I could get used to this.

The bathroom quickly became my favorite place. At the end of every day, I liked to let my mind and body wind down from the exhaustion of trying to shift

Erected with carefully etched crystal, the circular space gleamed. The tub sunk into the ground, with a little alcove next to it with crushed plants and oils that were surprisingly all scents that I loved.

I stared at the night sky, letting the warm water rise.

A heavy knock interrupted me from my thoughts.

"Coming Titus," I called out, wrapping my fur-lined robe tighter around me.

He must have something to announce from the Alpha or he came by to show me how the knobs work again. Either way, I could show him that I learned to do it myself.

Opening the door, I blurted out playfully, "I already have the bath...running."

My smile fell off my face, and my voice trailed off. The beat of my heart went from a walk to a full out race.

It was not Titus standing before me, but the Alpha himself.

Seren was out of his usual clothes, wearing loose black pants and a black shirt that showed off the top of his chest and made his eyes even brighter. His dark hair was a little damp from the bath he must have just taken, his scent a little stronger.

It warred with his less than friendly disposition, beautiful face stuck in a frown and his arms crossed in a hostile manner over his chest.

Even stranger, he held some sort of package in one tense hand, the antithesis to the delicate pink silk and twine string tied into a small bow to hold it together.

"Expecting him so late?" The Alpha asked in that strange way that sounded more like an accusation than a question. "And for a bath?"

There was an underlying suggestion written all over his face. It made me blush from my hairline all the way to my feet.

We weren't together, but it was still a strange situation to explain to my mate. Lycans were supposed to be territorial over their partners, but I assume his issue was with how it looked..

"He usually helps me." I quickly stumbled upon my next sentence. "W-with drawing the bath. I am not used to running water. But as you can see, I figured it out."

He just stared at me wordlessly as I over-explained. So long that I thought he was just going to leave without saying anything else.

His face hardened further before a tense smile took its place.

"I am curious as to what else you thought that I thought he could possibly help you with." His silver eyes flashed with implications that were not lost on me. His tongue ran along his currently blunted top teeth, his lip curling with distaste. "The bastard shut me out. No wonder why I could only smell it from my room."

My shoulders dropped.

I didn't know what he meant by being shut out, except that Titus was supposed to tell him when he visited and more than likely didn't.

But I knew when Lycans are mated with another, they release a stronger version of their natural scent.

He found the scent as unappetizing as he found me.

Sadly, I could not say the same. The more time we spent together, the more I disliked him. Yet, I found myself scenting the air for even just a hint of his smoky, woodsy scent that made my head swirl a bit. 

I shook my head, refusing to take another breath as I held my door like a shield between us, "What are you doing here?"

I wondered why he did not use the hallway from his room.

"Titus should have mentioned it to you, especially since he finds himself in your room often. Tomorrow night is the Primitus feast. You and I are expected to show our faces, together. Eat. Have a dance or two. I will send proper attire for you to choose from tomorrow evening. There wasn't enough time to have something made."

His silver eyes traced over my improper attire like hot spokes. I shivered.

Now is the perfect time, Vyra.

I wasn't going to get another chance to share my feelings with the Alpha, who spoke to me about nothing else other than shifting.

"Right, that is what I wanted to talk to you about. Not all mated pairs do this." I gripped harder onto the door, gathering my thoughts. Sonya listened in to all the pack gossip. Those that rejected their bond did not have to do anything together, publicly or in private. "We could avoid them. I do not mind-"

"You aren't mated to just any Lycan. I am the Alpha, I have responsibilities that I cannot ignore, no matter how badly I wish to. We will do as tradition binds us."

"Just as you said, you're the Alpha. You are the leader of the pack. Since we do not wish to be mated, it would be as simple as-"

He interrupted me again, the unaffected version of himself left behind.

"Simple?" His voice was frayed, disbelieving. "Maybe it is for you. But not a single second of this nightmare has been easy for me."

I wish I could say my reaction to his ignorance was reasonable.

That I took the high road and let him live in his world of delusion and privilege. I had for everyone around me for years.

But something about the Alpha made me lose all sense. It was the way he blamed me for everything while being just as at fault for this mess.

I was tired of being the scapegoat for the pack.

It was my father and mother who was killed. My pack was obliterated. It was my life that was filled with mistreatment.

What could he possibly know about struggling?

My blood boiled in my veins, and I forgot all of my rules. I slammed the door wide open, stepping into the Alpha's space. His eyes widened imperceptibly, as I was close enough to see the expansion of the black center of his eyes.

"For you, Alpha? Is it impossible to think outside of yourself and in turn about your pathetic mate who has had to hide all of her life from your family's hatred?" A torrent of emotion coursed through me as I looked up to my mate, who I wrongly assumed at least understood this much. "Did you forget? I am the one who is going to die in the end. Maybe I don't want to be paraded around as your shitty, unequal mate before I go. Maybe I don't want to be called fucked up names by your Clan members until they pass out from mead. Have you ever thought of that?"

The Alpha glanced back and forth between my eyes. I swore I could see his own fight within himself, though I am not sure what it was for. For once he was just as unsettled as me, his expressions vibrant and unmistakable.

His mouth parted and closed several times, contemplating before speaking.

It's not like I was expecting an apology, but I thought I would at least acquire his understanding.

"There are worse things than your pride being hurt. There are worse things than death." He recited in a stony manner, collecting himself.

The fire went out, his apathy taking its place in the darkness.

"I was so unbelievably wrong about you. All this time, I thought you were like me. A victim to circumstance, an unwilling participant. That's not true is it? Rather than a wolf, you are a snake hiding in the grass. And as rotten to the bone as your father. Your poor, poor mother."

The stoic Alpha flinched at the mention of Aurelia, the pack's previous Luna. He blinked, stepping away from me as if I had just slapped him.

If he crossed lines with me, I just crossed an ocean.

It was the most vile thing I had ever said, and immediately I wanted to take it back.

Any semblance of civility between us turned into ash.

Heat crept up my chest as I watched the Alpha harden, his loathing of me palpable. I wasn't able to stutter out a half-assed apology before he cut me off, eyes blazing.

"Since you can't help yourself from reminding me, I will refresh your memory. My father won in the end." He was all wolf then as he warned me, even cloaked in his human form. "So will I."

Bastard.

My guilt ebbed and flowed at the obvious threat. Seren looked like he wanted to continue the fight, but he clenched his jaw, the muscle bulging before shaking his head and stepping away from me.

Deciding in the end I was not worth it.

"Here." The Alpha was careful to avoid my skin as he handed me the satin package. I took it, scowling back at him.

Seren grabbed both sides of my door frame, leaning in. I clung the package to my chest, the only barrier between us. His eyes filled with dark promise as he bit out cruelly, "It's a gift. From your fucked up, ill-intentioned, revenge bent mate."

My chest halted, unable to draw another breath with him so close.

The tension in his face dimmed for a moment as he took in my expression, before he iced over once again. He pushed his body away with the wall frame, hands flexing open and closed as he escaped down the dark hall.

What the fuck just happened?

He seemed so conflicted, and he probably thought my initial offer of just killing me sounded like quite a good idea at the moment.

I fought with the impending guilt as I sat on my fluffed bed, throwing the package next to me.

It was a mixture of adrenaline and disappointment that ran through my blood. I finally made the Alpha lose some of the tight control he had over his reactions, and it made me feel better about spiraling over this situation.

But in my attempt to stand up for myself, I took out the anger I felt at everyone and aimed it at him.

It made me come to terms with the fact I had hoped that Seren would be different. A humorless laugh bubbled in my throat, at the ridiculousness of it all.

He prospered in my family's demise. Why would he care to know any other way?

I hadn't even let myself think about it over the years. I was so focused on surviving, that I had not lived.

To get through the days and nights, I told myself I was lucky to be given a chance at life. After waking up, it felt like my life before was a state of delusion.

More and more, I wondered if my parents deserved it despite their breaking of the rules. There was kindness and love in the way they had cared for me at such a young age, for a child who would not remember.

It made me question if the pack's ire was warranted.

It was a dangerous line of thought. One that could truly end my life before the year was up, if I pondered upon it out loud.

Treason.

Worst of all, Titus's warning echoed in my head.

Given new circumstances, would I remain true to myself?

At the first sign of the Alpha's weakness, I took it and rubbed it in the dirt even though I told myself I would not be like the people who hurt me.

Still frustrated, I stared at the gift like it was a dead mouse, lifting it with my thumb and forefinger off the bed when a piece of parchment fell from it and onto the bed.

The Alpha left a note with a surprisingly eloquent scrawl.

'Wear this for the feast.'

- Seren

His attempts at being honorable were infuriating when he proved that he was anything but.

"I'm not wearing the dress!" I yelled at the golden door that led to his chamber, hoping he would hear it.

I was lying, but it still felt good to say. Despite our ever-growing feud I could not wear leathers or a nightgown to the feast.

After placing the note that he wrote on my bedside table, I carefully untied the ribbon and held it up to the light.

And nearly dropped it into the fire.

There is no way in hell I am wearing this.

***

I was wearing the damned dress.

Accepting defeat, I stood before the long silver mirror beside my fireplace.

The fabric was so soft it cradled my skin and sculpted my curves. If it were not the color of wine, it would mimic water rushing over me. Slivers of material hugged my torso like spindly tree branches, leaving large amounts of skin from my ribs to my hips uncovered.

I left my hair untouched and flowing around me, unsure of what to do with the wavy tresses. My skin glowed evenly, and I added a natural stain to my lips. A tin of charcoal helped to bolden my eyes and thicken my lashes.

Lycan loved jewelry made of gold. I owned no keepsakes of my own, and my hands felt naked.

Imagine. My lips curled in an unfamiliar smile. If I wore rings made of silver that would burn anyone else, but I remained untouched.

For once, I didn't feel so ordinary. Invisible. My onyx eyes shone darker, gem-like instead of flat. They reflected my fascination and my unease.

Three knocks caught my attention, and this time I knew it was Titus. My heart fluttered like an insect, and my stomach coiled.

Feeling a bit unsteady in heeled leather shoes, I opened my room door and closed it behind me.

"Good evening," I greeted Titus tightly.

Let's get this over with.

Titus wore a fairly plain outfit in all black. Most of the effort was put into perfecting the bun he tied his dark hair into.

He did not greet me back, instead he wordlessly stared at me with an offensively dumbfounded expression.

"Titus? Hello?" I walked closer, waving my hand in front of him. Hoping he didn't bite it off.

His eyes widened as he backed away, aghast.

"Shit!" Grabbing the bridge of his nose, pacing before me. He shut his eyes and shook his head from side to side. "Shit, shit, shit."

My eyebrows furrowed with confusion and a little bit of concern. The guard seemed to be having a fit. "What is the problem?"

"Nothing Outcast. Just you clean up pretty well and now I am at risk of getting my eyes scraped out of my skull." The man avoided looking at me anywhere but the eyes. "Let's get going."

I raised a brow at him, surprised. The wonders a scandalous dress could do.

Rather than ensuring the Alpha would not care at all, I stepped in line with him. "Outcast. Aren't we a little past that?"

He shook his head, exasperated. "Nope, we are just where we need to be. With you far away from me."

I nodded, resilient. "It's okay, you're growing on me too."

"Dear gods." He grumbled under his breath. "I am saying no to Seren the next time I am put on pup-sitting duty."

I smiled despite his attempt to distance us.

Instead, I held my unlikely companion close to my heart in secret. He did not have to admit aloud that we were becoming friends, but I would know.

Soon enough, we were exposed to the night.

Titus nudged me out of my frozen state, "We are here."

The panic set in so suddenly, I nearly bolted from the man's side.

"Do not run." The man narrowed his eyes and I could see his severe expression, even in the dark. "That will be a mistake you cannot take back."

"I am not running. I am just nervous, okay?" I shrugged his arm off, taking a few steps forward. The thrumming of the drum matched the pulse of blood.

"I will make it easy for you. This is the clearing where we honor the gods with great feasts, it is also where we will celebrate your union tonight. The Alpha is already waiting for you at his throne." I swallowed as Titus pointed to an opening in the trees. I heard laughter and music weaving through the trees. I felt like a trespasser, "Through that arch is a passage lined with torches on each side. Stay on that path, and walk all the way to Seren."

Like a deer being stalked, my neck snapped to the side. "Why is he already sitting? Everyone is going to be staring at me alone, in this dress."

Titus's metallic eyes danced with amusement, "Yes. It is called the First Feast for a reason. It is symbolic. Lycan will feast upon you with their eyes, but you are your mates alone to taste."

Good gods.

"What the fuck kind of archaic tradition is that?" My breaths became labored as I fell back a step. I wasn't sure I could make it through the night. "Why don't you tell me anything?"

Titus seemed to find my outrage hilarious, his shoulders shaking. His laugh faded into a satisfied sigh, "I was supposed to but...isn't a surprise more fun?"

Without another warning, the male pushed me. I tried to resist, my feet digging into the snow. Being no match for the seasoned guard, I found myself petrified and placed at the opening of the forest clearing.

Eyes wide, I took in dozens of Lycan before me who seemed to all stop and stare at me collectively.