Assalaamu alaikum warahmathullahi wabarakatuhu!

Please leave all the thoughts that run in your head while reading the chapter in the form of comments here. Trust me, they help a great deal in motivating me to furnish another chapter for you people. Had this chapter for a long while in my drafts because of the lack of inspiration 🙃

This was the longest chapter btw!

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"Do you not see that Allaah sends down rain from the sky, and We produce thereby fruits of varying colours? And in the mountains are tracts, white and red of varying shades and (some) extremely black. And among people and moving creatures and grazing livestock are various colours similarly. Only those from amongst His servants who have knowledge fear Allaah. Indeed Allaah is Exalted in Might and Oft-Forgiving."

[ Al-Fatir : 27-28 ]

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Following the whole fiasco involving Rizwan and his fracture, the management who were duly informed called for an urgent meeting. It lead to all the executive members assembling in the board room and arguing for length behind closed doors with raised voices before finally coming to a conclusion regarding how to tighten the institution's hold over the staff and what more rules can be passed in order to ensure that such things didn't happen again on campus.

It wasn't unexpected but still, the situation pretty much spread anxiousness in waves.

Everyone who had set their eyes on the expensive cars lined up in the parking lot awaited with abated breath the final verdict they knew was coming their way. Fear and concern wrapped their fingers around their hearts, for they could sense things getting difficult for them. More intense for them.

And sure enough, the first of the cars had only just passed through the main gate and disappeared into the wider world when the P.E teacher in whose period Rizwan fell was summoned to the principal's room and given a memo. Next, the helps who had been on duty around the ground at the time received a good verbal lashing. A few additions were made to the rule book, things most were not happy with, and even the stage was closed, stating that it would not be open from here on unless and until some function or program was taking place on campus and more than one teacher was present on site to keep an eye on the mischief makers.

The changes made things messier for a few. It didn't really bode well with them. They murmured their dissatisfaction in hushed whispers and in empty passages, longing for what they had once been able to do without any hindrance.

Zahra, on the other hand, was a different case altogether. None of the transitions or added rules seemed to affect her. Her lips had no complaints, and neither did her face register any dissatisfaction. She easily fell back into her usual routine as if it had not even been disrupted in the first place. Her classes went on as usual and her additional duties around the campus kept her too occupied to worry about what was happening around her.

After making sure that the office was informed about the payment Ibrahim had made on Rizwan's behalf, she had disassociated herself with how the management went about on setting things straight, and left it at that. How and when the money was to be paid back was not to be her concern. And the guy who had acted swiftly and with so much warmth and care when the rest had watched, transfixed, was definitely not to be her concern.

As her friend's brother and as someone in whom her colleague was interested in, he was off limits. End of the story. The fact that she had so firmly refused the said person when his sister had brought up the subject only served to fortify the wall of reason of why as to why she had to maintain her distance.

But no matter what she tried to do, and what she told herself, he still managed to creep into her musings at least once a day. The first time it had occurred, she had brushed it aside, but the more his face had flashed behind her eyes, the more feelings she didn't dare discern had started to surface. Bewildered at the thoughts that he had started to continuously appear in and at an attempt in trying to quell the unexplainable ache developing in her chest, she went out of her way to make sure she did not cross the field or even walk out of the buildings whenever he was scheduled to come over. Her conscience mocked at her for playing hide and seek, but she lifted her chin and held her head high, knowing she wasn't doing any wrong. It was her life, and just as she had the choice of bringing whomever she wanted in it, she had the option to discard people as well. He was going to be her colleague's husband in a few days and she had no right to think of him. None. End of the story. Again.

Her mind made, she kept away, both literally and figuratively.

The days that followed flowed into a seamless rhythm and merged to form weeks and for a while--and not to mention, successfully--there was still no encounter with the guy who seemed to be everywhere she turned. Zahra lauded herself for doing a fine job of avoiding him. A whiff of satisfaction exuded her but her delusion only lasted until she overheard a few kids speaking and the truth finally dawned upon her, albeit a little delayed - she had not come across him, not because she had made up her mind, but because he was not even in a thirty mile radius from her. Had not been for the past few days, gone that he was with the kids for their tournament.

She brushed off the disappointment that tried sinking its claws in her and told herself that it was still better this way. It shouldn't matter to her what he did and where he went. He wasn't anyone to her anyway.

Either way, the knowledge that he was not in the city gave her more breathing space and the freedom to walk across the field and into any blocks without any hesitation, and she reveled in it. With the monsoons soon approaching and the sky taking serene shades of blue, grey and white, she often walked out whenever she had free time to bask in the lovely weather. It gave her peace and made her feel full. Gratitude welled inside of her at the simple joys of life.

It was on one such days when she came across a girl she recognised to be Rafia from eighth grade seated quietly on a cement bench. A few boys were jeering and flying paper planes at a distance from her, and there were hardly a handful people around. The bell had just gone, marking the end of break and with kids practicing for the upcoming annual day, at first she was unable to understand why they were outside, and in the ground, nonetheless. Eyes fixed on them, she continued walking in the direction of the boys, thinking they were bullying or harassing the girl who was alone when she noticed the girl quietly picking up the paper planes landing at her feet and slipping them into the book she held in her hands. Zahra's eyes widened with realisation, and she took an abrupt turn. She changed her direction and walked towards the girl instead of the boys she was initially headed towards.

Startled eyes met hers when she neared her. "Ma'am?"

Zahra smiled and delivered salaam. She pushed away a few leaves on the bench for her to be able to sit. "Nice weather, isn't it?" From the corner of her eyes, Zahra observed the boys slip away.

"Yes, ma'am."

A moment passed. The boys by now had disappeared into one of the classroom blocks. "How old are you, Rafia?" she began.

"Ma'am?"

"Just tell me," her tone soft, "how old are you?"

"Thirteen."

"And him?"

Rafia's eyes rounded with panic. She hesitated. Pulled her scarf. Her fingers clenched her book. "Fourteen."

"Hmmm," Zahra hummed, focussing her eyes ahead so the girl beside her doesn't feel attacked. "Thirteen and fourteen. Haven't completed your education, not even boards have been cleared by either one of you, and yet..." She left the sentence hanging, meeting the girl's eyes to let her know what exactly she was talking about. "If the management even gets a whiff of what's happening, they'd be sending you both home so as to set an example to the hundreds of other kids we house, saying they cannot afford any more happenings of such sort. Your relatives will not be very pleased about it and your mother would be heart broken.

"People would even demand to know the reason why you were sent home in the middle of the school year and no school would take you in until you furnish a proper reason. You might have to skip this year and even then, how would your mother be able to pay your fees with her meagre salary? What would you do? What would your mother do? Your entire future would become one big question mark." She paused for the words to leave an impact. "Are you really up for it?"

"We did not do anything ma'am," the girl whispered in a quivering voice. "We did nothing but-"

"Pass letters?" she offered. "And I am sure there was a time when all you did was nothing but gaze at each other, am I right?" Her eyes took in Rafia's head lowering with shame. "Shaytan doesn't suddenly come and talk to you about committing sins sweetheart, he talks to you first about little things that are harmless. He makes them appeal to you, puts it in your mind that you'd enjoy doing them, and when you have put your heart and soul in it, he gradually leads you to other things which finally end up in sins and may Allaah forbid, even shirk. Do you really want to become one of the many in his list? Just another number?

The branches of the tree they had taken shelter under moved and showered a few flowers on them. "It has long been decreed that he would end up in Jahannum and he knows it himself. He knows that he is doomed and wouldn't escape what is to come, but what he wants is to increase the number of people who would accompany him to the place by making them do things that displease our Creator. Do you really want to plunge into what he is doing with you despite knowing it deep down yourself?"

"I... I-I never thought of it that way ma'am."

Zahra leant back on the bench. "Of course you didn't. If you had, you wouldn't have willingly put yourself in such a situation, is it not?"

Rafia's lips wedged between her lips. She blinked slowly.

"And even if, let's say, you managed to keep it hidden from the management and your family and went on to complete your studies and establish your life, what assurance do you have that your story would culminate in marriage? Would it not be unfair to both yourself and the other person entering your life? What about the guilt? Won't it eat away at your peace?"

Her head shook from left to right and then right to left indicating a negation, and with wobbling lips, she uttered, "I did not think that far ahead."

Zahra moved forward and patted her shoulder. "I do not intend to break you sweets, but certain truths are best laid out in the open. If you proceed on with this, you would not only be putting this life of yours at stake but also your akhirah, and you do not want that. Of what good would it be to receive something you desire by earning the displeasure of your Lord? Where would it leave us?

"What about others on campus who would see you both and start doing the same thing? The management cannot handle such a large population who are determined to commit mistakes and neither would you be able to bear the weight of their sins on your back."

A tear slipped down the girl's face. Zahra's hands inched forward to wipe it.

"It is human to make mistakes dearie, but it is unbecoming of a believer to insist to remain in the dark even when he or she is being guided to light. I've done my part and now it's up to you to decide what you want.

"If you think you can handle the disgust on your family's face upon knowing the truth and the displeasure of your Lord at you going off track, by all means, continue with these letters which for sure would progress to other things by the instigation of shaytan in the course of time. But if you think you want to stop with all of this. If you think you want to right your wrong, go back to your Creator, and become the best of His slaves by repenting, He is always there to forgive you and wipe your slate clean. Does He not say that the best of the sinners are those who repent?"

She got on her feet. "I assure you I won't tell a word to the management about any of this. It's your choice to make - Him," she lifted a finger and pointed it to the sky, "or him," she waved her hand in the air. "But I would for sure tell you one thing as your sister in Islaam: break all contacts with him if you want to safeguard your akhirah, and make dua for him instead."

Rafia looked up. Smiling, Zahra took a step backward. "Continue on with your life, continue to avoid him, but also continue to pray. If he is meant for you, He would surely guide him your way. And if he is not led to you, know that he was not meant for you and let him go. He knows what's best for us. He is the only relation who stays with us from the beginning to the end anyway." With those final words of hers, Zahra turned her back on the girl and walked off. Just as she was about to enter into a corridor and disappear out of sight, curiosity overtook her and she half-turned, her eyes searching before they came upon the girl who had walked a few steps to a bin and now stood emptying the letters hidden between the pages of her book into it.

Zahra's lips curved in joy and she sent a heartfelt prayer heavenward.

Ya Allaah, forgive this slave of yours. Bless her, and grant her all of her heart's halaal desires for the sacrifice she did for Your sake. Increase her in her goodness, strength, happiness, and alleviate her hardships in both worlds. Grant her afiyah, ya Allaah. May she be raised in the ranks of those who are closest to You. Ameen.

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After adding final touches to the cutouts that were being made for the upcoming play, Zahra got up from where she was spread on her room floor, collected all the stationery and sorting them out, deposited them in the box she always kept for them on her desk. She stood and admired her finished work for a second, and then feeling satisfied with the outcome, she crossed the corridor to Waseema's room, arms laden with her work.

Checklists spread all over her desk, Waseema looked up to see Zahra enter her room with a smile. "Masha Allaah, these look wonderful, beta. You've done a great job, Alhamdulillaah. The kids are going to love it." She inspected the work. "They are sturdy too, I think we could store them in our cupboards and re-use them even in the future."

"I made sure they were sturdy. Didn't want to throw them away after a single use."

"Good thinking, I always knew I can count on you. What about the practice sessions? How are they going?"

"They're enjoying much more than I had expected for them to. They say they had been bored by the repetitions and can't wait to enact a brand new play."

Waseema laughed, her eyes crinkling. "Drame baaz, they act as if they only had one script to enact over and over again. Thank Manha again please for the script on my behalf. It was so moving and hilarious at the same time. I'm surprised how she was able to do it with a script designed for kids."

"She is blessed with words, Alhamdulillaah."

"Alhamdulillaah, indeed. Now..." Waseema opened her drawer. Her demeanor changed from the relaxed stance she earlier sported and her hands decidedly shoved all the papers inside. "Why don't you sit down? I have been wanting to talk to you for a while now."

Zahra's brows furrowed. "Is it serious?"

Waseema beamed. "Not in a bad manner, no."

Reluctantly, Zahra took a seat opposite to Waseema who immediately took her hands in hers. "I don't know how to begin. I've never done this before, so let me put it bluntly. Zahra, I-I have received a proposal from Ibrahim for you."

Zahra could have sworn her heart slowed its pace. She swallowed hard. "Di-di-did Eshaal put you up to it?"

"No, why would she?" The expression that crossed her face was quickly masked. "Don't tell me she has already spoken to you about it?"

Zahra dropped her eyelids. Her silence was answer enough.

Waseema began with a shake of her head, "Eshaal did not speak to me regarding the matter, Ibrahim was the one who approached me. He asked if I could get him your wali's number, said he wants to make sure if you are interested first before taking it to his family. He didn't want to be the cause of any hard feelings between you and Eshaal."

There was a sinking feeling in her stomach, her mind repeating the word she had heard.

Wali...

Why had Ibrahim even done that? They had not had a complete conversation till date, not even looked at each other for a second too long. As much as she can, she had made sure she was not around him, never crossed him, then why?

Granted, Eshaal might have unintentionally spoken about her at home the way she always gushed about her brother when she was with friends, but that was not reason enough for him to do what he did, was it? And wali? By Allaah, what on earth had he gone and done? "And-"

"I told him," Waseema answered her question before she could word it out. "I wanted to make sure he wouldn't back out after involving you. I didn't want to break your heart."

Unspoken words hung around them for a few moments until Zahra summoned the courage to question. "And he still wants to continue with the talk?"

"Whyever would he not?" Aghast, Waseema threw her hands in the air. "Beta, your worth is not measured by others' actions towards you, nor are you held responsible for occurrences that take place in your life that are beyond your power. Please paste that firmly in your head.

"You are so intelligent normally Masha Allaah, so full of life, so optimistic but when the talk is about you, I don't understand why you turn into a pessimist. If anything, the fact that you are living your life without any family shows how strong you are. Besides, it isn't as if you are alone, you have all of us with you."

"I don't think entertaining this proposal is a good idea."

"The boy is decent. His akhlaaq and deen are both exemplary - two things we are advised to look for in a man when he brings his proposal. What more can I want for you to be happy in your life? Do you know he even asked for me to wait to talk to you about it until after he leaves for the tournament with the kids? He didn't want you to take any decisions under pressure and neither did he want you to strain your relationship with Eshaal. Such care for you even before anything is finalised! Zahra, he truly is a gem."

Her pulse quickened at what she heard but nothing could deter her from her refutations. "You don't understand aunty, I don't think entertaining any proposals is a good idea."

Waseema regarded her for a few moments. Her features then transformed into a pained smile and she folded her legs, resting her back on the bedpost. "And I take it that you intend to stay like this for the rest of your life?"

Again, silence was the only answer she received. She rolled back her head. A pained sigh unlike she had ever heard before escaped her lips. "I would not belittle your emotions beta, I would not invalidate your feelings. I would not tell you to buck up and swallow it all so you could look ahead and pretend as if nothing affects you and that you're completely alright. I won't do any of it.

"All the pain that you have gone through, all that you fear, your inhibitions, insecurities, apprehensions - I agree I am none the wiser and you know better than all. If anyone knows what exact situation you are in, it is none but Him. I won't claim to know any of it, not one bit, but beta, I also cannot help but fear you are so engrossed with the past that has crossed you that you are not willing to accept the future that beckons you with open arms. That's not right, Zahra. This is not the way to go about in life."

Zahra could not meet her eyes.

"Take me for example, I too once did the same mistake you're doing now and I'm still learning how heavy those decisions of mine could make things for me. I willingly allowed myself to be blinded by emotions because of which I have no one now. I cannot allow the same to happen to you.

A lock of hair fell on her face and Zahra noticed her eyes fill up. "I don't mean to say I don't love these kids, neither am I complaining about the life I lead. I'm merely putting out my feelings in the form of words so it could help you come to a decision bi ithnillaah. Zahra," she took a deep breath. "Allaah knows how much I love these children. He knows I consider them my own. He knows I think of them as my flesh and my blood." She swallowed. "But no matter how much love I give them and how much happy they are with it at the present, the truth remains that they are not my own." Tears spilled on to her cheeks. Zahra stiffened unaware of what to do.

"I love them but they are not my own. I care for them more than I would have if I had had my own, and yet... and yet, I am nothing more than a passing phase for them. Someone they seek comfort in before life takes them through another turn. A temporary shelter.

"I don't hold them at fault for any of it though. Innocent souls that they are, it was not their choice where they were born or who bore them. It is not their fault that they forget the woman who helped raise them." Zahra squeezed her hands, emotions inside of her being set free as she watched Waseema give a broken smile.

"Once they grow up, complete their education, spread their wings and fly out of my nest, I have no claim over them. None. They come at times to see me, some of them do. Some send me letters, few stay in touch and fewer come to visit, child in their arm and spouse in tow.

"I feel mighty proud at the picture they make. Happy, grown up kids of mine. Happy..." she faltered as her vision clouded over and she wiped the tears that had gotten accumulated with the end of her scarf. "They are mine irrespective of where they come from or who birthed them. They are mine." The last word was stretched to lay emphasis on it. There was a pause. "But as much as I'd like to gloat over the fact that some remember me, they are never constant. I don't hold them at fault again, they have their own lives to lead. They have to conquer the world, build a life of their own. What would an old woman who took care of them years ago mean anything to them after they've started their own lives and gotten busy with it? How would I be more than just a fleeting thought? How could I even expect to be more than a fleeting thought?

"And then there are those moments when I cannot help but think - may Allaah forgive me for wanting more than what He has blessed me with, but there are moments I cannot control this fragile organ in my body that thinks that maybe if I had at least one who shared my blood, he or she would have been a constant in my life. Just maybe..." She sniffed.

"I cannot help but think that if I had married, I might have had a companion, a shoulder to cry on. I might have had a child who would have come back home to me at the end of the day, stayed with me for life and even shed a few tears when when I die. Maybe if it would have been a girl, she might have given me ghusl, helped wrapped me up in a kaffan and maybe it would have been a boy, he might have helped carry me to my grave. I cannot help but feel selfish..." Waseema dried her tears and caught Zahra's hands again. "Do not make the same mistakes as me, Zahra. Please!

"By all means continue working here and helping the children. Continue giving them your love, but also marry and live your life. Marry, your spouse would Insha Allaah strengthen you. Have kids, your love would Insha Allaah grow manifold. Your heart would be full and you'd radiate happiness, give the kids more joy.

The atmosphere was starting to clear when Waseema spoke again, her words resonating in Zahra's ears.

"Foolish are those who persist in what they do despite being shown the truth, Zahra," Waseema patted her cheeks, "and I know you're not one of them. I've laid out the truth in front of you, the decision is yours to make."

Zahra felt the physical sting of the words. Had she not said something along the same lines to Rafia, about mistakes and people persisting in them? What was she to do now after hearing all what Waseema had to say? Was she to persist in her decision? What about Sameeha?

Later that night, Zahra was in her room that was shrouded with darkness, glancing at the new moon that peeked at her through her window. It shone in the dark blue sky, settled amidst multitude of tiny, twinkling stars. There were patches on the big, white ball, she realised, but instead of making it look ugly, they only served to add to its beauty. Look at me, the moon seemed to say to her, as a creation of Allaah, do you not learn anything from me?

A breathy sigh escaped her quivering lips. Blinking back tears, Zahra fell back on her bed as she wondered if the stories of humans too worked the same way. Did the ugly patches people came across at times truly serve to beautify their lives?

Glossary

💦 Akhlaaq : character.

💦 Akhirah : afterlife.

💦 Deen : religion.

💦 Dua : prayer.

💦 Dunya : worldly life.

💦 Ghusl : ritual cleansing bath to be taken after intercourse or at the end of menstrual cycle. A believer's body is also given ghusl before burying it.

💦 Jahannum : hellfire.

💦 Kaffan : white (or in some cases red) cloth used to wrap the dead before burying them.

💦 Shaytan : devil.

💦 Wali : the literal meaning is friend/ protector/guardian. Here, it is used for the mahram relatives of the girl who give her away during nikkah. In case she doesn't have any, her locality imaam automatically becomes her wali. She cannot appoint her own like how some believe.

Answers, answers, answers! 😆

🎯 Yayyy! Proposal! One proposal I'm excited about, lol. Would you accept Ibrahim if you were Zahra? Why?

🎯 One fact about Zahra you love a lot?

🎯 One characteristic of Ibrahim you wish your spouse would have or already has?

🎯 Who is it whose nikkah contract is found in the Qur'aan?

🎯 Tell me one fact about the lady (may Allaah be pleased with her) in the previous question.

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I was getting a few queries regarding where one can get the right kind of Islaamic knowledge from, so I thought I'd tell you people here. Who knows, it might help someone, bi ithnillaah.

If you're willing to sit down regularly and take up multiple subjects, I'd recommend iou. They have both diploma as well degree courses you might be interested in. But if you want something lighter and are unable to pay, you can google "Learn Islaam" and contact them in the information provided. They send courseworks through Facebook and WhatsApp and mail which you might have to learn and take up exams in their scheduled timings. Please do spend time wisely and take advantage of the lockdown by learning our deen.

P.S I received my uni results last week 🙃. Along with that, I also received my final semester exam timetable from the academy. Balance 8 papers of Islaamic Studies coming up next month! Basically, what I'm trying to say is that the next update might be only by the end of next month, Insha Allaah.

Keep the ummah in your dua. May He safeguard us, guide us to truth and help us remain steadfast in it. Ameen!

Assalamu alaikum warahmathullahi wabarakatuhu!