Xander's POV:

I sputtered through the tears that didn't want to end, holding her to me somehow tighter than before.

Trying to process everything at once, but my attention fell towards one in specific momentarily.

The sensation of the words she spoke worked in finally taming my pestering instinct down to where it should be.

The ones that put an end to the annoyance that had been on and off again for months.

Ever since the day after the last bloodmoon to be exact.

The intense difference I felt throughout my body was unreal now that I'd finally gotten what I wanted. What I needed.

Now that it- that I had full assurance of what I'd wanted. Hearing it with her voice... softly yet confidently against my ear.

It was as if I'd been carrying a weight around my chest that hindered my breathing, constantly bit at me, and couldn't be removed save for a few seemingly unattainable solutions.

She was the only thing that could distract me from it, and now she'd taken it off for good.

Through the result I'd wanted more than anything but never expected.

The comfort, the relief from its absence... from something so uncomfortable that I'd just forced myself to get used to.

I felt like a completely new man.

The astounding relaxing feeling from it actually caused me to stagger, nearly falling completely into Doe's hold over the time of a much-needed deep exhale.

Which ended up revving into a purr towards the end. One I didn't think was going to stop for a while.

Her grip tightened through my endeavor.

"Woah now Xander this doesn't mean that I just suddenly gained the ability to carry you," she warned, but still shifted her stance like she was going to try her best anyway.

The movement got a pathetic little laugh that I could manage at the moment, that already warm feeling in my chest for her spreading further.

The love and adoration I had no reason to suppress under walls that would easily break.

I fixed my footing and instead used my hold to lift her a few inches off of the ground, getting praised with her excited little squeal.

Love... she loves me. She loves me!

Holy shit...

I still couldn't get over it, and it hadn't fully sunk in yet, but even now I didn't know what to do with myself.

I never expected that I'd get this far, and my emotions for sure we're going through one hell of a ride.

The tips of my fingers still trembled from the residual adrenaline I'd built up from preparing for my inevitable rejection, but my heart was speeding now for a completely different reason.

Her hands lifted to my shoulders after I set her down, guiding me back until she could look up at my face.

With a soft, alleviated smile that just looked so... real.

I knew she still had some security when it came to showing others how she felt, and mostly showed her positive emotions through jokes and such, so seeing her now almost felt like I was seeing something vulnerable.

I didn't expect it would be much different from just hearing everything she had to say prior but it was.

My eyes stayed on hers while her hands skimmed up to hold my face, carefully wiping away the tears while I hurriedly sniffled and wiped away the snot with my sleeve.

Awkwardly and subtly trying to fix my features under that gaze I couldn't get enough of.

My worries got sidetracked as soon as it grew closer, stepping up onto her toes stopping just an inch from my face with a casual yet expectant raise of her brows.

My hand met her lower back and I pulled her the rest of the way, chest to chest, lips to lips.

With the most perfect kiss for this moment.

Like it was locking in a promise, solidifying everything prior more than she already has with the soft, caring, loving kisses.

I could feel it, and this time I didn't have to deny that for my own sanity.

It felt so marginally different from before and yet now I don't think that I'll ever have enough.

I'll take it. I'll take absolutely everything that she'd willing to give me, knowing that I'd never be satisfied, but would forever be content.

There was so much I wanted to do now that she'd given me the chance.

Now that she was mine.

She pulled back with another gentle caress from her thumbs on my cheek, offering every assurance she possibly could.

After I almost attempted to turn and run, I couldn't blame her.

Not that I could read that on her face... Just dealing with the residual stupidity is all.

She lowered herself back onto flat feet, still looking up at me with a new curious tilt to her head.

"So," She casually began, sliding her hands down to take each of my hands in hers, "When were you gonna bring up the whole 'turning me into a vampire' thing?"

My face dropped in a moment of shock.

Ah, Doe. Always keeping me on my toes.

Although I did find myself cherishing the fact that seemingly very little had changed from our confession.

Our relationship was still the one I cherished, just now with some added bonuses I don't think I'll ever get over.

"How do you know about that?"

She nodded over to my desk, "You've had that book open to that exact page for a while. The book itself has moved around a lot, but the page never changed so I eventually glazed over it while passing."

I glanced back at the book in question, seeing it laying open exactly as she'd said.

I hadn't planned on bringing this up for a while... if at all, but...

Releasing one of her hands, I guided her over to the desk.

"I've been... researching I guess you could say," I began, single-handedly digging my notes out from the pages I always hid them in.

Since there was no way I was going to let go of her other hand.

"I actually got the idea from Nico when I caught him reading this part first. I guess I kind of stole it from him since I'm pretty sure he and Khloe are in the same situation we are."

Or a whole lot worse.

As an heir, if he really did love her how I thought, then he needed this info a lot more than I did.

Which was... partially why I was taking these notes.

I had more spare time than he did to figure out exactly how the process worked and planned on putting it in a spot he would see with all my analytics and logistics of the process included.

"Wait what?!" Doe exclaimed, much to my amusement, "Really?"

"I'm 95% sure at this point. You really haven't noticed anything weird between those two?"

I know I've brought it up with her once before, but now I was more sure of it.

She thought for a moment, eyes widening after a few in what looked like a realization.

"Wow..."

"Wow indeed," I agreed, finding my various sheets of notes and diagrams I'd drawn up and lining them over the table.

She took a step closer, glancing through every last one.

The messy bullet point thoughts, the statistics I came up with for success, my knowledge of the instinct itself versus that of humans, mediocre drawings of how I thought the vampiric blood cells would take effect.

This was something I only did when she wasn't here.

Picking through every word out of the measly three paragraphs written here to find more information, then trying to clear up the ins and outs of how it worked.

Filing through the risks, comparing the human body that would be going through that with my own.

I'd almost just gone to Nico with this. His knowledge as a former doctor would be absolutely incredible, but I didn't want to blatantly call him out on his relationship with Khloe if he's been keeping it a secret up until now.

I'm sure he has his reasons, and I didn't want to ruin that.

It was probably just a little more drastic than the reason I wanted to keep mine.

He can do that on his own time. After I return the book and all.

"A human successfully changing into a vampire is possible, but I'm trying to figure out a way to make it flawless," I told her.

From what I understood so far, there were so many variables to take into account, half of which were all mental, and would never be consistent person to person.

I already struggled with my instinct on certain things, and the results of that aren't pretty.

A human's natural instinct is to survive, and It'll fight the vampirism trying to take it over until it kills them.

Vampiric instincts versus a human body... there was so much that could go wrong.

Just... from my own personal hypothesis.

"What would you need," She asked.

I smiled at the irony that the only physical aspect needed for the change was the easiest part.

"The blood of a high royal," The only blood that had enough concentrated vampiric design to take over that of a human, "From one bloodstream to another. Any Lord or Lady would do."

"Would your parents..?" Her question drifted off, but I understood.

"I'm not sure," I answered honestly.

I didn't know enough about their opinion on these types of things, but for their sons... I could only hope for the best.

The practice was only done under certain circumstances up until now from what I understand. It happens so little that most aren't even aware that it's a possibility.

But more importantly, "If they would, did you- I mean would you maybe... want to?"

We both looked away from my mess of papers and towards each other.

Again, this was a question I couldn't guess the answer to. Vampires ruled her life up until very recently. She had every good reason to despise the species, even if she could love me on the side.

But at the same time, it would give her the chance to regain all those years of her life that she lost.

Color got added to her face as the seconds passed.

"I mean... How else would I get to stay with you? I don't wanna have to get all old and wrinkly meanwhile you're still pretty and stuff." she huffed, drawing out a horribly contained smile from me.

Pretty, huh?

"But... I'm in no rush," She added, "I've still got a few years until I'm about as old as you would be, right?"

I nodded, the excitement blaring through the purr that has yet to shut up at her approval of this whole thing.

It worked tremendously in boosting my want to delve further into this.

If she wanted to go through the process, then I wanted to be sure that it would be a successful one.

And she gave me a good timeframe to do so. Maybe by then, Nico will get his own deal figured out and he can help me with the loose ends.

Until then I'm not letting her humanism stop a damn thing.

"Right," I affirmed, "Then I'll keep at this. I may even need your help with a few things since I'm not a genius when it comes to how humans work. On a... physiological standpoint." I quickly cleared up.

She laughed anyway, giving my hand a quick squeeze.

"Riiiight," she teased, "But I'll help however I can. And now I need to pay more attention to Khloe," She finished off quieter.

Ooh yes. Get some info from the other one involved.

Maybe together we can figure out a way to get them to spill the beans on the whole thing.

It was then that I remembered who I'd kind of suddenly and harshly snagged her from earlier.

"I um," I rubbed the back of my neck, "I kind of stole you from your friends there... do you want me to take you back?"

She just eyed me for a second, her grip tightening over the seconds.

"I," She paused, eyes shying away and lips pressing together, her next words coming out quieter, "I actually kind of just want you to myself... for a little bit."