Chapter 38: Leave

"What does it feel having a boyfriend?" I asked Marga.

They still didn't know that I'm already in a relationship, and I felt I betrayed them for not telling it.

"Well, kung hindi ako bitter. Fulfilling siya, ang sarap kaya sa feeling! Ikaw, Rhiane ano opinion mo?"

Rhiane glared at Marga. "Bastusan lang? Wala akong maiaambag, tangang 'to."

I straightly downed the whiskey on my throat before looking at them. "Wala kang boyfriend, Rhiane?"

She also glared at me. "May nakikita ka?"

Marga and I laughed before we tossed.

"Mga sira ang ulo, ba't ako pinagtitripan niyo ngayon?"

I shrugged and filled my glass again. "Kung inuuna ng boyfriend mo iyong ibang tao o bagay? Is it wrong for you to get hurt or mad?" I asked again, started to feel drunk.

They seemed didn't notice my choice of topic right now. It's good since I don't have the guts to tell them about my relationship with Zian.

"Kung ganiyan iyong boyfriend ko baka hindi lang ako magalit! Makikipag-break ako kahit patay na patay ako sa kaniya!" si Marga.

"Kung ako, well, wala naman akong boyfriend, pero kung ganiyan hindi naman siguro solusyon iyong break-up. P'wede niyong pag-usapan iyon, and try to figure things out," Rhiane shared her opinion.

I nodded. "You got a point, Rhiane."

Marga's stupid when it comes to advising. E, naloloko rin naman.

"E, paano naman ako? Iyong opinion ko anti-martyr!"

I pursed my lips. "Suit yourself."

"May problema ka ba, Audrey? Ba't mo natanong?" usisa ni Rhiane.

I flicked my tongue and drank first before answering her question. "I have. Guess what?"

"Pa-intense."

My sight started to blur, but I saw them keeping their full attention at me. "I have a boyfriend." I smiled at that thought.

I still can't believe I have one and it's fvcking Zirdy Ivan.

"What?!"

I poured my glass again and was about to drink it when Rhiane stopped me. "Kausapin mo muna kami, nakakailang shots ka na!"

I giggled and shut my eyes and opened it again. Magkaharap lang kaming tatlo, silang dalawa magkatabi at may lamesa sa gitna namin.  They went closer to hear my sentiments since the music was on its blast.

"Remember Zian? We're together since..." I mentally counted. "For almost 2 months..."

"Traydor!"

I chuckled and continued. "We often spending time with each other... I always felt floating in the clouds whenever I'm with him."

I swallowed the bile on my throat when Lorraine crossed my mind. "Pour me a drink," I obeyed and Rhiane gave me a shot.

I drank it straight. "But you know that feeling of... let's say he's prioritizing another girl than me?" All emotions on my face faded. "I trust him... so much. B-But why do I feel like betrayed?" My voice broke.

"Audrey." They both stood to sit beside me, but I raised my hand. "I don't wanna such comforts, just all ears on me, come on." I chuckled.

I grabbed a handful of my hair and stood. "Nevermind," I said and looked around.

"Sa'n ka pupunta?"

I almost out of balance, good thing I quickly held on to the couch. "Just wander around. Don't follow me."

"Audrey, lasing ka na!"

I stopped on my ground and looked back at them who were like ready to save me from danger.

"Come on, I have high tolerance, don't be so ridiculous. Will get back later." I waved.

"Hoy, iyong bag mo! May umiilaw sa loob baka may tumatawag!"

I groaned. Paika-ika akong bumalik sa puwesto para kunin ang bag at phone sa loob. Pagkatapos, naglakad ulit ako kung saan.

"Why the fvck are you calling me?" I asked, pissed.

"Persian, where are you?"

I stiffened when I heard his voice. I leaned against the wall on the hallway to support my weight. "Oh, love." I giggled, closed eyes.

"Are you alright? Where are you?"

I tsked. "I am not fine, and guess where the hell am I?"

There's a guy approaching me and I instantly glared at him while talking to Zian on the phone.

"Persian, tell me where you are. Are you drunk?"

"I'm not..."

I arched a brow when the guy's now in front of me. "What the hell do you want?" I asked.

"Persian!" Zian yelled on the phone.

I chuckled. I answered him where this place is and ended the call.

I gave my attention at the guy. "If you're trying to hit on me, fvck off."

He grinned. "Just wanna ask if you have a lighter." He then showed me a pack of cigarettes.

I growled. "Do I look like a fvcking store? Hindi ako supplier ng lighter!"

He let out a hilarious laughter. "I didn't say anything, miss. Wanna have one?" He handed me a one stick.

I glanced at it before glaring at him. "Magbibigay ka, e, wala kang lighter. Idiot." Kinuha ko sa kamay niya ang stick at tinalikuran siya.

"I have a lighter, miss."

I looked back and glared at him. Bumalik ako at lasing na nagtungo sa kaniya. "Are you making fun of me?"

He shook his head mischievously and light the stick that's already in my mouth. After that, I blew in his face and raised my middle finger.

"A little bad girl."

I scoffed. "Shut up and leave me alone."

"As long as I know, hindi ikaw ang may-ari ng club na 'to. I'm Jayvee, anyway."

"I'm not interested, Jollibee."

He laughed again. "It's Jayvee, not Jollibee."

"Whatfvckingever your name is."

I was about to walk away when I stumbled on my own heel, but Jollibee quickly caught me on my hips causing me not to fall.

"Careful, little girl. Who were you with?" he drunkly whispered.

I stood straight and almost vomit when I smelled his perfume when I accidentally faced his neck. "Not your business," I whispered, feeling dizzy.

I was holding my phone and the stick on my other hand while his arm was still snaked on my hips. "Get off."

He chuckled and let go of me. "You have a gorgeous face and physique. Are you perhaps interested in modeling?"

I didn't able to answer him when my phone rang, I answered it. "Yeah?"

"Where exactly you are? Already found your friends," he said in a serious tone.

"Hmm, on the hallway... I'm wearing a red dress... I'm with Jollibee." I smoked again and inhaled in front of Jollibee.

"Miss, can you stop calling me Jollibee? And please, don't give me a secondhand smoke."

"Persian, who were you with?" I ignored him as I ended the call up again.

"Persian!" someone called.

We both looked from where it came from until I saw Zian approaching us with his dark expression. "What the hell?" Zian exclaimed when Jollibee grabbed me.

I gritted my teeth. "Don't touch me!" I swayed his arm and went to Zian.

"Do you know him?" Zian asked, glaring at me.

"He's Jollibee, but I don't care." I smiled. "Let's go? My head's spinning."

He looked at the guy before at me, and sighed. He grabbed me by the arm without saying anything.

"Aww, dahan-dahan nga!" I complained when he almost dragged me out of this club.

"Bye!" I waved my hand when we passed by our friends. They looked at me in confusion.

"Gosh, I feel under the weather," I murmured.

"Throw that away," I heard Zian say.

"Oh, this?" I showed him the stick. I smoked once before throwing it away.

Nabugahan ko ng usok si Zian sa mukha mismo, and he almost choked. "Sorry," I whispered and hugged him when he stopped.

He tried to push me away, but I hugged him much tighter.

"Get off, Persian Audrey."

I looked at him and frowned. "Why? Don't you want me to hug you? Bakit, si Lorraine na ba gustong kayakap mo?" I accused.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

I hit him on his chest, feeling annoyed. "Winawhat-the-hell mo na ako ngayon? Damn you." I hit him on his chest again and turned my back but he quickly grabbed me back. "What's wrong with you?" he asked, deadly serious.

He started to walk again with me until we reached his car. He opened the shotgun seat and almost threw me inside the way he carried me.

"What the hell?!" I yelled at him when I almost bumped my head.

He walked around and entered the driver's seat. "What are you doing there?"

I rested my head on my seat and shut my eyes closed. "Don't start, Zian. Send me home, 'coz I don't wanna talk to you right now."

"What's wrong?" he asked again in a calm way.

I opened my eyes and looked at him. "You."

"What?"

"You're my problem," I repeated. Umayos ako ng upo at hinarap siya. "Why can't you just leave that girl, Zian?"

His lips parted as he realized what I was trying to say.

I went near him and lifted his chin up. "Will you listen to me?" I asked in a low voice.

No response.

"Can you stop worrying about her?" I asked again.

He looked away when he saw my eyes stung with unshed tears.

"You can't do any of that for me..." I removed my hand and rested it on my thigh.

The obstacles were now on our way. We only have two choices. To keep on going or just give it up in the midst of fighting?

Pero malayo pa kami. Bago pa lang.

"You shouldn't have asked me to be your girlfriend in the first place if you can't get rid of someone causing me pain," I said and unlocked the door to go out.

He looked alarm when he looked at me.

"Think about it, Zian before talking to me again. I don't want this thing go to its end yet, try to figure out things and see me in my apartment." I then closed the door of his car and called for a grab.

I spent my time inside my bathroom, trying to awake my senses. Alcohol got the best in me.

This is what I'm scared of. Ending things between us.

It feels like we're happy in a glance, but when I blinked... it all vanished that quick.

And I don't want that. Sayang, e. We're in the beginning, tapos biglang may finish line kaagad sa kalagitnaan?

E, 'di sana pala I didn't risk our friendship, of course we started as enemies until we became friends, at kung magbi-break kami parang sinayang lang namin lahat. Kung alam ko lang na ganoon, e 'di sana hindi ko na lang siya hinarot.

I'm browsing through my IPad trying to decide on what course I should take. Since my parents went here the other day, they brought me some things including this IPad. Maybe, if things still didn't go according to plan, I'll move back in our house and just focus on my study.

I don't even know what course I should take. Wala naman akong interes sa med kahit pa may hospital sina Daddy. Kahit pa galing kami sa pamilya ng mga doktor, wala talaga akong interes buti nga at hindi ako pressured sa ganito baka pilitin akong mag-doktor baka mapatay ko lang iyong pasyente kapag nainis ako.

Really, my attitude doesn't suit in the field of medicine.

Later that midnight, I was just looking at my ceiling thinking of things when I heard a knock on the door.

I got out from the bed, topless. I picked up the towel and wrapped it around my body before going out to see who's knocking. There's a peephole on my door, pinalagyan ni Daddy kaya sumilip ako ro'n at napaawang ang labi nang nakita ko si Zian.

My breath hitched as I opened the door. "W-Why are you here?" I stuttered.

He looked at me with his sleepy eyes. He's hair in a messy way, his white polo was crumpled.

"Persian." He immediately stepped toward and hugged me.

"Are you drunk?!" I exclaimed when I smelled him reek of alcohol.

"No, just had two shots with your friends."

"What?"

"Yeah, they talked to me earlier. Natagalan ako, sorry." He buried his face on the crook of my neck, sniffing.

I heaved a sigh and pushed him away from me. "I told you to come here when you already made up your mind."

But his eyes weren't looking at me, but at my body.

"Zian, I'm talking to you."

He scoffed and glared at me. "Only a thin clothe towel around your body, seriously? Paano kung ibang tao iyong pinagbuksan mo ng pinto?"

"And you're now preaching me? Kung wala kang ibang sasabihin, umuwi ka na."

His features softened. "Papasukin mo naman ako," he said, pouting.

I rolled my eyes and let him in. 

We're now sitting. Me on the couch, and him on the floor, looking up at me like a lost puppy.

"Sorry."

"It doesn't change a thing," I replied.

"Can you hear me out?"

I nodded. "Go on."

He sighed and looked at me deeply. Even we're not in good terms, I still find him damn attractive. From his head down to his toe, it's all praising.

He's almost a perfect friend, but not a boyfriend. He can literally do everything for a friend, but can't do one thing for his girlfriend.

And that's one of his flaws.

I wonder if he loves me more than his friends? I don't wanna compete, but I don't want the time to come where he needs to choose. Because if he's really into me, there'll be no choice at all. He's just giving me the benefit of the doubt.

"I badly want to escape from her, but I just can't... I know it's not my responsibility to take... but I witnessed almost her struggles, and I just can't leave her behind."

I nodded, trying to understand everything he wanted to say.

"She needs someone... and I don't have any choice, because that someone's me. She got a tons of problems, and there's no shoulder to cry on... but then, I was there."

I breathed heavily and looked away when tears started to fall from his alluring eyes.

He held my hand gently and squeezed it. "Can you give me another chance? I'll just help her to fix some things and—"

"And what? You'll come back?" I shook my head in disapproval and swayed his hand. "No, Zian. You just can't do that to me! Uunahin mo siya bago ako? Ano ba'ng akala mo sa 'kin?! Girlfriend mo ako baka nakakalimutan mo!"

"No, please, baby... please, listen to me, okay? Let me explain first..." He wiped the tears on his eyes and stood to sit beside me. "I won't leave you. I won't do that."

"Then what are you trying to imply?"

"I love you, but she needs me."

I let out a breath.

"Can you understand me?"

"I'm trying, Zian, I am trying..."

"Hindi ko naman ginusto 'to, hindi naman p'wedeng hayaan ko lang siya. The guilt and conscience will probably haunt me if something bad happened to her, kaya hangga't p'wede pa ako, I'll try to save her from drowning in her own ocean of struggles. Will you help me?" He gently lifted my chin up to look at him.

I bit my lower lip and repeatedly hit him on his chest. "I hate you, Zian... I'm starting to hate you again. Why are you doing such things? You just can't save anyone! You're not a fvcking hero!"

"God... you didn't understand me."

I shook my head. "Whatever you want to do, Zian. Your reason will be more reasonable if you try to save the world too."

I stood up and went inside my room before slamming it.

"Persian," he called outside.

"Leave me alone, Zian. Just go and save the world!" I annoyingly yelled.

Mababaliw yata ako kakaisip kay Zian. He's good to be even real. Minsan, masama talaga ang maging mabait nang sobra. Kung hindi namimihasa, ikaw naman iyong kawawa.

I QUIT my job, and moved back in our house. I reminded myself to focus more on my acads, because college isn't a big joke.

Zian and I... we're still together. Bumalik ulit sa dati, pero gaya rin ng dati nawawalan siya ng time para sa 'kin para puntahan si Lorraine.

Hindi na ako nagtatanong kung ano ba ang problema niya at parang pasan niya ang mundo para laging manghingi ng tulong.

Para na silang mga tanga.

I still can, and I will understand him as long as I can. Him being in love with me is enough to prove that it's only me.

Wala namang problema. Zian's not a cheater nor a toxic boyfriend. Ang problema sa kaniya masyado siyang mabait at matulungin.

I tried to call him to inform that I have already took a course in college, but he didn't answer. I saw his sister coming out from their house.

My forehead creased. Alam ko namang bahay rin nila 'to, pero minsan ko lang siya makita rito.

When she saw me, her eyes widened and she immediately ran towards me. "Audrey!" she exclaimed and smiled.

I was about to ask her when I saw her parents went out too, and also approaching us.

I started getting nervous.

"Ma, Pa! Sakto talaga tayo! Si Audrey, girlfriend ni Kuya!"

My jaw dropped as I looked at her in shock.

God, it was supposed to be Zian who'd introduce me to his parents and not his freaking sister!