may watch your eyes fill with invigoration." Its Dark desire, garnered from years spent negotiating, fighting, and living in a guild outside of the boundaries of law. Shameful in the manner in which it neglects how he is capable.

But he smiles at me sensually, even with tears on his face, there is an alluring redness to his cheeks that has me enthralled. He leans into me, and the arousal is not something I saw coming. Welcome though it is. He slides his hands up to cup around my neck gently. I know he is looking for escape from himself, but given his position in self as it is, I don't want to deny him. "Its been a long time... You didn't have fun with anyone else did you?" Its unusual for him to be subtle, but maybe the thought of someone else with me has him recoiling.

"Only you." I add, because expectations of dark wizards or not, I have never been with anyone else since the evening I spent the night with Natsu. I could never dare afterwards.

"I want you. Please, make me feel good my Laxus." He knows me well, my strength to deny him is only as deep as the lingerence of morning dew, within existence but wholely not substantial to anything. Many would declare it weakness, a type of servitude to another -nevermind another man- but with the angle my world tilts upon itself he is the pull that keeps it from simply spinning upside down.

Unfortunate for the both of us, sometimes what he asks of me is less of a favour to him, and more of an escape.

------------------------------

It is late evening when I wake, eyes poised to see the orange glow amongst the room and the small bed making my legs slightly numb. I had managed to slip into a pair of briefs after our late afternoon exploration of each other, so I am unashamed to go outside to face the destruction of a by-standing tree as Natsu works off apparent frustration. No magic involved but his physical duress, and the flexion of his abs, biceps and leg work which have me in rapid attention despite having just slept off a more violent round of sex. The light in his eyes is daughtingly attractive, and I think he knows how it affects my better judgement -and my lower regions- because I get a sly glance over before the tree falls down and he gives it a disappointed stare.

Even still, what had me almost at arousal -luckily not because of previous actions- is the fact that he is wearing my coat. A thrill I hadn't imagined possible outside the fight shoots directly through my spine at the sight of it on his shoulders. The way it moves on him -overbearing, unfitting, and almost covering him completely is boiling my blood in desire. I wasn't even aware he liked the leather that much.

It falls, parts more like from his shoulders both and catches at his elbows. Looking almost like one of the silken robes I had found in his closet and the vision does horrible things to my head as my body tries desperately to invigorate itself. With such a pleasant image I don't want to spoil by thinking of unpleasant things but I have to do something to avoid attempting to shove him against the nearby tree. Because I will, and he would welcome it given the sultry visage his face is twisting itself into. He enjoys sex even more than I do which is conclusive of something considering the vast majority of partners I had before he fought his way into my interest at that bar.

With the parting of the fabric from his collarbone and shoulder however, is the view of the marks I had left some red, others purple, and that placates me a little. I no doubt have an equal amount, however I am lucky that they always land on my chest and abdomen where I keep his solely around his neck area.

He looks mauled.

Reason enough why I always force myself to not leave evidence of our love making on his person.

"For once! Please! Laxus! Just this once!"

This time I wasn't exactly given a choice.

"...If you do they won't think I'm in love with Lucy anymore. No. One. Else."

Obviously, there was no alternative.

I know Natsu well enough to site each one of his friends names and characteristics. Which is how I know it is the frightful -and now peaceful Mirajane staring at me from just a little ways down the hill. I pay her no attention, I don't want to incline her opportunity, but it is far from ideal that I am without clothes, and covered in marks equal to my Natsu. If she has mind, she will not conclude falsely as to the nature of our relationship. Doubtful she could have me locked away, being in a guild such as mine disrespecting the law is literally our main disposition, but my lover on the other hand is an entirely different matter. Should she attempt to have him put away drastic measures will have to be taken, either a forceful transition of the fire dragon to my side of the law. Or, I halt the entire situation before it has a chance to begin.

Lightning already crawls down my fingertips, body tensing in regret. I have never revelled in the idea or perspective of killing someone, though I have done so numerous times, often without complaint. This is slightly different, Natsu had known this woman all his life, they were friends, family. Should her whims put him in harm's way however... I doubt I would so much as hesitate.

I wonder what Natsu the fighter will do when confronted by someone he cares for? I wonder what Natsu the uncertain will do. My answer; his retreat, he backs slowly away from her eyes, avoiding her as best he can, diverting himself from the situation and attempting not to be noticed. Her eyes are keen however, and they rest upon him within a moment. She assesses, then smiles, wistful for a beat, then brightly and kind in nature. The magic coiling in me in preparation flees.

Then she asks without any form of hesitance, no trace of disgust "Is this your boyfriend Natsu?" I move my eyes from her, proven as she is not a threat. I am thankful for my ungiving expression of neutrality, as I attempt to understand what his mind is reeling upon. Uncommon or not, her disposition grants us rare opportunity to have an external ear, and a friend of sympathy. I would not be so forward as to trust her, given as I know not her character, by my lover does. Therefore it is his decision to make presently.

Indicivally he stands, continually uncertain of himself and others, he knows not his position as a member of society, nor as a person to himself. His guild is the only medium in which he has reason or caricature, but not one he is sure he wants to be known by. The young woman stands patiently, non expectant, stance unthreatening and calm in aura.

Black slanted eyes glint at me then to her far quicker then I have seen in a long time indeed. Nerves are waring him, winning it so seems. Alas, the assault is therefore unexpected. I think it to be a combination of stress, nerves, adrenaline, and indecision, that brings him to grasp upon my shoulders: forcefully wrench himself upwards and kiss me in an erotic manner so unsuited for civitally that the poor woman watching must not be comfortable in her dress.

In shock I don't have the time to return the favour before he breaks off, the loud smacking sound of our lips parting giving him redness to his ears before he turns to his friend with a poised confidence. Its false, but only I could know that. Dainty hands cover her mouth so slightly as she lets forth an uproarious laughter spilling out amongst the wildlife and flora. Natsu looks close to deflating, even as anger crosses his expression, I know that to not be his true feeling, and I steady him with my hand on the curvature of his back.

Mentally, I remind myself that she has proven herself to be of agreement, and not a threat, but it is a forceful thing with the way my boyfriend is holding himself, he is not one adapt to fits of nervousness and self-doubt so it is merely a product of his current disposition. I have to remember that fact before acting rashly in his defence.

Eventually she regains herself. "Sorry Natsu, that was just so... cute! I couldn't resist!" He finally breaths, and as I had been waiting for that I do so as well.

"It's not a problem Mira?"

"Not at all! I know a few things about not being accepted." She winks, and I suppose it must be an inside joke or understanding because I don't understand the hidden meaning as Natsu does. Still my mind is eased by the untensing of his back as they ease into a calm disposition of friendship.

It was with her gaze straying to me once more did I have the understanding that I was in a comparable situation. Perhaps I was not the most well documented dark wizard, but I am known. Natsu must have had this revelation, or at least I can hope he doesn't always work these things out by himself.

"I'm Mirajane, it's so nice to meet you. Although I didn't expect you to be so... undressed." She grins, and I decide I like her. She doesn't seem bothered by my lack of modesty.

She turned to me, not unkindly in a manner screaming of curious intent. Despite this however, she didn't ask much of me, only seemed curious of my personality and the way in which Natsu and I had reached a relationship. Naturally my boyfriend had already returned to his usual temperament, albeit a slight bit more extreme then I'm used to. The show of bravado slightly more earnest then when in moments of solitude or a solo fight. It leaves me to assume that this is his behaviour around the majority of his guild. The young lady doesn't seem fazed by it, so there was enough information to assume that much. Her eye caught mine, within mere moments a twitch of her brow was designated not enough for Natsu who was speaking in the happiest of tones to realize, but I knew well enough the look of secrecy.

For the sake of understanding a clasp upon his elbow and draw his attention. Picking on his pride in order to get him to make haste. "Maybe you should change." It wasn't as if he had a care that the marks I had left were shown, it was the image he displayed of himself would be broken if knowledge of wearing such a large coat near nudity would spread blindly. As predicted I was offered a pouting look before he shot towards the cottage. Mirajane walked up next to me.

Her tone was gentle as if speaking to a frightened animal, and her posture uncaring like a predator in complete confidence of her dominance over the fields. "I know who you are." Plainly it was near demonic her tone of complete nonchalance. "There are rumours about you... and your guild, possessing lightning magic and the right hand of Ivan Dreyar. Why serve a man like him?" I glare at her, not that she can be aware of why I do it. Her smile doesn't falter however, her disposition is not accusing. "I asking because of Natsu. You know how he is. I've suspected something was off for awhile, he's been more comfortable in solitude then he used to be. Holding his scarf, he doesn't do that unless he's depressed." I didn't know that of course. Knowing that he had been sorrowful is a painful consideration. Being a man of ludicrous happiness, I had considered him incapable of true depression for a long time now, regardless of moments in weakness.

"I didn't have a choice in what guild I entered. My father was... unreasoned. My affections for Natsu aren't relevant in my affiliation." Her sudden shift unbalanced my conviction.

"Yes they are. Look. Natsu is a tough man, he always has been with devil-may-care attitude and strength of a man three times his size. But! That does not make him impervious to emotions. I've known him a long time, I know when he's struggling, and I can see it plain as day, you must as well. I've never seen him act so vulnerable as he does around you, and I know its odd to say, but I think its a good thing." Her gaze glances behind her, and in that moment I consider her words. I cannot fathom the depth of his isolation, regardless of whom I have in my guild it is more accepted in dark circles to be homosexual. And in that I have comfort, Natsu does not, he is confused as to who he is, and one of the few things he can use as a baseline is taken from him in prejudice. I hadn't considered it. Surprisingly Natsu was far more an expert on emotion then I, and even then, he feels predominately, only anger and love for myself, now sadness. So I suppose that speaks largely on my disposition.

Mirajane sighs before me, though her face is compassionate.

"Honestly its not my place to offer. But... Perhaps you should join Fairytail." She must be completely insane.

"I doubt I could function in a light guild." Is all I say, I'm avoiding being rude. Natsu bounds ungracefully down the hill from the cottage having put on his usual attire, a natural smile on his face.

"What you guys talking about?" The woman turns to him with her dress spinning slightly, an illusive grin present.

"Oh, we were just talking about guilds.... Incidentally. Is your boyfriend in a guild Natsu?" 'What?' She clasped her hands together. "He should join Fairytail! We could use some more muscle!" Insane. Completely, my functionality in a light guild would be detrimental at best. She is-

"No way! He couldn't he's..." Natsu takes a moment to think of an excuse. Mirajane crosses her arms under her chest.

"I give in, I know he's in a dark guild Natsu. But I think it would be a good idea for a change of pace don't you? Besides we could actually use an extra set of hands, a lot of members quit after the Phantom incident." He huffed before me, yet his chin tilted away. Consideration I must stop. I point in the direction adjacent to the lady so slyly attempting to manipulate the situation.

"Just give us a moment Mira!" He yells as I drag his warm hand to the corner. "Lax-"

"You can't seriously be considering this." He pouts proudly. Fists on hips. Glaring definitely.

"Its not a bad idea! You could-"

"Natsu-"

"Please!"

"Fine." And that was the swift end of it. He jumps on me, and I hold him, wondering how I could have possibly become such a pushover. He swings his hand up hitting me direct in the chin as he waved to Mirajane watching us.

"Mira! He agreed!"

Insane