Kiss

“Tama ka. Marami nga tayong dapat pag-usapan.” I looked at him sternly as I took a step forwards. “Explain why in the world I caught you with Harry and Cristelle when you’re supposed to be in your office, doing your goddamn paparworks!”

Nakakagalit ang ginawa niya. He lied to me. Ako na kahit isang oras hindi niya mapaglaanan ng panahon pero ang ibang tao?

“Hindi ko alam na mas gusto mo na pala silang kasama kaysa sa akin. ‘Di sana sila na lang ang inasawa mo? Si Cristelle na lang sana ang binuntis mo nang sa gano’n wala ka ng iisiping babaeng matigas ang ulo at hindi sumusunod sa anumang gusto mo!”

Chaz lips parted. At the same time, his eyes bulged. He looked taken aback at what I’ve said. Surprise that I know their secret rendezvous?

“Grace, what the fuck?!” he exclaimed.

“Don’t fuck, fuck me. You asshole!” pabalik kong saad.

Lalong bumilog ang kaniyang mga mata maging ang bibig.

“Naniwala ako sa’yo nang sabihin mong wala nang namamagitan sa inyo ni Harry. Para akong tanga na paniwalang paniwala sa’yo pero ‘yon pala, nagkikita kayo ng pahilim. At talagang hindi ka pa nakuntento sa isa, dinalawa mo pa!”

“We were with Antonnette earlier!”

Pagak akong natawa. “Am I supposed to believe that? Walang Antonnette sa store na ‘yon, don’t fool me!”

“Of course cuz she was having her wrist measured by the artist. May natipuhan siyang bracelet pero hindi kumakasya. Antonnette doesn’t want to readjust the accessory so she asked the owner if they could provide one that suits her. What are you thinkin’?”

Umiling ako. How will I know if he’s telling the truth? Even a thief won’t confess of stealing once caught.

“You’re only saying that to save your ass. Nagsisinungaling ka. Kung totoo man, nakakatawang kaya mong maglaan ng oras sa kanila kaysa sa akin.”

Chaz swallowed hard. “I.. I can’t say no to her. She’s also my family.”

“And you can, to me? Wow, what mindset you have here, Chaz Theo. Hindi mo siya mahindihan at talagang kasama pa ang dalawang iyon.” I laughed sarcastically.

Chaz closed his eyes, his jaw clenching. “Cristelle and Antonnette were friends, the three of them. Nakasalubong namin sila, she urged them to tag on us. Iyon lang ‘yon, Grace..” humina ang boses niya.

Pinagmamasdan niya ang mukha ko na tila tinatantya ang magiging reaksyon ko. I take an fortifying gulped. 

“I don’t believe you. Sinasabi mo lang ‘yan para pagaanin ang loob ko. Ngayon na may kasalanan ka, para kang maamong tuta, pero sa susunod, magmimistula ka na namang tigreng gutom.” I crossed my arms and arched a brow.

Nagsalubong ang kilay niya, tila nasa malalim na pag-iisip.

“You think I’ll forget how you treated me these past few days? You’re becoming an untamed animal. Giving me mixed signals and all that shit. I wi—“

“Stop cursing will you? Ikaw itong nagsasabing masama ang nagmumura, but can you hear yourself now? Hindi naman bagay sa’yo.” Iritadong pagputol nito sa akin.

“So kapag ikaw na lagi akong minumura, ayos lang? Noong nakaraan ka pa, ah! You think your simple, fuck and my name after, is also bagay sa'yo?” minatahan ko siya. “You better think again, Chaz. Dahil kahit sino hindi magugustuhang murahin.”

Nagulat ako nang bigla niyang kunin ang cellphone mula sa bulsa at saka iyon inilahad sa akin.

"Call Antonnette if you're doubting me. Ask her directly if I am indeed just saving my ass."

I cleared my throat. My eyes narrowing on the gadget he's holding. I want to. Gusto kong tanggapin iyon at tawagan siya para maliwanagan.. pero..

I panicked when Chaz opened it and went through his applications. Mabilis kong nakuha ang cellphone saka ito binalik sa bulsa niya.

"Fine! Naniwala na ako. No need to call her!"

He raised a brow. I sighed and closed my eyes.

"Let this go since you have your share of faults." I licked my lower lip.

"Sa puntong ito, alam mong mali ka. You are wrong so you can't blame me."

Hindi maipagkakailang para akong nabunutan ng tinik nang malamang si Antonette pala ang kasama niya at hindi ang dalawang iyon. I have a lot of questions, but for now. This is enough. Sa tuwing mapapatingin ako sa mukha niya'y nangingibabaw ang pag-alala ko. He looked worn out. I don't want to stressed him more with it.

Kinabukasan, gano’n na lang ang pagtataka ko nang mabungaran ang living room na may mga nakakahon. Naguguluhang hinanap ko si Manang. Natagpuan ko siya sa labas at inuutusan ang dalawang lalaki sa kung paano ipapasok ang malaking kahon sa truck.

“Ano pong mayroon, Manang?”

I am still on my pyajama. Natatamad akong maligo o kahit magpalit.

“Ipinapapabigay ng asawa mo sa orphanage.” simpleng sagot nito habang ang tingin ay nasa dalawang lalaki.

Napanguso ako. Okay. That’s thoughtful of him.

“Are they going to leave now? May mga gamit po kasi ako na hindi ko naman ginagamit. Might as well give them to the orphanage you’re talking about.”

Nilingon ako ni Manang Remmy, nakangiti. “Hindi pa sila makaalis hanga’t hindi ko sinasabi. Saan ba iyang mga gamit na gusto mong ipamigay? Tutulungan kitang ilagay sa kahon.”

“Nasa condo ko pa po kasi. Pwede po ba silang maghintay dito ng ilang oras pa?” 

“Nasa malayong lugar naman pala, ‘yan. Ang akala ko’y narito lang sa mansyon.” busangot na saad niya.

Bahagya akong natawa.

“No po. Pero hindi naman siya gano’n kamalayo. Mga a-abot ng isang oras ang biyahe.”

“Aba’y kung gano’n, papaalisin ko na muna sila at naghihintay na ngayon sila Sister Kaye. Alam nilang ngayong umaga ang dating ng mga ito. Sa susunod na lang ang sa’yo, hija.”

I pouted my lips. Marami talaga akong gamit sa condo. Instead of making it a display there, orphans will benefit them more.

“I understand, Manang.”

Nanatili ako sa labas at pinagmasdan ang dalawang lalaki na maghakot.

“Ilan sa mga ‘yan ay pinaglumaang gamit ni Theo. Mayroon ding mula sa mansyon ng mga magulang niya at ang iba ay..”

Napatingin ako kay Manang nang bigla itong magsalita. Papasok na kami ngayon sa bahay, aniya’y ipaghahanda niya raw ako ng umagahan.

“Mga gamit mo,” she added.

I frowned. “Gamit ko?”

“Hindi ka ba nagtataka kung.. ano iyong laman ng may pinakamalaking kahon?”

I shook my head leisurely.

“Hay, Kayong mga kabataan talaga. Porque maraming salapi, waldas lang nang waldas." humalakhak si Manang Remmy. "Hindi bale na rin, pinakinabangan din naman nang hindi pinalad ang mga iyon.”

“What do you mean, Manang?” I asked again, really confused.

She stared at me, a ghost of smile creeping on her face.

“Iyong mga pinamili mo kahapon. Ang laman ng malaking kahon ay ang crib ng anak niyo sana, habang ang iba ay mga damit at gamit niya. Iyong tsup—"

“Ano po?!” I exclaimed, bewildered.

“O’o hija. Inutusan akong ibigay sa bahay ampunan ang mga iyon ng—"

“Manang kabibili ko lang ng mga 'yon!" gulantang kong ani. 

Sa pagkakataong ito, tuluyan siyang napatawa nang malakas.

"Wala na tayong magagawa, tapos na. Huwag mong sabihing hahabulin at babawiin mo sa mga madre ang mga pinamili mo?"

"Pero manang, kay baby po 'yon. Inayos ko na nga po ang mga ‘yon, e. Maayos na kaya bakit.. bakit niyo pinamigay?”

“Aba’y hindi ko rin alam sa asawa mo. Sinunod ko lang naman ang inutos niya. Mabuti pa sa kaniya mo itanong ‘yan.”

Mabilis ko siyang tinalikuran at tinahak ang daan pataas. Ano ba ang iniisip ng lalaking iyon? He think because this is house, he can do anything that he likes! Hindi niya pera ang ginamit ko para bilhin ang mga iyon. Inabala ko pa si Ryan sa araw na dapat ay ipinapahinga niya. And then I’ll find out, he gave all of the items to the orphanage?

He is clearly not thinking!

Nang makuha ang telepono sa silid ay muli akong lumabas. This time, I went to the nursery to check and to my horror, the room was empty! Not totally empty since there are small closet, a small table and a chair. But the things I bought yesterday was nowhere to be found.

Tinawagan ko si Chaz habang nakatayo sa gitna ng silid. I was breathing heavily. Gritting my teeth as I find the whole situation fuck up.

“I’m in a meeting. I’ll call—"

“Don’t you dare end the call, Chaz Theo.” malamig ang boses na simula ko.

I heard a silent sigh on the other line. May ibang boses pa akong naririnig pero pinagsawalang bahala ko iyon. Even guilt didn’t visit me when I learned he's having a meeting.

“Just continue. This will be quick. Excuse me,”

Patuloy ang paghinga ko nang malalim para pakalmahin ang nagwawalang damdamin dahil sa iritasyon. Few minutes later, I heard the sound of opening and closing of doors.

“If this is about those cheap clothes, don’t waste your time, Grace. Mabuti pa, matulog ka na lang.”

I gasped exasperatedly. “What cheap, Chaz? Branded ang lahat ng iyon! Lataran pa kita ng resibo!”

“I am not talking about the prize. I am for the quality. Isinama mo pang ang lalaki mo pala ang pumili sa mga iyon.”

“Excuse me? Hindi ko siya lalaki! He’s a friend. Siya na itong tumulong, pag-iisipan mo pa ng masama!”

His manly chuckled reached my ears.

“His help is not needed in the first place. There’s no way in hell I’ll allow my child to wear something that your so called cheap and ex-convict friend has bought.”

Nalaglag ang panga ko sa tinuran niya.

“I am sure he had laid his filthy hands in the fabric. Not safe. Na contaminate na ng germs at bacteria. I’m only up for protection. Father’s duties they say.” tunog nangingising saad nito.

“Hey! He’s not ex-convict. Ayusin mo ‘yang pananalita mo, Chaz.”

“Oh come on. Stop defending that moron. The fact that he spent a week or more in a semi-prison cell is enough to call him one.”

“He was freed! Ryan didn’t even commit the crim—"

“Hmm, first name basis. I see.”

Kumunot ang noo ko sa ginawa nitong pagputol sa pagsasalita ko.

“Ang pangit ng pangalan. Bagay lang sa kaniya. Pangit na nga, pati pangalan ‘di pinalampas.” he murmured, as if he was talking to himself but because we’re on the phone call, I’ve managed to heard all of it.

“You stop talking ill about him. Wala siyang ginagawa sa’yo. At teka nga? Bakit ba natin siya pinag-uusapan? We’re talking about the baby stuff’s here! I spend three hours to collect all of it. Not to mention my efforts to arranged them in place. Then what? Ipamimigay mo lang pala!”

Sa lahat ng maaring i-donate mo sa orphanage, iyon pa talaga! Ang galing din ng isang ‘to. Hindi nag-iisip.

“Enough with the nagging. I’ve plotted my reason now. It’s either you accept it, or you deal with it.”

Napasigaw ako sa iritasyon lalo pang lumala ang humalakhak ng taong kausap ko.

“Hey, relax. I asked someone to replace them. She will be there today. If you want, you can give her a hand to organize everything. If you feel like some are missing, you can buy them only if you’re with her. Not with your so called ex-convict friend."

“I told you he’s not ex-convict!"

“Whatever, Grace. I have to hang up now. Don’t forget what I—"

Sa iritasyon, ako na mismo ang nagbaba ng tawag. I took a deep breath as I stared at the room plainly.

That man! Nataguriang matalino pero hindi ginagamit ng tama. Contaminated? It’s not as if Ryan has some contagious disease. Ang arte niya!

Buong araw kong hinintay ang sinasabi niyang darating dala ang mga gamit ni baby. I also didn’t informed Ryan about it. Nakakahiya lalo pa sa tuwing bumabalik sa isip ko ang mga binitawang salita ni Chaz.

Bandang alas dos ng hapon nang biglang kong makita si Antonnette. She was walking towards the living room with Manang Remmy on her side. May tatlong lalaking pawang nakaitim ang nakasunod sa kaniya. They were holding a paper bags in both hands. Sa itsura ay tingin ko mga bodyguard ito.

“She shouldn’t just sleep. Dapat nag gagalaw-galaw siya. Yoga and exercise, it will help her with the pregnancy.”

Narinig kong sabi ni Antonnette.

“Nag exercise naman ‘yon. Pero ‘yon nga, minsan lang. Abala rin kasi sa trabaho ang asawa kaya hindi nasasamahan.” si Manag iyon.

“Heard about it, Manang. The hotel in Isla Cali is facing a major problem in construction. Though, knowing Theo.. I’m sure he has plans to resolve the conflict. Mabuti nga rin at hindi naman siya nag-iisa. Samuel and Harry are with him.”

“Iyo na nga, Antonnette. Minsan kung umuuwi ang batang ‘yon ay gabing-gabi na. Nakakaligtaan ang hapunan at sa sumunod na araw naman ay maagang umaalis. Hindi rin nakakain sa umaga.”

“Don’t worry about him, Manang Remmy. Matanda na ‘yon, alam na ang ginagawa.” humalakhak si Antonnette.

Nang nasa paanan na ako ng hagdan ay doon lang nila napansin ang presensya ko. Ngumiti si Antonnette. She waved her hand and strides towards me.

“Ma’am, saan po naming ito ilalagay?” tanong ng isa sa tatalong lalaking kasama niya, sanhi nang paghinto ni Antonnette.

“Sa sofa na lang siguro. Ayos lang ba, Manang? May kukunin pa sila sa kotse, e. Tinawagan ako ni Chaz kagabi, kabayaran daw sa paghila ko sa kaniya mula sa opisina kahapon.” 

That caught my interest. So it is true that Chaz was with her yesterday? Neither Harry and Miss Navarro. Para akong nabunutan ng tinik sa dibdib dahil doon. Lumapit ako sa kanila na may maaliwalas na pakiramdam.

“Bakit, ano ba ang mga ito?” sinilip ni Manang ang laman ng isa, at maya-maya ay napatawa ito.

“Just some dress and shirts for newborns. Ewan ko nga sa pinsan kong iyon at ako pa talaga ang inutusan. Didn’t you want to buy them personally, Sofia?” dinungaw niya ako. “Ako kasi, iyon ang inaabangang pangyayari noong pinagbubuntis ko pa lang si Gideon. Shopping is fun, especially if it is meant for your own kids."

I blows a loud breath.

"Pasensya na kung naabala ka pa ni Chaz. Sa totoo niyan ay nakabili na ako kahapon. Pabida lang ang pinsan mo.”

We both laughed at that.

“Right. Very pabida..” she murmured.

Kung gaano kabilis mawalan ng gamit ni baby ang silid niya, gano’n din kabilis itong napunan nang sumapit ang hapon. Together with Manang Remmy and Antonette, we organized all of the baby stuffs she bought.

Dahil tatlo kami, hindi naging mahirap at matagal ang muling pag-aayos ng silid ni baby. I realized, it was entertaining to do with Antonette and Manang. Nag enjoy din naman ako noong una, pero iba rin pala kapag may kasama.

“Bisita ka ulit dito, Antonette. Kung gusto mo isama mo si Gideon.” I said as she was about to leave the manor.

“I like the idea! Mas gusto pa naman ni baby kapag nasa labas. Gustong laging nagliliwaliw.” she chuckled.

"Sige. Ingat kayo pauwi." I waved my hands and she did the same

My day went on with just me and Manang Remmy. Pagkatapos kung kumain nang panghapunan, hinintay kong makauwi si Chaz. Sa tagal no’n ay hindi na ako nagulat nang makatulog ako sa kakahintay.

Naalimpungatan lang ako nang sumapit ang hating gabi. With a heavy eyelids, I looked at the space beside where I slept and saw no trace of him. Dahan-dahan akong naupo saka pinahinga ang likod sa headrest ng kama. I then looked around to search for his things.

Napahinga ako nang maluwag nang makita ang laptop at specs niya sa coffee table. Nakabukas pa iyon at halatang kanina pa siya naroon. Inilibot ko ang tingin sa buong kwarto. Doon ay napansin ko ang bulto ng isang tao sa may balkonahe. Sa likod at pangangatawan ay napagtanto kong si Chaz iyon.

“Chaz,” I called his name as I opened the door, separating the balcony to the room.

Yinakap ko ang sarili nang bumalot sa katawan ko ang malamig na simoy ng hangin. Hindi niya ako nilingon. I took a step forward and my brows knitted when I saw a stick of cigarette on his finger.

“I told you to quit smoking.” pagpuna ko.

“Get inside and sleep.” he said as he puffed the cigarete. “I am just relieving my stress. You shouldn’t smell the smoke of this. Pumasok ka sa loob.”

“Kung may problema ka, hindi solusyon ang paninigarilyo.” I squinted my eyes on the round table. There was a bottle of Rum. “Sakit yata ang hanap mo.”

Chaz turned his body around. Muli siyang humithit sa dalang sigarilyo bago pinatay ang usok no’n sa ashtray na nasa lamesa rin, katabi ang bote ng alak.

“Let’s get inside, Grace. Mahamog dito..” may pinalidad na aniya.

He opened the sliding door and tilted his head, as if commanding me to go.
I stared at his face and sigh.

“You’ll sleep, too okay? Hindi ka muling haharap sa screen ng laptop mo. Ikaw ang nagsasabing hi—"

“Yes, I’ll do that. Now come here, you’ll catch cold.”

Tipid akong napangiti saka pumasok sa loob. Dumiretso ako sa kama. I watch him closed his laptop and fixed his things in the table. Then he went to the left side of the bed. He lifted the comforter and dived into the bed after.

Umusog ako palapit sa kaniya. Ginawa kong unan ang kaniyang dibdib at dahil doon, naramdaman kong tila natigilan siya.

“Close the light,” I said and yawned afterwards. "Good night, hubby. Miss ka na namin.." huling tinuran ko bago pinikit ang mga mata at hinayaang magpakain ng antok sa ilalim ng bisig niya.

If not because of what happened today. I don’t think I’ll have the face to do this. Ayon kay Antonnette, marami siyang iniisip na problema ngayon. Kaya siguro, ganito na lang ang pag ugaling pinapakita niya sa akin. Besides, this is not permanent. Someday, my sweet and clingy husband will be back. That’s for sure.

Sa sumunod na araw, hindi ko ulit nakasama sa hapag si Chaz  para sa umagahan. Na hindi na sa akin bago.
Bandang alas-dose nang makatanggap ako ng text mula kay Ryan. Nasa labas daw siya ng gate.

Walang pagdadalawang-isip na lumabas ako ng bahay. I saw him outside, leaning on his black motorcycle. Pinagbuksan ako ng gate ni Manong guard. I forgot his name since he’s just new. When we came back from vacation, they were already hired.

“I told you not to do this. Nag-abala ka pa.” tinuran ko nang ilahad ni Ryan ang isang malaking supot.

Tinanggap ko ‘yon.

“Hindi naman ‘to abala, Sofia. Saka sabi ko naman diba? Regalo ko na ‘to.” he smiled boyishly.

I chuckled and shook my head.

“Pasok ka muna. Ipaghahanda kita ng meryenda. Pasasalamat dito,” I said motioning my hand into the plastic bag.

"I have work, so.. perhaps next time?”

Tinitigan ko siya at hindi ko maiwasang maisip ang mga sinabi ni Chaz. Feeling guilty that I failed to stand for him, I nodded my head understandingly.

"Kung gano'n ay mag iingat ka. Thanks for this." I said, beaming.

Ngumiti siyang kumaway. I watched him put his helmet on. Nanatili ako sa bungad ng gate hanggang sa makaalis na siya. When I can no longer see him, I walk back inside and began attending my new found hobby. Sa nursery room ako nagpalipas ng magdamag, inaaral kung paano gumawa ng damit.

It was honestly a hassle. Alam kong hindi madali ang paggawa pero hindi ko rin inaakalang ganito kahirap! I was watching the tutorials on YouTube. Unfair, dahil sa video ay gamay na gamay na nila ang ginagawa. Samantalang ako ay nagkasugat-sugatan na.

“Hija, itigil mo na muna ‘yan. Bumaba ka na at kumain.” kinatok ako ni Manang Remmy.

I halted. Tiningnan ko ang bintana at doon napansing gabi na. Tumayo ako mula sa pagkakasalampak sa sahig. I stretched my hands and tilted my head sideways.

“Susunod ako, Manang. Ililigpit ko lang po ang mga ito.”

“Huwag kang magtatagal at lalamig ang pagkain. Mauna ka na sa asawa mo, mamaya pa iyon panigurado.” she said and left after.

I sighed heavily. Kung ganitong palagi siyang ginagabi, ganoon kalala ang problema nila? Like he’s literarily in his office whole day straight.

Sa hapagkainan ay tahimik kong sinimulang kainin ang hinaing mga putahe ni Manang. Hindi mawawala ang cake since she knows I am always craving for it. Kung narito lang si Chaz, magtatalak na naman iyon sa mga kinakain ko.

“Babalik na po ako sa taas, Manang. Salamat sa hapunan..” pagpapaalam ko nang matapos.

Nakangiti siyang tumango. It was my cue to leave the dining room and proceeded to the master’s bedroom. I decided to take a half bath. Hindi ako naligo kanina kaya iyon na lang ang gagawin ko ngayon.

Halos isang oras din ang tinagal ko sa banyo. I changed into a satin pajama and oversized shirt of Chaz. Kinuha ko lang ito sa closet niya. The fabric of the shirt is comforting.

While I was combing my hair in front of a vanity mirror, my phone rang. Tinignan ko kung sino ‘yon at nakitang si Jenny ang tumatawag. Nasa akma na akong sagutin iyon nang bigla itong mamatay. But seconds later, she called again. This time, I answered it hastily. Her blurred voice is what I heard soon as I pressed the green icon.

“Hindi kita maintindihan. Ayusin mo,” walang gana kong sagot.

Naupo ako sa paanan ng kama habang patuloy ang pagsuklay sa buhok.

“Shit, wait!” tumili ito. “Nicholas you damned shit!” her breathing was heavy. Para siyang tumatakbo at may tinatakasan.

“You’re with Nicholas? Bakit maingay? Nasa bar ba kayo?” sunod-sunod kong tanong.

Sa halip na marinig ang boses niya, kay Nicholas ang umalingawngaw sa telepono.

“You’re a pain in the ass both sober and intoxicated. What will I do to you? Isako na lang kaya kita?” bakas ang tuwa sa boses ng lalaki.

“Ikaw ang isasako ko, bwesit!” Jenny cursed.

“Jenny umuwi ka na. Magpahinga at—"

“Oh my god, Pia!” bigla ay umiyak ito.

Kumunot ang noo ko. Tinigil ko ang ginagawang pagsuklay saka tinuon ang atensyon sa kaibigan.

“Hush, Jens. Lasing ka na nga, mabuti pa magpahatid ka kay Nicholas. Hindi kita masusundo ngayon kung iyon ang tinawag mo. Just go with Nicho, he won’t harm you.”

Lumakas ang tunog ng iyak ni Jenny. Nicholas’ voice was going in the background as he tried to refrain her from sobbing.

“I love you, Sofia. Mahal na mahal kita girl,” she blurted out.

I let out a low chuckle.

“Yes, I’m aware. I love you too, now listen to me and give the phone back to Nicholas.”

“Iwan ka man niya.. tatanggapin pa rin kita. Annual him, Pia! You don’t deserve an unfaithful partner! Tutulungan kitang buhayin ang baby—"

“Hey, what?” natatawa kong tanong.

She cried more. “I saw them, Pia! I saw how he was kissed by another man! Ayaw ko na sa kaniya, hindi ko siya bati!”

Nabura ang ngiti sa labi ko sa sunod nitong sinabi.

“W-What.. Jenny what are you saying? You’re just drunk, umuwi ka na at matulog.”

“No.. no.. no.. I hate him! I hate cheaters!” she paused and I heard her freak out. “Get off, you dumbass! Pare-pareho kayong mga lalaki, mga manloloko!” it was the last sane thing I heard from her.

Nagkagulo sa kabilang linya. Jenny kept on whimpering, and cursing whoever she’s with. Hindi nagtagal ay napatay ang tawag. Bothered by what she said, I called her again to clarify it.
Sa pagkakataong ito, si Nicholas ang sumagot.

“Your friend is asleep now. I’ll just drive her home.” I heard him took a deep breath.

“Okay, thank you.” I gnaw on my lower lip. “May.. alam ka ba sa sinabi niya kanina?”

Hindi ako makakatulog hangga’t hindi nalalaman kung ano ‘yon. May pakiramdam akong hindi siya nagsisinungaling. Jenny never lied to me so whatever that is..

“I am not sure. We were fine drinking with the team when she excused herself. She drunk a number of beers so I got worried and decided to go after her.”

“And what, Nicho? Anong nangyari?”

I heard him sighed. “Do you really want to know, Sofia?”

Sa simpleng tanong niyang iyon, parang tumigil ang paglipas ng oras. Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. There was a part of that wanted to say no, and just act like all of these didn’t occur. But another part of me is yearning for the truth.

“Go on, Nicholas. Tell me what you saw.” I said flatly.

Nicholas stopped, making my anticipation grows.

“Jenny was after your husband. He was also here, just so you know and he was not alone. I am certain of that. Pero hindi ko nakita kung totoong lalaki ba ‘yon o baka namalikmata lang si Jenny.”

I felt my hearbeats quickened. Pakiramdam ko ay nawalan ng kulay ang mukha ko sa narinig mula sa kaniya.

“And yes, they kissed. Likod lang ng asawa mo ang nakita ko. I failed to see the other party's face because Jenny was about to attack them. Pinigilan ko, and when I looked to check, it was too late. Nakaalis na ang kasama ni Mr. Fuentes.”

My hand went numb. Nalaglag sa sahig ang cellphone ko pero wala doon ang atensyon ko, kung ‘di sa katotohanang nag ba-bar ang taong hinihintay kong umuwi. Ang buong akala ko ay nasa opisina lang siya, nagtatrabaho dahil sabi pa nga niya, marami siyang dapat ayusin at pinagkakaabalahan. I was not aware that the business he was referring to was actually him.

When I saw him with Harry days before, my doubts were dissipated because it is true that Antonnette was the real reason why he was at that store. Pero ngayon..

The mere fact that he was there, partying with his supposed to be business partners is killing me. Ang malamang naghihintay lang pala ako sa wala..

My chest aches so bad that I found myself sitting in the carpeted floor, shedding tears. Masakit na tumitibok ang dibdib ko. Hindi ko matanggap na nagawa niya akong lokohin. Hindi ko matanggap na nagagawa niya akong ipagsawalang bahala.

I don't know a thing about his problems. But I am sure it isn't about us. Maayos kami. Nagkakasundo kami. Tanggap niya ako bilang katuwang sa buhay. Heto nga at magkakaanak na kami, kaya hindi ko makapa ang posibleng rason niya para gawin ito.

Mabilis akong tumayo nang marinig ang pagbukas ng pinto sa silid na inuukupahan ko. My knees almost failed me, I was glad I managed to find support from the bed.

Nakita kong pumasok si Chaz at parang wala lang na binaba ang mga gamit. I bite my lower lip as my eyes stings seeing his face. Magulo ang kaniyang buhok, wala sa ayos ang suot na long sleeve at namumula ang mga mata.

Sa kabila ng nanginginig na tuhod, sinubukan kong lapitan siya. When I smelled the strong scent of alcohol within him, I lost it.

“Where have you been?”

Inis kong pinahid ang tumulong luha sa mga mata ko. Wala pa man ay para na akong maiiyak. I hate how vulnerable I get when it comes to the person I love. 

“It’s almost midnight. Sana man lang inisip mong may naghihintay sa'yong umuwi."

Tipid lang akong tiningnan ni Chaz bago siya tumalikod at lumapit sa nightstand.

"Huwag mong idahilan ang trabaho mo dahil.. hindi na ito oras nang trabaho.”

I swallowed the bile on my throat and applaud myself for not stuttering. He removed his watch and open the drawer. He put it there before jerking his body to glance at me.

“My friends invited me to drink. Hindi mo na dapat ako hinintay at natulog na lang.”

“You didn’t even bother to inform me?” I asked, grief spitting in my voice.

Hindi niya ako sinagot. Nagtiim bagang ako at tinaliman siya ng tingin. Nagsimula akong humakbang para lumapit sa kaniya. Every steps I take felts like walking in a path full of thorns.

How can he do that?

While I have to ask for his permission first before going out in the house. Tapos siya, hindi man lang..

“Did you have fun? Masaya bang makasama ang mga kaibigan mo?”

Ang akala ko’y hindi muli siya sasagot pero nagsalita siya.

“Sort of,” he replied in a monotone.

“Uh,” tumango ako. “Paano ka ba naman hindi mag e-enjoy kung kasama mo si Harry. Tell me, Chaz.. is he a good kisser than I am?”

I saw how his eyes rounded a fraction. But it immediately vanished and return to his cold facade. I chuckled painfully. His reaction confirmed it all.

“So it was true, huh? Ikaw nga ‘yon, at si Harry ang kahalikan mo?”

“Who told you that?” he asked, his jaw clenching.

Nang tuluyan akong makalapit sa kaniya ay lakas loob kong inangat ang kamay. My forefinger touch his lower lip and I let it pass through it. He jumped a little, as if he was not expecting me to do that. 

He held my wrist and was about to remove it but I firmly stood still and continue what I was doing. Nag-init ang magkabilang gilid ng mata ko. My stares were leveled into his lips and I felt my heart ripped into pieces.

“Don’t do that again..”

I saw how his jaw clamped more. Hindi ako nag-abalang mag-angat man lang ng tingin at pinanatili ito sa mga labi niya.

“You’re hurting me, Chaz.” I mumbled weakly. “If you wanna be kissed, just.. tell me. Handa akong halikan ka.. or even more of kissing. You don’t need to find it in someone. Asawa kita, eh. Alam mong mali.. maling galawin ka ng iba kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit..” mariin kong nakagat ang ibabang labi nang magsimulang bumuhos ang luha sa mga mata ko.

“That’s enough, Grace. Pagod ako. Matulog na tayo.”

Binaba niya ang kamay ko pero maagap akong umiling.

"Ang sabi mo, wala na kayo ni Harry diba? Kinukulit ka ba niya? Pinipilit? Pwede natin siyang kasuhan. We are married and...and, we—"

"I said enough! If you don't want to sleep then let me. The bed is fucking calling me."

“I love you!” I bravely glanced to looked at his face. "I will forget the kiss happened. I can do that, okay? Please listen to me.." I plead desperately.

He was looking back at me, menacing and emotionless. I wiped off my tears and still tried my best to give off a smile.

"Stop talking bullshit, Grace. It’s not funny.” aniya, sanhi para umawang ang labi ko.

“I am not playing with you. Totoong gusto kita. Hindi mali, mahal kita. Handa akong kalimutan ‘to, magsimula tayo ng panibago. We can live in Isla Cali. I’ll give up my work and live there like a simple housewife."

Binigyan ko siya ng matamis na ngiti sa kabila ng pait na nananalaytay sa bawat himaymay ng katawan ko. Pero gano'n na lang ang pagsakit ng dibdib ko nang marinig siyang humalakhak.

"You must be forgetting the reason why we’re both here." Chaz towered over me, as if trying to dominate me with his presence. “I am using you for my personal gain. I want to save my mother and you were there, offering yourself like a slut."

Naiiyak na umiling ako. What he said is below the belt. But I want him to see my point.

"Stop lying. Alam ko naman, nararamdaman kong mahal mo rin ako. We felt the same. From your hugs, the cuddles, sweet words, the kisses. I told you right? I can forget what you did. Papatawarin kita."

Muli siyang tumawa, sanhi para matigil ako sa pagsasalita.

“You’re putting colors on every actions I’ve done in the past that you failed to notice none of them were real. Kinukuha ko lang ang loob mo dahil.. may kailangan ako sa’yo.”

I firmly shook my head. Hindi tinatanggap ang mga salitang sinasabi niya. Kahit pa unti-unti na nitong dinudurog ang puso ko.

"I am incapable of loving woman with the likes of you, Grace. Dream on and learn to unlove me." he said coldly. "Dahil hinding-hindi kita magagawang mahalin.."