why do I overthink?

Why do I overthink when it comes to you? Why do I have so many contradicting thoughts that scream that you will leave me one day? Ones that scream that I will never fully please you. Why do I drown in the future? Why do I panic over situations that might not happen? Why do I over fucking think about you? My heart has never felt so much for another soul before. My heart has never ached so much for another human being before. Why do these thoughts come out of nowhere? They leave me shocked sometimes. They leave me breathless. Then you're just there, completely fine- clueless of what I am going through. I slip here and there and then we end up talking about my thoughts. Sometimes I don't want to. Sometimes I rather not make those demons bigger by talking about the future. I am scared of losing you. I rather take each day at a time with you for some reason. I overthink that I may fuck up for some goddamn reason that has no explanation behind it. I don't know how to fully explain myself to you sometimes. Sometimes my thoughts are often unexplainable and they make me frustrated. I make myself frustrated because we are perfectly fine but then my brain throws the 'He could possibly leave you today.' thought and I try to fight it and other times...I completely agree with it. You could leave me one day because I do not ever see myself leaving you. I have fallen for you ever so deeply that I don't even comprehend these emotions sometimes. I am not sure that you feel the same for me either, when I ask why do you love me...you always reply with the same thing. I am just left to my own thoughts of what you feel sometimes but I know sometimes your mind is completely blank.

For me to explain how I feel...you would have to be patient with me. Just promise me, that it is you and I against the world. Please try and fix things with me when shit gets rocky...I know how you are...I just...I don't know what I would do...if a contradicting thought actually happened. Just thinking about the future and typing out these fucking emotions...makes me panic and prepare for the worse for no reason because you just told me that you love me not even 11 minutes ago.

I'm sorry. I should go to bed for the night...it is almost 2 am.

a.b.