I didn't think: a slam poem

I didn't think I would be here,
Let me explain...
At age 16, I had devised a plan that would eliminate me from the world.
This planned involved so many pills,
That would make even the mortician concerned.
I didn't think I would be here,
Let me explain...
Over the 20 years of my life,
I attempted suicide over 9 times.
At this point, my organs are crying for help.
I didn't think I would be here,
Let me explain...
My tragic body, despite the pills and attempts,
Is already frail and weak,
Once I get sick, it is utter doom for me.
I didn't think I would be here,
Let me explain,
I never thought I would be here,
I never thought I would breathe for this long,
I never thought I would make it through high school, even fucking college!
I never thought I would be able to get my degree,
I never thought I would grow into my own person– one who has scarred flesh and bone,
I never thought I would love, to have that one person that makes me feel complete,
I never thought that I would be here!
That makes my plans flawed and not planned all the way out like some,
They are cracked at the seams due to my flattered mental health,
I didn't think that I would be here.
I don't know how long I'll be here.
But I'm going to try– despite being the little fragment that I am...to try and make an impact on the world.
Big or small.

a.b.