I never forget our rules....
Since the day we started the game
There is no love between us,
No matter how much close we become
We should not fall in love,and
Nither let our hearts be united..
I always remind myself that,
But as the time went by I suddenly realized ;
My heart alrady lost in his way in this game.... .

*************************************
King

Yes, I lost the game just after it's started. It was me who cross the line very frist without even realizing. If you know me you know countless times I mentioned with Uea everything hit me differently, some times my actions and reactions towards Uea surprised me also,even a single thought of getting away from Uea make my heart trimble,I always want to be connected with him any how or othes.. I always want his life to revolving around me and mine to him..

I always annoying him just to drag his attention towards me..You all know he is an introvert person beside that he doesn't like to talk too much but I always want to heard him and purposely do silly things around him, knowingly just to have a small interaction with him with my fingers crossed..

But being with him sooner I realized this journey of us is not gonna be the bed of roses with a person like Uea who is badly vulnerable..

When he got that panic attack in the office and broke down in my arm for first time my heart also shattered with him...And as I started knowing him those nights when I see him not able to sleep properly my rest also in sink..his eyes,his empty eyes always make me scared of losing him not only as my bed-mate but also as a person itself..

The way he lives make me furious, how can he do this to him,how he torture himself by forbiding him from being happy, not allowed him to smile his heart out..How can he allow people to be harsh on him,why he not allowed anyone to be with him,to love him..

We started our friend with benefits relationship on foundation of some rules.... First I thought it will be very easy as we don't like each-other,and it's just about having fun,our first night I declared very confidently

"I don't like you, you don't like me,so it only about the s*x, and it's doesn't matter how much time we spend with each other we never get connected by our hearts"...

Yes,There was a code of conduct that it doesn't matter how much we spent our time together how much we got close to each other,we never fall in love. we will never let our heart fall for each other..

Keeping this on mind,I always remind my heart to behave, I keep fighting with my heart by ignoring my feelings or you can say I intentionally avoid them.. When it doesn't work, I try to convince my heart by saying brain is playing tricks with you...I try to fool my heart...

But with each passing day the feelings become more stronger and it's become such heavy that I can't fight with it any more, the more I try to kill my feelings the more am got defeated,

Finally I gave up, because now there is to point of fighting any more.By this time our agreement is void as I alrady broke the code of conduct by falling in LOVE with Uea..So now it's the time to Discharge our Contract..

**************************************
It was only four months being in this relationship when I realized I love Uea and its not the matter of four months,I love him from the very beginnings, when I saw him for the first time in the bar.. I care for him from the very beginning, thinking of any unfaithful event with him shaken me from inside and I always rady to protect him... before meeting Uea I was never introduced with those feelings named Care, Scared, and most Importantly Love,But being with Uea, life teach me all...

Now I alrady make my mind to get over from this beneficiary relationship. I don't want to be his FWB anymore I want him to accept me as his lover, I love him and I will try my best to get him and keep him with me...

**************************************

You guyz may be thinking, as I realized my feelings and make up my mind to get him,then it's just a matter of time that we will get together and have a fairytale ending...then let me tell you the path was not so easy,its full of sharp edges....

I always know there is some thing off with Uea that day when I accompanied him to the hospital after he got the call from his mom,I saw how his mom treat him, how can she hurt my Uea like that, I saw how he was whinging in pain under her grip,my sweet innocent cute Uea,I know how much Uea love his family and get nothing back from them, and by that incident I can assume how difficult his childhood was,he may be bearly received some love from his mom...he have a heart of gold and his mom just using him but I can't do anything for him in this matter as till I don'thave that authority on him,I noticed when ever he got call from his mom he goes into his shell and looked so pale,I promise some day I will fixed it for my Love my Uea..

I know about his ex-boyfriend that day when he saw him in mall he got very tense and fears spreed all over him, Back then I have no idea what that as*hole done to him but lately I got to know how he treated him..

He gone through a lot,and in the way he lost many things like smile, happiness, trust, more than anything he stopped believing that he can also be loved by someone and love someone.. He was too scared of getting hurt again and for my reputation of being a player make me the worst person on whom Uea can reliable on...

But now I alrady make my mind to protect,to get him,live with him and keep him safe.

But as I say, path was too stoney and full of sharp edges that each and every step that we took hurt us at first place... In the whole journey Uea suffered alot, and I suffered to looking at him suffering

There was always a hidden feelings in my heart for Uea but when I recognize it that day it self a hard day for us..I don't know what should you guyz call that day a cursed or a blessing... am letting this on you guyz, you guyz decide what should you call that day when I realized my love for Uea ....

**************************************
That Day...

There was too much work on our table as we get a new project, I know it can be complete in time but still I want do overtime otherwise it will put a lot of load on my teammate Gun and that lil kid my new intern at the end moment..

It almost four months that me and Uea were involved in our FWB relationships.
Generally I always drive us back from office..but that day I let him go alone but that is the most foolish decision I could ever made..

I allowed him go frist and I stay back for completing my work but each passing min I started feeling anxious....

What if light goes off and he is alone??
What if he again get hurt??
What if his ex- boyfriend show up here like that morning???

So many thoughts ware running in my mind,and when It involves Uea then there is no point to continue this office work, I just simply can't concentrate on any thing until unless I see Uea safe by myself...

And I turn off my system grab my phone and keys and rush to the door,on the way I dial his number just to know was he went home safely or if he want to eat the brawni from his favorite shop which is on our way of home..but no use,he was not picking up..

By the time I reach to the basement where my car was parked I keep dail his num it's ringed once then its ring again,I was about to go to my car and unlock it when I hear the ring tone,wait is it Uea's ring tone or someone else using same ring tone,but its look exactly like Ues's so I start scarching but I couldn't fine any car in paking lot except a car which is exactly like my Uea's car in a distance,I started freaking out,worst to worst scenarios are started popping up on my mind...

Is he get hurt?? Or his mom again calling him and said something that upset him? Did something happened?? Is he not feeling well??? I rush toword that direction with calculating thousand of worst scenarios,but I can never imagine what I saw infront of me..

The back door of his car is open I can saw his half legs were out from the back seat, moving a bit closer I can heard his desperate voice crying and begging,I was absolutely freezed

" P'Pok!!! I have a boyfriend" ...

" Uea!! Really where is he then? He doesn't care Uea,if he care, he doesn't allowed you to go alone after my appearance on that morning,no one care about you Uea,but I care come back to me" that person says.....

" P' Pok,No...." Uea's crying voice pull me out from my zone

So his is Pok, Uea's one of the worst nightmare,who hurt my innocent soul for trusting him.my blood started boiling,I can't control I just pull that man from Uea and punch him heard on his face blood started coming out from his nose.

"You A**h**l!! How could you touch uea without his permission,and when he repeatedly tell you he is not interested".. another puch on him.. " you want to know about his boyfriend,I am his boyfriend "... I puch him hard he fall down on the floor,but still I can't control my anger, I was crying unknownly and keep punching him and make him bleed.

Then suddenly I came into my sense, what am doing,I keep fighting with him when my Uea need me most to comforting him..

Finally I said " I have more important things to do now,that's why am allowing you to leave,never ever show your face to Uea and me otherwise that will be your last day,I promise "...

He doesn't even wait to get my sentence over,he ran away as soon as I leave him..

I rush toward Uea,I get out Uea from his car and grab his stuff also,and lock his car then make him walk towards my car wrapping my arm around him protectively then open my car passenger seat door and make him sit.now my frist priority is cheek his physical wounds ..

His body in trembling,I grab his shirt and bunching it up to cheek his hand,he smiled sadly, I saw him having trouble in breathing,he is not able to breath properly, seeing him like this from then and there I want to go back and finished my job with Pok but this time Uea need me the most, I scarch for his inhaler in his bag and gave it to him he about to say but I make him stop cup his face gently caressing it so that he can relax...

"Shh!! Now just calm down and try to breathe"...

But Uea does the exact opposite he grab my hand with his,lain his head on car seat and start sobbing which make his situation even worse,seeing him like his I broke thousands time that day..

"It's ok Uea, you r safe,you are with me I promise you I wll never let that happen to you again"... I murmured with difficulty as I trying to keep my voice steady while am also crying inside out..

With Uea's moments I know he wanting for my embrace,I get lil closer to him and he rush to my arm and press his head into my shoulder and start sobbing

" Why King,why,it's always me".." why it's keep happening with me since...".. his words are cut off as he starts sob more..

"I know baby,I am so sorry,sorry "..
This time I'm not able to control my voice, it's shaken so I stop talking and just make my hold tighter,I don't wanna sound weak when my Uea need me..

**************************************
That night changed me in and out, after reaching Uea's places Uea went to take shower first,I was standing there in the middle of his apartment feeling nervous, before that day countless time I was being there, his bedroom,his bed, his living room, his sofa, his kitchen nothing is new to me..we make love on this sofa for several times, sometimes in that conner of the living room,and in his bedroom on his bed for countless times, many time we make food in this kitchen at middle of the night bcz after doing our business we were hungry..

Then why today it's feel like I'm here for the frist time,for the first time am smalling his lavender room-freshner, for the first time am noticing the flowers vast with sunflower which kept on his kitchen table, why this painting of daisy hanging on the hall wall looks so new to me..I was drawing down in my thoughts when I hear Uea's voice he coming out from bathroom...

" Ohh King Manithikhun is thinking "....

Seeing him smiling suddenly I feel a cool breeze touch my soul making me breathing properly..that night Uea fall asleep very quickly but sleep was mile away from me I was just ruined in my thoughts.. I don't know when I started feeling lil drowsy but suddenly jerkoff by the sudden movement and a constant crying from my side..

Uea was having bad dreams,he is crying in his sleep,tears constantly rolling down from his cheek,he is breathing with difficulties,and murmuring something which I not able to identify at frist place,then I realized he cry for help, telling someone to leave that mean he is having nightmare about today's incident..

"Uea!! Uea!!!" I keep calling him, but he is not opening his eyes..he sweating badly,his face is looking very pale..

" Uea!!! plz open your eyes see you are in your house, I am here with you,we are together,we are in your bed room, Uea, open your eye baby please..see am here please come back, please come back to me,open your eye" ....

I was constantly patting his cheek and tell him to open his eyes but seeing him not responding I started panicking,tears start rolling down from my eye..then I saw him trying to open his eyes, and finally he opened his eyes

"King!! You here na,We are in home na".. he asked in pledging tone

"Hmm!! We are in home you are with me your are safe"...then he lean on my chest.

after some time we still sitting in same position with Uea in my arm

"Uea!! Come, lets sleep it's still late in night".. I make him lay down..and arrange the blanket around us, holding him in my arm, when he touch my face

"Ai King, are you crying "..

" No!!" Try to act like King and steal my gaze from him but I can't, finally gave up "you are having bad dream,not opening your eyes,I was scared,I was really scared I thought I'm losing you"

He just smiled weakly,and informed me this was just a small episode that I witnessed,generally it more worst so there is nothing to worry and told me to go to sleep he is OK now..

What he mean he face this things more often.this much strong attacks, his conditions was even worst or can be even worst and though out the time he was alone...How easily he told me to sleep, how can rest when I realized my love suffering like this...I hold him more close more tight..

But wait, what,like!!! is that really me, King? I ask myself

I start analyzing the whole day not only that I reached to the frist time when I meet him at the bar and want to protect him, till today this feelings never changed, I always want to protect him, I always care for him, I always scared for him,I only do this things for my family because I love them,but Uea is not my family we are bed mates,but today when I saw Uea is not able to breath I also feel chocked,and now having a peacefully sleeping Uea in my arm I'm still crying just because Uea was hurt and suffered when I was not there, I am crying for those incident which I don't even know...

Why?? Why?? Why???....And the answer was because "I LOVE UEA"..yes, I love him..The first day when I meet him feelings start making its way,then unknownly I fall in love with my Uea and with each passing day I start loving him more,more than myself,more than anything in the world..

*************************************
Finally I realized my feelings and I realized it in the hardest way it could be,that day cames to us like a cursed with Uea's encounter with his boyfriend but turn out to me like blessing....

I broke the code of conduct by falling in love with my bed-friend and now as I alrady broke it I want to pursue it on my luck and hoping to make Uea my...

************************************
Today after being married with him for two years,Trust me, we came a long way,and Uea was right it was dark,it was completely dark..But we make it.. Path was very difficult but having each other's by our side we can do anything..