Love isn't really an easy emotion. You need to sacrifice your pride just for loving a person 'coz pride isn't significant in life. Love is what makes a person complete. Pride is just a piece of unimportant attitude that a person possessed. Without pride, everything would turned out great just the way you wanted... And I knew that pride was the first thing that made my life changed.

"Ano kamo? Aalis ho kayo, Señorita?" nakasunod ang kasambahay kay mommy nang itanong niya iyon.

My mom stared at her for a second before giving her a slight nod. After that, she gave me glance without emotions in her eyes. I can't see emotions in her pretty eyes that's why I became nervous. Mysteriousness was the only thing I've inherited from her.

Pagkatapos niya akong tignan ay hinila niya na ang dalawang maleta na ang mga laman ay mismong mga gamit at damit na pagmamay-ari niya. Sinusundan ko lang siya ng tingin hanggang sa marinig ko ang pag-andar ng makina ng sasakyan at ang mabilis na pagharurot no'n.

Even if I wanted to hugged and begged her to not go for her own satisfaction, I didn't even moved my body. I was fighting the urge to followed the damn car where she rode with the unfamiliar man I saw a while ago. I was also fighting the urge to cry even if I wanted to burst out my emotions because I knew that she doesn't deserve my tears... She did not even say her last goodbye to me... To her only son. Goddamn her.

"Naku naman! Sabi nila ay ang mahihirap ang dahilan kung bakit may mga batang naaabandona, iyon pala ay ang mga mayayamang hindi kontento sa anong mayroon sila." reklamo ni yaya Anne habang umiiling-iling pa.

I clenched my fist because of annoyance. No, it wasn't because I was angry, it's because she's right. My mother was indeed one of the wealthy personalities who don't give importance to their child. I don't give a damn.

I knew the reason why she decided to left me. I have resemblance with my father, my features and the way I acted. Ayaw niya nang maalala si daddy. My father died out of extreme shock when he saw my mother having an affair. I've realized that she felt her freedom the day my father died. My father and my mother didn't loved each other, they're into arranged marriage that's why they haven't felt love at each other, at all. That's why she have her freedom back and the first thing she did was to decide leaving with her true love... whom the reason why my father died.

"Hijo... Ito pala, ibinigay ni Señorita kagabi bago siya nag-empake." Inilahad sa akin ng isa sa kasambahay namin ang isang red envelope.

I put my toy cars inside their consecutive boxes. When I finished what I was doing, I took the envelope out of the housemaid's hand. I gave her a sly smile before running upstairs.

Umupo agad ako sa kama ko bago tinitigan ang envelope. It's nothing special. Wala man lang sulat na inilagay sa labas no'n. Bumuntong-hininga ako bago dahan-dahang binuksan iyon. I gasped when a black credit card came out when I flipped the thing. A small paper came out after the card.

'It's your father's but it is yours now.

-Mrs. Tuazon'

After that day, my life has changed. Everything changed. I forgot how to smile. I forgot how to communicate to people around me. I forgot what's the purpose of my life. No, my life didn't turned into messed, yet, it became better. I realized that being alone doesn't mean being lonely because I wasn't lonely at all.

Until one day, I discovered the box that was in my father's cabinet. It was his CDs. A compilation of his own songs. My father once became a singer of an unpopular band back then in Finnmark, Norway. But then, when his parents decided to get him someone to be his wife from their business partners, he needed to slowly quit his passion.

Inisa-isa ko ang mga CDs niya. Pinakinggan ko lahat-lahat ng 'yon at na-realize kong magaling na mang-aawit ang daddy ko. I became his number one fan and I started singing when I was at my fifth grade that's why I discovered my talent. Yaya Anne suggested that I should find an agency to enhance my singing.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Tuazon. Our agency is already full."

That line was very familiar. Lahat ng agency na in-audition-an ko, iyon ang palaging sinasabi when in the first place, pwede naman nilang sabihin iyon bago pa ako kumanta sa harapan nila.

"Ano, Jared, hijo? Tanggap ka ba?" salubong sa akin ni yaya Anne.

Kinalabit ko ang sariling gitara bago umiling. I really don't like to tell anyone about my failures. It felt like I wasn't qualified enough.

"Aysus! 'Wag kang malungkot diyan! Marami pang agency na pwede mong pag-audition-an. 'Yong mga hindi bingi at bukas ang tainga para marinig ang magandang boses mo." sabay ngiti niya sa akin.

I gave her an assurance smile before giving a nod. What she said came true when I reached my eight grade as a student. Bumuntong-hininga muna ako bago pumihit na pumasok sa audition room ng Crystal Agency. I've heard from rumors that this agency has been the foremost recruiting agency for the past two decades up until now.

"I lay my love on you..."

The first thing that caught my eyes were the nodding and smiling faces of the casters and judges. Kasama na doon sina Mr. and Mrs. Cordova. Napaayos ako ng tayo nang lumapit sa akin si Mr. Cordova at naglahad ng kamay.

"Well, you have an angelic voice. You're in," aniya sa seryosong boses.

Pagkatapos kong isabit sa likuran ko ang gitara ay nakipagkamayan ako sa kaniya at sa iba pang casters pati na sa mga judges. I was about to get outside of the room when a girl with her tiny uniform blocked my way. She has this 'chinita' eyes that was slightly deep with her curvy eyelashes. Her nose was small yet pointed. Her lips were plump and reddish. Her blonde hair made her more appealing. Damn... she's gorgeous.

Simula nang tumungtong ako ng grade 9 ay nagsimulang dumami ang mga taga-hanga ko. Karamihan ay babae kaya hindi na ako nagtataka kung bakit kada-biyernes ay mas dumadami ang mga love letters na natatanggap ko. Hindi ko binabasa lahat at ang tanging binabasa ko lang ay ang kulay pink na sobreng may design na maliit na mikropono sa gilid.

'Dear Jared,

Hi? I don't know if you're reading my letters but I hope you would because all of my confessions to you is written here. Gusto kita, Jared. Not because of your voice, not because of your gorgeousness (well, slight?) Hindi, joke lang. What's the reason why I like you? Because you are passionate. The moment I laid my eyes on you, my heart fluttered and it beats faster than my normal heart beat. Don't know what's this feeling but I know it's something real.

Your No. 1 Fan,
L.S. Cordova'

I smirked. I don't know why her letters always made me smirked when I read it. Maybe, it was because of her corniness? Because of her cheesy words? I don't know, maybe it was because she's so readable. Lalo na nang mas makilala ko siya, hindi ko na alam ang nararamdaman ko.

"Lagi ka bang pumupunta dito?" My friend, Jake, asked her one day at the recording room.

"Ah... oo... medyo..." wala sa sariling sambit niya.

Hindi ko napigilan ang ngumisi nang dahil sa paraan ng pagsagot niya. It's obvious that she's not paying attention at my friend at all. But my smirk faded when I heard my friend asked for her number and she really gave it to him in an instance! Wow! She's so fragile... Ang dali niyang magtiwala. Somehow, I wanted to protect her.

"Jared, let's have dinner. It's my treat." Lancy's father, tito Nickel talked to me after I recorded my new song.

Kaagad akong umiling bilang pagtanggi. Napamasahe siya sa sariling sentido bago humilig sa pinto ng recording room. Napatingin ako sa cellphone ko nang umilaw iyon.

From Jake:

May gusto yata talaga 'yong Gian sa kaniya. Laging pumupunta sa SHU. Lagi ring sinusundo si Lancy. Kabahan ka na, 'tol.

Nang-igting ang panga ko nang mabasa ang text niya. I bitterly smirked bago tumingin kay tito Nickel na magsasalita na sana.

"Sige, Mr. Cordova. Pumapayag na ako na sunduin siya every Friday." matapang kong sambit.

Every friday was the only day that I would fetch her. I could say she always looked excited and contented every time she'd see me. I don't know what my feelings are but my mood always turned great everytime I see her smile. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nararamdaman ko sa kaniya pero sa tuwing nakikita ko siyang kasama si Gian o kung sino pang lalaki na kakilala niya, naiinis at nagseselos ako. Tangina kasi! Ako lang dapat!

I was taking a shower one night when yaya Anne texted me that some 'intruder' came in and even I have no clue who was that 'intruder', I concluded that it was her, Lancy.

She was looking at my half-naked body when I came out from the bathroom. I saw how her lips parted because of admiration. Damn this girl, she's really easy to read. But sometimes, she's just too insensitive.

"Kiss me..." she whispered after she clung her arms around my nape.

Halos mapamura ako nang sinabi niya iyon. Hindi pala halos kun'di ilang mura na ang nasabi ko sa isip dahil sa sinabi niya. Damn! Fuck! Darn! Shit! Tangina! Hindi niya ba alam na noon pa ako nagtitimpi na mahalikan siya? Just great! Kung hindi ko pipigilan ang sarili ko, hindi lang halik ang mangyayari!

That night when Hariah and Aiden decided to tour the Prague, Czech Republic, I've decided to tour the whole place by myself. Maganda ang lugar lalo na ang mga makikita sa paligid. Halos ilaw na lang ng buong lugar ang makikita mo pero sobrang ganda pa rin lalo na kapag nagtatagisan ang iba't-ibang kulay ng logos ng maraming brand at restaurants.

Napatigil ako sa paglalakad nang makita ang isang jewelry store na may pangalang Fancy. It remind me of her... Lancy. Pumasok ako doon at inilibot agad ang paningin sa buong paligid. Tumigil ang mga mata ko nang makita ang isang silver ring na may maliliit na diamond sa gilid ng mas malaking diamond sa gitna. Gusto kong bilhin 'yon at iregalo sa kaniya pero parang ang aga pa naman kung singsing agad ang ibibigay ko sa kaniya kaya umiling na lang ako at saktong pagtingin ko sa gilid ay nakita ko ang kwintas na nasa pulang kahon.

"Good evening, Sir! Just pick what you like." sabay ngiti ng saleslady.

"I'll buy that one," tinuro ko ang kwintas kaya napatango ang babae, "Can you customized it for me?" dagdag ko pa.

"Yes, Sir! Of course! What would I put as it's pendant?" aniya.

"Lancy Sapphire Cordova, Ms. I mean, LSC."

Tumango agad siya at sinabing hindi ko agad makukuha 'yon kasi kailangan pang i-customize. Nakuha ko lang iyon nang araw na uuwi na kami sa Pinas ni Hariah without Aiden. I don't know where did he go but I have a hint that they fought. It's really obvious.

Napatigil ako sa pagkuha ng mga litrato sa mga painting na kaharap nang mapatigin sa lalaking kausap niya. Nakatingin siya kay Lancy na para bang gusto na niya itong halikan. I clenched my fist bago inilibot ang paningin sa buong gallery. Nahagip ang mata ko ng isang babaeng may hawak-hawak na maraming ribbon lace.

"Can you lend me one?" seryosong tanong ko sa babae.

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya at mukhang natigilan pa. I patiently waited for her to get a grip of herself and when she came back to her self, she gave me the pink lace.

Kaagad akong naglakad papalapit kay Lancy na susunod na sana sa lalaking kausap niya kanina habang itinatali ko sa kaliwang kamay ko ang isang dulo ng lace. Nang makalapit na ay agad kong hinila ang kamay niya at agad-agad na itinali ang isa pang dulo ng lace doon.

"Ano ba? Ba't mo 'ko tinalian? Hindi ako kambing!" reklamo niya.

I fucking wanted to tied not only her wrist but her whole body. I wanted to show him that I am territorial and I don't share my belongings to someone because I am possessive... I want her mine.

"Oy, Jared! May naghahanap sa 'yo kagabi. Iyong blonde ang buhok. 'Di ba kakilala mo 'yon?" one of my classmate told me on my way to the beach house.

I pursed my lips bago inilibot ang paningin sa paligid ng Boracay beach. Napatigil ako nang makita ang kaibigan niyang schoolmate ko no'ng high school. Agad ko siyang nilapitan.

"Where's Lancy?" I asked her.

Nagkibit siya ng balikat bago umismid, "Ayun, umuwi. Ikaw kasi, eh. Bakit ba lagi mo na lang siyang sinasaktan at pinapaselos? Ayos ka rin, 'no? Alam mo, Jared... Bawal ako magmura pero tangina! 'Wag mo namang saktan ang kaibigan ko. Please, Jared..." she hissed before walking away.

Wala na akong hinintay na oras, agaran akong nag-empake at pagkatapos kong magpaalam sa president ng camp trekking namin ay umuwi agad ako. Nang makarating sa Manila ay dumiretso ako sa agency. Tinanong ko agad kung nasaan si Lancy nang hindi ko siya makita. Tito Nickel told me that Lancy's in Beatrize Dream Agency kaya dumiretso na ako doon.

But, I paused when I saw some familiar guy pulling her wrist and in an instance, they're inside a car. I smirked before I punched the steering wheel of my damn car. Fuck! Just great, Lancy! Nagmamadali akong umuwi para makita ka pero 'yon lang ang madadatnan ko? Just way too great, Cordova!

Nang makalabas na siya ng kotse ay wala na akong hinintay na segundo, agad kong pinaharurot ang kotse ko hanggang sa makarating ako sa mismong gilid niya. Nandilim agad ang tingin ko nang makita ang bulaklak na nasa kamay niya. Kita ko ang pagkagulat sa mga mata niya pero dahil inis na inis ako ay agad ko siyang pinagbuksan ng pinto. Kinuha ko ang bulaklak na nasa hita niya at itinapon iyon sa trash can sa gilid.

"Pwede ba?! Stop saying unpredictable talks! Masyado kang paasa! Pinapaasa mo lang ako! Sumabay ka pa sa problema ko! Sobrang sakit na nga, dinagdagan pa ng picture na magkayakap kayo ni Hariah! Ano ba talaga, Jared? Ano ang nasa isip mo? YOU'RE WAY TOO MYSTERIOUS! HINDI KITA MABASA KAHIT NA ANO ANG GAWIN MO! GUSTO KO NA LANG NA KALIMUTAN KA! MAGMO-MOVE ON NA AKO SA 'YO KASI WALA KA NAMANG PAKIALAM SA NARARAMDAMAN KO!"

Napangisi ako dahil sa sinabi niyang iyon. Why, Lancy? Kung hindi ako ang magugustuhan mo? Sino? Sino ang ipapalit mo sa isang katulad ko? Kakalimutan mo ako? Are you for real, Cordova? Tangina! Hinding-hindi ko hahayaan na mag-move on siya! Dahil sa inis ay siniil ko siya ng halik sa labi. It was the first kissed I had with her, no, she's really my first kiss and I know, I was the first man who've got to kissed her. Try me, Lancy Sapphire Cordova.

I was so frustrated when my birthday came, it was supposedly just a simple birthday party with her but my agency told me that I should just have a birthday celebration. A party with an open-gate, pwedeng pumunta kahit na sinong taga-showbiz, so, I agreed. I don't have any objections. My hands were trembling out for nervousness while I was staring at the whole-length mirror in my closet. Shit! I was fucking nervous because that's the night that I would give her the necklace I've bought from Prague.

Napatingin ako sa cellphone ko nang umilaw iyon. Pangalan ng kaibigan ko ang lumitaw.

From Jake:

Birthday rin pala ng karibal mo ngayon, 'tol? Sinundan ko kasi si Lancy hanggang sa bahay ni Gian.

Napangisi ako sa text ng kaibigan ko. Iyon ang dahilan kung bakit ako inis na inis. Fine! Unahin mo 'yang kaibigan mo. Kahit na hindi mo pa ako puntahan, okay lang. It's your choice, but, don't let me face that Gian because I would really punch him out of annoyance! Really, really! Kaya nang bigla siyang lumitaw sa harap ko na bitbit ang kaniyang mga ngiti ay kaagad akong nairita. Tangina! Bakit naman kasi sobrang ganda niya kapag nakangiti? Ito ba 'yong dahilan kung bakit patay na patay si Gian sa 'yo? If I just can, I would just seal her lips with my lips just to stop herself from smiling. Tsk!

That night, Hariah and Aiden had a misunderstanding again. Yesany, the one whose obsessed with Aiden, pushed my friend on my swimming pool, so, I needed to take care of Hariah that's why I didn't have the chance to gave the necklace to Lancy.

"Kamusta kamo 'yong kaibigan mong itinulak sa pool ng karibal niya?" iginala ni Jake ang paningin sa private room ko bago namaywang.

"Masakit raw ang ulo." ginulo ko ang sariling buhok bago tinitigan ang sarili sa salamin.

Nginisihan ako ng kaibigan ko bago nagkibit-balikat, "Ano ba talaga, 'tol? Hindi mo talaga siya gusto?" biglaang tanong niya.

I immediately shook my head before smirking, "Sinabi ko na sa 'yo. Wala akong gusto sa kaniya. Kaibigan lang ang tingin ko sa kaniya. Being friends is better." And I really don't like anyone now, but, I know... I am secretly loving her.

Agad akong napatingin sa pinto nang bigla iyong bumukas.

"You really don't like me?" parang maiiyak na sambit ni Lancy.

My brows creased because of confusion. What... Akala niya ba siya ang pinag-usapan namin ni Jake? What?! I tried to explained everything the her but the situation just gotten worst.

"Akala mo ba gusto talaga kita? Huh? Hindi kita gusto, Jared! I am just joking! I really don't like you!" she bursted out.

Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. Kahit na alam kong gusto niya talaga ako, may parte ng pagkatao ko na nasaktan dahil sa sinabi niya. So... She can't just lower her pride for me? Ayaw niya pa ring naaapakan ang ego niya. Except for being a spoiled daughter, she has also the highest pride. Let's see, Lancy. Let's see...

"If we run into each other next time... I need to see your neck with that necklace and if not... you'll receive a heartthrobbing punishment." walang bahid ng kalokohang sabi ko.

One fine day, someone me and he introduced himself as my grandmother's doctor. He said that my grandmother has a heart disease and everything that makes her lost her breath should be avoided. Kaya agad akong nagdesisyon na puntahan siya sa Finnmark, Norway where her house is. Tito Nickel understood my situation and I was relieved when tita Monica also did.

"Grandma, I told you not to prepare dinner. I can cook for us. Hindi po kayo pwedeng mapagod." sambit ko at kinuha na ang sandok sa kamay niya.

Umupo siya sa bangko sa dining area bago ko narinig ang buntong-hininga niya.

"I'm already old, Jared pero that doesn't mean that I can't do house chores. Also, don't worry about me... You don't need to kasi malakas pa ako at kung iniisip mong malapit na ang oras ko, hindi, malayo pa 'yon. Siyempre, I can't let myself die before you build a family." aniya kaya napahinga ako nang maluwag.

Okay, Grandma. I'll give you a grandchild... but, you need to be patience because I am still pursuing her and I am sure, she will be the one who would give you grandchildren.

Tahimik kaming namuhay ni lola sa Finnmark when one day, some dummy account sent me a picture that made me frustrated. Some other guy hugged Lancy from her back and I almost broke my phone if I didn't controlled my self. Damn! Hindi nga ako nakakayakap sa kaniya nang gano'n pero 'yong lalaking 'yon ay ang dali lang? Fine!

Akala ko makakalimutan ko lang 'yong picture pero hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili na mag-book agad ng flight pauwi ng Pinas at nang makarating ay dumiretso ako sa Cebu kasi mismong sa harap ng Bea building siya niyakap kaya alam ko kung saan mahahanap ang lalaking 'yon.

Nang makita ko ang pinsan ni Lancy na si Tiara ay agad ko siyang nilapitan at tinanong kung kilala niya ba ang lalaking nasa picture. Agad naman siyang tumango at iginiya ako papunta sa basketball court ng subdivision nila. Doon ko naabutan ang lalaking may kaakbayang dalawang babae habang nakangisi pa. Agad akong sumugod sa kaniya at sinuntok siya nang ilang beses. Tangina! Pinaglalaruan niya ba si Lancy?! Tinuturing niya bang isa sa mga easy girl ang katulad ni Lancy? Disgusting shit!

"Hep hep hep! Tama na! Tama na!" ilang minuto ang lumipas ay may mga basketball player na pumigil sa kamay ko.

"That's Jared, right?! The superstar?!" I heard a woman's voice said.

Umiling na lang ako at ngumisi. Wala na akong pakialam kung ano ang mangyari sa image ko. Atleast ay nasuntok ko ang lalaking pinaglalaruan ang babaeng mahal ko. Huli na nang magsalita si Tiara na siyang ikinatigil ko.

"Jared! Pinsan siya ni Lancy! Pinsan namin si Lancy!" sambit niya at nilapitan ang maraming pasa sa mukha na sinasabi niyang pinsan nila ni Lancy.

Bumalik agad ako sa Norway pagkatapos ng nangyari. I smirked when I saw her. She really wanted to received my punishment when I volunteered as a judges in exhibition in America and accidentally, I realized that I would get the chance to see her again with a valid reason. No, I wasn't pissed when I didn't see her necklace, infact, I was happy... She really wanted to receive my punishment. I was planning to just kissed her but, I realized... a kissed wasn't enough... I must show her that I'm her owner... and leaving three hickeys in her neck was an evidence.

"Erase that Lyse..." mahinahon kong sambit habang pilit na kinukuha ang cellphone niya para i-delete ang picture ko no'ng two years old ako at maraming dumi sa mukha ko.

"No, Jared... You're cute here, oh! Look at this! So... adorable! I will post this on your twitter account and you don't have a say because I am the one who is managing it!" she chuckled.

Umiling ako bago siya hinabol nang bigla siyang tumakbo papasok ng kwarto ko. Makukuha ko na sana 'yon nang bigla siyang natalisod. Agaran kong hinawakan ang baywang niya para pigilan siya sa pagkatumba. Humagikhik siya dahil sa ginawa ko. Bago ko pa maalis ang mga kamay ko sa kaniya ay biglang bumukas ang pintuan at iniluwa no'n ang babaeng halatang gulat na gulat.

"Shit!" sambit niya bago tumalikod.

Nervousness strikes my whole body as I was seeing her turning back at me. Agad kong tinitigan nang mariin si Lysian.

"Just go home." inis kong sambit bago sinundan si Lancy.

Dali-dali kong hinigit ang kamay niya nang akma siyang lalabas papunta sa double-doors na exit ng bahay. Kita ko ang inis na inis niyang ekspresyon pero mas tumitingkayad ang sakit sa mata niya. Curse myself! Nasaktan ko na naman siya! And when Lysian left us, agad ko siyang ki-norneran sa sofa. Nakuha niya pa akong sampalin pero hindi ko na lang 'yon ininda. I get it. She's really jealous and kissing her was the first option to calm her down.

Nang magkaroon siya ng bagong movie ay kinuha ko na 'yon na opportunity para maging ka-love team niya. I know that she wants me to be her love team. Noon pa lang, no'ng araw na nagkaalitan kami sa private room ko sa Crystal Agency, she accidentally bursted out that fact.

"The male lead of GOWY is finally here! Nice to meet you, Mr. Tuazon." sambit ni Mr. Renales nang makarating ako sa HK.

Tumango agad ako bago inilibot ang paningin sa buong silid.

"Where's Lancy?" bumaling ng tingin kay Mr. Renales na nagtataka.

Until, biglang bumukas ang pinto ng room at bumungad ang kinakabahang ekspresyon ni Honeylyn. Kabang-kaba siya at halos hindi na makapagsalita nang tanungin ko siya.

"S-Si L-Lancy... N-Nawawala siya! Hindi rin niya sinasagot ang mga tawag. Hindi ko alam kung nasaan siya pero alam kong may problema!"

Kumuyom ang kamao ko habang patuloy pa ring tinatawagan ang numero niya. Halos hindi na ako makapag-focus sa pagda-drive dahil sa sobrang kaba. Lalo na nang malaman kong hindi rin alam nina tito Nickel at tita Monica kung nasaan si Lancy. Lahat ng pwede kong tanungan ay natanungan ko na. The only person left was his friend, Gian.

"Oh, Jared! Napadalaw ka?" sambit niya nang makarating ako sa bahay nila.

"Did Lancy called you?" wala na akong pinalampas na segundo at agad ring nagtanong.

His eyebrows arched before shaking his head. Tumango na lang ako at aalis na sana nang bigla niya akong tinawag. Ipinakita niya ang cellphone niya at parang binuhusan ako ng malamig na tubig nang makita ang pangalan ng caller. It's her.

Pumasok kami sa loob ng bahay nila. Kahit na naguguluhan kung bakit walang nagsasalita sa kabilang linya, nanatili kaming tahimik. Maya-maya ay biglang umingay ang paligid. From the very start, my heart was beating so fast because of nervousness.

"Ang dami mong satsat. Pero okay lang naman. Maganda ka at siyempre..." tumigil saglit ang lalaki mula sa kabilang linya sa pagsasalita and I am sure, he was checking my woman's body and I was right, "...masarap."

Doon pa lang, gusto ko na siyang suntukin nang suntukin hanggang sa hindi na siya makilala ng mga taong nakakakilala sa kaniya. Tanginang direktor 'yon! Kaya nang makarating ako sa bahay niya, tinitigan ko muna si Lancy na tanging fitted sando lang ang suot sa upper part. Shit! Hindi ko ma-imagine na pinagpa-pantasyahan siya ng hayop na direktor na 'yon. Nakuha niya pang angkinin ang babae ko. Kumulo agad ang dugo ko at sinapak si Mr. Trinidad.

After I punched his face, I immediately walked towards her but Lysian suddenly hugged me. That same time, his friend hugged her. I felt jealousy but I didn't mind that for knowing that my life wasn't hurt, that's too much for me, it's more than enough. Alam kong sa akin pa rin siya uuwi.

"Hey! That's my pwerse!" lasing niyang sambit nang itaas ko ang purse niya saka kinuha agad ang susi ng kotse niya doon.

Ipinasok ko siya sa kotse ko at nang makapasok rin ako ay kahit ano na lang ang sinasabi niya. Nakuha niya pang tumanggi na hindi siya lasing. Nangatuwiran pa nga. Damn, girl. Nakatulog siya sa byahe namin at nang makarating na kami sa harap ng gate ng bahay nila ay agad ko siyang ginising. I mocked her calling me 'babe' while I was gently patting her shoulders.

I asked her if she's free next Thursday night but she frustratedly refused me. Hindi ako galit sa kaniya na hindi siya nakapunta sa concert ko. I know her, she's busy and I understand that. Mas okay lang sana na nando'n 'yong number one fan ko para i-cheer ako... but, it's fine.

When the final day of the taping of GOWY, I was smirking all the time while I was reminiscing how I accepted the role of Frost as the male lead of the movie. I know that directors' mind would change. May kakilala akong direktor na nagsisinungaling muna sa mga artistang mapipili niya na 'light romance' lang ang genre ng movie pero kapag in-accept na ng mga artista ang roles nila, hindi na pwedeng mag-back out and that's the moment wherein the genre would turn into 'adult romance'. So, I was relieved out of happiness because I would be the one who would get a chance to kiss her... even in the camera.

"Please, marry me, my queen... Marry me and I'll serve you for the rest of my life..." I acted.

She didn't gave me a response but she answered me through a kiss. Shit! She's really a good kisser kahit alam kong wala siyang ibang nakahalikang lalaki bukod sa 'kin pero nakakadala ang mga halik niya... I almost lost myself in that scene. Sure, Lancy. Don't worry, I'll kiss you every day when we get married. Not for the movie but for real. I will marry you, someday, my queen.

That was what I was thinking on the day of Aiden and Hariah's wedding day. Soon, I will be marrying my woman in front of the crowds and I will really really be proud of it because at last... wala nang mangyayaring sakitan sa pagitan namin.

"Jared..." she moaned my name for the nth time while we were making love and all I did was to smirk.

Sa lahat ng pagpipigil ko, I didn't managed to controlled myself. It was because of jealousy. It was because of what Vernon did. He was too intimate to Lancy earlier, so, I was pissed... And that pissed and jealousy made me took her damn first experience.

"My son!" napatingin agad ako sa humawak sa mga balikat ko.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang malaman kung sino iyon. It's her... The first woman who left me. I gave her a smirk before running upstairs. Inilagay ko ang mga damit at gamit ko sa maleta ko. Narinig ko ang pagbukas ng pinto at alam na alam ko kung sino ang pumasok. Umiling ako bago isinara ang maleta.

"Son! Won't you give your mother a smile?" hinarangan niya ako.

Napatitig ako sa mukha niya. She's the same Stephanie Tuazon from my memory before. She's still the same. Aalis siya nang walang paalam at babalik na parang walang nangyari. She's the same. Fucking the same. Did she thought that this damn home is her's? No! I was the one who was living in this same house and without her, I'd still managed to keep the house in it's best pace. Pero kung nandito lang naman siya, aalis ako. Ayoko nang makita siya.

Nang makatanggap ako ng text mula kay Lancy at sinabi niyang nandoon siya sa bahay ay agad akong lumabas ng unit ko at dire-diretsong pumasok sa elevator hanggang makarating ako sa parking lot. Agad kong pinaharurot ang kotse ko papunta doon. All I thought while I was driving was Lancy. Alam kong matapang siya at hindi siya nagpapatapak sa kahit na sino pero kilala ko si Mrs. Tuazon, she's more than just bad.

"Jared..." sambit ni Lancy nang higitin ko ang kamay niya.

I was relieved when I saw her safe. It's like my own life finally escaped from the dangerous cave. I'm relieved. Mawala na kahit na sino, 'wag lang ang babaeng pinakamamahal ko. Alam kong hindi niya ako iiwan, I know her... Alam ko ring siya rin ang babaeng pakakasalan ko at ang magiging ina ng mga anak namin kaya nang pumunta si Mrs. Tuazon sa condo unit ko, nagkasagutan kami.

"Why do you love her, son? She's just one of your fangirl out there. She's just one of your desperate admirer. She's just, uh, you know? Spoiled brat who acts like a child daddy's girl. Tsk."

I smirked, "Then, what now, old lady? You think I made her my girlfriend just because she's my number one fangirl? Just because she's just one of my desperate admirer? Huh! You're really funny. You really don't know me, well, you really don't since you left me." I said a matter of fact.

Umupo siya sa sofa ng unit ko kahit na hindi ko pa siya niyayaya bago niya ako nginisihan,"I have connections, Jared. I can make you miserable, you two. I can make you lower than those hungry rats there, son. I have connections. But, if you don't want to, I will stop... I will stop being the 'rat' who is playing in Diamond Agency. I can and I could. Just choose me over her, Jared. Just choose the path I've made for you. Marry Lysian so that, my business will make it to the top. Marry her because she's the one for you... the, uh, what we call 'soulmate'. Just choose me and Lysian... and I would never bother that Lancy Sapphire Cordova and their business."

Gusto kong humalakhak dahil sa sinabi niya. Damn! She's funny! Hindi ko inakalang marunong pala magpatawa si Mrs. Tuazon! Umiling-iling ako bago ngumisi sa kaniya.

"So? Do it, then! I can defend her! I can defend my life 'coz she's my life! No one can split us... No one... Even just a mere ungrateful villain like you, Mrs. Tuazon. I don't have a mom anymore. I don't have... And if I need to sacrifice my passion? I can! I would! Walang problema! Gawin niyo kung ano ang gusto niyo! Magsolo kayo! 'Wag niyo kaming gulohin ni Lancy because we will make our own family! And if you're wondering why I choose her? Because I knew, she will be the perfect wife and she will be the perfect mother for our children... and I knew that she would never abandon our child like you did to me, before... I can sacrifice everything. Wealth, passion, and peace, I will live if I have her... I can live with her love..." I shouted at her.

"Why re you so... grumpy?" natatawa kong sambit.

Kanina pa siya nagsusungit sa 'kin maging sa mga babaeng nakakausap ko man lang ng panandalian. Hindi naman siya ganito dati, yes, she's spoiled at may attitude problem, but, she's not like this. Hindi siya ganito kasungit no'n.

We've enjoyed Cebu so much. Our first day of vacation was too perfect. We just toured some markets and beautiful spots in the city but it made us stronger. Napahawak ako sa bracelet na pina-customize niya kanina. Hinding-hindi ko iwawala ang bracelet na bigay niya at pahahalagahan ko 'yon gaya ng pagpapahalaga niya sa kwintas na ibinigay ko sa kaniya. I don't know but everytime I am seeing the necklace in her neck, I became more complete. I know how much she love the necklace.

"Let's continue what we are doing, later..." I kissed her forehead at dire-diretsong lumabas ng banyo.

Nang binuksan ko ang pinto ay bumungad sa akin ang isang staff ng CHESKA hotel na pinag-si-stayhan namin.

"I'm sorry, Sir pero may kailangan lang kayong pirmahan sa reception area." aniya at ngumiti.

Tumango na lang ako at sumunod sa kaniya. Pagkatapos kong mapirmahan ang dokumento tungkol sa couple-of-the-month na prize at pagkatapos ay dumiretso ako muna ako sa restaurant ng hotel at nag-order ng maraming pagkain. Medyo natagalan pa ako kaya agad akong pumasok ng elevator dala-dala ang dalawang paper bags na may lamang mga Western foods.

Pero nang makapasok na ako sa loob ng hotel room namin ay sobra akong nangamba lalo na nang hindi ko makita ang maleta niya na nasa gilid lang ng kama kanina. Inikot ko ang lahat ng lugar na pwedeng pagtaguan niya pero wala talaga siya hanggang sa mapansin ko ang isang papel na nasa mini table kaharap ng sofa.

Lahat ng minutong ginugol ko sa pagbasa ng sulat niya ay siya namang walang tigil na pag-agos ng mga luha ko. Punit-punit na ang ibang bahagi ng papel dala na rin ng pagka-inis ko.

'This is Lancy Sapphire Cordova and I am bidding my goodbye to you through this letter.

Yours Forever,
Lancy Sapphire Cordova'

And the whole paper torn because of my tears that was streaming down my cheeks. Fuck! I can't believe this is happening! What's the reason na bigla-bigla niya na lang akong iiwan nang gano'n? Oh, shit! The passion! Mrs. Tuazon recorded our conversation! Damn!

"What did you do?!" inis kong sigaw nang makapasok na nang tuluyan sa bahay namin.

Napatayo siya dahil sa gulat bago sinapo ang dibdib, "What, Jared? I'm not deaf, don't shout." aniya at nagkibit-balikat.

Agad akong tumawa nang mapakla pero hindi ko na rin napigilan ang umiyak dahil sa lahat-lahat ng ginawa niyang kasalanan sa babaeng mahal ko. Una, pinaglaruan niya ang Diamond Agency. Pangalawa, ginulo niya ang buhay namin ni Lancy. Pangatlo, ginawa niya lahat para lang iwan ako ng babaeng mahal ko... Hindi lang siya kay Lancy may kasalanan, pati na sa amin ng daddy ko. I can't believe I had a mother like her.

Hinanap ko si Lancy. Pinagtanungan ko na lahat ng pamilya niya, kaibigan niya, at pati na ang ibang mga classmates niya... pero hindi ko siya mahanap. Ayaw sabihin ni tito Nickel at ni tita Monica kung saan nagsi-stay si Lancy. Alam kong may alam si Fern kung nasaan siya pero hindi niya inamin. Alam kong may alam rin si Gian pero kagaya ni Fern, hindi niya rin sinabi.

"Son... Will you please talk to Mommy, hmm?" iyon ang bungad ni Mrs. Tuazon sa akin nang makarating ako sa condo ko.

It's been two months since I haven't seen Lancy. It's been two months since I haven't had appetite in everything. Mula nang umalis siya ay hindi ko na ulit siya nakita o nakausap man lang and I have been... missing her so much. Now, I have realized, my life isn't complete without her. Sobrang laki ng kulang sa buhay ko kapag wala siya.

"I don't want to have a conversation with you, Mrs. Tuazon." madiin kong sambit at hinubad ang leather jacket na suot-suot.

"Jared... I'm here to say sorry..." sambit niya.

Napailing ako bago umupo sa sofa. Hinilot ko ang sentido ko saka ipinikit ang mga mata para man lang mawala ang pagkainis. Sorry? She will? Tsk. What a joke. Ni-goodbye nga ay hindi niya kayang sabihin, 'sorry' pa kaya? Too impossible... Sobrang imposible. Nanatili akong walang imik. Akala mo umalis na siya pero nang marinig ko ulit ang boses niya ay nanatili akong nakapikit.

"I have just realized that I was a bad mother to you and I am still really a bad mother. I won't say a thing about your father, Halson because even if what I've done, I really didn't love him in any aspects... except the fact that we had a son like you... That's the only reason I was holding on even if I don't love your father. I know, Halson loves me but, I didn't. It isn't my fault, though. I know that we can't teach our heart to love someone we didn't really love... I have once experienced it with your dad." tumigil siya saglit pero nanatili lang akong nakapikit at tahimik, "I just realized, recently, that I was really a bad person for leaving you alone. I'm sorry, Jared Keir Leigh. I was too selfish. I didn't mind you while I made that decision... And as your mother, I know what's good. That's why I was forcing you to break up with your girlfriend because I want the best for you... and what's best is for you to marry Lysian. Poarch's has been our real business partners since then kaya utang na loob ang negosyo natin sa kanila. I'm sorry if it's too late... but, I will let you go. I won't force you anymore. I won't hurt you, again. You can do what you want... and... pursue her. The one you truly love kasi ayokong magsisi ka. Masarap magmahal sa taong gusto mong makasama habang buhay pero masakit magmahal kapag hindi mo man lang ipinaglaban ang pag-iibigan niyo kaya... go, son. I won't bother you, again. Gaya ng palagi kong ginagawa, aalis ako nang walang pasabi and sana... kalimutan mo na lang na ako ang mommy mo... I don't deserve someone like you... I don't deserve you, my only son..." she cried.

Tumulo ang mga luha ko habang nakapikit ako. Napakagat ako sa pang-ibabang labi nang marinig lahat ng iyon mula sa kaniya. Nang buksan ko ang mga mata ay wala na siya. Ngumiti ako nang mapait bago tinakpan ang mukha gamit ang mga palad.

For the nth time, pumunta ulit ako sa Crystal Agency. Dumiretso ako sa office ni tito Nickel. Kakatok na sana ako nang bumukas iyon at iniluwa si tita Monica habang ang asawa ay nasa likuran, nakasunod. Kumunot ang noo nilang dalawa nang makita akong seryoso ang mukha.

"Hey, hijo. You're here, again. What do you want?" sambit ni tito Nickel bago nagkibit-balikat.

Bumuntong-hininga ako bago unti-unting lumuhod sa harapan nila. I know that once a person bows to another person, they'll lose their dignity pero wala akong pakialam. Mawala na lahat. Dignity, pride, selflessness... Name it. Wala na akong pakialam. Ngayon pa ba ako susuko? Na wala nang hadlang? No, I won't and would never.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ni tita Monica bago lumingon sa paligid. Natataranta niya akong nilapitan at inalalayang tumayo pero nagmatigas ako.

"Please... tell me where your daughter is. I promise, I will take care of her. I will treat her like my queen. I will love her with all my might. I can sacrifice everything for Lancy. Even if I'd lost everything... but not her. Please, please... tito and tita... It's been five months since my life turned darker and I can't tolerate the dark life I have right now... Please, tell me where she is." a tear rolled up from my eye to my cheek.

Lumapit sa akin si tito bago ako pinatayo. Tinapik niya ang balikat ko bago ako nginitian.

"Find her in your own way, Jared. I will not tell you the exact place where she's staying right now, but, I will give you a hint... She's way more nearer that you've expected." sambit niya at nauna nang maglakad.

Napatango ako. Alright, that's the hint. Gagamitin ko 'yon para hanapin siya. Way more nearer that I've expected?

"Ugh! I can't bear this!"

Napatingin ako kay tita nang bigla siyang magsalita. Tinignan niya ako bago nilapitan.

"I can't tell you the exact location but... it's snowing there right now... Find her and prove to us that you're worthy. I know you are, Jared."

Hindi ko alam pero napahinga ako nang maluwag sa hint na binigay ni tita. I've researched the places where it's currently snowing there on the month of December. Then, my lips formed a smirk when I concluded everything. She's way more nearer... It's snowing there right now... Right!

Lumipas ang isang linggo nang makakita ako ng isang picture galing kay lola. It was a familiar woman whose walking away from her. She's wearing a pink trench coat paired with a boots. Her hair's... blonde! It's definitely her!

Nag-book agad ako ng flight papuntang Norway and it was five P.M. when I arrived in Oslo, Norway. Let's see, Lancy... Let's see if you're excited or scared to see me, again. Pinicture-an ko ang city ng Oslo na snowy at ipi-nost iyon sa insta ko.

@jaredkelei

Coming through, Oslo.

I posted it immediately. I stalked her account.

@iamlancysc

Mas lumaki ang ngisi ko nang makitang active ang status niya. Alright, Lancy. Be ready to face me. I know where you are. Hahanapin at hahanapin kita, alam mo 'yan pero hindi ka nag-ingat. Nihindi mo inalam kung sino na ang nakakausap mong matanda... It's my grandma, love. And your meeting was a wrong move.

"Grandma! Thank you for the picture!" I hugged her as soon as I arrived.

Niyakap niya ako pabalik, "It's alright, hijo. Tinulungan lang naman kita at alam mo ba... may dapat kang malaman." kumalas siya sa yakap bago hinawakan ang dalawang pisngi ko, "She's five months pregnant, hijo. You will be a father and I will become a grandmother!"

Napawi ang ngiti ko nang dahil sa narinig mula sa kaniya. I was startled and... nervous. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang unang gagawin ko. Pupuntahan ko ba siya agad at papagalitan? O pupuntahan ko siya at aayain ng kasal? Oh, shit! It's a good thing that I've bought a ring with me! Binili ko pa iyon sa France kasi gusto kong maganda at mamahalin ang singsing na ibibigay ko sa kaniya.

Kahit gusto ko na siyang puntahan ay wala akong nagawa kun'di ang hintayin ang ginagawang scarf ni lola. Nasimulan na niya iyon no'ng isang linggo pa kaya malapit na iyon matapos. It was past nine when she handed it to me... It's finish and in it's perfect pace.

"Lola, I'll get going, now." paalam ko at lumabas na ng pinto.

I don't know if I look okay now. I was just wearing a black t-shirt beneath the beige trench coat and a pair of black pants paired with a simple black boots. Hinayaan kong magulo ang buhok ko pero habang naglalakad ako ay nililipad na iyon ng hangin.

"Jared?!" nadatnan ko si Gian na may itinatapong basura kaya agad niya akong nakita.

Nilapitan niya ako at pinagkibitan ng balikat, "Where is she?" kaagad kong tanong.

"Upstairs... Natutulog yata. Paano mo nalamang nandito siya? Sino ang tinanong mo? Wait! Ano laman niyan?" tinuro niya ang dala-dala ko.

Ibinigay ko iyon sa kaniya, "Ibigay mo sa kaniya and tell her to read the card inside."

"Okay, pero... hindi ka ba muna papasok?" alok niya na agad kong inilingan. I don't want Lancy to see me as an impatient guy.

Dali-dali siyang tumango at pumasok na ng bahay. Tumingala ako at tinignan ang second floor. Makalipas ang ilang minuto ay may humawi sa kurtina ng bintana kaya agad akong nag-iwas ng tingin. Let's see, Lancy...

Lumabas ulit ng bahay si Gian at kinausap ako na hindi raw ako kakausapin ni Lancy pero sinabihan ko siyang i-open ang insta niya para doon kami mag-usap na agad rin naman niyang ginawa.

To: @iamlancysc

Don't you want to see me? Because I want to see you badly. Please, Lancy

From: @iamlancysc

I'm warning you, Jared. Hindi kita gustong makita kaya umuwi ka na lang, please!

Napangisi ako sa reply niya. Why is she... so grumpy? Kahit sa chat? Masungit? It's because of the damn mood swings! I know! Because she's pregnant! With my child! Ngumisi ulit ako bago tumingin sa bintana ng second floor. Kitang-kita ko ang bulto niya na nakatayo.

To: @iamlancysc

Hindi mo ako gustong makita? Then, why am I seeing you from here?

Gustong-gusto ko nang humalakhak dahil sa reply ko. Really, Lancy. Try me... Fucking try me. Hindi na nagtagal ang pagpapalitan namin ng mensahe kasi naglog-out agad siya. Alright, if I can wait, I would. Tignan natin kung hanggang saan ang kaya mo, Lancy.

Hindi nga ako nagkamali. Hindi ko na alam kung ilang oras na ang lumipas basta napatingin na lang ako sa pintuan ng bahay nang marinig na bumukas iyon. Kitang-kita ko kung paano nagbago ang tiyan niya kahit na tinatakpan iyon ng coat niya. Gustong-gusto ko talagang nakikita ang inis niya lalo na nang kaagad niya akong binulyawan.

Mabilis ang pangyayari. We had an argument. Nagtalo pa kami nang ilang minuto pero hindi ko rin natiis, lumuhod na ako at inilabas ang maliit na box na dala-dala. Nakita ko kung paano kumislap ang mga mata niya dahil sa panibagong mga luhang namumuo doon. That's right, love... Cry for me... Cry for happiness.

"Marry me, Lancy Sapphire Cordova." sambit ko pagkatapos buksan ang box.

Tinitigan niya muna ako sa mga mata bago siya tumango-tango ng ilang beses. That moment was so unreal. Kinailangan ko pang kagatin ang labi ko para lang mapatunayang hindi ako nananaginip. And, then, it's true. Finally, pride has no more existed between us.

"Daddy, kiss!" kinarga ko agad ang anak ko saka siya hinalikan sa pisngi.

Our two-year old baby girl, Jashione Heir Tuazon, can now talk. Ang bilis niyang lumaki. She got my eyes and nose but her lips was from her mother... Oh, no. Not only her lips but her attitude. She's grumpy just like her mother. Maliit na bagay lang ay nagagalit agad. Nagpakasal agad kami ni Lancy nang matapos niyang ipinanganak si Jashione. Then, now, we're one year and three months married.

Napatingin kaming dalawa ng anak ko sa pintuan nang makitang pumasok si Lancy na maluwag ang pagkakangiti.

"My baby!" aniya at lumapit agad sa amin. Ibinaba ko si Jashione para sana salubungin sana siya ng yakap nang niyakap niya agad ang anak namin.

"Mommy's home! How's your shoot, Mommy?" magiliw na sambit ng bata.

Tumingala siya sa akin bago sumagot, "It's perfect, baby! Pero, nakakapagod lang kasi wala ang happiness ko doon." aniya at ngumisi.

Ngumuso ang bata bago yumakap sa mommy niya, "It's okay, Mommy!" aniya.

Nagkibit-balikat ako bago sila iniwan doon. Nag-martsa agad ako papunta sa kwarto namin. Papasok na sana ako nang marinig ko ang boses niya.

"Sandali lang, baby. May nagtatampo yata. Yaya!"

"Po?"

"Paki-bantayan si Jashione!" utos niya sa yaya ng anak namin.

Napangisi ako bago pinihit na buksan ang pinto pero napatigil agad ako nang may yumakap galing sa likuran ko. Hindi ako yumakap pabalik. Naglakad ako papasok ng kwarto habang siya ay nakayakap sa likuran ko at nakakaladkad. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang init ng yakap niya dahil sa sobrang higpit no'n.

"Galit ka ba, Jared?" mahina niyang sambit.

Ngumisi ulit ako pero iwinala ko iyon nang tanggalin ko ang kamay niya sa katawan ko at hinarap siya.

I shook my head, "Magbihis ka na," sambit ko at lumayo sa kaniya.

"Eh! Galit ka, eh! Bakit? Sabihin mo naman ang rason para makapag-sorry ako. Nagiging mysterious ka na naman." reklamo niya pero tumalikod ako at nagpanggap na may ginagawa, "Tignan mo, oh! Galit talaga! Hindi mo na ako pinapansin! Eh, sige! 'Wag tayong magpansinan, ah. Tignan natin kung sino ang hindi makatiis." padabog niyang inilapag ang purse sa kama namin.

Kakausapin ko na sana siya nang bigla niyang hinubad ang dress na suot-suot niya. Nalaglag ang panga ko nang makita ang hubog ng katawan niya. Shit! She's still fucking really hot and sexy! Napaupo ako sa kama nang naglakad siya palapit sa akin. Hindi ko na napigilan ang pag-upo niya sa kandungan ko at siniil ako ng halik.

Hinawakan ko agad ang batok niya at mas pinalalim ang halikan namin. Darn! Idiniin niya ang katawan niya sa akin habang pikit na pikit ang mga mata niya. Tinignan ko ang pinto namin at kaagad na tumayo habang buhat-buhat siya.

"Sshh! Anong gagawin mo? Stay put!" reklamo niya at siniil ako ng halik.

Agad kong ini-lock ang pinto bago inilayo ang mukha sa kaniya.

"Love... sundan na natin si Jashione." sambit ko at hahalikan na sana siya nang inilayo niya ang mukha sa akin. Napakunot ang noo ko sa ginawa niya pero nawala iyon nang dahil sa sinabi niya.

"I'm three weeks pregnant with our second child."

I thought that a man would never cry just for a situation. I thought that marrying the person you love will be the most unforgettable and the most happy moment you'll experience in life, yes, it will be but having a child with the person you love? That's the real happiness because it's the sign that you need to fight for your love for you're not the only who'll make the decision for yourselves, you need to take care of your child as both... because a father can't be a perfect mother and a mother can't be a perfect father. The real happiness is having a complete family.

In the first place, Lancy
doesn't need to tame me because
looking at her for the very first time,
she already has tamed me, not just my attention, but, my whole heart.