Vyra

"Hey! Where are you running off to?"

I kept moving down the hall, my lungs begging for reprieve. It did not matter.

The latch of my door was within my palm when warmth enveloped my forearm.

"Vyra." The Alpha breathed, slowly turning me. "Our deal?"

I took a page from his book, and continued to stare back at him wordlessly.

What could I tell him?

My grandmother's grand reveal hadn't ended there.

"I need time to think." I told the woman, now a stranger to me and not so strange at all.

Her wish for blood was suffocating. I felt it fill my lungs, and coat my skin.

"What is there to think about?" The Clan Lunae elder asked, scandalized by my initial refusal. "It's not just me. It's what the goddess wants."

"What?"

It was a bold claim, coming from a woman who said all her plans for me were foiled.

"Clan Lunae are the moonlight Lycan. We were her clan. Do you think she would take kindly to us being wiped out?" Her golden eyes were like the rays of the sun as she stared into me, "You being the Umbra Alpha's mate is an opportunity from the heavens. Why else would she make it so? Why else would she join your hand? Why else would she make you a contender to become the Alpha?" She said the traitorous words again. "To reclaim what is ours and to rebuild our great Clan in her name."

"And how would I do that?"

"You're fated mates. It wouldn't take much for the poor thing to fall in love and lose his mind, if he's anything like his father. Or even his mother."

I felt sick to my stomach. What she was suggesting was somehow more impossible than anything else.

It wouldn't work and I...

"Seren wasn't the one who did this. He's as innocent as I am. He was just a child." Unable to keep eye contact, I looked down at my feet.

My grandmother hissed, burning her skin to lift my chin up through the silver bars. Her golden eyes were now kindled fiercely.

"Don't tell me you've fallen for him." She spoke the words through gritted teeth, betrayal seeping through the disappointment.

I shook my head fervently. "No. Never. I couldn't do that to them."

My grandmother let me go, clicking her tongue. "Good, at least you have that much sense. But calling the Umbra usurper innocent? He's lived a lavish life in this very fortress while you've been forced to suffer in the dirt. He sits on a throne of blood and his leverage is deceit. Even if he knew the truth, would he step down and let you win?" Her long, elegant fingers tapped the stones within her cell. "What innocence is there in taking what isn't yours?"

I countered her question with my own, growing suspicious.

"How do I know that you're not lying? That this isn't some set up from Seren to see if I tell him the truth?"

The older woman just tsked again, stepping away from the bars. This time, her expression was drenched with sympathy.

"That would be less painful for you, wouldn't it? Because what really happened makes you angry. And that frightens you."

The thin thread I was using to hold myself together snapped.

"I need to go."

My grandmother waved goodbye, "Think about what I've told you. You'll be back."

"The Mistress wouldn't speak. I'll have to visit her again." I was so dizzy, and all I wanted to do was lie down and cry. After all I had been told, I needed time to myself to think. "Sorry to disappoint."

I needed to get as far away from him as possible.

If what the old woman said was true. his father lied and betrayed mine. He manipulated fate to get his son exactly where he was right now.

It hurt to be near him more than ever before.

Seren pressed on the door, preventing me from opening it. The chasm swelled inside me at the refusal, and I whirled on the Alpha.

"Is there something wrong?" The man asked, staring down at me, searching as he took in my numb expression and harsh posture.

I was falling apart.

Conjuring as much vitriol as I could, I hoped to insult him enough to leave me be, "It's alright Alpha Umbra. You don't have to pretend to care for my sake."

The man's arm fell loosely from the door, and I used his moment of shock to throw myself into my room.

Locking the door behind me, I slid and fell to the ground.

For hours I remained there, wondering what I had gotten myself into. When I went searching for more stories about my family, I never expected this.

My family didn't deserve any of it. If they had gotten a chance to speak to the council, they would have been here right now.

My Clan didn't deserve it. There was so little I knew about what our skills were, and how we fit into the pack. So much was lost.

I didn't deserve it.

All these years I have been purposefully undignified. I allowed my family's name to be sullied. I was grateful for my mistreatment because I thought it was justified.

My whole life was a lie and almost everyone played a part in it.

Then there was Seren Umbra, my mate. His title and standing in the pack were stolen, and he had no idea. Or he did—

Simply feeling attraction for him was a betrayal to my family. Would I be going against the goddess and my late Clan if I did not follow my grandmother's orders?

I needed time, which I was so desperately running out of.

Though one thing was for certain. I am not an Outcast.

And I will no longer act like it.

***

Staring at the cascade of black fabric before me, I wondered if I bit off more than I could chew.

I had about two weeks before the next mating ceremony and I would start training for the second trial tomorrow. Which meant I needed to make an entirely new dress in that small amount of time.

"Oh!" Sonya yelped, as I accidentally stabbed her with a pin for the tenth time. "Vyra? Please pay attention!"

I winced with her, "Sorry. A lot is on my mind right now."

"Yeah well, this dress will turn out like shit and be stained with blood if you keep doing that."

"Right. Stop moving." My words were mumbled, as I stuck a pin between my teeth. I draped more fabric across the front, and liked how it looked like the bottom of a frozen lake.

There was a knock on the door in my room. Not the front door, but the one leading to Seren's.

I rolled my eyes, before angrily grabbing the pin from my mouth, and of course, sticking myself with it.

"Fuck!" I yelped, waving my hand around.

Sonya ignored me, scrunching her freckled nose, "What was that?"

I coughed, pretending to concentrate on the dress. "Nothing. Must be a big rat."

"Vyra."

"Sonya."

There was another loud bang on the door.

Sonya jumped, looking at the golden door. "Seriously it's-"

I slammed my hands on the ground, dropping all of my needles. With a sigh, I started to explain what has been happening the last few days.

"He wants me to eat."

My body had been so overwhelmed by what I had been told I simply lost my appetite. For a day or so.

And then I realized it made the Alpha angry, when Titus came to my door and demanded I take the food that had been made for me.

"You probably should Vyra." Sonya said uneasily.

"No. He wants to make me stronger just to tear me down." I kept my chin down, I didn't want to see my friend's disapproval.

Sonya placed both hands on her hips, effectively knocking out three pins that I already placed.

"What has gotten into you?

I knew I was taking everything that I was feeling out on the Alpha. For once, I didn't care if it was right or wrong.

I couldn't tell my grandmother I would kill him, but I would surely continue to piss him off by not eating.

It just proved to me that I couldn't do a single thing right.

Killing his father Marcus would have been simple. Like the deer, I could have learned to numb all of my morals and bite.

I laughed out loud and Sonya looked at me like I was crazy.

I couldn't tell her what I was thinking. Even if I did say yes to my grandmother, the only time I'd ever gotten a rise out of the man was covered in rabbit blood and running.

He was an enigma that I had no faith in seducing to an inch of his death.

I don't want to take revenge on a person who did nothing. That makes me like them.

I fell back onto the floor, my pins tumbling to the side. I grabbed my hair at the root, weaving my fingers into the white tresses.

"Sonya, I fear I am losing my mind."

No longer could I tell whether I was trying to convince myself out of killing the Alpha or into it.

It would solve most of my problems and still...

Sonya bent to my side, her hands resting on my shoulders.

"I know you and Petir try to protect me, but you shouldn't. We all know what lies ahead for you." Her wide smile took up most of her face,"Eat the food, and take what the Alpha is giving you. Stop hiding from yourself."

"What if I hide for a reason?" My bitterness overflowed, "What if everyone is better off with me losing?"

My usually effervescent friend sobered.

"I am not saying you will win, in fact, I am quite convinced you won't. But for the gods sake Vyra, try. And maybe enjoy yourself while you're at it."

She got up as if our conversation never happened and I was grateful. She let me sulk in peace, as I placed the rest of my dress using her.

One thought haunted me more than the rest.

I'd been so convinced that I was nothing all my life. Losing felt natural. Being murdered felt like a fair punishment.

But what if I want to win?

***

"So you made it to practice? It's amazing you had enough energy to make it out of bed this morning." Seren instigated.

I sent a look at the Alpha that begged the question, 'why are you talking to me?'. It was not rhetorical. I had no idea why the Alpha tried to engage me when he usually had little to say.

Standing in the middle of the field, with my hair braided and my hands clasped to my sides, I placed myself before the three familiar Lycan.

Titus was already hiding a smile at my refusal to answer the Alpha.

I ignored both of them and took in a stony faced Mena, who stood off a little further to the side. She was dressed in the same training gear as I, with a long braid falling down her back.

"Why are they here?" I questioned, looking between the newcomers. Lycan of age trained from spring to autumn, and it was still the last weeks before winter.

"She speaks?" Mena crossed her arms, affronted.

So it seemed she didn't have the same change of heart her lover did.

It also meant she didn't help me out of kindness, but out of duty.

Seren went from glaring at me to scowling at the woman beside him. "This will be more difficult if we all do not behave."

Mena swallowed, probably fighting every instinct not to roll her eyes. "Sorry Fracti—I mean—Vyra. This is all very new to me."

I faced her. "It's alright. I am pretty sure the only reason the Alpha insists I am called by my name is because he is ashamed to be linked with an Outcast. Call me whatever you'd like, as long as I get to call you what you deserve back."

The Lycan female looked to Seren, her eyes widening. I enjoyed the flush that ran up Seren's neck, which I noticed happened every time he was frustrated.

The male ignored me, huffing air out of his nose like a wolf. "Starvation affects your mood greatly. We can take a break."

My mood soured further, "I don't know who to trust. It's much safer not to eat or drink, is it not? I mean it was only months ago the Mistress was poisoning me with wolf's bane. I'd rather play it safe."

I was right. The Alpha hadn't told anyone else exactly why the Mistress was imprisoned.

Cyrus looked insulted, his shoulders falling as he stared at his friend. I felt bad about that. Mena's jaw just kept dropping further to the floor.

The Alpha was livid.

I had all the information I needed. Seren was secretive, that meant if he knew about my family, he would be the only one.

That is how I was going to decide.

If Seren did not know the truth, he would be safe. He would remain innocent and have nothing to worry about.

If my mate knew about my family, I would kill him.

"Now, how do I pass the second trial?" I asked the three Lycan before me.