Choose

“Is this because of him, Chaz Theo?”

Our gaze locked and his cold stares sent shivers down my spine. Nakakapanibago. Hindi siya gano’n sa akin. He’s always looking at me with warmth and that alone is making my heart beats in felicity. Pero ngayon.. nagmistula na siyang estranghero.

He didn’t answer me, making my chest hurts more. Nakagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi habang hindi siya nilulubayan ng tingin.

“Harry.. you are still into him all these time, Chaz?”

I was not deprived of everything all my life. Love from family, material things, dream career, and even the freedom. Nakukuha ko ang lahat.. pero palagi akong palya kapag ganito ang usapan.

Am I cursed not to have the man I love?

“We were clear about this before. You know my intentions. I agreed to be in this marriage because of my parents. Alam mo ‘yon kaya bakit ka nagugulat ngayon?” he asked in icy tone.

Chaz was staring at me intently. His face holds no remorse and by the way he looked at me, it’s as if I’ve grown two heads.

“Chaz we’ve been in one roof for almost a year. N-Nikatiting ba wala ka man lang naramdaman sa mga panahong ako ang kasama mo?” I asked, pain dripping in my voice.

I don’t understand his sentiments. Yes I know, that before.. he was with Harry. They were in a relationship, but it changed. I can tell that. Bihira ko na lang makita siyag kasama si Harry. Even the latter haven’t been here. And Chaz telling me he doesn’t feel the same.. is absurd.

“Alam kong kahit paano’y napasaya kita. Hindi man katulad nang pagpapasaya sa’yo ni Harry, but I know.. I knew your laughs and smiles were genuine. You took care of me. Even brought me to your hometown and introduced me to your loveones. Lahat ng ‘yon, alam kong totoo. Kaya hindi ako naniniwalang pawang pagpapanggap lang ang mga ‘yon.” Sa kabila nang pangingilid ng luha ay sinubukan ko pa ring ngumiti sa kaniya.

“I am no prosecutor not to distinguish who’s lying and who’s not. You’re just acting, Chaz. It’s okay, I’ll give you the time. I won’t rush you to reciprocate my feelings. Just..” I swallowed hard, looking at his face with unreadable expression.

I couldn’t stand it, reason why I find myself bowing my head to avoid getting hurt more.

“Dito ka na lang sa bahay, nagawa mo naman ‘yon dati diba? When you discovered I was pregnant, you did not hesitate to work here.”

“We’re not in some drama’s for me to act. What I said was true. It’s a pity you loss in this game the two of us have played. You could’ve been more cautious, Grace.”

My heart clenched. Nag-angat ako ng tingin, nakatitig sa kaniya at kahit anong kumbensi kong nagsisinungaling siya, wala akong makapa. Gusto kong pangatawanan ang sinabing kaya kong malaman kung nagsasabi ba siya ng totoo, because I honestly can.

From the nature of my job, I can tell whether someone’s spitting false information or plainly telling the truth. Unfortunately, while looking at his green eyes, I realized I failed.. for the first time. Hindi ko mabasa ang tumatakbo sa isip. Hindi ko masabi kong pawang katotohanan baa ng lumalabas sa bibig niya. Or maybe I can, but I am just coward to accept it.

“Y-You’re just drunk. I can feel it naman, Chaz Theo. Hindi mo kailangan ikaila.” Iling ko.

“Silly, woman.” Humalakhak siya. “What more should I say for you to believe me?”

“Isa lang ang paniniwalan ko mula sa’yo, iyon ang katotohang mahal mo rin ako. Not those lies!”

“What a shame,” he said coldly.

My breathing labored. I can feel how another batch of tears fell from my eyes. I shook my head repeatedly. Humakbang ako palapit sa kaniya saka hinagilap ang kaniyang kamay subalit, gano’n na lang ang pag-awang ng labi ko nang mabilis niyang iwinaksi ang kamay ko.

“You really don’t get it, huh?” he asked, looking at me sharply. “I don’t have even an ounce of affection for you, Miss Perez! Na habang hinahalikan kita, habang yinakap kita siya ang nasa isip ko. All the while I was fucking you, it was him I imagined being beneath me!” his voice thundered.

Umiling ako ng umiling. Hindi tinatanggap ang mga sinasabi niya.

“N-No, no, I treasured that special night, and it was making love. Watch your mouth, love.. please.”

“Do you hear yourself, Grace? What we did was pure fucking, there is no love. Or perhaps there is, since you proclaimed you love me but that is only a one sided. I don’t even like you. Mahalin pa kaya?”

Humagulhol ako. Nanghihina ang tuhod pero sinubukan kong maging matatag.

“Don’t do this, love.. please. I know you’re tired. Dala lang ‘yan ng pagod at alak k-kaya ka..” words died due to my sobs.

“I am damn sober!” he roared like a mad man. “You want this right? You want to know the truth and this is my fucking truth!”

His words...I hate that he is straight to the point. Mas doble ang sakit sa isipang wala lang pala ang gabing iyon sa kaniya. Habang ako ay hindi malimot-limot ang gabing ‘yon, siya ay halos pandirihan pang nakasiping ako.

“You asked for this. Don’t play victim since it is your fault you fall for me. Now if you’ll allow me, I want to rest.” Aniya bago niya ako tinalikuran.

All I could do was watched his back with a dying heart. Pumasok siya sa bathroom at doon ay kinuha ko ang pagkakataon para ilabas ang emosyon. I covered my mouth to suppress my sobs. Dahan-dahan akong naupo sa kama habang patuloy na umaagos ang mainit na likido sa aking mukha.

My chest is aching. I can feel how it throbbed excruciatingly. I slammed that certain part of my body as I continue to wept. Hindi ko matanggap na sa isang iglap, naglaho ang magandang samahan naming dalawa.

Slowly, I lay in the bed face is still soaked with tears. Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal si Chaz sa banyo na hanggang sa bumigat ang talupak ng aking mga mata dala sa maintinding pag-iyak ay hindi pa siya lumalabas.

Namumugto ang mata ko kinabukasan. I woke up eight sixteen in the morning, but Chaz.. he already left. Lumong-lumo ako. Parang lantang gulay at kung hindi dahil sa katotohanang buntis ako ay baka hindi pa ako lumabas ng kwarto.

My baby is innocent. He or she is not involved in this quarrel. From what happened last night, I lost the excitement I had in knowing the baby’s gender. Chaz.. I don’t know if he will still be glad discovering the identity of the angel living in my womb.

Pagkababa ko. Dumiretso ako sa kusina para umiinom ng gatas. Manang Remmy saw me, and immediately served my milk.

“Thank you, Manang.” I said and smiled at her warmly.

Tumitig siya sa aking mukha bago ngumiti pabalik. “Walang anuman, hija. Masaya akong pinagsisilbihan kayo.”

Manang Remmy have to leave when her phone rang. Tumungo ako saka tinitigan ang baso sa harapan. I played the glass with my hand. Maya’t-maya ang pagbuntonghininga ko. After some time, I take a sip in it.

“Tamang-tama ang dating mo, hija. Kagigising lang niya,” Manang Remmy’s voice reverberated.

Although, I already have a hunch that Jenny will be here because of the incident last night, I was still surprised when I saw her in all flesh walking like an unbothered queen.

Naibaba ko ang iniinom at binalingan sila. Manang was standing in the doorframes with Jenny behind her.

“Maiwan ko muna kayo rito. Kung may kailangan kayo ay sabihin niyo lang, sa labas lang ako at magdidilig ng halaman.” Manang said.

I nodded my head. Nang mawala siya sa paningin ko ay linapitan ko si Jenny na senserong nakamasid sa akin.

“Kumain ka na ba? We have a toasted bread here, coffee or what do you like?” I asked, sounding cheerful.

Jenny stared at my face, particularly to my eyes. Bahagya akong natawa saka ngumisi.

“Wait lang, ipagtitimpla kita ng kape.” Masiglang pahayag ko pa.

Akma na akong tatalikod nang mabilis niyang hinawakan ang braso ko. I craned my neck and smiled at her warmly.

“Sofia..” Jenny called my name softly. Nasa boses ang pag-alala.

I know she’s worried, reason why she’s here. But I am.. well.

“This won’t take long. Doon ka muna sa living room at hintayin ako, hmm?” I said and avoided her gaze.

Ayaw kong makitang kinaawaan niya ako. I don’t want to see that looks in her eyes. We’re friends and her knowing about this…

“Usap tayo, Pia.” She mumbled like a kid.

“We’ll talk after this, okay? I won’t run away. Ipagtitimpla lang talaga kita.”

“Ayaw kong magkape. Ayos lang kahit wala.” She said.

I chuckled nonchalantly. “Sa itsura mo ngayon ay parang kailangan mo. Your hair looks like a bird nest. Bet you rushed her without checking yourself in the mirror. Hindi ka pa nga siguro naligo ‘no? You reak of alcohol and oh,” nginuso ko ang labi niya. “May tuyong laway ka pa sa baba, Jenny.”

I saw how her eyes widen. Mabilis nitong pinahid ang baba at nang matantong wala naman ay tinaliman niya ako ng tingin.

“Maganda pa rin ako kahit may tuyong laway, ano ka.” she said and leered.

“Oh, is that what Nicholas has told you?”

I turn my back on her and attended the coffee machine to make one. Ever since I was pregnant, hindi na ako nahihilig sa kape. I’m more on milk and yeah, ice cream.

“His name sounded too old. Katulad niya, boring at bummer.” She said and I heard the sound of the stool being pulled.

“Nicholas isn’t that old naman. Unique nga e,”

I heard him shriek. “That’s ew, Pia. Let’s not talk about him, okay? Hindi ako nagpunta rito para sa pag-usapan siya.”

My heart thumped. Tumahimik ako at pinagtuunan ng pansin ang ginagawa. While I can feel her stares. Ilang buntonghininga na ang ginawa ko. I gathered my thoughts and make sure my cool is intact before looking at her.

Hawak ang kape ay lumapit ako sa kaniya. I placed the cup in the counter beside her. Muli akong tumalikod para kumuha ng tinapay. I also got the peanut and honey for her preference.

“Eat ka muna. I’ll take a shower first. Feel at home, Jens. This will be quick.“

I looked at her and smiled once again. Her stares look suspicious though. Naningkit ang mata at ni isang segundo’y hindi ako linubayan ng tingin.

“Hindi ka pa naligo sa lagay na ‘yan?”

I froze at her question. Napapikit ako nang maalalang nasa ulo ko pa ang tuwalyang ginamit pang tuyo sa buhok. Hindi ko pa ‘yon natatanggal and she might’ve seen it.

“Uh, ano.. nainitan kasi ulit ako. You know, I’m a little bit sensitive. Kaya..yeah, maliligo ulit ako.”

Tumaas ang kilay niya sa akin. “Sama na lang ako sa’yo. Dalhin ko lang ‘tong kape at tinapay sa room mo, doon kita hihintayin.”

“No, no.. Jens. Wait for me in the living room na lang.” pagtangi ko. She looked hesitant. Bakas iyon sa mukha niya, pero hindi ako sumuko.

May sasabihin pa sana siya pero mabilis akong nakalabas sa kusina. I went to the master’s bedroom directly. I am not avoiding her. I am just doing this to recollect my thoughts and made sure I won’t break down when she’ll asked me about last night.

Kasi iyon lang ang naisip kong dahilan kung bakit siya naparito ng wala sa oras. She’s concerned. But I honestly don’t know how to face the fact that she knows. Contrary to my excuse, I didn’t take a shower and instead fixed myself. Siniguro kong walang bakas nang pag-iyak ang mukha ko. I told myself not to cry while staring in the mirror for nth time.

I should not worry her more. This is not her battle and I know she has her own. Ayaw ko nang dumagdag pa.

“So.. how’s life with Nicholas around? I hope hindi ka na pinapahirapan niya.” I started when I came back.

Jenny and I are both sitting in the leather couch. Magkatabi. She’s been observing me ever since I came.

I cleared my throat. “Hanggang ngayon ba nagdadala siya ng babae? Pinagsabih—“

Natigilan ako nang bigla niyang hawakan ang aking pisngi. She lifted my cheeks, eyeing my face.

“Umiyak ka?”

I hold his wrist and laugh.

“Napuyat lang ako sa panonood. You know kdramas..”

“You’re not a fan of dramas, Sofia. Huwag ako.”

“Noon ‘yon. I like it now. It’s not actually that bad. Kung hindi pa ako nabuntis, hindi ko pa malalaman ‘yon.” I chuckled.

Bumuntonghininga siya saka binitawan ang mukha ko. Her gaze went from my face down to my tummy, and I saw how it softened.

“Hindi ka naman ba.. nahihirapan? Morning sickness or any ill symptoms?”

Tipid akong nangiti. “It’s hard, but keri lang. Ako pa ba?” pagbibiro ko.

Nagkatinginan kami. She smiled at me, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Miss ka na namin sa firm. Hindi ka man lang bumibisita sa amin, ah. Nakakatampo!” she whined. “Saka iyong si Nicholas? Sus, sa paggiling lang yata magaling! I can’t wait for you to comeback.”

Malaking bagay na nararamdaman niyang ayaw ko pang pag-usapan ang tungkol kagabi. Jenny knows me very well. No matter what my justifications and excuse about last night, I know she knows something is not right. That even in my lowest state, she chose to respect me.

Ngunit, kahit anong pag-iwas pa ang gawin ko.. alam kong kailangan kong buksan ang usapang iyon.

“Can you do me a favor, Jenny?” I asked after a while of talking regarding with our work.

“Basta ba hindi cupcake na may raisin as filling, go!” humalakhak siya.

My heart warmed. Ginagap ko ang kamay niya saka iyon mahigpit na hinawakan.

“What you saw last night, can you keep it between the two of us only?”

She looked stunned. Nawala ang ngiting nakaukit sa labi niya at naging seryoso.

“That’s not something to hide, Pia. Everyone must know how shit of an asshole he is!”

“Sssh, lower your voice. Manang might hear you.” I consciously looked around and sighed in relief seeing no one near us.

“Ano? Huwag mong sabihing haayan mo lang ang lalaking iyon na gagohin ka?” tanong niya, tila dismayado.

“Hindi sa gano’n Jenny. Kung ano ang nakita mo kagabi.. hindi ‘yon gusto ni Chaz okay? He already explained his side, and I..” napalunok ako.

“You believe him right away?” kumunot ang noo niya. “Pia he’s obviously playing with you! The fact alone he let whoever that son of bitch kissed him, that’s already a form of chea—“

“Jenny h-hindi niya ginusto ‘yon, okay? Please I’m asking you kindly, kalimutan mo na lang ang nakita mo kagabi pakisabi na lang din kay Nicholas.” Humigpit ang hawak ko sa kamay niya. “We are about to become a family. Consider doing this for your godchild na lang.”

Jenny gasped. “W-What the F, Pia! Hahayaan mo lang na lokohin ka ng asawa mo? Beh hindi na uso ang pagiging martir ngayon. Ano mang oras puwede mo siyang hiwalayan. Annulment is legal in our country.”

“I can’t do that. I love him, Jenny. Hindi ko kaya kong aalis siya. My child needs a father, so do I."

“He do not deserve you, Pia. Marami pang lalaki riyan at kung tungkol naman sa bata ang inaalala mo, you can compromise. He’ll get his custody and you don’t need to be with him under the same place!” anas niya, tumataas na ang boses.

Hindi maari ang sinasabi niyang custody. Mommy Salvacion is fighting because of this. Ayaw kong bigyan siya ng panibagong aalalahanin at sakit. It will surely hurt her knowing Chaz and I separated.

“No..no you don’t get it. Maayos namin 'to. We are already trying to make our marriage works. Trust me on this, Jens. H-Hindi ko hahayaang mapunta sa wala ang lahat ng ‘to.” I said with conviction.

Jenny was fuming mad. I convinced her in any way possible. Unfortunately, she didn’t give me a concrete yes but I am still aiming she will agree with me. I am hoping for the best.

Hapon nang makatanggap ako ng tawag mula kay Mommy Regina para ipaalam ang binyag ng anak ni ate na gaganapin dalawang linggo mula ngayon. I told her we’ll be there. I don’t want to missed that once in a lifetime occasion of my niece.

Tumulong ako sa paghahanda ng hapunan kay Manang. Even though Chaz advised me not to. I want to at least, to divert my attention.

“Sofia, anak..” napakurap-kurap ako ng marinig ang boses ni Manang.

“Po?” aligalig kong tanong. ““Ano pong.. may kailangan kayo?”

Pinagmasdan ako ni Manang Remmy, tinigil ang paghihiwa ng sibuyas.

“Tulala ka, hija. May problema ka ba?” she asked and I shook my head.

“Wala po..” mahinang ani ko.

I bowed my head and stared at my nails. Narinig ko ang malalim na buntonghininga ni Manang, sanhi para muli akong mag-angat ng tingin. She put the knife down and went to me. I jumped a little when I felt his hand on my shoulder.

“Alam mo noon ko pa ito napapansin, hija. Magkaaway ba kayo ng asawa mo?”

“Uh, no.. Manang. We’re good naman po..” I said.

I looked at her and smile. But she didn’t return the gesture and instead, stared at me warily.

“Pansin ko ang pag-iwas ni Theo sa’yo nitong mga nakaraang araw. Batid kong may inaalala siya sa trabaho pero kahit noon naman ay sinisigurado ng batang iyon na makauwi nang maaga para masaluhan ka sa hapag. Katakatakang hindi ko na iyon nakikita ngayon. Kaya naisip ko na.. may pinag-awayan siguro kayo?”

I bite my lower lip and lowered my head more.

“Pero alam mo ba, kahit ganoon ang asta niya ay walang palya ang pagpapaalala sa aking siguraduhing makakain ka. Palagi kang inihahabilin na bantayan ka at ibigay ang ano mang gusto mo.”

My chest heaved at the thought. Marami siyang ginawag kabutihan sa akin. Kaya rin ang hirap paniwalaang totoong hindi niya ako mahal.
Even Manang Remmy can testify that he cares. Isama pa ang mga ginawa niya sa akin noon. He bought me to the cliff, and I can still vividly remember how he carry me because my ankle was not in great shape that time. He was attentive to my whims, and even transfer all of my belongings to his room. Para raw wala na akong dahilan na bumangon nang maaga at iwan siya sa kama.

“May kaunting h-hindi pagkakaintindihan lang po, Manang.”

“Normal lang iyan sa mga mag-asawa. Mga hindi pagkakaintindihan, pero ito ang tandaan mo hija.. kahit anong mangyari’y huwag niyong susukuan ang isa’t-isa. Huwag niyong hayaang matibag ng hindi pagkakaunawan." She sighed. "Batay sa nakikita ko’y malalim na ang inyong pinagsamahan, kita mo nga at magkakaanak na kayo. Ngayon pa ba kayo susuko kung kailan may parating na biyayang pinagkaloob sa inyo ng Diyos?” mahaba niyang litany.

The talked I had with Manang lingered in my head. Na hanggang sa magdilim ay hindi ko pa rin iyon makalimutan.
I don’t really have the intention to give up on this marriage. I will give my son or daughter a complete family.. and Chaz?

He is to stay by my side. If what he have said last night that he doesn’t really have an ounce of affection to me, and that he just used for me his personal gain then.. he’ll grow old or even die being tied to me. I won’t give them the satisfaction of being free.
They made me feel miserable. Siya at si Harry. If the latter thought that he’ll have his happy moments with him, then he’s wrong. Hindi ko hahayaang maging masaya siya. O, sila.

The beep from my phone startled me. I take a look who the sender was. Dalawang text iyon, magkasunod.

From: Old Man
Won’t go home tonight.

From: Old Man
Matulog ka na.

I gritted my teeth upon reading it. Lumabas ako sa nursery room habang tinatawagan siya. I don’t want to receive a call again late night informing me that my dear husband is kissing someone else again!

Malakas akong suminghap nang walang sumagot. I called his number again but to my dismay, unattended. Irritated, I run to the room and get a cardigan to cover my body from cold.

Hindi pwedeng hindi siya uuwi. He will go home and won’t stay on another house. May bahay siyang dapat inuuwian. Hindi ang kung saan-saan lang.

Sa katahimikan ng bahay, umabot na sa pandinig ko ang lagaslas ng tubig mula sa kusina. Manang is perhaps cleaning the dishes. I don’t want to disturb Manong Bernardo this late at night, reason why I chose to use my car. Dangerous, yes. But I need to this for my peace of mind.

The sky wasn’t friendly. Walang buwan o kahit isang bituin. Malamig din ang ihip ng hangin at sa tantya ko ay nagbabadyang bumuhos ang ulan sa dilim at kapal ng mga ulap.

“Ma’am alam po ba ni Sir itong pag-alis niyo?” the guard asked when I reached the gate.

Hindi nila ako pinagbubuksan na kinailangan ko pang ibaba ang bintana sa driver seat para lang makausap sila.

“Please open the gate, Manong. Siya po ang pupuntahan ko ngayon,”

“Pero Ma’am, delikado po sa labas. Tignan niyo po at parang uulan pa.” he pointed the sky and all I could do was sigh.

“I’m gonna be fine po. Sa kaniya naman ako patutungo.” I insisted.

Manong guard contemplated whether to abide my command or his sir. Nasa mukha ang pagtutol.

“Please allow me, Manong. I badly want to see Chaz. Kami ng baby ko. May mga asawa naman kayo diba? You know how it feels being away with them. How much more me which is pregnant?” I uttered pleadingly.

Nakipagtitigan sa akin si Manong. I pouted my lips. Sinisiguradong nakakaawa ako sa itsurang pinapakita ko. Kung hindi dahil sa isa pang kasamahan niya na lumapit sa amin ay baka hindi na talaga ako nakalabas ng bahay.

“Hayaan mo na Berting, hindi mo ba narinig na kay Sir naman ang tungo ni Ma’am?” apila nito.

I smiled at him.

Dahil sa kaniya, naging madali ang pagkumbensi ko kay Manong Berting na umalis. Bago iyon ay mahigpit na pinaalala sa akin ng dalawang nagbabantay ang mag-ingat. Nagpasalamat ako sa kanila saka tuluyang nilisan ang mansyon.

The first thing that came into my mind was his condo unit. The drive will take me thirty minutes, but surprisingly the road is free from ample vehicles. The thirty minutes was shortened. Napahinga ako ng maluwag nang marating ang building at saktong pagbuhos ng ulan.

“Nice..” I murmured, smiling wickedly as the heavy rain didn’t got into me.

I instantly find the nearest elevator and hop in it. Good thing he brought me here the night before our weeding day. Naala ko pa ang address at ako rin ang tipong hindi basta-basta nakakalimot.

I was only trying my luck. And it seems to me that luck is on my favor.  Sa ikatlong pindot ko ng doorbell, bumukas ang pinto at bumungad sa akin ang lalaking rason ng paghihirap ko. Chaz Theo’s green orbs rounded seeing me. Mukhang hindi nito inaasahang makikita ako ngayong gabi sa labas ng kaniyang pinto.

“What are you doing here?” he promptly asked.

“Sinusundo ka,” tipid na ani ko. I hugged the cardigan on my body more as I felt the cold breeze.

From his obvious shocked expression, Chaz’s brows creased. “You went all the way here just for that?” He glanced behind me, and like a constant reaction his prominent jaw moved.

“Uuwi tayo, Chaz. Huwag mo akong paandaran diyan sa mga litanya mong pang tatay.” I said intently.

Iritado niya akong tiningnan. “Grace, gabi na. Paano kung may nagta—“

“’Di sana umuwi ka at nang hindi ako lumabas dis oras ng gabi!” pagputol ko sa mahiwagang litanya niya.

Lalong nagsalubong ang kilay niya, matalim na ang tingin sa akin. I twisted my lips. Feel the feeling of being cut off when you’re talking?

“Hindi mo man lang ba ako papasukin? Ang lamig dito,” I said.

His eyes roamed around my face down to my body. “Get in,” he tilted his head, as if telling me to go.

I hide the surprise expression in my face. I actually didn’t expect him do that. Ang akala ko ay hahayaan na lang niya ako sa labas at hindi papasukin. Tumikhim ako bago dahan-dahang pumasok sa loob. I heard him closed the door and his scent reached my nostrils when he walked passed me.

Pinagmasdan ko ang likod niyang tinahak ang daan patungo sa sala ng condo niya. I remember the last time I went here. We talked about our supposed marriage and right on that moment.. I saw him with Harry.

“Going here is not advisable at this hour, Grace. I texted you.”

Bitterness filled me thinking of Harry. Mahirap talagang makalaban ang unang minahal. Ang akala ko’y sapat na ang presensya at pagsasama naming dalawa noon. I was confident Chaz already fell for me as he was so caring and true to his words. Umasa akong kahit paano’y nakita rin niya ang halagang mayroon ako bilang asawa niya.

“It’s raining cats and dogs, Grace. You should’ve stayed in the mansion.  Paano kung naaksidente ka sa daan?” 

I blinked my eyes rapidly when he faced me. Staring at me sharply.

“Talagang lumabas ka ng bahay na iyan lang ang suot sa katawan! Your legs are sho—“

“Sssh,” I lift a finger to stop him from talking.

Lumapit ako ng bahagya sa kaniya. I notice the bruised on his right cheek. Ang gilid ng labi niya ay may bakas din ng sugat.

“Anong nagyari diyan?”

I tried touching his face but he took a step backward and shook his head.

“This is nothing,”

“May pasa ka, Chaz. Nakipagsuntukan ka tama?” I asked again, voice is filled with worry.

“I’ll call Tatay Bernardo to come and fetch you here. You’ll go home.” he said instead.

“Not unless you’ll go with me. Besides, it’s raining kaya..paano kung maaksidente kami pauwi?” nanatili ang titig ko sa sugat niya sa labi.

“Kaya nga dapat hindi ka na umalis pa! You are already in a safe place..”

Hindi ko napigilan at kusang humakbang ang mga paa ko para hapulsin ang mukha niya. He looked stunned, stopping him from talking.

“Does it hurt?” I whispered softly.

Our gaze locked and I saw how it softened staring at me. But it vanished with one blink. Making me think my eyes are just tricking me.

“Let’s treat your wounds. Where is your first aid kit?” hinawakan ko siya sa braso at akmang hihilain para maupo sa sofa nang matigilan ako. Hind ko kaya ang bigat niya, dahil sadyang nagpapabigat siya.

“Come on, Chaz. Hindi rin naman kita titigilan hanga’t hindi ko nagagamot ‘yang sugat at pasa mo sa mukha.”

“Umuwi ka na, Grace. You don’t belong here..” he said.

Nalukot ang puso ko sa narinig. Despite feeling sorrow and heavy, I still tried to give off a smile.

“Hayaan mo munang gamutin kita. By then, if the rain would stop.. maybe,” I tilted my head.

He eyed me seriously. Tipid ko siyang nginitian kahit ang loob ko ay parang pinupunit sa sakit. Ayaw niyang nandito ako. Pero si Harry noon..

“Alright, then. You’ll go after this, understood?”

All I could do was nod my head. Giniya niya ako paupo sa kaniyang leather couch habang hinagihap niya ang kaniyang first aid kit. Ilang santo na ang dinasalan ko n asana huwag tumila ang ulan. Sa lahat ng pagkakataon, ngayon lang siguro ako natuwang bumubuhos ang ulan.

When he came back having the kit, he sat beside me making sure there was enough space between us. My heart hurt. Noon ay halos hindi na siya humiwalay sa akin. Personal space for him doesn't matter. He likes touching my hands, playing with my fingers. Gusto niya laging inaamoy ang buhok ko. He likes kissing my cheeks, and is even calling me Aphrodite. But look at us now.

Fate is being cruel to me again.

Gusto ko lang namang sumaya. Masama bang hilingin iyon?

I blinked my eyes when I felt him touching my face. I didn’t even know I was crying until he decided to wipe off the tears. Wala siyang sinabi habang ginagawa iyon. I saw how his eyes darkened while doing so.

He was about to remove his hands when I held his wrist, halting him from moving. I closed my eyes and pressed my cheeks into his palm more, feeling his warm and the familiar heat. I felt like weeping more having this close to him.

“Chaz ako na lang..” I murmured, eyes heating up again. “Miss na miss na kita, bumalik ka na sa akin.. hmm?”

I open my eyes and our gaze met instantly. I saw the pain crossed his eyes. Ang hirap. Ako naman ang kasama niya. Narito siya sa harap ko pero parang ang layo niyang abutin.

“A-Ako na lang, Chaz Theo. Promise, I’ll be better. Piliin mo lang ako. H-Hindi.. hindi na ako lalabas ng bahay kapag hindi ka kaasama. I’ll behave. I won’t give you a hard time.. just please.. choose me.”

I never once saw myself begging for someone. Sabi ko noon, hindi ko ipipilit ang sarili sa mga taong ayaw sa akin. Even when Drake decided to cut ties with me, I was hurt yes but the pain didn’t leave me begging to take me back.

Hinayaan ko siya kung iyon ang makakapagpasaya sa kaniya. But this case is completely different. I don’t see myself living this life without him. I want him to own me.

“Grace we have settled this matter, right?” he asked as he forcefully pull his wrist from my hold. "We can stay with each other's arms without love. You don't need to love, as much as I don't love you."

Tuluyan akong napaluha.

“Why? Mahirap ba akong mahalin, Chaz?”

Nanlalabo na ang mata ko pero hindi nakaligtas sa akin ang pag tiim bagang niya.

“Maganda naman ako, ah? Jenny and my other friends often tell me I’m kind. I have an hourglass body figure, my breast are fu—“

“Ones physique isn’t basis when it comes to love, Grace. It’s not my standard. Mamahalin kita kahit hindi ka kagandahan, o maganda ang pangangatawan.”

“Then why can’t you love me?!” I yelled, tears flowing. He didn’t answer me and just looked away.

“H-Hindi ko alam kung saan ako nagkulang. I did nothing but to be good wife to you. I tolerated y-your affair with him before ‘cause I know you loved him. But you know..” I swallowed the bile on my throat. “iba na ngayon, eh. Chaz magkakaanak na tayo. Kasakiman ba kung pilitin kang kami naman ang piliin mo?”

Chaz cocked his head and our gaze meet. His was bloodshot, jaw clenching.

“You said it yourself, Grace. You allowed us to keep our relationship. Kung nagawa mo noon, magagawa mo ulit ngayon. And no.. hindi ka mahirap mahalin. It’s just..” he closed his eyes. “Harry.. he’s irreplaceable.”

Ang katiting na pag-asang mayroon ako ay tuluyang tinangay ng hangin.
Muling tumulo ang luha ko dala ng matinding sakit. While I come to realize that this life would be in vain without his presence. Chaz is thinking of someone else.

He’s irreplaceable, Sofia.

You should know where to place yourself. Hindi ikaw ang gusto niya. Not in this lifetime does Chaz will fall for you.

“I expect you get what I am pointing, Sofia Grace. I don’t want to engage in the same conversation the following days. Ayaw kong magpaulit-ulit.”