If you actually saw the chapter I published last night, I apologize 😂😂

I was really nervous to go to my friend's party because Amalie and T were out of town so the person there I knew the most was R, but even she I had really only spoken to with Amalie or T around

But I pushed myself and went anyway! XD I think we were 6 or 7 people all together

I had no idea if anyone was actually gonna drink or not, so the girl who was throwing the party was the only one who really brought anything and it wasn't enough to get us drunk (well... not all of us 😂)

We all got about two or three shots out of the bottle and we were already out (it was 20% alcohol so it was really only wusses like me who actually felt it), so they started asking around if anyone had more because they were starting to regret not bringing any alcohol lmao

B was there and she was allowed to get the remaining vodka from her brother but there was really only 1/3 of it left XD We had to meet him downtown to get it

Walking downtown was so scary 😭😭 I was so paranoid that everyone could tell that I had been drinking, and I was already dizzy after my two shots and half a cider ;-;

On our way back to my friend's house, I was gonna jump into a conversation with R and someone else and I legit already slurred and we all started laughing because TWO SHOTS GUYS

So we got back and we had enough for about two shots each again

Four is my limit 😂

After my third shot, the girl next to me leaned in and said "four was your limit last time, right?" and I was like "shit you're right 😭😂"

And it was right after R was talking about how she had 13 shots last time plus lots of other drinks, and that 10 shots was gonna be her limit that night

And I was sitting there, almost a little drunk after 3 shots 😭😭😭 I probably would've had to go to the hospital if I had drank as much as R or Amalie did at the last party 😭😂

We never got our hands on any other alcohol though so the two smallest girls were the only ones who really got drunk (and ya girl was one of them XD)

Fuck my height, I get drunk off of nothing and BUYING JEANS IS LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE 😭😭 (Buying clothes in general is really difficult because everything in the woman's department is too big but I can't just walk over and start buying things from the kid's department!! 😭😭😭 This is the curse of being the height of an average 13 year old girl 😔)

It wasn't as bad this time though, I drank more last time so I wasn't as drunk XD It was the nasty beer that really pushed me over the edge last time, that's when my memory got the foggiest lmfao (and it was the only time I got super nauseous)

It's so embarrassing being one of the only ones drunk 😭😭😭 Especially since I'm only ever that talkative and giggly in front of them when I'm drunk T_T

I was seriously so giggly last night though, I was laughing at absolutely everything XD Mostly because I was well aware of how ridiculous I sounded and acted and that everyone was thinking the same thing XD

I hate the first stage of alcohol though lol, I always get so hot and dizzy and it brings me back to when I fainted in sex ed 😭 I don't really know anything about alcohol so I don't know if this is normal or not, but I kept losing feeling in my hands and that was kinda weird XD

I haven't noticed any huge bruises on my arms yet so I might be safe! XD I have no idea what I did last time but my arms were bruised up so bad lmao. And my throat isn't hurting nearly as bad as last time (I really fucked up my throat last time lmao)

Anywho, we actually stopped by Amalie's house because her brother was home throwing a party so we were gonna see if we could find any more alcohol lmao

But it was just lame because everyone there was a year younger than us, we didn't really like anyone there, and they only had cider and beer and stuff

I got to apologize to Amalie's brother for talking so much and being so annoying last time though! 😂 It was kinda funny because he was wondering what happened to me last time, because I was just suddenly gone lmao

I was really supposed to sleep over at Amalie's place last time but guilt was eating me up alive so I went home XD

Aaaanywho, my friend who was also a little drunk actually legit left and grabbed her "friend" that nobody likes (Mal's friend)

And everyone just sighed simultaneously when we saw them walking back up together lmao

I never thought a day would come where she would see me drunk T_T Luckily she left pretty quick lol

I also stepped in a puddle at some point and got my socks soaked, so that was nice XDD I'm actually feeling kinda sick now so that's great :)

I was actually starting to like B ;-; I've had such mixed feelings about her because of that awful year I had and I've really seen some ugly sides of her, but she was actually kinda cool last night - until she told me that she liked me so much more when I'm drunk and that I'm boring when I'm sober :)

Now I'm back to disliking her :))))

How about you try living the majority of your life with crippling social anxiety bitch, I'm sure you'd choose your words more carefully next time

Like damn, the fact that I'm more likeable when I'm drunk doesn't hurt at all 🙂🔫

T told me after the last party that she didn't think that I acted that differently (besides my awful balance, bad judgment, etc of course lol) because I'm talkative and giggly and weird with her and Amalie, and I can't express how happy that made me TwT That means there's hope for me! XD

Honestly my goal in life is to be my drunk self while sober, I wanna be talkative and giggly again =3= But the way I see it is that the fact that I'm like that when I'm drunk, only proves that that version of me exists and is inside me somewhere! I have confidence, it's just a little lost inside me XD

I still wish B had held her tongue though :))))

Anywho, even though I wasn't as drunk last night (I don't think I even was that drunk, just a little drunk lol), I didn't sober up as much when I got picked up >3>

Tying my shoes was definitely a challenge, I kept tipping over 😂 Eventually I made it outside, and the moment I saw my mom and sister in the car I started laughing because I knew I wasn't sober enough to face them yet 😭

...I might've been very giggly the entire way home-

My sister definitely got a kick out of it XD I tried to get dressed and head to my bedroom as quick as possible when I came home because I really didn't want them to see me drunk ;-; I got to my bedroom, everything was spinning, and I started to get a little paranoid because even though I drank less alcohol this time, I also drank way less water so I was so scared of having a really bad hangover T_T

I quickly chugged some water, and though everything was spinning when I woke up and my head was hurting, I actually feel pretty fine now XD I felt worse last time lmao

Strangely enough, I think my mental state is worse than my physical state 😂 Now I just keep getting sad whenever I hang out with my friends because I know I'm leaving it all behind, which is so scary when I've finally found people I really like and enjoy hanging out with

I finally belong somewhere and I'm giving it all up

And we all know how my social skills are, so I'm probably gonna be alone those three years in the city, and I won't even have a family to come home to after a tough day at school :')

So yeah, I'm expecting to be completely alone for 3 years or maybe the rest of my life, when for the first time in my entire life, I'm finally not alone

The panic is definitely setting in but I'm hoping that I'll feel better after seeing the school and talking with the teacher (which I'm gonna try to do sometime next week)

I just hope to god that we'll get a third roommate and that it'll be a girl, because at the moment it's just me and that guy 😭😭😭

Anywho lol, I felt pretty fine but I've been really tired so I've been taking it easy today, just playing lots of Persona 5 and reading :'> I've also been working on some information posts I'm gonna post on instagram and stuff next week about commissions because I'm hoping to get some more lol

Imma just end with a meme because everyone deserves a good meme in their daily life :)