Tamed

"Ayoko na! I'm breaking up with you, Chaz. You have no time for me! You always prioritize your studies, and that damn basketball instead of being with your girlfriend!"

I cocked my head to the side while I tap my fingers on the table. That familiar litany again. How fuck up is that? Does she expect me to follow her around like a fucking crazy and obsessed dog?

I won't be surprised for her next lame and stupid excuse as to why she wants to call this quits. Huh, kapal. She has the nerve to break up with me, when it was her who's bullshitting me behind my back!

"You can't even fulfill my needs as a woman, as your girlfriend! Chaz, may mga pangangailan din ako bilang babae at hindi mo 'yon mabigay dahil mas pinipili mo pang makasama 'yang sandamakmak na libro at tang inang bola ng basketball! Last night, I was calling you. Nagugutom ako at gusto lang naman kitang makasama pe-"

"I went to your house. Binili ko ang mga pagkaing gusto mo, dis oras ng gabi, Lisa." I cut her off, trying to stay calm.

Lisa gritted her teeth. She glared at me, while I stared at her coldly. I thought she's different from those girls who only wanted to get laid. Maayos naman siya nang una. Akala ko matino at iba sa mga naunang girlfriend ko, iyon pala...

"Well that's not enough! I want to be with you, but instead you damn left! Alam mo namang ako lang mag-isa sa bahay. Nasa business trip ang mga magulang ko at gusto kitang makasam but you shut me out again!"

I tilted my head. Eyeing her like I am hearing a ridiculous rants. Yeah right. Walang tao sa kanila kagabi kaya gusto niya akong papasukin. Ang ayos ng tulog ko dahil sa pagod sa training at nag-aral pa ako dahil next week ay finals na namin. Not that I am complaining since it was also my duty as her boyfriend.

"You know what I wanted. Last night was our chance. Hindi mo nga ako sinamahan sa mga night outs kasama ang mga friends ko, tinatanggihan mo pa ako! Super busy mo nga lately at nakakalimutan mo nang may girlfriend kang dapat inaalaganan, nag iinarte ka pa!" she yelled with flushed face. "That's why I'm breaking up with you. I'm so done dealing with someone coward and pussy like you!"

The corner of my lips pursed as I watched her intently. I might be busy lately, but I make sure I have allotted time for her. Siya lang itong hindi marunong makuntento at hindi marunong umintindi.

Binili ko na nga ang gusto niya sa gitna ng aking personal na pahinga pero hindi lang pala iyon ang gustong mangayri. This good girlfriend of mine interrupted my good sleep not just for her cravings, dahil din gusto niyang may mangyari sa aming dalawa.

"Won't you even apologize?"

Girls.. are only good at the beginning. Palagi nilang sinasabi na sa una lang magaling ang mga lalaki na kung tutuusin ay wala silang pinagkaiba. Much even worst than men.

"What? Why will I say sorry?" Lisa acted innocent again.

"The fact that you screw Buenavista on that house party you attended last Saturday is already a valid reason why I deserve to hear your apology."

Her face turned paper white. Her fierce demeanor was gone. She looked like a thief caught red-handed.

"You woman, a piece of trash." I smirked, tauntingly. "Same rubbish do click, huh."

Lisa recovered immediately. Hindi na ako nagulat nang makatanggap ng sampal mula sa kaniya. I remained unbothered though. Masakit talaga ang katotohanan. When I learned about her cheating, I was disappointed.

I didn't confront her and let another week pass. I was hoping she will confess, admit her mistakes and apologize but none of it happened. Lumipas na lang ang isang linggo, she still act so innocent and has the nerve to demand for my attention.

"Taas ng tingin mo sa sarili mo, ah? Eh, ang pangit-pangit mo nga! I bet kaya ayaw mong may mangyari sa ating dalawa dahil supot ka! I won't even want to do it with someone inexperienced and small!"

"Don't worry. You're also not someone whom I wanted to fuck." Tumayo ako at mabilis na kumuha ng pera sa wallet para sa pagkaing in-order niya. "Cry all you fucking want, bitch. You will never have my dick."

This is often the reason why my relationship is always a failure. I've dated three in the past, four including her and the same reason. Ang una ay noong nasa Grade 9 pa lang ako.

There's this one hot chic at the other section. I dated her for almost a year. We vibe and has the same hobby. Matalino iyon, kasali parati sa top ten bukod sa natatanging ganda. We were doing well until that one fucking night, solely because I am not yet ready to do the deed.

Yes, we made out. We're dating for months and I like kissing her as much as she enjoyed it. Kontento na ako doon, dahil ang plano ko'y papakasalan ko muna siya bago namin gawin ang bagay na iyon. Beside, we were still young. Kahit pa sabihing may condom naman, or other types of contraceptives, I believe marriage is the most appropriate protection of all.

I sworn to marry the woman first before I take her. Hindi ko gagalawin hangga't walang singsing at hindi ko pa nadadala sa altar. Iyon ang hindi nila maintindihan. I have high respect for them but they don't respect my choices. Na sa huli, hinahanap nila iyon sa ibang lalaki.

All of my girlfriends just want one thing. And that is my fucking cock. But shame on them. They just prove to me how undeserving and unfuckable they are.

Lisa breaking up with me is a no problem. Iyon naman talaga ang balak ko, naunahan niya lang. I would not want to stay in a relationship where she only sees me as someone she can release the heat. I don't deserve cheaters.

"Theo, that's a one hella hotty booty babe right there, oh! Look!"

I groaned frustratedly when Antonette hit my chest. My cousin is one of a headache. Parati. Sa tuwing sasama ito sa lakad ng barkada ay palagi akong pinagkakanulo sa mga walang kwentang babae.

"Oh my gosh, Theo! Panay ang tingin dito, type ka yata!"

I heard Samuel's annoying laughed. I got even more pissed when Michael joined the nonsense teasing.

"Hindi 'yan tinitigasan sa babae, Antonette. Magulat ka 'pag makita mo 'yang pinsan mong nakikipagharutan sa babae. Ultimo halik, pinandidirihan."

I raised my middle finger at him before taking a shot of whisky. The four of us are here in a bar. Katatapos lang ng midterm exam namin and the group decided to spend the night here.

"Allergic sa kalahi ni Eba. Mas gugustuhin pa yata nitong pumatol sa bakla kaysa sa nakasaya." si Samuel na sinabayan ng halakhak.

"That's why I am helping him. That one is so pretty kaya. Oozing with sexin-"

"You mean, a fucking whore?" I interjected, tilting my head to side.

Namilog ang mga mata ng pinsan ko, habang ang dalawa pa naming kasama ay umalingawngaw ang tawa sa kabila ng malakas na tugtog ng musika at ingay ng mga tao.

"See, see? Ito ang sinasabi namin sa'yo, Antonette! Walang amor sa babae itong taong 'to. Baka sa halip na lamusukin ng halik, kamao ang tumama sa nguso ng chics. Sayang!" Michael said annoyingly.

I played with the glass on my hand, tapping my finger on the backrest of the couch we're sitting. The bar is packed with people, but I dare not laid my eyes on those pathetic women . They're a damn eyesore. Nakakairita.

"Woman are good traitors. Kapag makuha na nila ang gusto sa'-"

"Oy, grabe naman Theo. Babae rin ako, huh. Huwag mo namang lahatin! Kung niloko ka ng mga ex-girlfriends mo, then not all woman are cheaters. Stop generalizing us, mainly because someone hurt you. People are uniquely different. Hindi dahil niliko ka ni Ana, ay lolokohin ka rin ni Silvia. Magkaiba sila, okay?"

Tinigil ko ang pag-iikot sa baso saka siya nilingon, kunot ng noo.

"Who the fuck is Ana and Silvia? I don't recall dating them."

I only dated four woman, and they are definitely not named Ana and Silvia.

"Eh, example lang 'yon. I'm just trying to make a point here. Hindi porque naloko at sinaktan ka ng naunang babaeng pumasok sa buhay mo, gawain na rin iyon ng iba. We all have different mindset. Pangalan pa nga lang magkaiba na, ugali at katauhan pa kaya?"

Maybe.. or maybe not. I just know I will never date another woman again. Ang nabibilang lang sa pamilya ang masasabing kong mapagkakatiwalaan at matino. If you are not a family, then I perceive you the same as these low and bitchy witches.

"Regine, Franciss! Mabuti naman at nakadalo kayo!" I heard my Mom said as I tailed them. "You looked so stunning always, Regine. Pabata nang pabata. What's the secret?"

My mother invited me to accompany them with this boring party, again. Sa taong ito, pang lima na itong party na dinaluhan ko. Gustuhin ko mang hindi sumama, magaling pumili ang ina ko ng petsa. She would always in line it in a day when I'm not loaded.

Isang rason lang din naman kung bakit niya ako palaging dinadala sa mga ganitong pagtitipon. She wants to pair me up with some bratty girl. Doon kami hindi nagkakasundo. I would reject her face to face. I am not afraid to voice out my stand about this. That is something I cannot be forced.

"Hay, my son doesn't like going to party. He would rather spend the night sleeping. While my eldest, is out there, busy with her boutique."

"Aw, understandable. But how about the second one? I haven't seen her for quite some time. Tagal na nang huli kong bisita sa inyo,"

I stand like a statue behind my parents. I maintained a cold face, and ignored the stares of many.

"Oh she's in practicing law. May sarili silang firm ng boyfriend niya. You know how prosecutor's are always so busy! Hindi na nga namin nakikita kung hindi ko personal na pupuntahan!" tumawa ang ginang.

As usual, Mom praised her daughter again before turning around to introduce me. I didn't show any emotion on my face while Mom voice out my name.

"This is now, Chaz Theo. Iyong batang masungit at hindi palangiti!" Mom laughed as if she remembered something funny. "Ito ang susunod sa yapak ng ama. Well this year, probably his father will step down and he'll run the company.."

The lady, name Regine smiled at me but I didn't return the gesture and just simply nodded my head. For the rest of the night, the two ladies couldn't be separated. Ako naman ay tamad na tamad sa kinauupuan hanggang sa matapos na lang ang pagtitipon.

"Man, chill. We're here to have fun," Samuel reprimanded me when I'm about to burst out.

The fucking slut have the audacity to touch my arm and attempted to kiss me. Putang ina! Kating-kati na yata ang babaeng ito at kahit ang walang interes ay susunggaban!

"Move your fucking face away from here. You dam hoe," I snapped, irritably.

The woman looked offended. What, she expect me to give her respect when she cannot even respect my personal space? Sa lawak-lawak ng bar na ito, sa dami ng bakanteng upuan sa palagid, ako pa talaga ang piniling disturbuhin. No one even invited her.

"Gago ka. Akala mo kung sinong gwapo, mukha namang paa!" sigaw nito.

I chuckled. "And you look like a fucking unguis incarnates who stinks and disgusting."

Hinigit ni Samuel palayo ang babae dahil tila walang balak umalis sa pwesto namin. Michael was laughing his ass and poured the ram on my glass.

"Kalma bro. Init naman ng ulo mo."

I just glared at him, making him laughed more. Pagkabalik ni Samuel ay parang walang nangyari. This is not new. Nangyari na rin ito noon at sa dalas ng mga kaibigan ko rito, naging batas na sa bar na ito na walang babaeng mag ngangahas na lumapit sa pwesto ko. I don't mind if my friends are up for a play with these women. Basta hindi sa akin.

I let another week passed before I joined the two again. When we arrived at our usual spot, a group of people are already occupying the table. Samuel told me they're his friends. And someone from their group is celebrating his birthday.

"Harry.. I'm Harry Navarro," said by the man whom I assumed is the birthday celebrant.

His hair is comparable to that of a broccoli. Harry and I shared the same circle of friends. Seeing him on the succeeding days was not a surprise to me anymore. We started off as friends.

Years later, he confessed his gender identity which I did not make a big deal. It's fine. Being gay is completely okay. In my preference, I like his company better than those straight women. Then later on, Harry decided to make a move on me.

Perhaps in this lifetime, I am not fit to be in relationship with girls, rather his type. Baka tama nga si Samuel, hindi para sa akin ang mga babae. The courting happens for about a month before we call it official.

Harry respected every words I'd say, very decision I have. Nahanap ko sa kaniya ang mga hindi naibigay ng mga naunang babae sa buhay ko.

A no is a no.

Harry is not pressuring me with things. Only that, he's too advanced. He would often tell me how he envisioned ourselves in one home, even without children, just us two. I informed him that I have a house and we can stay there once we're both ready. Harry was too overwhelmed that he started fixing some of the interior design of it.

Sa halos tatlong buwan, hanggang halik at haplos lang kami umaabot. I was never the vocal type of person. I'd prefer my relationship privately as I don't see the need to announced it publicly. But Samuel and Michael knows and some from his circle of friends.

"May sakit ang Mommy mo, hijo.." salubong sa akin ni Daddy nang makauwi ako ng linggong iyon.

I'd always make sure to visit them every week. I was the only son, and when Dad retired and passed the company to me, I'd got even more preoccupied. Pero palagi akong naglalaan ng oras at panahon para sa mga magulang ko. Sometimes, they would go to my Mom's hometown, in Isla Cali where Lola Francissca is residing.

"Since when, Dad?" I asked in controlled voice.

We're both in the master's bedroom where Mom is currently sleeping. I sat beside my sleeping hero, holding her hand and would kiss the back of it every minute.

"She knew about this.. since last year. But she kept this from us. Ngayong araw ko lang nalaman.. and the worst thing is, she's not open for chemotherapy." Dad sighed heavily.

I was tormented. It was the hardest year of our lives. I hate that she's giving up! Sana para sa amin man lang ay subukan niya pa rin. Yes, chemotherapy is risky and grievous but at the other end.. this will make her life well. Palagi naming pinupursige si Mommy na mag pa chemotherapy ngunit iisang sagot lang ang naririnig naming sagot mula sa kaniya.

"Your Lola Faustina died after receiving chemotherapy as treatment. Na sa halip na madugtungan ang buhay niya, kinuha siya sa amin ng maaga.. hijo. Ayaw kong matulad sa kaniya. Hayaan ko na lang ang Diyos ang magpasiya at tatanggapin ang kapalaran ko."

Lola Faustina is Lola Francisca's sister. The origin of their disease might be the same but her situation is not worst as her! Still, Dad and I did our best to pursued her everyday. I don't want to lose her as much as she fears leaving us once she take the treatment.

"What can you say, son? Isn't she pretty?"

It was Sunday. Katatapos lang namin magsimba. Although, I have my own condo unit, I prefer being here all the time. Sa bahay na kinalakihan ko.. kasama silang dalawa. Ever since I learned about her condition, I opted to stay here. Minsan pa rin naman akong nagpupunta sa condo. When I'm seeing Harry, or wanted an escape.

"She's the daughter of Mr. Tan, one of your father's close friends before. They owned the Mining Co and Le. Naalala mo ba siya? Nagkita kayo noon sa dinaluhan nating party nang buwan ng Marso.."

I didn't talked and continued peeling the orange fruit. Mom is sitting on the leather couch, beside me.

"Maganda itong dalaga, hijo. O, pwede rin naman ito. Look!"

She showed me her phone with a face of a woman. Mom was beaming, hoping for a positive response from me this time.

"This one is Angelica Sy. She's a model, hijo. Nagkausap kami ni Amelia, and you know what I found out from her? Tipo ka raw ng unica hija nila!" she said it enthusiastically.

I paused from what I was doing and stared at my Mom's lovely face. Her face brightens up every time she smiles. How I wish to see it always..

"Hayaan mo na ang anak mong mag desisyon sa bagay na iyan, honey."

Dumating si Dad mula sa kusina. On his hand is a glass of milk. Dad put it on the center table and sat on the sofa.

"Rodolfo, anong masama sa arrange marriage? Kung gusto naman ng mga bata, at saka nag-aalala akong tumandang binata itong anak natin!"

They are still not aware of Harry. Mag aapat na buwan pa lang kaming mag ka relasyon at wala naman akong planong ilihim iyon nang matagal.

"But your son, doesn't want it. Ilang beses nang tinanggihan ng anak mo ang mga babaeng benebenta mo," Dad said, chuckling.

"Hindi pa kasi hindi pa niya nakikita! Son, why don't you give this a shot? You two can get to know each other first. Kung hindi mo naman gusto.. marami pa akong nakalista!"

Natapos na ako sa pagbabalat at binigay iyon kay Mommy. She accepted it.

"You're about to turn 30 this year, hijo. Have you thought of getting married at this age?" pangungulit niya pa. "You know, we had you when I was twenty five. Don't you think it's about time for you to settle down, hijo?"

"You're my top priority right now, Mom. You need to heal first, and by then.. maybe, I'll consider the idea of marriage."

Sumimangot si Mommy. Lumingon kay Dad na tila naghahanap ng kakampi saka muling sumulyap sa akin.

"Kaya nga, hijo.. mas mabuting habang humihinga pa ako'y masaksihan kong ikasal ang nag-iisang anak ko. I want to see my daughter in law and your kids! I want to experience playing with them.."

"Then you should start with your chemotherapy, hmm? Magpagaling ka muna. When you're better, I promise I'll marry the woman you'll picked for me.."

I don't mind being in a loveless marriage if it will make her better. I can jeopardize my freedom if its means securing my mother's health. Kahit ano.. gagawin ko para lang masigurong ligtas at malayo sa kapahamahakan ang ina ko.

Later that night, I drove myself to my condo unit. Harry texted me, and we'll meet there. It's been a week since we saw each other. Abala sa trabaho at sa mga magulang. He understand though. All of my decision, he would always understand..

I parked my black Audi on the parking lot of the building. I spotted Harry's car, only means he's already upstairs. Tama nga ako dahil nang buksan ko ang pinto ng unit, nalanghap ko agad ang mabangong aroma ng pagkain mula sa kusina. I also saw his suit at the headrest of the couch in the living room. I reached the kitchen and saw his back, currently cooking.

"Babe!" Harry exclaimed, even without me informing him of my arrival.

Iniwan niya ang niluluto saka patakbong lumapit sa akin. He immediately hugged me making me chuckled.

"I miss you so much, babe! Thanked goodness you're here!" he said as he encircled his hands on my nape.

I smiled and held his waist.

"I made a promise,"

"Oh speaking of promise, tuloy naman tayo sa Bali this weekend right? I already booked our tickets. Nag pa-reserve na rina ko ng hotel doon. Oh my god! I'm so excited!" nangingiting pahayag pa niya.

That's when the smile on my lips vanished. Harry notice it. I looked at him pleadingly. Yes, we've planned about that trip weeks ago. I was cool with it at first, but after knowing his intentions of staying there for a week or two. Hindi ko kaya. I couldn't stomach rejoicing for that long duration of time while my mother will be left here.

"Babe, that's our fourth month of being together. We already planned this. Don't tell me.."

I sighed and closed my eyes.

"Please, you promised me. I was already looking forward for our trip. Huwag mo naman akong biguin.."

I opened my eyes when I felt him caressing my jaw.

"We can stay here and celebrate. You know I can't leave my parents for that span of time. Pwede naman tayong dito na lang." I smiled at him. "I'll set up a romantic dinner for us. How about that?"

Hindi naging mahirap sa akin ang kumbinsihin siya. Like I said, he is the most understanding partner one would wish for. We're both open to each other. He knows what I dislikes the most and luckily, he's the person that suited my preference.

"Are you fucking kidding me, babe?" Harry asked with a horrified expression on the face.

We are now having our dinner. Sinabi ko sa kaniya ang planong pagpayag sa kasal na inaalok ni Mommy. She's so persistent of marrying me off to one of her friend's daughter. Naisip ko na rin na kapag naikasal na ako, maging bukas na rin siya sa pagpapagamot.

"Why will you marry if it's not me? No! Hindi ako papayag! Tayo dapat ang nagpapakasal. Ako dapat ang papakasalan mo hindi ang kung sinu-sinong babae!" his chest started to rise and fall.

Sinubukan kong hagilapin ang kamay niya pero nagalit na nga dahil mabilis niya itong iwinaksi.

"This is unsettling! I'm being considerate with this relationship but not this time. Hindi ako papayag na makasal ka sa ibang babae!"

"Listen first, alright. I have pla-"

I wasn't able to finish my sentence as he cuts me off.

"What divorce her?" pagak siyang natawa. "That doesn't change the fact that you'll marry her! Ihaharap mo sa altar, Theo! And what's next? Bubuo kayo ng pamilya?"

"We will just pretend, Harry. You know Mom's current state right now. We'll just make it appear like we really married each other when in fact-"

Harry cuts me off, again.

"I said no, Theo! Kung ikakasal ka rin naman, sa akin lang dapat!"

He's not getting my point. Sa puntong ito, malabong magkaintidihan kaming dalawa.

"Hindi mo nga ako pinakilala sa mga magulang mo, ngayon may ibang babae ka namang ihaharap sa kanila! I'm starting to doubt your love. Maybe you don't really love me, huh. Hindi matibay ang pagmamahal na mayroon ka sa akin para ipaglaban sa pamilya mo!" he yelled.

I clenched my jaw. His emotion is all over the place. Pinapairal ang emosyon, hindi na iniisip ang mga sinasabi.

"Kung pagpapagamot lang naman ang problema, hindi na dapat humantong pa sa kasalan! And if she doesn't want it, you don't need to be pushy and let her be! Kung gusto talaga niyang gumaling, noon pa sana niya iyon ginawa at hindi kailangan ikaw ang mag sakripisyo!"

I gritted my teeth, glaring at him. This is the first time he talks about my family in this tone of voice. With unlikable choice of words, and what the fuck? Did he just question my love for him? Dahil lang hindi ko siya magawang ipakilala sa pamilya ko, pagdududahan niya na ang pagmamahal ko?

Him meeting my parents is not yet the perfect time. For now, I cannot see myself bringing him into the house as a lover. Maybe soon, just not today, tomorrow, and the next.

"I'm done. Let's talk some other time." malamig kong sabi bago tumayo.

Para naman siyang binuhusan ng malamig na tubig sa katawan at biglang natahimik. Guilt was written all over his face and was about to talk but ended up closing his parted lips.

"Uuwi muna ako sa bahay. Magpakalma ka muna at saka mo na ako kausapin 'pag handa ka nang makinig sa paliwanag ko."

I get that he's mad. He has all the rights to be angry cause no sane partner would let their other half marry someone else. Marriage is a big thing. But all I ever want is for him to at least hear my reasons first. Even me, I'd not hoped for him to be tied with someone unless it's me.

Pero hindi niya kailangan pagsalitaan ng ganoon ang ina ko. Maaring gusto ko siya ngunit wala siyang karapatang bastusin ang mga magulang ko. I can live without a lover, but losing Mom is like living in hell.

"Oh here is my son! Come here, hijo! Your tita Regine is here!"

I just woke up and saw the two ladies on the living room. Regine.. she is my Mom's close friend. This is not the first time she went here, and this is not our first meeting. I remember when I was teen, we were at the Isla Cali when Mom introduced her to me.

Hanggang sa makaalis ako sa bahay ay naroon pa rin si Tita Regine at masaya silang nag kwentuhan. Harry texted me a good morning earlier at hindi na nasundan. Nang hapon ding iyon ay dumating siya sa opisina ko.

"Alright, babe. Papayag na ako but make sure it won't last long. And promised me, you will never fall for whoever that bitch is!"

I smiled in triumph. I put my hand on his shoulder as he hugged me from the side.

"Hinding-hindi, Harry.." I said in conviction.

Tuwang-tuwa si Mommy nang sabihin ko sa kaniyang pumapayag na ako sa inaalok niyang kasal. Later then I realize that the woman I'm going to marry is the daughter of Tita Regine.
Mom sent a photo of her because apparently, she is too busy to spare even a minute to meet me. I didn't bother checking it. We'll see each other anyway.

Finally, after multiple attempts, we had our time to discuss everything. I was trying to strike a decent conversation with her but every damn time I'd look at her face, I'd get even more irritated.

Ang planong matiwasay na pakikipag-usap ay hindi nangyari, lalo pa at palaban pala ang isang 'to! I can tell it every time her mouth moves. She wanted to retract her willingness upon knowing I have a lover but I didn't allowed her. She's the most capable. Bukod sa may ibang gusto, kampante rin akong hindi magkakaproblema sa oras na matapos ang pagpapanggap. The woman is not aware that the marriage is void and I don't see myself confiding her about it.

Sa huli, wala rin namang ibang nagawa kung 'di ang pumayag. Like us, she needs me too. I had her investigated and turns out we're on the same boat. She's fresh from the break up and wanted to forget.

"Oh no tita. The threats happened almost a year ago. Wala na po..sa ngayon,"

I furrowed my brows when she giggled. Oddly may it sound but this woman has an exceptional voice. Alluring and angelic. Like a lullaby. Ang sarap pakinggan at nakakahalina.

Makes me think like how in the world did she end up being a prosecutor with that soft voice?

"Well she won't need to worry anymore. My son will protect you..."

They continued to chitchat while the reception is on going. I did my fucking best not to glance at her like a damn maniac every time. I don't know what's going on with me because the moment I saw her walks down the aisle wearing an elegant white dress, my eyes can't stop from observing her.

Kahit itanggi ko pa, hindi maipagkakailang may natatanging ganda ang babaeng 'to. One look and I know this woman is something. Aside from her voice and beauty, she's also good at debunking my words and ideas. Palaging may baon na salita para barahin ako at hindi nagpapatalo!

I left her that night when we left the venue of the reception intentionally for Harry. But jokes on me, I didn't even last an hour and rushed to the house. I found the devil cocoened on the couch with her white weeding dress. The living room is cold and uncomfortable. She could've went upstairs and sleep there. Not here.. and daming kwarto sa taas.

Ang plano ko ay gigisingin siya at papaakyatin sa kwarto, pero tang ina? Bakit ang ganda ng babaeng 'to. Nakapikit na at lahat, mukhang pa ring diwata! Sa halip na gawin ang nasa isip, natagpuan ko ang sariling nakaupo sa sahig, nakahilig sa center table at pinagmamasdan siya.

I can't take my eyes off of her. I don't even understand why. The woman has fair complexion. Has a jetblack hair. Hindi ganoon kahaba, at hindi rin maikli. Her face is small, with pointed nose and bow-shaped lips. Tall, and has an hourglass body figure. The woman's beauty is timeless. Ibang-iba sa mga naunang babaeng nakilala ko.

And her dress.. damn it, she look so fucking sexy on that white dress! I can only imagine myself removing that dress on her body. Tonight is our first night and normally, honeymoon's happen on the night of weeding. Pero ito, tinulugan lang ako! I sighed and shook my head.

Come to your fucking senses you, moron. She's not your wife. Boundaries, Chaz Theo... boundaries..

I was still groggy the next day. Parang isang oras lang yata akong natulog. When I woke up, I was still on the floor and the devil is sleeping soundly. I did a morning jog. Nilibot ko lang ang subdivision at pagbalik ko natutulog pa rin ang babae. It was already quarter to eight, this woman! I then decided to cook after taking the shower for our breakfast. Sa gitna nang pagluluto biglang dumating si Harry.

"I'm starving," the woman announced the moment she stepped into the the kitchen.

Pasimple ko siyang nilingon. She was looking at the dishes served on the table with a salivating expression of the face. Your fault. Kung sana gumising ka nang maaga. 'Di hindi ka gugutumin.

"No, hindi pwede. My babe cooked all of it for us. Huwag kang makisawsaw!" Harry blurted out when she asked for some.

My eyes was still fixated on the woman. Every reaction she makes, from the way her perfectly brows met in the middle, the way she rolled her eyes.. Every little detail of her face.. I memorized it all.

Wala dapat akong pakialam. She's a woman and I am tied to Harry. We both know the real score between us. We're just using each other, hence I still find myself making sure she have something to fill her stomach.

That day, we are to stay at the house which is a big mistake. Hindi ang dalawa magawang magkasudo. Harry's voice started to irritate me especially if she's calling her names.
Then I realized, it is not really a good habit to cat call other person. I was used to doing that during college days, because apparently, I see them as pest, a good for nothing bitches.

Ngayong naririnig ko iyon sa ibang tao, nakakabastos. I felt offended and disrespected even if I am not the one being called at. Paano pa kaya kung sila mismo?

Jerk. I'm such a jerk for calling them like that just because someone on their kind hurt me.

Pinagsabihan ko si Harry tungkol doon. I told him to address the woman with her name instead of other stupid nicknames. I told the woman not to leave the house because our parents are expecting us to have our honeymoon but that didn't stop us from leaving.

We had a few drinks on the bar that he owned. Siya ang kasama ko pero ang isip ko'y lumilipad sa ginagawa ng babae sa bahay. The urge to dragged Harry out of the place and go home to see her is too strong. But I refrained myself and focused on him.

I cursed badly. The woman's image keeps on replaying in my head like a fucking cursed. I pushed Harry's shoulder lower. He's busy kissing my neck while my lips is pressed together, thinking so bad it was her lavishing the skin of my neck. It must feel so good kissing her lips again. I had a taste yesterday, during the weeding. Kailan kaya iyon mauulit?

"Kneel." I commanded with my hoarse voice.

Wala na ako sa sariling wisyo. The alcohol has taken over my body and I can't stop thinking about her! Harry kissed me again, but I didn't respond. I felt him smirking.

I opened my half hooded eyes and saw him on bended knees. He held the fly of my pants. Harry was so close to pull it off but stopped when I firmly capture his fingers with my left hand.

"Babe?" Harry glanced at me, with a question written on his face.

I didn't answer him and cocked my head to side and there, I saw her retreating back. I gritted my teeth. I frustratedly brush my hair and held Harry's arm. Para akong bumalik sa wisyo. Nakita niya. Tang ina! Ano ba kasing ginagawa ng babaeng iyon sa kusina?

Kinaladkad ko si Harry sa sariling kwarto at pabagsak na sinara ang pinto.

"Babe, come on let's continue what we started." Harry said, caressing my arm.

"You should leave." I said without looking at him.

"What?" I can hear the disappointment on his voice.

"I can't do that, yet. For now, you should go home and rest." I said dismissively.

What the fuck is going on with me? This is not good. This is not healthy anymore! Is this the effect of being a celibate for years? I looked like a fucking sex starved just because I saw someone who's sexy and is living with me.

"If it's difficult in your part to be civil, then don't dare converse with me. Hindi nakaka-gwapo ang pagmumura sa kapwa tao."

My lips strech for a menacing smile as I stared at her. She's not just a pretty face..

"Iyon lang sana ang gusto ko mula sa inyo. And also, can you work with your desires in a more private place? Huwag niyo naman akong bibiglain." she said and chuckled.

Oh, if only you know..

She doesn't like me cursing. That's fucking hard, but fine. I'll try to work on it. I noticed that despite Harry being hard on her, she still treats him the opposite. Kahit siguro ang pinakamasamang tao sa mundo, handa niyang patawarin at tanggapin. Madalas rin ngumiti. I consider her smile as one of her sexy assets.

Days passed and I strictly told Harry not to go the house. Sa condo na lang kami nagkikita dahil bukod sa kasama na namin si Nay Remmy sa bahay, ayaw kong magpang-abot silang dalawa.

"Sana lang hindi ikaw ang mahirapan niyan sa huli, bro. If anything, we're here. Call us if things went out of control." si Samuel.

"I won't question you, but please be careful. Lakas ng tama sa'yo ng baklang 'yon." makahulugang saad ni Michael.

I nodded my head. Us three are in my office. Samuel is thinking of building a hotel around Isla Cali.

"Siguro mabuti kung kunin mo ring investor, Samuel. May panghahawakan tayo 'pag mag kataon.." Michael said and smirked.

"Kayong tatlo na lang. Huwag niyo na akong isali," I said.

I heard their curses. Natawa ako saka binaba ang papel na binabasa.

"Bakit 'di niyo ako tuluran? Cursing is bad, I tell-"

"Fuck you, man! Tumaas lahat ng balahibo ko sa katawan dahil sa'yo!" ani Samuel na binuntunan ng tawa.

In spite of exhausting day, I'd always look forward to go home.. with her. I don't mind if we argue from time to time. For me, our banters is our definition of quality time. She's hardheaded! She always wants to do things on her own! Hindi kami nagkakasundo partikular sa usapan ng pagkain.

I worry about myself too. I'm confused. Kay Harry ko dapat ito nararamdaman.. si Harry dapat ang naiisip ko sa tuwing gumigising ako sa umaga. Si Harry.. Harry dapat, not that woman who has an almond eyes.

Although, I made it appear like I am doing her parents a favor, reprimanding her with breakfast, lunch, and dinner, a part of is really concerned with her health. This is one of the reasons why Tita Regine came into agreement with my Mom with the marriage thing. Tutok sa trabaho ang babae at napapabayaan na ang kalusugan. I don't mind though. I'm very much willing to take care of her.

"Let's have sex, Chaz."

For the past months, I avoided uttering blasphemous languages because I know she doesn't like it. She despise hearing curses, and I am doing my best not to cursed. Pero sa mga oras na ito, lahat yata ng mura'y naibulong ko!

"Am I hearing it right, woman? Sex, really?" I asked, smirking.

"Your idea was absurd. I couldn't moved on from it. This is far the -"

"Asking me to have sex isn't absurd. Is that what you're trying to say?" I asked and laughed.

This woman is really testing my patience, huh. She's fucking asking me to have sex when I am fantasizing her underneath me. Moaning, crying my name while I fuck her hard and rough. I might be virgin but I damn know how to please woman in bed. Huwag niya lang subukan..

"I'm your wife," she said, getting irritated now.

"And so?" I tilted my head, eyeing with my lopsided grin. "We just attended the holy mass and yet you're here, thinking of your sexcapades. Take it easy, woman."

As much as I want to make love to you, I won't do that. You're a gem. She's not obligated to give herself to me to help my mother. Hindi ganoon iyon.
Ayaw kong may mangyari sa aming dalawa dahil sa tingin niya'y iyon ang tamang gawin para maligtas si Mommy.

I might be attracted to her in some ways, but I know my limitations. She still has feelings for her stupid monkey ex, and I don't want to take advantage of her in this situation. She deserve more than that.

Akala ko noon, sa oras na malaman ni Mommy na naikasal ako magagawa niya nang magpagamot pero hindi iyon nangyari. Instead, she's asking for a grandchild!

"Nay Remmy, kumain si Grace bago umalis?" tanong ko nang maabutan siyang nagpapalit ng kurtina sa kwarto ko.

"Ay susmaryusep kang bata ka!" Napatalon si Nay Remmy at muntik pang mabitawan ang dala-dalang pang sungkit. "Ginulat mo naman ako, hijo! Bigla-bigla kang sumusulpot!"

I chuckled and went to her side. I kissed her hair and murmured my apology.

"Pinabaunan niyo, Nay?" paninigurado ko nang sabihin nitong nag-almusal si Grace bago pumasok sa trabaho.

"Aba'y oo naman! Bakit ba kasi hindi ka nagpapakita sa asawa mo? Alam mo bang hinahanap-hanap ka sa akin parati lalo sa tuwing umuuwi galing trabaho. May pinag-awayan ba kayo? 'Ko mainam kung pag-uusapan niyo 'yan. Hindi tinatakasan ang problema hijo." Nay Remmy said meaningfully.

"We're not in a quarrel. Busy lang sa trabaho at alam niyo na, binibisita ko si Mommy."

"Hijo, hindi ka na katulad noon na malaya. May asawa ka na. Hindi dapat palagi kang subsob sa trabaho at irarason 'yang busy-busy na 'yan!"

And just like that, Nay Remmy started lamenting on me, being a husband. Work is not really that hectic. After that conversation, when she asked me for a sex, I intentionally avoided her.
I'm afraid I'd loss my control every time I see her. I am everywhere, except the place that she's in.

"What?"

Gumawa ng ingay ang aking swivel chair dahil sa marahas na aking pagtayo. My heart throbbed. I searched for my keys and rushed to the door, leaving all my file piled works.

"See me here, son. We'll discuss everything personally."

Wala akong sinayang na oras. Using my Audi, I drove to the hospital they're in. My chest is thumping rapidly. Wala rin akong pakialam kahit matulin ang pagpapatakbo ko ng kotse. I need to see my mother. I have to make sure she's fine!

My world seemed to stop when I heard how severe her situation is. My mind is already in haywire. All I think about was her unconscious body, laying in the hospital bed. No.. this can't be happening. I can't loss her. She needs to fight!

"Mom please.. please don't do this.. don't give up on us." I whispered while kissing her hand repeatedly.

Wala pa rin siyang malay. Kung titingnan, bakas na sa mukha ng ina ko ang pagod at sakit. Nadudurog ang puso ko habang pinagmamasdan siya sa ganitong sitwasyon. She doesn't deserve this. My Mom is too good to be like this.

After staying in the hospital for hour, I found myself in a club seeking for a desperate way of dealing with the situation. I was desperate alright! Screw everything if it means saving my mother. I tried to find it in random woman. Fucking asshole. I always hate cheaters, but now here.. I am turning into the person I despise the most.

"Your offer. Is it still available?"

Pagkatapo ng lahat.. dito pa rin pala ang bagsak ko. I tried to find it in another woman. Every time they try to make a move, I felt like vomiting. Akala ko wala na ang pakiramdam na iyon sa tuwing napapalapit ako sa
babae, kasi hindi ko naman nararamdaman ang pandidiri sa tuwing kasama ko si Grace.

Pero ang problema, para akong binalik sa nakaraan at ganoon na lang ang kilabot at pandidiri ko nang mapalapit ako sa ibang babae at sinubukan pa akong halikan! The difference now is I know how to control my temper and acted accordingly. I didn't call them names and just excuse myself politely.

"Gagawin ko ang lahat para iligtas siya sa putang inang sakit na 'yon! Even it means having another woman to carry my child. I don't fucking care!"

Lie. Masusunog na talaga ako sa impyerno sa rami ng kasalanan ko. Hindi ko nga kayang makatabi ng matagal na oras, buntisin pa kaya?

"I hate you!"

I smirked at her statement. That's right.. hate me for as long as you want.

"Why are you doing this then?" I asked breathing heavily.

My gaze dropped on her luscious lips. I never know I'll be kiss starved until her. Damn, her kisses are addicting.

"I-I want to help your mother, at least. I don't want to be called a useless daughter in law and watch my husband have his child to another woman. Naligtas mo nga si mommy sa sakit niya, konsimisyon naman ang kapalit no'n."

Can we stop the talking and kiss instead? I chucked at my own thought. Damn, doomed, Chaz. I'm in deep shit.

"Really, Grace?" I asked teasingly.

My eyes dropped on her lips again.

"Yes. Kung hindi mo pa alam, it is a word to describe grief in bisaya."

I arched a brow. Bisaya.. if I'm not mistaken, that monkey is somewhere from Visayas. First love never dies, huh..

"Bisaya.. from your ex yeah?"

"Narinig ko 'yon kay Jenny, hindi kay Drake." she clarified, making me smirked.

That's right. Forget about that man. Hindi siya karapat dapat sa isang kagaya mo. He's unworthy. The euphoria of having to kiss not just her lips but every part of her body. After that night, I hoped for us. Maybe.. we could make this work. That maybe.. there is a chance for us to be together, like real one.. without pretending.

I'm a man of words, but with her, I'd always appear to be a fool and a conniving liar. She's the only one who can stir up my emotions.

Gabi-gabi ko ring pinagdadasal na sana magbunga ang ginawa namin. Kating-kati akong malaman kung nabuntis ko ba siya o hindi, dahil kung hindi, pwede naman kaming umulit.

I have no hold on her. Once we have a child, she won't dare leave me when she learned the truth. At this point, I regreted. Sana pala hindi na ako nakialam..

I was supposed to be celebrating when finally it was confirmed that she's pregnant. Pero kasabay naman no'n ay ang katotohanang nalagay sa alanganin ang buhay niya. Someone attempted to kill her. Huwag na huwag sa akin magpapakita ang lalaking iyon dahil mapapatay ko siya ng wala sa oras.

"The police are on it, hijo. We'll make sure to find the culprit. For now, I think it's better kung mag pakalayo-layo lang muna kayo ng anak ko. Hindi na ligtas ang lugar na ito sa kanila ng apo ko. I'm scared something like this will happen again."

Grace mother gave me an idea when she overheard me talking to one of my men. Kaya nang maayos na ang lahat, dinala ko siya sa Isla Cali. We
celebrated not just the fiesta but also my birthday. We just needed to come back because Mom and Dad are going home.

"Tapos na tayo, Harry. Why can't you understand that?" I asked him when he visited my office.

Kababalik lang namin mula sa Isla Cali. Sinundo ko sila Mommy kahapon at dito na ipagpapatuloy ang pagpapagamot. Masaya akong unti-unti nang nagiging maayos ang takbo ng buhay naming lahat. Grace and I are in good terms. What we have right now is enough for me. I will never engage into something that will ruin the tranquility in our family.

"And I told you I don't! Hindi ako papayag na mawawala ka sa akin at mapupunta sa punyetang babaeng 'yon!"

"Huwag mong pagsasalitaan ng masama ang asawa ko, Harry. I've been-"

"We both know who she is in your life! Come on, babe. Tatanggapin pa rin kita kahit nagtaksil ka. I was not there when you needed me.. and I know this is part of our plan alright. You're doing really well."

Harry tried to touch my cheeks but I was quick to dodged it off. Hindi siya natinag at ang dibdib ko naman ang sinubukang haplusin. Umilag ako, tinignan siya nang masama.

"I can't wait to have our own child. Baliw na baliw ako sa'yo na kahit hindi ko kaano-ano, taos puso kong tatanggapin at aalagan. Ganoon kita kamahal. Wala ka nang mahahanap na katulad ko.."

"My decision will remain as is. We're done and I don't want anything to do with you. Please, leave my office." I said and walked towards the door.

"Hmm, so you're bragging about that whore now huh. Masarap ba at gustong mong balik-balikan?"

Tumigil ako sa paglalakad. Naglalaro ang mayabang na ngisi sa labi ni Harry nang lingunin ko.

"I'm telling you, Theo. Kung hindi ka mapapasa akin, walang makikinabang sa'yo."

I advances a heavy steps, my gaze flaring up in anger. Mas lumawak ang ngisi niya nang makita akong papalapit.

"Do you think that woman will stay and choose you upon knowing that you toy her? Sa tingin mo mananatli pa rin siya kapag nalaman nitong hindi naman kayo totoong kinasal? And what about your parents, hmm? You fooled them. You made them believe you married that.." he paused and rolled his eyes. "Baka sa halip na tuluyang gumaling ang ina mo, mas lumala ang sakit no'n. Can you bear that, hmm?"

I firmly closed my eyes. This is what I regret the most. I wanted to have a fresh start.. with her. But my past is hunting me. Sa tuwing umuuwi ako ng bahay, parati akong kabado na baka iniwan niya na ako. I've become anxious.

Paano kung binunyag ni Harry ang totoo? Hindi ko kaya! She's pregnant with my child and I cannot loss them two! And Mom, no. Hindi nila pwedeng malaman ang totoo. Not now.. hindi pa ito tamang panahon.

"What is it that you want?" I asked frustratedly as I heard his steps at my back. "Uuwi na 'ko. Bumalik ka na sa loob."

Tumigil ako sa gilid ng pinto ng kotse ko kung saan ito nakaparada. Madilim sa bahaging ito. Hindi abot ng ilaw. I'm in a bar for business purposes. I just closed a deal and my client wanted to have a drink. Unfortunately, Harry is in the bar too. I was about to leave when he followed me. It's already late and I'm worried Grace might be looking for me now. Hindi ako nakapag-paalam. Na sinadya ko rin naman.

Sa ilang araw na pag-iisip, napagtanto kong isa lang ang maari kong magawa para masigurong mananatili si Grace sa tabi ko.

"Babe, let's talk please.."

"We already talked, Harry. Huwag kang mag-alala dahil tutupad ako sa usapan. Make sure you'll keep your words."

I held the door handle of my car and was about to open it when he hugged me from the back.

"I miss you, babe.. huwag ka na sa babaeng iyon. Ako na lang ulit, Theo. She's nothing compared to me.."

Napamura ako nang higpitan niya pa ang yakap. He even kissed my nape! Binitawan ko ang pagkakahawak sa pinto ng kotse saka siya nilingon.

"Harry, will you-what the fuck?"

Sa aking biglang pag-ikot, nagulat ako nang sinubukan niya akong halikan sa labi. I was quick to jerked my head away and push him.

"Come on, babe. Parang wala naman tayong pinagsamahan.."

Hindi ko na nasundan ang sinasabi ni Harry dahil nasa dalawang taong papalis na natuon ang atensyon ko. I was certain they saw it. From the way the woman reacted.

"Tang ina mo, Chaz Theo! Mamatay ka nang manloloko ka!" she shouted while the man was dragging her away.

I froze. That woman.. she's Grace's secretary. Iyong babaeng inuutasan ko noon na ihatid ang pagkaing hinanda ko. Nakita niya.. damn it!

I managed to leave Harry on that parking lot and reach the house in no time. Pagkarating ko sa kwarto, kahit inaasahan ko namang malaman niya.. nagulat pa rin ako. Not just that, she also confessed.

She love me.. Grace love me.

I was supposed to be rejoicing with the news but I didn't. Sa halip ay nasasaktan akong marinig ang mga pagmamakaawa niya. Hearing the pain on her voice.. is a torture. Dahil kahit pareho naman kami ng nararamdaman, hindi pa rin pwede. Not now when things are still messy.

I am doing this because I know this is the only I'd make her stay. Ito ang napagkasunduan namin noon. We both agreed to be in this marriage for personal reasons. It's safe to say that I don't feel anything even though it's more than that.

I'm just buying time. Harry agreed not to disclose that part of our life for as long as he's aware that Grace and I are nothing. Na nanatili lang ako para sa anak ko at sa ina kong kasalukuyang lumalaban sa sakit. I want an assurance. And with Grace current situation right now.. being pregnant, I don't want to risk it.

Nicholas..

That was the name of her friend who punched me straight on the face the next day. Inabangan talaga ako ng lalaki na makarating sa kompanya at doon ako binanatan! It was still early. Kaming dalawa pa lang ang tao sa parking lot which is a good thing.

I didn't fight back though. I deserve it. For being an asshole.. a coward and for all of the things I've done and will be doing. I remember he's with Grace's other friends when we visited the office of that Drake. Siya iyong tahimik lang. He's not annoying as much as the other two, especially the one with dimples.

"Kung ayaw mo naman pala. Kung hindi mo mahal, isauli mo sa amin gago! Hindi iyong lolokohin at paglalaruan mo!"

Somehow, I felt at ease knowing Grace have these kind of her friends. Even though Grace was distant to them for the past months. Hindi na madalas sumama sa kanila, natutuwa akong malamang hindi pa rin nagbabago ang turingan nila sa isa't-isa. A friend who still treats you like a friend regardless of the distance and absence of communication is something.

"Dito lang ako, Grace.. hindi na ako aalis." I shook my head desperately.

This is all my fucking fault! Kung hindi sana ako umalis kagabi... kung sana..

"Ngayon pa? Ngayon pa kung kailan tapos na?" she laughed without humor. "Chaz.. my babies, I-I almost lost my angels, pero nasaan ka? Naroon, nagsasaya sa putang-inang party na inakala kong emergency!"

My jaw set as I stared at his face with tears falling. Kailan kaya ito matatapos? God, I wanted to hug her so tight and embrace her pain. She don't deserve to be hurt. Hindi niya dapat ito nararamdaman!

"I am sorry, Grace. Please, let me explain." I tried to catch my hand but I jerked his off. I swallowed hard and bow my head weakly. "I was wrong leaving you last night. Forgive me..."

"Ayan ka naman, e! Chaz hindi ka ba nagsasawa kakahingi ng tawad? Kasi ako sawang-sawa na! Nakakasawang pakinggan 'yang sorry mo pero sa huli umuulit ka pa rin!"

I know that.. but will never get tired of informing her how sorry and regretful I am.

"A-Ano bang nangyayari sa'yo ha? Kailan ka ba titino? Hihintayin mo pa bang mawala kami para lang.. mapagtanto mong mahalaga rin kami sa buhay mo?"

I brush my hair frustratedly, uttering low curses. You three are my life. Takot na takot ako nang malamang sinugod ang mga mag-ina ko sa hospital. I was trembling in fear and anger. Galit ako sa sarili ko. Naging pabaya ako. I was too focused on securing that you won't leave me and little did I know, I am losing them in the process.

"Wala kang kwenta, Chaz Theo."

All of my frustrations, the fear of losing them, the heartaches, at this very moment.. I lost it.

"I-I am, Grace, I won't deny that cuz you're right. Wala talaga akong kwenta." I lifted my head, abundant tears cascading down my cheeks. "I am irresponsible. Leaving you alone late at night for my own personal reasons."

"You are in plight because of me. A bastard and opportunist. Do I even deserve to have you and the twins?" I shook my head. "I don't."

I am undeserving of them. They don't need someone like me. I'm a coward. A broken soul and only good at
inflecting them pain. Pero sa kabila no'n, ayaw ko pa rin silang pakawalan.

"You might be sick hearing this from me, but again..Forgive me, for I keep
my vows to stay with you."

Yes, they deserve better treatment.. but I'll get there. I'll work hard to be deserving of them. Bigyan lang niya ako ng pagkakataong bumawi.. itatama ko ang lahat.

"I'm sorry, wife. But I will never let you go."

Ilang linggo siyang hindi umuwi sa bahay. Naintindihan ko iyon. Grace stayed at her parents mansion. She doesn't want to talk to me nor allowing me to see her. I don't mind sleeping on the car for as long as I know I'm near them. Kontento na ako sa tuwing nasusulyapan ko siya, kahit hindi ako kausapin.

But that one night.. where her Dad invited me in because of the heavy rainfall. Iyon ang unang beses na nagpasalamat ako sa ulan. It was the start of her noticing me again. Araw-araw akong dumadalaw sa kanila. Her parents helped me too in winning her, again.

"Theo, it's me! We met each other before, sa hospital! I was the one who entertained you because my friend was still on duty!"

I tilted my head as I tried to recall what she was saying. Pero kahit anong kalkal ko sa isipan, hindi ko talaga matandaan ang babaeng 'to.

"Pinsan ko, Chaz. Si Veronica, she will stay her for the time being.."

I detached my gaze away from Veronica and smiled at Grace. She rolled her eyes before turning around to leave. I lowly chuckled as I watched her back. Habang tumatagal mas lalo siyang gumaganda. Malaki ang tiyan at kabadong-kabado ako sa tuwing nawawala siya sa paningin ko.

Cristelle Navarro, is helping me in dealing with his cousin. He's calling and texting me nonstop but I'm not responding to any of it. Muntik nang mawala sa akin ang pamilya ko and it was like a wake up call for me. Inaayos ko na ang pamilya ko at wala akong planong sirain muli ang tiwalang binigay ni Grace sa akin.

Grace gave birth to a healthy baby girl and a boy. We moved in to our house again after she deliver the twins and Veronica's with us. Ang akala kong simula nang matiwasay at masayang pamumuhay ay muling nabulabog dahil sa multo ng nakaraan.

"You are unbelievable! Hindi lang kami ang niloko mo. Pati ang ibang tao pinaglaruan mo rin. Ano, huh? Is it entertaining making a fool of us?" Mom angrily snapped when I reached the mansion.

I was in the middle of doing of my paperwork's when she called. Turns out, Harry exposed the truth to them.

"Ano na bang nangyayari sa'yong bata ka? Saan kami nagkulang sa paalala? Woman are not toys to be played! Palagi namin sinasabi iyon sa'yo, pero ano ito, Chaz Theo? Bakit kailangang humantong sa ganito?"

Mom launched her fist on my chest, and I didn't move a muscle. I let her. The disappointment on their face is palpable. Ito na.. nangyayari na ang kinakatakutan ko. A sorry will not suffice my sins. Pinagsisihan ko na iyon at handa akong panagutan ang pagkakamaling nagawa. I'll make up for it. I love Sofia Grace more than my life. I will not make the same mistake again.

"Theo please, umuwi ka muna! Sabay na umiiyak ang kambal, hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko!"

Kalalalabas ko lang mula sa elevator nang matanggap ko ang tawag mula kay Veronica. I can hear the cries of my babies from the other line making me stopped from walking.

"Where's Nay Remmy?" I asked, worry is evident in my voice.

Kailangan kong habulin si Grace. Kailangan kong ipaliwanag ang lahat. She can't leave me.. hindi pwede!

"Wala rito. Umalis! Panatag siyang iwanan ako kasi, Theo.. the twins are sound asleep then bigla na lang silang pumalahaw ng iyak! Please... please.. be here. I can't magically multiply and carry them two! They're still fragile, Theo.."

I sighed heavily. I felt tormented. I need to catch Grace and explain everything, but my children.. Sinubukan ko pa ring habulin sila Grace pero hindi ko ito naabutan. I ended up going home and attended the twins.

On that same day.. a news that broke my heart into a million pieces exploded. I will never understand the heaven's way of punishing me. This is unacceptable.

Kung naging mabilis ba ako at inuna siya, kasama pa rin namin siya hanggangg ngayon? Kung naging matapang ba ako at hinarap ang problema noon pa lang... Hindi siya mawawala sa buhay naming lahat?

"She's not her. It's not her body." I firmly said.

Cristelle Navarro survived, how come she didn't?

Isang araw pa ang lumipas bago may matagpuang katawan sa ilog na kinabagsakan ng kotse. Everyone, including her cousin believed that it was her, but I know.. it was someone else!

It was the toughest year of our life. Nawala si Grace.. galit ang pamilya niya sa akin. Mom told them everything. I faced their rage. I get their anger. I clearly do, but what makes it hard for me to decipher is the fact that like Veronica and the rest, they also believed that their daughter died.

"Dad, don't please! Don't take them away from me.. sila na lang po ang kinakapitan ko. Huwag niyo naman pong ihiwalay sa akin ang nga anak ko.." pagmamakaawa ko kay Daddy Franciss.

All of her family, including mine gathered in our abode. They wanted to take the twins. Ilalayo at hindi ko na makikita. Sobrang sakit na ngang mawala sa akin ang ina, paano pa kung pati ang mga anak namin ay malayo sa akin?

"Tarantado! Hindi mo ako madadala riyan sa paiyak-iyak mo! Kukunin ko sa'yo ang mga apo ko at wala kang magagawa kahit pa lumuha ka ng dugo, punyeta!"

I can hear Mom's cry. And it hurts.. ang sakit-sakit marinig ang mga hikbi ng babaeng mahal ko.

"No..no.. Dad.. please! I'm sorry. I love your daughter, Dad-"

"Sorry? Magagawa bang ibalik ng sorry mo na 'yan ang buhay ng anak ko? Huh?! At huwag na huwag mo akong tatawagin ng ganiyan, hindi kita anak!" his voice thundered.

"Tito, Theo has all the rights to the twins. He's their father. Even though illegitimate, Theo being the surviving biological fits the guardianship. Hindi niyo rin po pwedeng basta-basta na lang ilayo sa kaniya ang mga bata." Veronica said.

It was a long discussion. I will never agree to their will of getting them. They are the only reasons that kept me sane. Kaya ko silang alagaan. They're my life. Kung kukunin nila sila sa akin, pinatay na lang sana nila ako. I'm just glad that Giselle, Veronica and the rest of her family favors me. Hindi nila kinuha sa akin ang mga anak ko.

"What? Theo naman! Move on will you? You have your children to consider! Hindi naman pwedeng ituon mo ang buong buhay mo sa taong kahit kailan ay hindi na babalik!"

I kissed Eira's head before I stood up. Tiningnan ko rin ang mahimbing ang isa ko pang anak na mahimbing na natutulog. Grace is such a strong and amazing woman. Having to deliver a single infant is already a struggle, but these two. She managed to gave birth to these two little angels.

"I'll go home every weekends. Nay Remmy and Mom will help too. Hindi ka maiiwan dito na mag-isa.."

I won't give up without a fight. Kahit siguro libo-libong ebidensiya ang iharap nila sa akin, na nagtuturong wala na nga si Grace, mananatiling solido ang paniniwala kong buhay siya.

Handa akong magbulagbulagan at magbingibingihan. She might just be out there. And I will trade everything I have, I will go into places and seek for her presence.

That's what I did. For the whole year, I researched everywhere. Nilibot ko ang buong Pilipinas kahit sa labas ng bansa. I've been to Europe and the rest of Asian countries. Wala akong pakialam kahit pa maubos ang pera ko, na malabong mangayari. I've worked myself off for the past years that not working and spending tons of money for a year will not make me insolvent.

"How's my love, hmm? Hungry?"

After every exhausting week, their touch, smells and feels makes me alive, again. My children will grow and Grace needs to witness it. She have to come back cuz we're waiting.. our babies our waiting for her. Kaya kahit sobrang hirap na.. sa kabila nang katotohanang unti-unti na akong nawawalan ng pag-asang magtatagpo muli ang landas naming dalawa.. pinili kong magpatuloy para sa kanilang dalawa.

"H-Hindi na 'ko uulit, Grace.. balik ka na sa amin.. balikan mo na kami.." I murmured weakly, hugging her photo on her weeding dress.

Kaharap ko ang crib ng dalawang anak ko. Madaling araw, at kababalik ko pa lang mula sa paghahanap. This time, I went to Africa. Ang layo na ng lugar na iyon pero nagbabakasakali pa rin ako. Katulad nang mga unang subok kong hanapin siya... umuwi na naman akong bigo.

"Please, baby.. we need you. I can't do this alone.. I'm not strong as you are. U-uwi ka na sa amin," I murmured in the air as hot liquid flows down my cheeks.

It's been six months but still, no progress. Always at the dead end. Sa tuwing gustong-gusto ko nang sumuko, silang dalawa ang nagpapaalala sa aking magpatuloy.

"Theo, tama na.. pathetic na, eh. This is bringing you nowhere. Look at yourself! Pinapabayaan mo na ang sarili mo. Not that you're ugly with beard and mustache, but jesus! Para ka nang sinaunang tao!"

Veronica will always rant about it every time I'd go home. Si Mom ay tahimik lang pero alam kong nag-aalala na rin siya. Well I am too since she's still under her medication.

My answer to Veronica is always clear and concise. I will only stopped until I get my desired outcome. Nagbigay pa ako ng sampung milyong pabuya para sa sino mang makakapagturo sa kinaroroonan niya.

Ngunit, lumipas na lang ang mahabang panahon... lumaki na lang ang mga anak namin, bigo pa rin akong makita siya at mabuo ang pamilyang tinayo naming dalawa.

I always appear to be brave in front of other people, and only with my two angel's I'm weak and vulnerable. Sa kanila ako kumukuha ng lakas pero sa kanila ko rin nabubuhos ang hinanakit at pagod sa buong sistema ko. Na hindi ko namalayang, pati pala anak ko'y naapektuhan ko.

"S-She caused you pain, Dad.."

I heaved a sigh as I stared at Xander's face with anguish.

"E-Every night, you're c-crying. You always say you're fine whenever I'd asked you the next morning, but Dad I know!" Xander hiccup, indicating his extreme resentment. "I saw you not just once.. thrice.. but many times, Daddy! P-Palagi kayong umiiyak h-habang yakap ang picture niya, and I hate it!"

The corner of my eyes sting. I didn't know he's watching me. During those dark times, I've cried a bucket of tears. Lalo na sa tuwing naiisip ko ang mga pangako ko sa kanila.. kay Eira. My princess is so in love with her mother. Like me, she wanted to meet her so bad. But the heavens have decided.. I need suffer first. We all suffered first before finally granting our prayers and top most wishes.

"I hate that woman is making you weak! I hate her for being the reason behind your tears! K-Kung bakit hindi niyo magawang sumaya!" my boy shouted.

This is the first time he raised his voice in front of me.

"She hurt you! She's a bad woman, an evil and not a beautiful princess with a kind and loving heart like that in your stories! I hate that you have to wait for her, to settle for uncertaintess when you could be happy again!"

I wiped Xander's tears. His cheeks are red. Abot hanggang tainga at maririnig sa buong silid ang hikbi ng anak ko.

"W-Wala na nga siya rito..para alagaan kami, nagagawa niya pa rin kayong s-saktan."

I swallowed hard. I maintained a straight face even though my insides are trembling.

"Is that why you're treating her this way, hmm?" I asked softly.

Xander sniffed and clutch my wrist that's holding his cheeks.

"Mommy Veronica is here. Dad you can find happiness with her. You don't need to cry every night. H-Hindi ka niya sasaktan.."

Mapait akong napangiti sa binigkas ng anak ko.

"But son, she's not her.."

Veronica is open to me. She's vocal with her feelings but I made sure she got my point. I treat her like a family. At hanggang doon lang iyon. Wala siyang aasahan sa akin.

"I'm sorry baby. I didn't know you saw me in that weakling state." I chuckled dryly.

"What you saw is because I am missing her so much. I have to let the heavy weight off my chest cuz if not, I'd undoubtedly lose my sanity." I said, staring straight into his eyes.

"Son, Mom didn't do anything wrong. She didn't wanna be apart from you and your sister. Mahal na mahal niya kayong dalawa at ang mapalayo sa inyo ng ganoon katagal ay hindi niya rin ginusto. Only God knows why we have to be separated, and it is His ruling. We cannot go against it." I smiled at him.

"You're Mom is so pure. Sa aming dalawa, ako ang mas maraming ginawang masama. Give her another chance, baby."

Years have passed and yet Sofia Grace, is still the same. Even with all the betrayal, she managed to let go and forgive the person. Sofia Grace sees good in people. She always choose peace over grudges. A a one in a million people.

Not all will understand her. Not all will take the same path as her. And as someone who vows to do all of her biddings, I have no argument on that matter. Hindi na rin kataka-taka dahil noon pa man, busilak na ang puso niya. Ako mismo, sa kabila nang maraming pagkakamali, pinatawad at tinanggap niya pa rin. Or perhaps because He has a better plan of dealing with people. It was Veronica's faith.

"Tell me I'm not dreaming," I said, panting.

I rake my hands on her hair as my kisses travelled down to her jaw into the delicate spot of her neck. I heard her soft moans and grinds on top of me. I groaned and held her waist in place.

"I-Isn't the bulge on your pants enough for you to even think that you're dreaming?"

I can feel her smirking while all I could do was to chuckle. Grace moved again. She's clearly enjoying this. Such a tease...

"Well baby, even in my dreams I've got blue balls. Nilalabasa-"

I released a bark of laughers when Grace took a fistful of my hair. Sinilip ko ang mukha niya at nakitang pulang-pula ito.

"You pervert!"

Kahahatid lang namin sa mga bata and we're still on the parking lot of the school. It's a good thing my car is heavily tinted.

"Huh, kung ganoon rin naman pala siguro sa panaginip mong 'yan, ibang babae ang kasama mo 'no? O, babae nga ba?" tanong niya pa, pinaningkitan ako ng mga mata.

"You were my first, and the last woman I bedded. Even in my wet dreams, it's your face and the body I see. Ni hindi nga ako tinitigasan kapag ibang baba-"

"Chaz Theo!"

I chuckled as leaned down to kiss her cheeks.

"It's Sofia Grace or no one.." I said, trailing feathery kisses all over her face.

This was once a dream.. and I never really thought I'll be able to hold her again. Hug her close, kiss her.. God is really good. His timing is always perfect. Have faith on Him, and He will make it happen. On the right time.. Katulad na lang noong gabing naiwan ni Veronica ang cellphone niya sa kotse ko at ibabalik na sana nang makita ko siya.

But of course, it was never easy. Getting her, pleasing her family, securing them of my real intentions. Especially her father. Tito Franciss is as hard as rock. Hindi lang si Grace ang niligawan ko sa loob ng tatlong taon, pati ang buong pamilya niya.

And then finally, I got her sweetest yes.

"What if your love for me fades over the years, Chaz Theo? Paano kung magbago ang isip mo at mapagtantong si Harry naman pala ang hanap ng puso mo?"

Lately, she's been talking or more likely teasing me to that person. I don't mind since I know my stand will remain and my feelings for her won't waver.

"In this lifetime, I will only stop loving you once I stop breathing.."

I don't see myself being whipped and head over heals in love with a woman. From my past relationships, being cheated on, I've believed that woman is not for me. I've called them names, been hard on them, despise them.. and then there's her. The woman who allowed me to see life at a different angle. Who taught me a lot of things.

In the long years.. Sofia Grace, have managed to tamed the beast in me.

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Again, thank you all so much! Mahal ko kayo.. <3