— written Sunday October 31st —

I feel like after the chapter I wrote last night, I need to reassure you guys that I'm ok 😂

I went through a period for a few weeks or months or something where more often than not, I would just feel really empty and it kinda scared me lol

I watched my ex best friend slowly lose more and more of herself until she was nothing but an empty shell and her lifeless eyes scared me so much, so I was terrified that I was becoming like her

I think I might've gone through a mini depression or something 😂 I don't know how to explain it, but it was like a switch would turn off inside me and I just couldn't feel anything anymore and it felt like my brain kept disconnecting me from the world, and it started happening more and more frequently

It happened at school once and I said "I can't feel anything" as a joke (even though it was anything but a joke) and Blanc just said "Throne of Glass" and I could literally feel the emotions rush back, like I became human again, like my life filled with color again (it sounds really dramatic but that's how it felt lol)

And she has no idea how much that meant to me 😭😭

Don't really know what happened to me during those weeks/months but I think it has to do with the fact that I'm the rock of my family, I'm the one who keeps everything together so I feel like I have to be strong for everyone - which has led me to stop talking about my problems and suppress my feelings, which then led to the inability to express my feelings (and occasionally not feel any emotions at all) :'>

So yeah, I went through that little scare for a while and then Misty got really sick and I cried for her and that's when I realized that I really do still feel and I've been ok ever since XD

Which brings me to my next topic: I think Misty had a cold or something because she was constantly sneezing for a while and then she started eating less and less, until the point where she just wouldn't eat anymore and she became sickly thin (she's always been skinny but it got really bad)

So we took her to the vet about two weeks ago and explained the situation, and were told to come back and drop her off the next day so they could do some tests

They took a blood test and couldn't find anything, but there were signs that there was something wrong with her liver so they sent the blood sample to the city for some testing

I was such a wreck that whole week - especially when we had to sign a paper because they were gonna drug her up for the testing and there's obviously risks involved with that

So that was an awful way of the universe to prove to me that I do still have emotions 😭

Anywho, the results came back last Thursday

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH HER LIVER!!!! 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

No cancer or anything, her liver is completely healthy!!! I cried the moment I heard the news because I was just so relieved

A part of me was preparing to lose her and it's been in the back of my mind for WEEKS

She's going back tomorrow for some more testing just to be on the safe side, but she's actually eating again!! She's back to her old self, she's really active and cuddly and begs for food and eats plenty

I don't know what I would do without Misty 😭❤️

—

We had a little Halloween girl's night at my place on Friday! :D I couldn't stomach the idea of having my friend group over and not having the ability to escape, so I just invited Amalie, T, Blanc and another friend over and it was really cozy!!

Amalie and the other friend dressed up as Shrek and Fiona and it was the best thing ever XDD

I forgot to take a photo of the goodies we baked this year though lol

Hannah wanted to prank us so she connected her phone to the tv from her room and put some kind of Shrek video on, and then she forgot that she was still connected and watched some kind of k pop video

Here's the videos she put on:

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And everyone went silent and just watched in awe and it was a beautiful moment 😂

Hannah and I are simps, everyone already knows that, but I did not expect my friends to be so captivated and it was just beautiful 😂😂

—

Yesterday I helped set things up for Hannah's Halloween night with her friends, and then I went to a party

I can't remember exactly what I wrote last night (and I won't read it because I'll cringe too hard) but I was probably a bit dramatic 😂

I meant everything I said, but the party really wasn't that bad, it just sucked when we went to that public party and we were suddenly way too many people and I felt so alone and I hated it :'> An old classmate actually came up and told me that she really liked my logo (I made the logo for my friends' russ-group) and that was nice :D

But otherwise it really sucked and I was painfully reminded of how much I hate the people in this town and I can't wait to move 🥲

Anywho lol, Shay had some kind of Halloween thing at her studio today for me and T and that was nice! We ate some Halloween goodies and just caught up and it was fun :D

—

some time during my hiatus, I saw someone at my school from the back that looked a lot like an old (female) teacher so I turned to T and asked if it was her and she said she didn't know since we were pretty far away and we were in a rush

A little while later T started laughing and said "it's a man!"

And then another friend jumped in and said "that's my grandfather!" and I thought I was gonna die from laughter XD It was an old man with a mustache and everything and I thought he was my tiny old female teacher from years ago lmao

Also, I LOVE BLANC SO MUCH!!!! We've been vibing so hard lately, I don't know how I would've survived at school without her :')

She's a nerd like me and we just sit and geek out about books forever and talk about our crushes on Dorian and Chaol from Throne of Glass lol, and I've realized that we have the same humor!! Finally someone that quotes memes all day long and sends many memes a day :'>>>>

We're seriously so funny together and our humor just matches each other and it's amazing XD

So now the highlight of my weeks are the four free periods on Tuesdays where me, Blanc and T just sit and joke and laugh and disturb everyone at the library lolol

Last school thing: we had a theme day on Wednesday - Halloween! :D

I dressed up as Billy (the doll) from Saw >w< So this is what I wore:

Just that I had red converse instead and I didn't bother painting my face white XD

The majority of the people at school dressed up, which I was so happy about! I hate when people have to be lame and not go all out for things like Halloween =3=

All the guys in my old class bought Halloween costumes for little girls and it was hilarious XD T was also hilarious; she took a white blanket over herself, cut out holes for the eyes and covered them up with sunglasses to be a ghost

And you could never see her expressions so everything she said and did was hilarious lmao

—

During my 4 free periods on Tuesday, I went to the store with my sister so we could look for more Halloween decorations for our Halloween parties, and I might've ruined someone's day :>

The aisles were really small and this old man with a huge cart was walking towards us, so we moved into the aisle next to us

We stood there waiting for him to pass us just for him to turn at the last moment and go into the aisle right in front of us, so we stood there waiting for him to pass like idiots and the look on his face was priceless

So Hannah and I passed him, and right when I was right next to him, I SNORTED AND BURSTED OUT LAUGHING ALSHAOJSPAJZ

The situation was just so funny, we just stood there looking like idiots just for him to walk into a completely different aisle and he had "wtf, look at these idiots" written across his face

OUT OF ALL THE MOMENTS TO BURST OUT LAUGHING, OF COURSE IT HAPPENS WHEN IM DIRECTLY NEXT TO HIM

WHICH ONLY MADE ME LAUGH HARDER

AND THERE WERE SEVERAL WORKERS NEARBY AND I DIDN'T WANT ANYONE TO THINK I WAS LAUGHING AT HIM OR ANYTHING SO I WAS DESPERATELY TRYING TO KEEP WALKING AND ESCAPE WHILE ALSO TRYING NOT TO PEE MYSELF BECAUSE I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD-

I wish I could've recorded the whole thing lmfao

He passed us again later and I started laughing again, so he definitely thought that I was laughing at him 😭😭😭😭 IM SORRY

Anywho I think you guys are pretty much all caught up now from the last few weeks XD