even when

Even when you aren't there, you are still there.
Even when we aren't friends anymore, we still have each other on socials.
Even when we don't talk, you still like my poetry, send me streaks on snapchat, and overall exist.
Even when, after all this time, I am conflicted with emotions towards you.
You hurt me.
But I still respect you.
You got jealous.
But I never would put a relationship over a friendship.
You made your choices.
But, in the end, you lost me.
You told me that a part of you would've chosen me.
But there is still a part of you, that would want to keep her.
Even when, I begged and begged, I was the one who fell down in the end.
I was pegged and bruised by your actions and words.
I don't know what to feel towards you.
I don't know what to do with the memories of you anymore.
Even when, after all this time, you still exist in my life.
Even when, you damaged me.
I'm not sure if I could forgive you.
I'm not sure if I could let you back into my life again.
But...
I'm not going to wish the worse for you.
I just know I wasn't enough for you,
Since you went back to her, having the idea you could have us both.
You were clearly wrong.

a.b.