Wedding

I was in complete shock the whole night. I couldn’t grasp what just happened back on my supposed fiance’s condo. Hindi ko alam ang dapat gawin— nagugulohan ako.

Pumayag akong magpakasal sa lalaking pinili ng mga magulang ko sa pag-aakalang wala itong sabit. I also believed that this guy is nice like what they are proclaiming, but just a minute ago.. he even have the guts to cuse me!

I can’t believe it! I’m going to marry someone who is madly in love with someone else! Lalong hindi ako makapaniwala na nagagawa nilang dalawa na maglampungan sa harapan ko.

That thought didn’t made me sleep  early that night. Sa tantya ko ay mag uumaga na ng dalawin ako ng antok. Sumasakit din  ang ulo ko kinabukasan. Isang katok sa pinto ng aking silid ang nagpabangon sa akin. Para akong lalagnatin sa sakit ng ulo.

“Anak!” gulat na sambit ni mommy pagkabukas ko ng pinto.

I was clutching my head as I felt it throbbing. Itatanong ko sana kung paano siya nakapasok ng maalalang alam pala niya ang passcode ng condo ko.

“Mornin’, Mom.." matamlay kong sagot saka tumalikod at tinungo ang kama.

“Anak maghanda ka na! Pupunta pa tayo sa hotel para doon ka ayusan!” she chanted at my back.

Naupo ako sa paanan ng aking kama saka siya naguguluhang tiningala.

“Hotel?” I asked, confused.

“Yes dear, today is your big day remember? Ngayon na ang kasal mo!”

Umawang ang labi ko. Nawala sa isipan ko na ngayong araw na pala ako ikakasal.. sa isang lalaking may ibang mahal.

I sighed heavily.

“Mom, pwede po bang..” natigilan ako ng magsimulang maghalungkat si mommy ng damit sa wardrobe ko.

“We are very excited dear, finally ikakasal na ang butihin kong anak! You don’t know how happy you made us. Hindi nga ako makatulog kagabi, kakaisip sa event ngayon.”

Napipi ako. It’s as if cat got my tongue. I couldn’t find my voice as I tried to explain to her my situation. Gusto kong sabihin sa kaniya na hindi na ako magpapakasal. Gusto kong sabihing may ibang lalaki ang mapapangasawa ko. Gusto kong magsumbong na hindi maganda itong papasukin ko.

I would prefer being alone. Conquering the pain from my previous relationship than dealing with my husband and his lover. Ayon pa naman sa kanila, ay kahit kasal na kami hindi sila titigil. Hindi sila maghihiwalay. They proudly announced that to me last night. Kung magkataong maikasal man kami ngayon..

“God, this is perfect dear! Heto suotin mo ‘to at ng makaalis na tayo.” she said, beaming.

Hinarap niya sa akin ang kulay puting off shoulder dress.

“I remember the first time I saw you wearing this, you are  very beautiful. Para akong nanalamin, I was like that when I was at your age. Pure and perfect, kaya alam ko kapag nakita ka ni Chaz, sigurado akong mabibighani siya sa taglay mong ganda anak.”

Napangiwi ako sa narinig. Seriously my mom, parang siya ang ikakasal sa pinapakitang excitement. Ang aliwalas ng kaniyang mukha, kakaiba ang ang kislap ng kaniyang mata at sa isipang mawawala ang lahat ng iyon sa oras na sabihin ko ang totoo..

“Mom..”

“Ano ‘yon anak?” nakangiti pa rin niyang sagot.

Nakatitig lang ako sa mukha niya, kahit hindi punain ay mababatid ang matinding saya. Napalunok ako bago sumagot.

“Nothing mom, uh.. magpapalit na po ako.” kinuha ko ang dress na kaniyang hawak saka tumayo.

Tumango siya.

“I’ll wait for you here. Ihahanda ko lang ang mga gamit na dadalhin mo.”

I timidly smiled before rushing into the bathroom. An hour later, I found myself sitting in front of a mirror in the assigned hotel suit for me.

When I was young, I’ve always thought that being married is momentous and unforgettable event of one’s life. It is the moment everyone’s looking forward to. Being tied with the love of your life, fulfilling all of the promises you have made since your relationship has started, until both of you are old and gray. Na sa wakas, sa kabila ng paghihirap na dinaranas mo o niyong magkarelasyon, you have reached the biggest milestone of your life.

Promising in front of the God a lifetime with your lover.. that will soon be your husband or wife.

Ang taong pinapangarap mo lang noon.. mapapasayo na hanggang sa paglipas ng mahabang panahon. Promised to conquer the world together. In sickness and in health, the ups and down, through the storms and rainbows..

But why do I felt the opposite?

Instead  of feeling the butterflies on my stomach, excitement and extreme delightsomeness like a normal emotion of the bride on her weeding day.. I felt nothing but an emptiness.

I felt so down that the make-up on my face couldn’t mask my heavy feeling. When I heard about the wedding that night, isa lang ang pumasok sa isip ko. Iyon ay ang ipakita kay Drake na katulad niya, ay kaya ko ring maging masaya. Na hindi lang sa kaniya umiikot ang mundo ko. Na hindi magtatapos ang buhay ko dahil lang wala na siya sa piling ko.

“Ma’am may tumatawag po sa inyo.”

Pilit akong ngumiti kay Elena, iyong nag-aasist sa akin. Siya ang may dala ng mga gamit ko kung sakali mang may tumawag na importante.

I smiled at her before grabbing my phone from her hold. When I saw who the caller was, I can’t help but to sighed.

“Where are you? Don’t even think of ditching this fucking weeding, come here now.”  Chaz voice is cold yet the irritation is palpable.

I rolled my eyes heavenwards. He is so demanding. Last night, before I left his unit we exchanged numbers. For emergency purposes lang daw sabi ni Harry, the name of his lover.

“I’ll be there in a minute.” tipid kong sagot.

I heard his heavy breathing on the other line.

“Good, you better do your part well. I don’t want my face to be the headline of newspapers tomorrow.”

“O’o alam ko, I’ll hang up now. Bye.” hindi ko na hinintay pa siyang sumagot at agad na pinatay ang tawag.

He told me last night that her mother is in critical condition and this his her wish. Ang makitang makasal daw ang nag-iisang anak bago pa mahuli ang lahat. Bago pa hindi na niya ito masaksihan habang nabubuhay sa mundong ibabaw.

“Salamat Elena.” Binalik ko kay Elena ang phone ko.

“Walang anuman po, Ma’am.” aniya saka muling sinilid ang cellphone sa aking pouch.

“Please don’t disappear in my sight as far as possible. I want to be in touch with my things, baka may tumawag na kliyente.”

She nodded. “Sige po, Ma’am Sofia.”

I once again smiled at her. I look at my reflection on the mirror. To be honest, I didn’t recognize the woman I am looking at. I know I have the face and body, which I inherited from my parents. My mother is half spanish and filipino, while dad is pure british. But it still amazed me how those cosmetics can transform someone into something..

“The  gorgeous bride of the year! Are you ready?” Joy, my weeding planner exclaimed upon entering the hotel suit.

“Oh dear, what’s with the face? This is your big day so quit pouting.” puna  niya.

She has a blonde wavy hair, round face and eyes. Malusog din ang pisngi, overall she’s cute.

“I’m happy,” I tried my best to be cheerful as I could for her not to notice my real feelings.

Inayos niya ang laylayan ng suot kong gown. “I know dear, wala namang bride ang hindi masaya sa araw mismo ng kasal. Besides, it is normal if you felt nervous, hindi ‘yan maiiwasan lalo pa’t kay tagal niyo itong pinaghandaan ng boyfriend mo.” mahaba niyang litanya.

Ngumiti lang ako dito. Lingid sa kaalaman ng lahat na isang arrange marriage ang magaganap. Ang alam lang nila ay matagal na kaming magkasintahan, na ideya mismo ni Chaz.

“Anyway, let’s go? Lahat na raw ng bisita ay nasa church na, ikaw nalang ang hinihintay.”

Nagpakawala ako ng malalim na buntong hininga. Kaya naman pala tumawag ang isang iyon.

“Yeah sure!”

Giniyi ako ni Joy palabas ng hotel room. My parents rented the whole Sunny Resort for this occasion. Dito gaganapin ang reception at dito din mananatili ang ilang guest na gustong mag-stay. The wedding is not grand like what Chaz and I requested to.

A man dressed in three piece suit opened the car for me. I smiled at him but he didn’t even bother returning the gesture.

“Good luck and congrats again Sofia!” Joy exclaimed when I was already seated on the backseat of  the car.

Ngumiti ako dito. “Thank you, Joy.”

“My pleasure,” she smiled before closing the door beside me.

Agad ding pumasok ang driver at hindi rin nagtagal ay nasa biyahe na kami patungo sa simbahan. Few hours from now.. my life will definitely changed.

Hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko. To think that Chaz will be having an affair.. well yes, affair because frankly, after this day we will be husband and wife legally. Sa mata ng Diyos, sa batas ng tao.. ang pagkakaroon ng karelasyon liban sa asawa ay isang kasalanan.

Their relationship will continue even after our marriage. Magpapanggap lang kami kung kinakailangan, lalo na sa harap ng pamilya.. pero kapag nakatalikod sila, Chaz and Harry is free from doing all of their deeds.

It was fine with me, however.. as I think about it thoroughly, I couldn’t help but to feel disrespected. They could’ve at least refrain themselves from immersing into intimate action if I'm with them. Ayos lang kung hindi ko makikita ang ginagawa nila pero batay sa sinabi at ginawa nila kagabi..

“Nandito na po tayo, Ma’am.”

I blinked when the driver suddenly spoke. Nasa labas na pala ito at bukas na ang pinto sa backseat na kinauupuan ko. Ngumiti ako bago dahan dahang lumabas.

Soon as my heels touched the ground, a man rush towards our direction. My eyes narrowed, even though he's sporting a white American suit, I can say that he's a gay. Batay sa light make-up na suot, at sa timbre ng boses.

“Tulungan ko na po kayo, Madame.” he politely announced, offering his hand as if assisting me. I didn’t hesitate accepting his hand as I really struggle with my dress.

“Yes, please.” sagot ko saka siya nginitian.

He smiled back, “Ang ganda mo, Madame.”

I laugh lowly. “Thank you, you’re pretty too.” I complemented.

“I know right? Kaya nga nagkakandarapa ang mga chupapi sa akin sa loob.” he added making me laugh.

When I lifted my eyes, I stilled for a moment. My lips even parted as I roamed my eyes in the surrounding. Ang ganda ng pagkakadesinyo ng simbahan, kahit narito palang ako sa labas, ano pa kaya sa loob?

“You made all of these?”

I asked as we walks towards the massive door of the church. Some guest were looking at us direction, those part of the entourage. I pressed my lips together when realization dawn on me.

This is my weeding day..  but I felt like a stranger on this big day.

“Pak na pak with yes na yes, Madame! Nagustuhan mo ba?” maligayang pahayag niya.

Tumango tango ako bago ibaling ang tingin sa harap.

“Ay mabuti naman, Madame, very last minute nga po ito but thankfully, nagawa naman po namin ng bongga!” patiling sagot niya, natawa lang ako.

Maya-maya lang ay umalis na rin siya at pinaayos ang mga mauunang papasok sa simbahan. Nakatingin lang ako sa 'king harapan. I was the last in line and the people in front of me were lining up gracefully. Wala nga lang akong kilala doon.

Not long after, I saw my parents approaching me with a big smile.

“Congratulations, anak! You are exquisitely beautiful!" humalik sa aking pisngi ni mommy habang si daddy ay pumunta sa aking tabi.

Hindi ako nakasagot at ngumiti lamang sa kanila. Mommy caressed my hair as she looked at me with warmth.

“We are so proud of you Sofia. Please know that we are only doing this for you. Who knows if you two might fall for each other while in the process of working your marriage. You are both single and we know he’ll take care and love you.”

Lihim akong napangiwi sa narinig mula kay mommy. If you only knew mom, he can’t take care of me like what you envision him to do as he has someone to look after to.

“Mahal na mahal ka namin, Sofia.” she whispered.

Lumambot ang puso ko sa narinig. Mahal na mahal ko rin kayo kaya ko nga ito ginagawa.

"Don't give your husband a hard time, Sofia." Daddy whispered making me pout.

"Tama ang daddy mo, huwag mong pahirapan si Chaz." dugtong ni mommy. Napailing ako at hindi nalang sumagot.

I breath in and out as I grip the bouquet of flower in my hand. Both of my parents hands were anchored on my arm. When it was our turn to step inside, my chest thudded. The mellow and sweet voice filed my ears the moment we step inside the church.

Nanlamig ang kamay ko habang pinagmamasdan ang kabuuan ng simbahan. There are only some occupying the seats, mostly from our family members and his. And when my eyes landed at the man standing proudly at the altar, I felt like all of my senses shut down.

This is the man whom I am going to spend the rest of my life with. The man who will change my life.

Habang papalapit ako ng papalapit sa kinaroroonan niya. Pabigat na pabigat ang emosyong nararamdaman ko. This is not how I see myself in my weeding day. He is not the person I am looking forward who'll wait for me at the altar. This is not the weeding theme I dream of.

It was him.. it was Drake.

I planned it already. I want a beach weeding with a flower crown in my head. I want it to be done during sunset that symbolizes an ending but the start of a new beginning, for us.

Nonetheless, all of it will remain as a dream.. an impossible dream because right now, those captivating green eyes was the one waiting for me. Despite the fact that this was all just an act to please his parents. He made me feel like a woman in our weeding day.

When my eyes drifted at the other man beside him, that is when my smile depleted. Standing with his full glory, dressed in black suit and with his Harry, my husband’s lover wake me up  from my illusion.