M I L L E R

Nawalan ako ng gana na pumasok sa trabaho. Matapos ang ilang taon na pagbabanat ng buto ko ngayon lang ako nawalan ng gana. I never had a significant factor in being lazy. I have a huge debt to pay, hindi pa ba sapat 'yan para imotivate ako? But even if the day comes that I will feel lazy about earning money, I never thought that something as unrelated and unexpected would be the reason – I have wet dreams many years after puberty!

And what is more shocking is the dream I had was with a man. Alam kong ilang araw nang naninirahan ng libre sa isipan ko si Axel Wesley but who could have thought na darating ang punto na mapapanaginipan ko siya in that certain situation?

"Miller, may reservation ka mamayang 10:30," saad sa akin ni Dan paglabas ko ng staff room.

"Private ba?"

"Regular."

"Cool," ani ko tapos ay pumunta na sa customer ko.

Matatapos na ang oras ko sa kanya kaya humingi ako ng three minutes break para magbanyo at huminga. Hindi madali ang limang oras na pagngiti at pagsunod sa mga gusto ng customers namin. Not to mention, we also have to talk to them and pretend that we are interested in the conversation. May iba pa nga na bigla na lang magbubukas ng topic tungkol sa trabaho nila. Ayos lang naman kung simpleng trabaho lang ang mayroon sila, kaso may iba kasi na mga doktor sa utak, mga engineer, mga negosyante sa ibang bansa at kung anu-ano pa. May iba naman na tungkol sa pamilya nila ang gustong pag-usapan. Nihindi ko nga kilala ang mga 'yun, kaya puro tango at maikling komento lang ang binibigay namin. Minsan nga ay halos hindi na ako nagsasalita dahil wala naman akong masasabi sa mga taong hindi ko kilala.

It may not be too much in the physical department but it is sure draining for our empathy.

"You're back," bati ng customer ko na hinihintay akong bumalik.

The table here is a little fancier than a regular club. Dahil hindi pwede ang live banda sa amin ay bumabawi kami sa mismong interior at service namin. Our main service is attractive men, suitable and loved of all ages. Instead of entertainment, we offer companions at para maging komportable ang lahat kailangan na maganda ang lamesa at upuan.

We have a minimal marble table and a fancy velvet maroon sofa. Hugis C ito. The corners serve as barriers to make the space a little private. May bulaklak at kandila sa gitna. The ambience should be relaxing and romantic, so we have yellow lights and flowery plants everywhere. Naka-tuxedo rin kaming mga host. All in all our place has a luxurious aura.

Maliban sa rates naming mga host, kumikita rin ang club namin sa pamamagitan ng mga mamahaling drinks na binebenta ng bar namin. Basically, aside from paying for us for exclusive time, the customers can also buy drinks. Mas mahal ang drinks, mas maganda dahil may porsyento rin kami sa total spending ng customer sa oras na kasama namin sila. That's why we sweet talk them most of the time. We make them feel comfortable and follow what they want. All these lead them to buying us a drink. May konting pagkain din kami. But we don't serve heavy meals. Mga snacks lang na sakto pang-pulutan.

"Sorry kung natagalan, sumaglit pa kasi ako kay Dan."

"No, it's fine. I did not wait that long," nahihiyang sagot ng customer. "Uhm, my time is almost up," sabi niya saka tiningnan ang maliit na orasan sa table.

We have timers here. Para ito sa aming mga host. Sa murang halaga lang ay makatabi at makakausap na nila kami sa loob ng isang oras.

"Yup, less than 6 minutes na lang. Sorry kung na-consume ko ang tatlong oras sa banyo."

"No, no. It's totally fine. I'm sure you also got bored talking with me," malungkot niyang sambit.

"Amber," sweet kong pagbigkas sa pangalan niya sa, "talking with you is never boring." Calling their name adds to our familiarity. Mas close, mas maganda. Kasi may malaking tsansa na babalik ang customer at maging regular ko. And what I just said is a lie, of course.

Nahihiyang ngumiti sa akin si Amber at umiwas ng tingin. Sa ilalim ng ginintuan na ilaw at malamig ng hangin ng aircon ay kita ko ang namumula niyang pisngi.

This is no longer new to me. May mga babae talaga na ganito ang reaksyon sa tuwing pinupuri sila. Amber is just one of those girls, and they are usually the inexperience one. Sa madaling salita, mga NBSB. No Boyfriend Since Birth. Marami kaming mga ganyang customer. Mga hindi sanay sa romance kaya naghahanap ng experience.

"Uh... Is it okay if I come back here?" tanong niya.

This is her first time. Hindi pa siya sanay sa lugar kaya medyo nahihiya pa siya sa akin kumpara sa iba kong mga customer.

"Sure. Anytime." Pinisil ko ulit ang kamay niya at mariin siyang tinitigan sa mata. "Make sure din na ako ang babalikan mo rito. Request for me again, Amber."

Muli na naman na namula ang kanyang pisngi. Hindi na siya nagsalita at tumango na lang bilang sagot. Sakto rin ay tumunog na ang orasan sa lamesa para sa reminder na isang minuto na lang ang natitira para kay Amber.

"Ah. It's almost over..." She reluctantly faced me and said, "T-Thank you so much for your time."

Winasiwas ko ang kamay sa harap ko. "Oh, don't thank me too much. It's my job. Ang pasalamatan mo ay 'yung kaibigan mo na nag-rekomenda sa'yo rito."

Natigilan siya saglit bago ngumiti. "Sure. Still, thank you." Para bang nagkaroon siya ng kumpyansa sa sarili bago tumayo at bahagyang yumuko sa akin.

Hindi pa man nakakalabas si Amber ay lumapit na sa akin si Billy. Isa sa mga waiter namin dito.

"Pre, cancel daw 'yung sunod mong booking."

"Huh? Bakit?"

Nagkibit-balikat si Billy. "Hindi ko alam. Pinapasabi lang ni Dan, eh. Kung gusto mong malaman ang dahilan, kausapin mo na lang siya."

Balak ko pa sana na umupo at mag-relax ng at least dalawang minuto bago maghanda para sa next customer ko. However, I cannot do that yet with this change.

"Dan, tapos na ako," pagpapaalam ko kay Dan sabay katok ng lamesa.

Abala kasi siya sa pag-checheck ng bookings.

"Oy, Miller."

"Bakit daw na-cancel reservation ko ng 10:30?"

"May urgent meeting daw, eh. Hindi na tinuloy."

"Oh. Ganun ba. Sige, ayos lang naman. Break muna ako ng ten minutes, ha. Babalik lang ako para makipag-usap mamaya sa ibang open time na customers."

Sumagot lang ng mahinang, "Mn," si Dan tapos ay bumalik na rin kaagad ang tingin niya sa mga listahan.

I went back to the staff room. Inalis ko ang gel sa buhok ko. Hindi na ako nagbihis dahil wala naman akong susunod na customer. I got my phone in my locker to check if there's a notification.

Naalala ko lang bigla na wala pala akong contact information ni Axel.

Siya kasi ang laging nauuna na lumapit o naghahanap sa akin so I never consider getting his number... Ah! Bakit ko na naman ba siya iniisip?

I was just thinking about my job not too long ago and now I am back to him!

"Dude, ayos ka lang ba?" tanong sa akin ni Kirby.

He stared at me with wonder. His left brow raised a little bit higher than the other and his lips in an awkward lopsided curve.

"I-I am fine," I replied as I shove my phone back in the locker.

Si Kirby ang top 2 ng club naming in terms of sales and looks.

"Tapos na kayo?" sabad naman ni Israel na kapapasok lang din at kaagad na hinubad ang tuxedo niya.

"Oo. Ikaw rin? May demand ba next customer mo?" tanong ni Kirby sa kanya.

Now, now, now. Isn't it possible that I am simply gay?

I mean... am I not gay already? Considering that I am attracted to Axel Wesley. Pero... it's my first time to like a guy.

When I think about the factors that made me like Axel, unang sumasagi sa isipan ko ang maganda niyang mukha.

He has an extremely feminine features that makes anyone who meets him for the first-time wonder about his gender. But then when he begins to move around and witnesses that he moves in masculine yet delicate way, they would immediately perceive that he is just a man with a gorgeous face. A top-class androgynous person... and I am not even sure if I am making sense right now.

Luminga-linga ako sa paligid. I have two guys with me in the staff room. They are both exceptionally handsome. Kirby even has the same kind of beauty that Axel have. He is also quite androgynous. Sikat siya sa mga kababaihan dahil sa looks niyang ito. He has lean body and an elongated face shape along with his long lashes and pouty lips.

If I, the top one in the club, has a masculine, knight and shining armor approach (that is according to my customers). Kirby is the beautiful prince in the castle, pampered with balls and golds looking for his princess.

Tinitigan ko si Kirby sa sulok kung saan ay tahimik siyang naghihilamos. Sa pagkakaalam ko ay patapos na ang duty niya.

Hm. I don't know what's the problem but, I still can't see Kirby the same way I think about Axel.

I find Kirby attractive but not to the point that I would like to have s*x with him.

"May sabon pa ba sa mukha ko, Miller?" biglaan niyang tanong sa akin.

Natigil na lang ako sa pag-iisip nang marinig ang boses ng katrabaho ko.

"N-No. Wala na, I mean... Tapos na ba ang duty mo?"

Saglit niya akong tinitigan bago kumuha ng towel na pamunas sa mukha at sumagot ng, "Oo sana, kaso may offsite request ako ngayon, eh."

"That's great."

Tumango si Kirby.

Lumabas na rin ako para bumalik sa mga lamesa.

"Ah. Nandito na pala siya." Bumungad sa akin paglabas ko.

"Bakit?"

"Miller, may naghahanap sa'yo sa shared table number 16," sabi sa akin ni Dan.

Sumagi kaagad sa isipan ko ang na-cancel na customer ngayong gabi. "Akala ko ba wala na akong booking ngayon?"

"Oh. Hindi 'to booking. May nag-request talaga sa'yo ngayon. Although, regular mo pa rin naman siya."

Tinuro ni Dan ang table 16. Maliban sa dalawang hosts ay may tatlong babae sa lamesa. Hindi pamilyar sa akin ang dalawa, but the other one is surely familiar to me. It's Diane.

"Hey, long time no see," I greeted her as soon as I went to their table.

"Indeed. Long time no see, Miller."

I hugged her first before sitting beside her. Mukhang kasama niya ang dalawang mga babae.

"Natalie, Fritzie. This is Miller, my favorite host here. Miller, these are Natalie and Fritzie, my cousins."

Ngumiti ako sa kanila. I showed the most charming smile that I usually show to the customers.

"Akala ko hindi ka na babalik. It has been a while. Really," sabi ko. Hindi ko pa rin nakakalimutan ang pang-iiwan niya sa akin sa eskinita na 'yon.

"Oh. The thing really gave me quite a shock. But, I'm fine now. I was also busy with the things in the business so it was not really too hard to forget about it."

Kaya naman pala siya nag-chat sa akin two weeks ago. She asked me how the person that we saw in the alley was that night. When I told her some of the facts (except sa parte na bampira si Axel) and assured her that the person is fine and alive, mukhang ayos na rin siya. At ngayon, eto na siya. Balik ulit sa club namin.

Rich women are so scary.

We talked for a short while. Mukhang nag-enjoy ang mga pinsan niya sa pakikipag-usap nila sa dalawang host namin. Just like her, the ladies also scream luxury from their appearance. Diane tonight wears a tiny piece of tube as her top and short jeans. She got black boots with golden chain as designs. Habang isang mamahalin na Chanel jacket naman ang nasa lap niya. Sa palagay ko ay suot-suot niya ito kanina sa labas. Dumako naman ang tingin ko sa may leeg niya. She has a minimal necklace with a monolithic pendant which hangs right in the middle of her cleavage. Hindi ko na kailangan pa na titigan siya ng napakatagal para makita ang ka-sexy-han niya. She's sexy right off the bat.

Diane always has the predator woman aura and personality.

Oh. So... Am I still fine with women?

I mean, I can still tell that she's sexy. And we've done it more than twice and I can still feel hot when I remember those times.

Ibig sabihin ba nito ay ayos lang ako?

Oh, perhaps the dream with Axel is not really the thing that I thought it to be. It was just a dream anyway. Pwede kasi na mali ang pagkakaalala ko rito.

"...ller. Miller?"

"Yes?"

"What's wrong with you? I keep calling your name but you are not listening to me."

"Sorry. I remembered the night when we couldn't do it. It... It was a shame," bulong ko sa kanya.

"Right. I agree. But I haven't heard you doing it with your regulars," mahina rin na banggit ni Diane. Since my regulars supports the same host, the same person, hindi na ako magugulat kung kilala rin nila ang isa't isa.

"Oh. I don't do that anymore. May nakita na kasi akong bagong part time. It can cover my other expenses just fine so I don't have to do that anymore."

Kumurba naman pababa ang labi ni Diane. "Aww. That's sad. I can no longer play with you. But congrats for your new part time job," bati niya.

"Thanks."

Inangat ni Diane ang wine glass na hawak niya. She offered me cheers, itinaas ko rin ang akin, then we both drank the wine together. She is genuinely happy for my new job.

Hindi naman ako nagsisinungaling. I do have a new part time job. But to say that it covers my other expenses just fine is an ultimate lie. Sobra-sobra kasi ang bayad sa akin ni Axel. It does not only cover my weekly payment but also my tuition fee. At kung ilalaan ko lang ang lahat ng bayad niya sa mga utang ni Dad, I can pay the debt in less than three years. It's many times earlier than I expected.

Inilapag ko na ulit sa lamesa ang wine glass. Magsisimula na sana ako ng panibagong topic nang biglang gumapang sa hita ko ang kamay ni Diane. Idinikit niya sa braso ko ang kanyang matambok na dibdib at dahan-dahan na lumapit sa tenga ko at bumulong ng, "But, Miller, can't we do it for one last time? What happened that night was indeed a shame so, can't you let me have you here for tonight please?" Kinuha ni Diane ang kamay ko at ipinatong ito sa pagitan ng kanyang mga hita.

Dumako ang mga mata ko sa kanya.

She is indeed a sexy woman. Lust is reflected in her eyes as she squeezed my hand excitedly.

I won't mind doing it with her. Kahit na fail ang pagtatangka ko sa kama nung isang beses, I am still open for another try.

Sure, that's what I wanted to say when someone approached our table and told me, "Miller, may naghahanap sa'yo." Mahina ang boses ng waiter namin pero may halong pagmamadali dito.

Noong una ay hindi ko sana ito papansinin. Baka customer na naman kasi ang naghahanap. I can entertain her later after Diane, but then another person from the doorway screamed, "Miller! Miller!"

Napatingin ang lahat sa entrance ng main hall. Everyone is confused, wondering who the unconscious person Dan is carrying in his shoulder. Ganun din naman ako nung una. Ngunit nang mapansin ko ang maputlang balat at ang gilid ng mukha ng lalaki ay nagmistulan akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig at kaagad na tumayo mula sa tabi ni Diane.

"Axel!?"