Cravings

Nanginig ang kamay kong may hawak ng gunting. Nasa banyo na kami ngayon, nakaupo siya sa stool habang ako'y nakatayo sa kaniyang harapan. His head is leveled to my face. I don’t know how should I take this, actually.

Kanina’y kumpyansa akong manggupit pero ngayon na siya ang kaharap ko, para akong naduduwag. O, tamang sabihin na kinakabahan. His silk hair was brush-up formally. Malambot iyon sa tuwing pinapasadahan ng mga daliri ko.

“You won’t cut my hair completely, right wife? Hindi mo naman ako kakalbohin?”

Binaba ko ang gunting sa lababo saka siya sinilip. I was sandwich between his thighs while he was holding my waits. Napanguso ako nang mapansin ang taranta sa kaniyang mga mata.

“Hmmm, iyon naman ang napag-usapan natin kanina. Why? Natatakot kang maging kalbo?”

Napangiwi siya sa naging sagot ko. He run his finger into his hair, like memorizing every strands of it.

“I trust you. Alam kong hindi mo gagawin iyon. Just few cuts and we’re done.” he said, now flashing a smile.

Napanguso akong tumango.
“Samahan na lang kita sa parlor para ipayos ang pagkakagupit ng buhok mo. Maybe later?”

Hinagilap kong muli ang gunting at suklay para makapagsimula na.

“No need for other barbers. I’ll leave my hair the way you wanted it to be. Basta ba hindi kalbo,” he wiggled his eye brows, lips curling up in a manlike.

“Kahit pangit o hindi pantay-pantay?” pinaningkitan ko siya ng mga mata.

Dahil wala akong alam dito, sigurado akong hindi magkakapantay-pantay ang magiging resulta.

Chaz grinned and nodded. “It’s your work and I called it art. Why would I change it when it is already a masterpiece?”

Bahagya akong natawa dahil doon. Masterpiece pa siyang malalaman! Yumuko ako para magpantay ang mukha naming dalawa, I can’t see his face clearly that I need to bend. Kailangan maayos ko siyang nakikita para maging maayos din ang kalalabasan.

Napangwi ako sa naiisip.

Maayos? I’m not even a professional on this. Wala lang akong magawa at nagkataon na panggugupit ang napagdiskitahan. Ito namang si Chaz ay go lang, basta raw hindi siya kalbo.

I started cutting his hair right side of his head. Sa bawat kagat ng patalim sa hawak kong gunting, nararamdaman ko ang pagpisil niya sa baywang ko. Napapangisi ako roon, masterpiece pala, eh.

“How is Mommy’s medication going?” tanong ko na lang para mawala sa iniisip niya ang ginagawa ko sa buhok niya.

“Going well, wife. I’m sorry I left you here,” he whispered, moving my waist closer.

“That’s fine. Ilang araw lang naman ‘yon, saka para rin naman sa magulang mo kaya ka umalis. Don’t say sorry about it.”

I tilted my head and aimed the scissor to the other side.

"Ngayon narito ka na, iyon ang mas mahalaga diba? Wala ng magagawa 'yang sorry mo dahil una sa lahat, tapos na.. nangyari na. We can't undo the past katulad ng hindi ko kayang pagbalik sa buhok mong nagupit ko." ani ko saka humalakhak.

Chaz stared at my laughing face, his eyes dancing in amusement along with the curling of his lips. I cupped his face and angled it sideways, checking the outcome of the first. Mas lalo akong natawa ng makitang tama ang hinala ko.

"Oh my god, Chaz! Your hair!" I exclaimed, laughing.

He squeezed my waist as his lips purse. "Tapusin mo muna bago mo pagtawanan. Who knows? Baka maging kamukha ko si Daniel Padilla,"

Umikot ang mukha ko bago siya tinampal sa pisngi. "Mas pogi ka pa kay Daniel, hubby.. tss," bulong-bulong ko bago muling magsimula.

Umabot ng halos isang oras ang paggugupit ko sa kaniya. I am not proud of the result, however Chaz seemed to be cool with it. Both sides were trimmed in a short cut, and take note it doesn't have a consistency.

May mahaba at maikli. Hindi naman siya obvious kung hindi sa malapitan tititigan. I didn't touch the summit of his hair though, hindi iyon nagbago.

"Hijo, mabuti at nakabalik ka na. Nangungulila na itong anak ko sa'yo. Kung hindi ka pa umalis ay hindi nito maiisipang pumarito," sabi ni Mommy sa gitna ng hapag.

Kasalukuyan kaming naghahapunan. Balak naming umuwi pagkatapos kumain, and ever since we entered in the dining room Chaz was answering questions from my parents. At ngayon naman ay ako ang paksa ni Mommy.

"Mom that's not true, minsan din naman akong bumibisita sa inyo, ah." I defended.

"Not this often, honey. Noon ay halos hindi ka na pumunta rito kung hindi ka pa pakikiusapan. Kaya ka lang naman narito ay dahil na miss mo ang asawa mo," she said, wearing her teasing smile.

Suminghap ako. Mabilis kong binalingan si Chaz sa aking tabi na tahimik na nakikinig, may multo ng ngisi sa labi.

"Mommy," I uttered her name, my cheeks flushing.

She grinned before looking at the person next to me. "Anak, no need to be embarrassed. He's your husband, and it's just natural for us to miss them in situation like this. Well, sino ba ang hindi?"

"That's right, Mom. Kahit ako'y nangulila sa kaniya. I won't deny it," sagot naman ni Chaz, tunog nanunukso.

Muling humalakhak si Mommy. Ngunit saglit lang iyon at agad itong sumeryoso. Nagsalubong ang kilay nito habang pinagmamasdan si Chaz.
She detached her gaze from him and looked at me. Pero mabilis lang 'yon at agad na binalik kay Chaz ang paningin.

"Maiba ako hijo, buhay pa ba ang nanggupit sa'yo?"

Gano'n na lang ang pag-awang ng labi ko sa sunod nitong tanong. Mukhang hindi lang ako ang natigilan dahil maging si Daddy at Chaz ay tumahimik.

"Ah," Chaz trailed.

Kumamot ito sa sariling batok bago bumaling sa akin. I pouted my lips and sighed heavily. He chuckled. Inirapan ko siya saka dinungaw si Mommy.

"Mommy naman, ako kaya ang naggupit sa kaniya,"

Mom's lips parted. Nanlaki rin ang mga mata na tila hindi makapaniwala. Mas lalo akong sumimangot.

"Oh, honey.. his new haircut is actually nice. Good job!" Pagbawi ni Mommy.

Daddy laughed along with Chaz making me roll my eyes. Sa ganoong paraan natapos ang araw namin. Fortunately, hindi na nga pinaayos ni Chaz ang kaniyang buhok. Kahit sila Manang Remmy ay nagulat sa bagong hairstyle niya. Ilang beses ko na siyang kinumbensi na muling magpagupit pero siya lang ang mahigpit na umaalma. .

“Tita Dette is throwing a party for her grandchild this Sunday. She’s inviting us, what will I say?” Chaz asked out of nowhere.

Days with him rolled by quickly. Kapag siya ang kasama ko'y hindi ko na napapansin ang mabilis na paglipas ng panahon.

Now, we’re already in the bed. My head was resting on his chest while his arm were wrapped around my shoulder. There's a comforter covering us. Bukas ang tv at kasalukuyang pinapalabas ay documentary. This has been our routine for the past days. Madalas kaming manuod dahil iyon ang gusto kong gawin.

He’s allowing me to do whatever I felt like doing. No questions asked.

I lifted my gaze at him while playing with the thin hair on his chest. He doesn’t have a shirt on, exposing his bare chest and it became a hobby of mine to play with the hair on it whenever we are like this.

“Why are you asking me? Ako ba ang inimbeta?”

Nagkatinginan kami. The fast beating of my heart didn’t surprised me. Palaging ganito ang nararamdaman ko sa tuwing mapapatingin sa tila bangin na kay lalim niyang mga mata.

“You’re my wife so of course the decision will be yours. If you won’t attend the party then I’ll do the same.” he pulled my shoulder closer until I felt him leaving a kiss on my temple.

Napanguso ako. Kahit hindi naman na ito bago, iyong tipong bigla na lang manghahalik sa kung saang parte ng mukha ko’y hindi pa rin ako nasasanay. Although, I like the feeling of his random kisses. It makes my heart flutter.

“Anong party ba ‘yon?” tanong ko.

I remember tita Dette was at our wedding day. Maaga lang silang umalis pero lahat sila ay masasabi kong mababait. They treated me well  as if we’ve known each other for a long time. Kahit pa iyon ang unang beses naming pagkikita, tinuring na agad nila akong kapamilya.

“Gideon’s turning six months old, they like celebrating occasion like that aside from birthdays. Tita is the one organizing the event, she called the other day asking us to come over.” paliwanag niya, ngayon naman ay inaamoy-amoy ang buhok ko.

Naririnig ko pa ang banayad na pag tibok ng puso niya, it was calming actually. Hindi ko na halos marinig ang pinapalabas dahil mas namamayani ang paraan nang pagtibok ng kaniyang dibdib.

“Sunday right?” I asked in a whisper.

“Hmm,” he hummed in response.

“We should go then. Nakakahiya sa tita mo kung hindi tayo dadalo.” I said as I closed my eyes.

His warmth relaxes my exhausted body. God, how I wanted to always have a night like this. Kung pwede nga sanang hindi na ito matapos pa.

“If you have another appointment that day, it’s fine. Maiintindihan ni tita kung hindi tayo makakapunta.” he rebounded.

“No, Chaz.. pupunta tayo. Sunday naman ‘yon, it’s my rest day.”

Supposedly our day, pero hindi ko na ‘yon dinugtong. We have our quality time every Sunday of the week. Sa umaga’y nagsisimba kami. After the mass, we’ll eat outside and went home to spend the day together.

“Okay, wife.. we’ll go.” he said verily.

I smiled and buried my face on his chest. Napunta sa aking buhok ang kaniyang kamay at humaplos iyon doon. Nanatiling nakabukas ang tv habang pinakikinggan ko ang kaniyang payapang paghinga.

“Sing for me, Chaz.” I mumbled sleepily.

His hand that is on my hair halted. Ramdam ko ang paninigas niya sa sinabi ko.

“Sing for me, hmm?” pag-uulit ko sa malambing na boses.

I heard him sucked a breath. “Baka umulan, kawawa ang mga tao sa labas na walang dalang payong at masisilungan.”

Bahagya akong natawa. "Hindi ‘yan, Chaz. Maganda ang panahon, imposibleng umulan.”

Tumawa siya. “My voice isn’t for singing. Masisira lang ang gabi natin,” he reasoned out again.

Nagmulat ako ng mga mata saka siya dinungaw. Our gaze locked but he immediately tore his from me.

“Don’t say that, mas lalong gaganda ang gabi natin kung kakanta ka. Come on, Chaz.. at least one song.” pagpupumilit ko.

Pumimirmi ang kaniyang mainit na kamay sa aking likod habang ang isa’y kinamot niya sa sariling batok.

“Gusto kong marinig kang kumanta.  Tayong dalawa lang naman ang narito, kung totoong pangit ang boses mo, ayos lang ‘yan. I won’t judge!”

He furrowed his brows. I smiled at him sweetly. Just a little push and I know he’ll agree. I really wanted to hear him sing. Alam kong hindi pangit ang boses niya, even his normal deep and baritone voice is already a blessing, what more his singing voice?

Siguro’y nahihiya pa siya. Well, he shouldn’t be! He should be proud instead.

“Oh wait,”

I removed his hand that is clinging on my back before sitting on the bed. Linisan ko ang kama saka hinagilap ang remote control ng tv, pintay ko iyon.

“There! No more alibi, hubby..” nakangisi kong tinuran. I wiggled my eyesbrows. “You can choose the song, promise hindi ako mag rerecord!” dagdag ko, natatawa.

Muli akong sumampa sa kama. Pinili kong maupo sa tabi niya at nakangiting hinintay ang kaniyang pagkanta.

Malakas na bumuntonghininga si Chaz. Pumulupot pa rin ang kaniyang braso sa aking baywang saka ako hinapit. He rested his head on the headrest of the bed while his right arm was placed around my waist.
Tumingin siya aming gilid kung nasaan ang kaniyang cellphone saka iyon kinuha. Nasa bedside table and cellphone naming dalawa.

He licked his lower lip. “I’ll play a music instead. Mas maganda ‘yon kumpara sa ako ang kakanta.”

I pouted. “Pero gusto ko kumanta ka,”

Holding his phone, he lifted his gaze at me. He pursed his lips, the severity on his stares remain.

“Listening to music sang by  professional musician is much better, wife.” anas niya saka ngumiti.

Napasimangot ako. “Hindi naman sila ang gusto kong marinig na kumanta. So what if they’re professional and you’re not? Sila ba ang asawa ko?”

Tumaas ang sulok ng kaniyang labi habang pinagmamasdan akong sawi. Nagbaba ako ng tingin sa pinagsalikop kong mga kamay.

Chaz breath massively. “Matulog ka na lang, Grace hindi ako kakanta,” he answered sternly.

My shoulder fell. I bite my lower lip as I started playing with my entwined fingers.

Ganoon na lang ang panulumo ako sa sinabi niya. Siguro kasi I expected a lot about him. Umaasa akong kakanta siya at susunod sa gusto ko partly because he’s been like that for the past week. Palagi akong pinagbibigyan. Nasanay lang ako na gano’n siya kaya itong pagsalungat niya sa kagustuhan ko’y nakakapanibago.

Nakakapanlumo na para akong binalik sa mga panahong hindi pa kami nagkakasundo. Those times that he will always go for Harry instead of me, his own wife.

Nanikip ang dibdib ko. I should remind myself not to expect much on him. Hindi na dapat pa akong masaktan at sa halip ay sanayin ang sarili na hindi lahat ng gusto ko’y makukuha ko. It’s my fault since I expected a lot. Na sa isang sabi ko lang ay agad siyang susunod.

I’m awfully wrong. Why do I forget the boundaries just because he’s being extra caring and sweet?

“I understand, sorry..” I swallowed the bile on my throat.

Isang malakas na singhap ang pinakawalan ko bago lakas ng loob ko siyang tinignan. I smiled at him, the one that didn’t reach my eyes but still, I made sure he won’t notice the pain behind it.

“Buksan mo na lang ulit ang tv kung gusto mong manood, matutulog na ako.”

Akma na akong tatalikod nang maagap niya akong hawakan sa pulso. I heard him cursed under his breath. He hold my wrist and pull me until my cheeks were back on his bare chest again.

“What song do you want?”

My eyes rounded at his next question. I put my palm on his chest and was about to look at him but he push my head closer to him.

He groaned. “Don’t move. Diyan ka lang.” aniya bago ako pinirmi sa kaniyang dibdib.

Umawang ang labi ko. Muli kong sinubukang gumalaw pero hinawakan niya ang buhok ko, pinipigilan ako.

“I’ll sing but you have to stay like this or I’ll stop,”

My heart pummelled. Ngumisi ako at umayos sa pagkakahilig sa kaniyang dibdib.

“Okay hubby, I’ll behave.” I said sweetly. “Pero bakit? Nahihiya ka ‘no?” pahabol kong tanong.

He groaned again as if he’s in pain. Lumawak ang pagkakangiti ko.

“Grace,” pagtawag niya sa pangalan ko, tila nagbabanta.

Tumawa ako. “Okay po, behave na si Grace for you.”

I then relocated my body until my face was buried on his neck while I was on top of him. My legs were on his both sides, this position is much better.

“Fuck, Grace! Stop moving!” he hissed when I adjusted my body again.

I bite my lips when my legs hit his groin area.

“Teka, heto na nga! Inaayos ko lang ang posisyon ko,” bulalas ko. “Start now! Kahit anong kanta,” I murmured on his skin.

His right hand rested on my lower back while I closed my eyes and waited for him. Sa loob ko’y nagdidiwang na sa pagbabago ng desisyon niya. Somehow, it lightened up my mood. Ang akala ko’y matutulog ako ng may sama ng loob. Ang sama pa naman no’n. The feeling isn’t pleasant at all, especially the next day.

Chaz exhaled deeply before I cleared him clearing his throat. Ilang beses siyang gano’n. Dumaan ang ilang minuto na hindi pa siya nagsisimula, kumunot ang aking noo. I was about to lift my head and looked at him when baritone voice resonated.

“If you ever leave me baby…” he started. His voice were cold and deep. “Leave some morphine at my door... 'Cause it would take a whole lot of medication... To realize what he use to have we don’t have it anymore..”

Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko. Ramdam ko ang panlalambot ng bawat himay-himay ng katawan ko sa ganda ng boses niya. I wanna see his face. Pero hindi ko magawa sa takot na baka tumigil siya.

"There's no religion that could save me....No matter how long my knees are on the floor, oh.."

My chest tightened as he continues singing, and when he reached the chorus that's when my emotion burst out.

He said his voice are not for singing? Well news flash, he’s way even better than the original singer of that song! The emotions were overflowing!

“'Cause there'll be no sunlight.. If I lose you, baby,“ he paused to kiss my head. "There'll be no clear skies.. If I lose you, baby." He stopped once again to kiss my hair. "Just like the clouds my eyes will do the same.. If you walk away, everyday it'll rain.. rain....rain,"

I was teary eyed the entire time he’s singing. Pinakanta ko siya dahil para makatulog ako pero kasalungat ang nangyari. I felt very emotional. When he finished the song, I lifted my head and stared at him with pure admiration and affection.

Panicked crossed his eyes when my tears fell. “Damn it! Why are you crying?!” he cupped my cheeks and wiped my tears.

I smiled in the midst of tearing up. Is it possible? Umiiyak dahil sa saya?

“Ikaw kasi, e! Pinaiyak mo ‘ko,” I mumbled like a kid.

His thick brows furrowed. “What did I do this time, hmm?” his voice turned soft as he continue to wipe those warm liquid cascading on my face.

I sniffed my tears. “You have such a nice voice, it makes me cry Chaz Theo. Next time, pipigilan ko na.”

His red lips parted. Natigilan siya sa ginagawa saka ako tiningnan nang masama.

“Sana pala hindi na lang ako kumanta kung iiyak ka lang. There will be no next time then,” he said with conviction.

Napasimangot ako. Pinalo ko ang kamay niya pero tumawa lang siya.

“No! Gusto ko gabi-gabi mo akong kakantahan. This is your first time, right?” I asked, voice is laced with full hope.

Chaz grinned and nodded. “Wala e, katakot kang magalit..” aniya, natatawa.

I glared at him. I pinched both of his cheeks and his lips protruded.

“Ako lang dapat ang makakarinig ng boses mong kumakanta. No other audience, only your wife! Do you understand, Chaz Theo?” I stated authoritatively.

Hindi siya sumagot na nagpairita sa akin.

“Sa akin ka lang kakanta, nagkakaintindihan ba tayo?” mataman kong tanong.

He arched a brow. Mas pinisil ko pa ang kaniyang pisngi na sanhi ng kaniyang pagngiwi.

“Sagot, Chaz!” I demanded getting irritated with his silence.

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko bago iyon tinanggal sa pagkakaipit ng kaniyang pisngi. Napasimangot ako nang matantong kaya siya hindi makasagot ay dahil sa pagkakapisil ko sa kaniyang doon.

He laughed when he released his cheeks. “What a possessive wife I have here. So makulit and maiyakin,” he kissed my cheeks.

Pilit kong pinagtagpo ang kilay na tila hindi siya maintindihan. Kahit ang totoo’y para na akong lumulipas sa alapaap.

"Ano?" I hissed irritably, masking the tingling sensation in my tummy.

Chaz chuckled. “Yes, Ma'am.” he nodded before sniffing my hair. “Ikaw lang ang kakantahan ko..”

I smiled in triumph hearing his response. Nakuntento at naniwala ako roon. There’s this feeling of possessiveness all of the sudden. Gusto ko siyang ipagdamot na hindi naman nararapat. Relationship shouldn’t work that way. Well maybe on other things, it can be practice but it shouldn’t be always like that.

Relationship should be freeing, like a bird flying on the sky. Sa isang relasyon nararapat din ang tiwala at pag-intindi. Being territorial isn’t healthy for me, but at this certain moment.. parang bigla ay iyon ang nangingibabaw sa akin.

Isang buntonghininga ang pinakawalan ko habang nakatitig sa sariling repleksyon sa salamin. Today is Sunday, the exact day I’ll be meeting his relatives. Wearing a tube dress and paired it with a feathery styled jacket that's hanging on my both shoulder. I wore my white pump to finish my outlook.

Narinig kong bumukas ang pinto at pumasok si Chaz. From the mirror, I saw him striding his way to my direction, he’s on call and I heard him calling the person on the other line as tita.

“We’ll be there, tita. Relax, hindi ka namin tatakbuhan,” he stood behind me, ang kaliwang kamay ay nasa baywang habang ang kanan ay may hawak ng telepono.

Pinasadahan niya ako ng tingin mula sa salamin, nagtagal ang tingin niya sa aking bandang dibdib. He licked his lower lip before darting his gaze on my face. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay.

“Uh-huh, she’s coming with me of course. Hindi naman ako pupunta kung hindi siya kasama,”

Naramdaman ang paglapat ng mainit niyang palad sa likod ko. Our gaze met in the mirror.

“I can’t wait to meet her again, hijo! You know I heard a lot about your wife through your mother. Sa ilang beses kong bumisita sa kaniya ay parati kayong nakukwento, lalo na tungkol sa asawa mo. We didn’t talk much during your weeding that’s why it’s a good thing you convinced her to come!” 

Tita Dette’s voice was jolly. Dahil sa lapit ng pagitan naming dalawa, hindi malabo na marinig ko ang kaniyang sinasabi.

Chaz chuckled sexily. He began nuzzling my shoulder blades without breaking our eye contact in the mirror. Ang kaniyang palad ay ngayon dumapo na sa aking tiyan at doon pumirmi.

Suminghap ako sa sari-saring emosyon na hatid ng kaniyang simpleng mga galaw.

“Can’t blame my Mother, tita. My wife is pretty adorable. Though, I hope you won’t stole her from me at the party, she’s to be by my side all the time.”

Uminit ang pisngi ko sa sinabi niya. Pinandilatan ko siya ng mata ngunit kumindat lang siya bago muling inamoy ang balikat ko.

Bakit ba lagi siyang ganito?

It’s not as if sobrang bango ko na halos hindi na ako lubayan ng kaniyang ilong. Kung minsan sa aking buhok, sa leeg at ngayon naman ay sa balikat. He would always smell me every time he has the chance!

Humalakhak si tita Dette. “Mana ka talaga sa ama at tito mo, hijo. Kung makabakod wagas! Loosen up, we don’t like over protective and jealous partner. Wala ka naman ng dapat ikatakot, nakatali na ‘yan sa’yo!”

Ngumuso siya. He stared at me warily. I made face to annoy him. Tagumpay ako roon dahil agad na nagsalubong ang kaniyang kilay.

“Dapat lang na bakuran tita, mukha pa lang ng asawa ko, marami na ang naakit kahit hindi naman intensiyon.” aniya saka umismid.

Namilog ang mga mata ko. Inis ko siyang tinampal sa pisngi na umani ng halakhak mula sa kaniya. My cheeks heated so bad. I heard tita laugh along with him.

“Oh right, ang ganiyang itsura nga’y dapat talagang bantayan. Anyway, dito na lang natin ipagpatuloy ang pag-uusap. Tumawag lang ako para masiguradong dadalo nga kayo.”

Soon after, the ended with Chaz grinning. Suminghap ako’t kinurot ang kaniyang pisngi. Napangiwi siya roon.

“Ah, I’m a battered husband, kawawa naman ako...palagi mong inaaway,” he said, mimicking the sound of a kid who’s hurt.

I distanced myself, glaring at him.

“Inaaway? Kailan pa kita inaway, huh Chaz Theo?!” anas ko saka siya tinampal sa pisngi

Umusli ang mapula niyang labi. “Kanina.. at ngayon,” he caressed his cheek the one I slapped.

Nakapamaywang ko siyang hinarap.

“Kasalanan mo rin naman! Pinapahiya mo ako sa tita mo,”

His red lips separated. He took a step forward before holding my elbow.

“I didn’t okay?” he swallowed hard. “Saan doon ang sa tingin mo pinahiya kita? Tell me and I’ll call her again to clear that up,”

“You just said I’m pretty!” I exclaimed.

Huminga siya nang malalim. “Cuz that the trut—“

“I know! But you could’ve said I’m gorgeous, pretty is an overused word to describe someone with a good face!” I said, pouting my lips.

Natigilan siya, tila hindi agad naintindihan ang sinabi ko. I sighed dramatically. I put both of my hands under my chin, my small face was sandwich between my palm. I then tilted my head and glanced at him, battling my eyelashes.

“What am I, hubby?” I asked sweetly, smiling from ear to ear.

Muling umawang ang labi niya habang pinagmamasdan ako. Maya-maya pa’y umukit ang isang ngisi sa labi niya bago ako hinapit sa baywang.

"Gorgeous right? Not pretty?"

Matamis ko siyang nginitian. I battled my eyelashes once again. He gasped harshly.

“Damn fucking, hell..” malutong na mura niya.

Napasimangot ako. Binaba ko ang dalawang kamay saka siya tinaliman ng tingin. Nagpapaganda ako sa harapan niya, tapos mura lang ang natanggap ko?

“What a disappointment! Nakaka turn off ka!" I snapped.

He chuckled. Pumulupot ang kamay niya sa aking baywang, kaharap ko na ngayon ang kulay puti niyang necktie. Naramdaman ko ang paghalik niya sa buhok ko.

“Oh sorry, wife..” bulong niya.

Hinampas ko siya sa dibdib. "Parati ka na lang nagmumura," I murmured.

"Binigla mo ako, e." this time, he kissed my temple. “Forgive me, my Aphrodite..” he added, melting my heart.

We left the mansion with a light feeling. I was drawn by his sweet voice and kisses that I forgot about his sin, the cursing one. I understand that he's trying his best not to utter bad words,  there are really times when he cannot help himself but to curses.

Every seconds with him is a moment to remember. Sa bawat segundo’y parati akong dinadala sa ibang dimensiyon. Dimensiyon na kami lang ang naroon. A place where no one matters beside us.

A feeling of contentment. A feeling of home, that I haven’t felt even with Drake. This...is just different from before.

Sa isang hotel dinaraos ang party ng kaniyang pamangkin. In no time, we reached the said hotel and was welcomed by guest and visitors on their expensive clothing.

There are a lot of guest actually, mula sa may edad na, dalaga, binata at mga bata. Kahit na sanggol naman ang rason ng selebrasyon ay hindi napigilan ng ilan sa mga bisita ang magsuot ng mga alahas. A normal for opulent people.

Chaz led me to a round table. Sa malayo pa lang ay kita ko na si tita Dette na may kargang bata.

Marami ang bumabati kay Chaz habang naglalakad. His palm were placed on the small of my waist. Every time there is someone who would greet or call his name, he would always nod his name as a response.

“Good evening, everyone..” Chaz began when we approach them.

Their attention flew to us directly. Nasa pito sila na naroon na alam kong kamag-anak lang niya. My chest hammered. I’m a little nervous. Noong kasal ay hindi ko naman sila masiyadong nakausap, simpleng pagbati at tapos na.

Kung tutuusin, wala naman akong dapat ikabahala dahil alam kong tulad ni Mommy Salvacion at Daddy Rodolfo, mababait din ang mga taong kaharap ko ngayon. Pero sadyang hindi ito maiiwasan, lalo na kung hindi ka sanay na makaharap ang pamilya ng asawa mo.

“Theo!” tita Dette exclaimed when she saw us.

She’s wearing a Flora blue dress that suits her perfectly.

“The one and only, tita.” Chaz pulled me closer.

I searched for any familiar face on the table, there was Antonnette, tita Dette’s daughter, the mother of Gideon. She was looking at us with a smile plastered on her face. Her husband was sitting beside her, from what I remember his name was Kyle.

Bukod doon ay namataan ko ang asawa ni tita Dette, tito Azruel, ang kakambal ni tita Dette na si tito Brandon kasama ang apat na taong gulang na anak at asawa.

Mommy Salvacion has two sibling, and they are twins, sila tita Dette and tito Brandon. A young and fine lady was beside the wife of tito Brandon, I don’t know her name since I didn’t remember her face at the wedding day.

“Just in time, hijo magsisimula na rin tayo. You can sit here for the mean time,” tita smiled.

She offered the seats beside her. Pinaghila naman ako agad ni Chaz ng upuan saka siya naupo sa aking tabi.

“Magandang gabi, po..” pagbati ko.

I place my handbag on my lap while Chaz dropped his right hand on the backrest of my chair. Umusog pa siya palapit hanggang sa halos magkadikit na ang aming mga binti sa ilalim ng mesa.

Bumaling si tita Dette sa akin. “Hi hija! Mamaya aagawin kita sa asawa mo,” she said and winked.

Tumawa ako. “I would love to tita,”

“You heard her, Theo? Nagsasawa na siya sa mukha mo, paano ba ‘yan..” mapanuyang sabi pa niya.

Chaz just smirked. “It’s fine. Sa akin din naman ang uwi niyan.” he said, earning a laugh from his family.

My eyes narrowed at the baby on tita’s arm. Gideon has a chubby cheek. No, not only his cheeks were chubby but the rest. Which I find cute. Oh to pinched those skin..

“Geez, the confidence Theo. Parang kailan lang, hater ka pa namin. I mean, iyong mga babae. I remember you slut calling a number of girls, saying there is no way you’ll fall in love again after your heartbreak." pumagitna si Antonnette.

"You won’t trust another woman if she's not one of your family, right? What happened now?” she stood up and went to her mother.

Nabura ang ngiti ko. Binalingan ko si Chaz saka siya mariing tinitigan. He scratch the back of his neck. Hindi siya makatingin sa akin, guilty.

“That’s already in the past, Antonnette. It has nothing to do with my decision right now, and in the future.”

“I am not convince, Theo. Eh, certified hater ka ng kababaihan!” Antonnette added.

Huh, hater pala! Kaya ba pinili niyang pumatol sa bakla?

“Noon naman ‘yon, tapos na, nakaraan na. Grace taught me to see life at a different angle."

Our gaze locked and I arched a brow at him.

"I didn’t came here to explain them to you one by one. We’re here for Gideon, boy..” he smiled at me, but I only rolled my eyes.

“Ow, Mama.. tita Salva’s baby is a big boy na! May pa past-past ng nalalaman!” natatawang saad pa ni Antonnette.

“Hayaan mo na, anak. Late na nga itong pagbibinata, masyado na siyang matanda!”

Bumuntonghiniga ako. Naramdaman ko ang paglapit ni Chaz.

“Don’t think about it, wife. She’s just teasing me,” he whispered.

“Tss, hater,” I murmured.

“Sa’yo lover,” he said chuckling.

Antonnette chortled hearing his statement. Nakangisi siya sa amin, o mas tamang sabihin kay Chaz ngunit ang huli ay tila walang pakialam sa panunukso ng pinsan.

“You’re wipped, Theo! Binata ka na talaga,”

I just pursed my lips at her remarks. Moments later, a waiter approach us and give us a drink. As I looked around, I saw a buffet table filled with foods. Pero hindi iyon ang nakakuha ng atensyon ko kung ‘di ang maraming cupcakes at cakes doon.

“How’s your mother, hijo? I was informed that she’s having her treatment at the States, is she getting well?” tito Brandon asked.

“O’o nga pala hijo, nitong huli ko nang nalaman ang balitang iyan. It’s good that she’s finally open to chemotherapy. I just don’t get why ate is being hard about that topic.” segunda ni tita Dette.

Tumahimik si Antonnette na ngayon ay nasa kamay na si Gideon. Kahit nasa malayo ang tingin ko’y bukas pa rin ang dalawang tainga ko sa usapan nila.

Sana’y magsimula na ang program at magsimula na ring kumain. Iyon ang inaantabayanan kong mangyari. Hindi naman pwedeng ako ang mauuna sa buffet table, nakakahiya iyon at sabihin pang ang takaw ko.

Slight lang na matakaw. Beside, ngayon lang din ito. Hindi ko maintindihan ang biglang pagbabago ng katawan ko.

“Daddy is with her, let’s hope for a positive result from them.” sagot naman ni Chaz.

“She will survive, I know. I’m planning to visit them next week to personally check on her. How ‘bout you, Dette? Will you come?”

“I’ll see, Brandon. Kung kaya at pwede, why not.”

I licked my lips. I mentally scolded myself for thinking about foods at the peak of serious conversation. Pero nawala ang panititig ko sa pagkain ng maramdaman ang paghaplos ng kamay ni Chaz sa hita ko.

Napalunok ako bago siya binalingan. He glanced at the buffet table and back to me with a wrinkled forehead. My cheeks blushed. Ramdam ko ang init mula sa aking batok sa kahihiyan.

“Uh..” I stammer.

I bowed down my head as I couldn’t find the exact word to defend myself. Mariin akong pumikit at kinastigo ang sarili.

This craving is going insane. Ang akala ko’y tapos na ng makatikim ako nang nakaraan sa bahay ng mga magulang pero nagkamali ako. It went on for days.

I settled myself for a normal cakes, without raisin although it wasn't the certain food I wanted to taste. Nakuntento ako roon, at ngayon.. isang tingin lang sa desserts ay natatakam na ako.

God, Sofia!

“I’m hungry, let’s eat now, hmm?” Chaz soft voice snapped me from my reverie.

My eyes broadened in surprise. I tilted my head with the same expression and he chuckled.

“Pero hindi pa nagsisimula,” bulong ko.

He smiled, caressing my clothed leg. “The party will start soon, they wouldn’t make it a big deal. Kaya nga sila naghanda para sa mga bisita..”

Mariin ko siyang tinitigan bago muling balikan ng tingin ang buffet table sa malapit. Huminga ako nang malalim saka umiling.

“Even so, Chaz. Nakakahiya kung tayo ang mauunang kakain,” I lifted my head to him and shook my head again.

The corner of his lips moved. Nanatili sa akin ang kaniyang tingin bago siya lumingon sa banda nila tita na ngayon ay naaliw na kay Gideon.

“Tita,” he called.

Agad namang lumingon sa aming gawi si Tita Dette. Napasinghap ako nang matantanto ang balak niyang gawin. I grip his shoulder in attempt to stop him. Mas lalong nakakahiya kung magpapaalam pa siya!

“Chaz stop,” I whispered sternly.

He looked at me innocently. Pinandilatan ko siya ng mata pero kumunot lang ang kaniyang noo.

“Ano iyon, hijo?” tita asked.

Chaz tore his gaze away from me and glanced at her again. “Ayos lang po ba kung aalis muna kami? Bibili lang ng pagkain,”

I gasped mildly. Binitawan ko ang braso niya saka siya kinurot sa hita. I saw him winced but laugh after. Ang kaniyang kamay na nasa sandalan ng aking upuan ay napunta sa aking baywang.

God, this man will be the death of me!

“Bakit pa kayo aalis? We have plenty of foods here. Serve yourself, it’s for everyone.” sagot naman ni tita.

Tinuro pa nito ang kinalalagyan ng pagkain. Humalakhak si Chaz.

“Would it be okay even if the party is not yet starting, tita?”

“Anong klaseng tanong ‘yan, Theo? Of course, kahit pa ba ubusin mo ang lahat ng ‘yan,” si Antonnette iyon.

“Is that so?” patanong na aniya.

Nagkatinginan kami at mayabang itong ngumisi. I gritted my teeth before pinching his lap more. Kinagat nito ang pang-ibabang labi habang nakatingin pa rin sa akin. Sigurado akong masakit iyon pero hindi niya alintana sa halip ay parang aliw pang pinagmamasdan ako.

Sa huli, natagpuan ko pa rin ang sariling kaharap ang iba’t-ibang uri ng pagkain na bubusog sa gabi ko. Hindi rin naman agad nagtagal at nagsimula ang programa. Hindi ko ‘yon nasundan dahil nasa mga pagkain ang atensyon ko. And yes, it was just me and Chaz in front of the long table filled with assorted foods.

“Eat this is one, enough with sweets wife.” paalala ni Chaz.

Sumimangot ako nang lagyan niya ng sallad ang plato ko.

He arched a brow. “You finish four cupcakes already, it’s time for proper meal.”

“Ayaw ko ng damo, Chaz. Get me something sweet instead,” mataman kong sinabi bago sinintabi ang gulay.

His lips parted in awe. Sa halip na gawin ang gusto ko’y muli niya itong dinagdagan.

“That’s not damo, wife. Mas masustansya iyan kung ikukumpara sa matatamis na pagkain na lagi mong hinahanap. Come on, it’s your favorite.”

Lumabi ako. Ito ang isa sa mga bagay na hindi naming mapagkasunduan. He’s keen on my food intakes, kung sa ibang bagay ay hinahayaan niya ako sa pagkain naman ay mahigpit siya. He wouldn’t leave my plate without vegetable.

“Eat up now if you still want to have your desserts for tonight, wife.” he commanded, leaving me with no choice but to oblige.

In the name of sweets, pagtitiyagaan kong kainin ang mga damong ‘to.

Which I find another weird thing about me. Kumakain naman ako ng gulay noon, at kung tutuusin mas prefer ko siya sa mga matatamis na pagkain. But now?

Ah, nevermind.. siguro new flavor of the month lang ‘to.

Nang makuntento sa kinakain, bumalik kami sa lamesa. Nagulat ako nang makita ang hindi inaasahang bisita na ngayon ay umuukupa na sa inupuan ko bago umalis para kumain.

He was talking to Antonnette, Gideon was on his arms. Si Antonnette ay natatawa sa tuwing napapahagikgik ang bata sa kagagawan ni Harry. Sporting a gray button down shirt, tucked in black slacks and black belt, Harry's acting like he’s one of the family member.

Kabado kong dinungaw si Chaz na ngayon ay walang emosyon sa mukha habang nakatingin na rin sa tinitignan ko. My chest tightened.

What is he doing here?

“They’re back, Harry!” anunsyo ni Antonnette nang makita kaming parating.

Silang tatlo na lang ang naroon sa lamesa at wala na ang matatanda. Even Antonnette' husband wasn’t there. Along with tito Brandon’s family.

Ganoon kami katagal sa buffet table, huh?

“Theo bakit hindi mo sinabi sa amin na nagbubukas pala kayo ng hotel sa Isla Cali? Kung hindi pa dahil kay Harry, hindi ko pa malalaman.” si Antonnette. "Sana naging investor din ako,"

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa braso ni Chaz sa narinig. Nagkatinginan kami ni Harry, he didn’t mock or say harmful remarks but his eyes alone makes me feel insulted. Lalo pa nang dumapo ang tingin niya sa kamay kong nakapulupot sa braso ni Chaz.

Harry smirked meaningfully. “You can still be one, Antonnette. Hindi pa naman tapos ang project,” he said before lifting his gaze to Chaz.

I glanced at Chaz and saw his hardened expression. His jaw were clamped, and kaninang maaliwalas niyang mga mata ay ngayon nagsusumigaw ng kadiliman.

Hindi rin ba siya natutuwang makita si Harry dito?

“Talaga? Pwede pa ako, Theo?” she asked playfully.

I bite my lower lip. So he accepted the deal. Bakit ako nasasaktan at nanghihinayang gayong ako ang nag-udyok sa kaniyang tanggapin iyon?

I thought I was over it. Ang akala ko’y maayos ako kahit pa makita ko muling si Harry. Nakakatawa na kahit pa may nangyari na sa amin ni Chaz, sa kabila ng mga kabutihan at pagbabagong pinamalas niya sa akin, natakot at nagduda ako na muli siyang magbalik sa dati.

Sa dati na ako ang kontrabida sa kwento nila. Sa dati na wala pa akong halaga sa buhay niya. Noon, na mas pinapanigan niya si Harry kumpara sa akin.

Insecurities..

I have a lot of it in my closet. From my previous break-up, and now this. Aaminin kong marami akong insecurities sa katawan lalo pa nang ipagpalit ako ni Drake kay Angel.

Ang hindi ko inaasahan ay may mas ilalala pa pala ang pakiramdam na iyon. Having Chaz around, boost my insecurities which is not healthy.

Anong laban ko sa unang minahal at posibleng minamahal?

Hindi na ako muling sumubok na balingan ng tingin si Chaz. Tinanggal ko din ang pagkapulupot ng kamay sa kaniyang braso. Nawalan ako ng gana. Harry’s simple appearance turned my mood down real quick.

“If you want, we can set a meeting tomorrow to talk about it formally. You, me and him. What do you say Theo?”

I nibbled lip. Bakit kayo lang, nasaan si Samuel, Harry?

“Oh yeah, sure! Libre ako bukas,” si Antonnette ‘yon na batid ang tuwa sa boses.

Bumagsak ang balikat ko. Chaz will agree, it’s his cousin and.. well, si Harry ‘yon. Bukas, may pasok ako siguro’y magpapahatid na lang ako kay Mang Bernardo kung may pupuntaha siya.

“That’s great! I'll reserve a place, say eight pm, is it okay?”

Pilit kong pinagtagpo ang kilay sa narinig mula kay Harry. Eight pm? Normally, business deals aren’t made at that hour. Tapos na ang business hours, anong pinaplano ng isang ‘to?

“What eight? Bakit naman gabi, Harry?” apila ni Antonnette.

"Oh well, iniisip ko lang ang ibang pagkakaabalahan niyong dalawa sa umaga at hapon. Evening will be great." Harry reasoned out.

I gasped when Chaz hold my hand firmly. Taking the courage left within me, I tilted my head and immediately, I found his eyes that is softer than the wind, and promising like a setting sun.

“I’ll give my rights to Samuel to decide on this matter. You two can talk to him, whatever his decision I’ll go with it.”

My heart melted when he smiled warmly. Hinapit niya ako bago halikan sa noo na tila wala lang sila Harry at Antonnette. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Harry’s jaw dropped while Antonnette was giggling

"Let's go home now, love.."