"Do you know what time it is?" Harry snapped, his voice sounded groggy. He must have been sleeping. I laid on the bed letting the phone rest on my cheek.

"I need to confess."

"Asshole! Pick a church. I need to sleep. It's fucking late and I've a conference tomorrow."

After his mechanical engineering under grad degree, he found a job, not worrying about masters. Now, he earned well and travelled the world in his company's expense.

"Still in Dubai?" I asked.

"Yes, next stop, Tokyo. How was your license exam?"

"Ask me after I get the results."

"When will you know?"

"Another week at the most."

"Don't worry."

"It's not even in my mind right now."

"Wow, that's all you could talk about last week. What changed?"

"I told you! Something happened!"

"Oh, confession. Spit it out."

"I have become the creepiest, Harry. I did something bad. Super bad."

"Trev?"

"Yeah. This morning, he was in the pool deck of our neighbor's, in his speedo, spread out like a meal to be devoured. He was like...like... from a magazine photo, you know?"

"Of course, I know."

"Shut up. I had the perfect view from the laundry room. His skin was glowing in the sunlight, he has these small dust of body hair here and there, they glinted like gold. He had his eyes closed, not a care in the world, some weird song of his was playing, he was tapping his foot. I was just admiring at first, then I started thinking how nice it would be if I was there with him, between his wide spread legs, then one thought led to another and another and I did it, like a creepy psycho... In my own fucking laundry room. I jerked off, Harry."

"I got that."

"It felt good, so fucking good, it was the best fucking climax I had in months. But now, I don't know how I'll face him. I dumped a can of air freshener in the laundry room, but I'm worried he would know. Shit, I never thought I would get this low."

Harry sighed. "You know what you must do."

"Get laid."

"Asshole. Not that."

"Then?"

"Ask him to move out."

I froze. "Harry... I can't."

"Is he still feeling down, like before?"

"No, it was environmental. He sprung back pretty quickly."

"Sleeping troubles?"

A fond smile made its way to my face. "He has a serious trouble of waking up in the morning, like you. Other than that he clocks in good hours. Much better than last month. He started badminton again. I think it helped."

"To summarize, he doesn't need you. Now he has money from his scholarship to live on his own. Just ask him to move out."

"I can't."

"Why the fuck?"

"We're more than friends. Didn't I tell you how he surprised me with-"

"Yeah, yeah. You did. Four times. It doesn't matter Jakey. What do you think is gonna happen? Are you gonna date him? Did you ask him if he's into men?" Harry knew what exactly to ask. He should have been a cop.

"I can't. If he said yes, then..." My throat felt tight, the words got stuck wondering at the 'could be'. We could be together. We could be boyfriends. We could be on that deck together.

"Exactly, you'll build more dreams. But the heart of the matter is, you and him can't happen. By prolonging this, you're complicating everything."

"I love him, I want us to happen."

"You promised me." The warning in his tone was laced with disappointment.

"I know. Not just you but also mom, dad and to myself. But I can't help it. He is perfect, in every fucking way."

"Few weeks back, you complained that he's a Nazi who made you mop the whole kitchen because you spilled a drop of soup."

I smiled. "See, still I think he's perfect."

"Jakey, you know this. But I'll say it again. His parents are your parents' neighbor. They all trusted you enough to let him live with you. He is nineteen and just got out of a depression episode. The only way anyone would see your love is, as a sick seduction to get into his pants. In everyone's eyes, he is a vulnerable teenager. Fuck, you should have treated him as one, not as a love interest. Think of your career. If this gets messy, it will be in your history as a black mark. When doctor Jake was in med school, he seduced a young boy who was in his care. That's what it would be. Why would anyone trust you again with young patients?"

"I'm not seducing him." I bit out. It was a sweet thought though. I still remembered our long ago kiss, the way he had melted in my arms, how close I had been to take it further. How willingly he had surrendered.

"But you want to. That's where this is going." Harry replied as if he lived inside my head.

"No." I wouldn't stoop to that.

"Pfft. Now, you're jerking off from the next house, then you would do it from the next room. Then you would do it in the same room, accidentally. I know how you seduced that guy in your academy, what's his name?"

This was the downside of having a close friend. I sighed. "Simon. I was hormonal. That's different. I love Trev." Why doesn't it get factored in?

"It's sex, Jake. It doesn't matter how much you love him. Lust will overpower. It's science."

"So?"

"Before you get naked in front of him, get him out of the house."

I perked up. "Are you saying-"

"No, no. You're never getting naked in front of him."

"That's harsh."

Harry sighed. "You need it. If you think you can be together when he's thirty then you wouldn't move forward. You were doing good until he came to live with you. He has to go. That's the only solution for you to find happiness."

I kicked the blankets away. "Thanks."

"Now go write 'I will not touch myself.' hundred times and pray to the merciful Lord twice a day."

I laughed. "Shit, I forgot those days."

"Life was easy, right?"

"What difficulties you have now? Life has always been easy for you."

"I made it that way, fucker. I could have complicated it. Do you remember when you begged to kiss me?"

"I didn't beg."

"You totally did. If I had said yes, what would have happened?"

I gave it some thought, I'd have done something more than kissing and scared Harry off. "No OTFs."

"Exactly. You should look into the future and figure out what's more important in long run. Then life becomes easier. There could be some hard choices. That's how it is." I could imagine the accompanying one shouldered shrug.

"Aaha! So it was a hard choice to say no to me."

Harry laughed hard. "Dream on buddy. I meant with Trev. It's a hard choice but think about the future. There won't be any awkwardness. He would just become an unrequited love you talk about with your future husband."

"I get it." I wanted to cry.

"Call me once he's gone. It's on me, we will get smashed and you can cry all you want."

"Gee, thanks."

Unrequited love. Husband. It all tasted weird.

My phone pinged.

Trev: Having dinner with friends. Eat the lasagna.

He had started going out a lot.

His days were fully booked. Badminton, toastmasters, birthday parties, literary get-togethers. I stopped asking for the reason. I slightly envied him for his multi colored schedule.

My calendar was all grey, blocked with med school with a slight tint of light caused by Trev.

Harry was right. I had a social life before Trev came. It wasn't much. Once in a while I went out and met with my college friends in some pub or coffee shop and goofed around.

I should start doing it again. Also, I should think about how to ask Trev to leave without damaging what we have as friends.

****

There wasn't any familiar face in the pub. As a non alcoholic patron, I decided to take a corner seat and watch the crowd. It looked like everyone had company.

Two guys caught my attention right away. One guy was medium built, with a goatee and a scowling face, the other guy was heavily built with a clean shaven head and crinkling, laughing eyes. Both in their mid fifties and in their own little world. There was no doubt, they were a couple. It was in the way the sat and talked. It screamed familiarity and love. The goatee guy was struggling hard to keep his scowl in place. He lost it with a gust of laughter and leaned on his partner, his face relaxing into a serene happiness. I wondered what their story was.

How did they meet? It must be an interesting story. They didn't look like they would have common interests. I noticed the rings on their intertwined fingers. Who proposed whom? It always made my heart swell to watch the couples who were in the precipice of old age, who had made it through successfully. Who still had the love alive and healthy.

"What a surprise."

I jolted out of my staring to look at my grinning companion.

"Hey, Mitch."

"It's been ages, J. What's up?" He leaned on the bar counter and blatantly gave me an once over.

I smiled with a slight head shake, "you saw me yesterday."

"Not in this shirt." He winked.

He had upped his flirting when his cheesy lines didn't work.

"Let it rest. Not getting anything to drink?" I waved towards the bartender.

"She won't move. I'll go and get it. Don't you dare to leave. I have plans." He winked again, "what do you want?" he asked, straightening.

"I'm good."

He rolled his lovely caramel eyes and walked away. I watched his back, mesmerized. Fuck, those thighs... Mitch was a totally a different persona in college. Baggy pants and plaid shirt kinda guy. But in here, his clothes screamed 'look at me.' The first time I saw him in the pub, I couldn't take my eyes off. He partied like there was no tomorrow. That was one of the reason I wasn't interested to get in the bed with him.

I wasn't that adventurous risk taker. I partied after setting a timer. When it beeped I went home. That's me. It worked for me. I wasn't ashamed of my non risk taking lifestyle.

Mitch came back with two glasses and one whole unopened bottle of some liquor and a big grin.

"No." I said, alarmed.

"Yes, baby."

"I don't drink alcohol."

"Tonight, you do. It's my birthday." He poured a double in each.

"You're lying."

"Check my insta."

I pulled my phone out and scrolled through it. It was his birthday, just half an hour back he was somewhere else with face full of cream and mouth full of cake. "What are you doing here, alone?"

"My dad showed up." He shrugged, avoiding my eyes.

"Oh."

"Not going to wish me, J?"

"Happy birthday, Mitch."

"Give me a kiss." He showed his puckered lips.

I flicked the lower lip with a chuckle.

"Ouch..." he rubbed it and handed me a glass. "Drink with me."

I sighed, why not. It was a depressing day. I took it and let the liquid burn through my organs. "Shit, I forgot how bad it is." I shook my head in distaste.

Mitch laughed and slapped my back. His glass was already empty. He poured another round and refilled mine.

"You were staring at someone when I came in, who is he?" He scanned the crowd from my angle.

"A couple. There, blue and red. I was wondering how they might have met."

Mitch studied them. "Hmm, definitely not in the gym."

I laughed and punched his shoulder. "Rude!"

"It's the truth. Check his girth. He hasn't set foot in a gym in this life time. But that bald one, he has a lifetime membership."

I hummed. "They're married."

"To different people." Mitch leaned closer, "cheating on their wives. They met in the delivery ward when they were waiting for their first born."

I slapped his back, feeling oddly entertained by his absurd story.

"This illegal affair is going on for fifteen years now." He toasted with a salute.

"Tell me a sappy story." I refilled my glass.

"Hmm... Baldy was in navy, responsible, uptight and in closet, he met goatee in the Bahamas. It was an one night stand in a deserted island. Baldy went back to his ship next day. Goatee went back to his boring life. Days went by. They both couldn't forget each other. Baldy tried to drown his misery in sweat by spending his days in gym. Goatee went with good old alcohol. One drunken night he decided to do something about his misery. He left his island searching for Baldy. He couldn't recollect any details about Baldy, no name, no face, nothing. All he remembered of Baldy was, his dick. So he started sucking every man he met."

I chuckled, "I asked for sappy."

"This is sappy and sucky. So very sucky. By the time he found Baldy, his jaw had permanently widened by sucking half the male population. When he finally sucked Baldy, he rejected Goatee. Do you know what he said?"

I shook my head, I knew it was not going to be sappy though. Totally sucky and yucky most likely.

My eyes went back to the couple. Baldy was kissing Goatee. Right on the overused mouth. Didn't he know that it had dicked the whole suck population?

That thought tickled my funny bone.

I laughed and laughed and my stool tilted. A strong arm, circled my waist and pulled me back. "Fuck, J. Don't laugh." Mitch whispered, his lips brushed my cheek in the slightest of touches.

I turned my face to find him closer. We were no longer sitting, but standing together. More like I was leaning on him. "Why?" I whispered and found that I had a slurring voice.

"I can't resist it." His lips touched mine and I blinked.

The fingers in my hair felt good, the palm kneading my ass cheek felt fucking great. The tongue tasting mine took away the tingling burning left by the liquor. I closed my eyes and sighed into the kiss.

My hands moved from his chest to back. Skin... I was in search of skin. I wanted skin. I needed to touch skin. Hot, sweaty, hard skin. My fingers roamed around, desperate and aimless.

I let out a shaky breath when warm fingers touched my bare skin under my shirt. I threw back my head to allow him access to my neck and found that my back was against the wall.

After multiple tries, I succeeded in opening my eyes and barely registered that we were in some dark corner. Mitch was kissing below my ear, and that simple act was making my pants tighter and tighter.

"Hey... hey..." I pulled at his hair.

"Yes, baby."

"Tight. Stupid. Pants... No... blood flow..." I wondered what happened to my verbs.

I dragged my hand down and touched the paining area. His hand covered mine and gave the gentlest squeeze. "Let's free you from the stupid pants."

Never have I ever heard a better plan.