if I knew

If I knew these events would happen,
I would've been careful.
I would've held up my guard more.
I would've stayed silent.
I would've fought back.
I would've done everything in my power to protect myself.
I would've done everything to help myself,
To save me from the silence.
To save me from loneliness.
To save me from the pain.
To save me from the mental breakdowns.
To save me.
I would've done anything.
But I can't go back to the past.
I have to keep moving forward.
I'm just going to take precautions and get myself help.
I have to remember that I matter too.
I wish I knew that back then.
If only I knew.

a.b.