All I want is to fly away in King's secure embrace,but......

***********************************
Uea

I Stroming down the steps echoesing my foot step in empty staircase..

Why again this happend to me???

I can still fell Mr.Krit's hand grabbing my hands, his hot breath near my neck, because of his strong hold my waist is still hurting..My whole body is crashing down in pain for the amt of struggle I did in his cabin.. I was being brave there but...

Now It's become difficult for me to stabilized my self...

It's the feeling I hate..

It is the feeling I alway felt,

Scince I was kid...

It was the feeling every time I got when I was kid and my mom's husband was around me...

It was the same feeling what I came across when my ex-boyfriend shows up that day after our brokeup...

It's the feeling which I hate..

It was the feeling of helplessness....

And this was the time when I always gave in, they are stronger than me and I never able to fight back to them...

But this time I fight back...

I really do, he was stronger than me but still I pushed him away from me even I boxed him, beside that I kicked him too and able to make myself free and run away from his grip.. Exactly the way King taught me...

Because I know I can't allow anyone to treat me like that..

And King also told me, people who allowed other to treat them like that it's better to be them paralyzed, he told me I'm strong enough to standup for myself, strong enough to fight back..

**************************************
Its all started six months prier

After Mr.Kim resigned from his post Mr.Krit join us as IT Mannager.. As a Mannager he is quite good he never show his superiority to his subordinate or over bound his subordinate with work, he always helped and worked equally like everyone.

But from the day he joined I started feeling uneasy around him, and it started from his appearance in his frist introductory meeting, his gaze on me make me really uncomfortable.. I can't explain this feelings in word but it's something I never want to feel..

I was scared but more then that I was feeling unsafe...

When ever he try to interact with me I found it very offensive.. There was so many subordinate he interact with all but his act always different with me, when ever we are around many people he doesn't do anything weired but when ever he get me alone he shows his real colours he always try to be
extra friendly with me, he talk shit...
he always try to be close with me and get touchy..

I started ignoring him slowly but he every time find with new excuse to be with me, sometimes it's related to work, sometimes casual talk, from last one month where ever I go in office he following me..

From his initial day when he joined just after two three day he started stalking me, he forcefully buy me coffee, so many time I told him it not looked good that every time a senior buying coffee for a ordinary workers and I feel very shy about it, but he doesn't listen that he keep doing that, therefore I stopped going to cafeteria until one morning  King pull me there, actually lately I restricted my self to my desk only by that time... But King was really  annoyed by my decision to restricted my self...

So that day he pull Mr to cafeteria after I just arrived he told me to order coffee for both of us according to my choice and he went to washroom when  Mr.Krit also arrived there exact same time and again started his same shit until King intarap and told him he is here to take care of me and him...

That day he and Mr.Krit had a heated  conversation... I was concerned about King what If some things Krit do to him.. But luckily nothing happened but the gleared of both of them had was scary like hell...

Mr.Krit restricted me to call him sir or Mr.Krit and force me to call him Phi Krit...

he always try to be clingy with me From that time to till today this scenario doesn't changed.. He always try to be close to me..Slowly  he started harassing me slowly started molest me.

And finally today he crossed all the limits...

He called me in his cabin with working excuses

And then start his shit talk not only that the started beings physical and try to force himself on me...

Some I gathered my all currage and free my self frm his hold

**************************************
Stroming down the step, I just want to fly into King's safest embrace, till this date so many things changed, in past I never feel to be dependented on someone for emotional support or clam my racing heart, may be back then I knew there is absolutely no one behind me I was alone and that's why I never feel that earge to depend on somebody and started compromisesing due to the believe that people like me does not deserve a life like others, the care, the love... I am no one's concern and I accept...

But from when King became a part of my life, he started changing my prospectives, he stared making me believed am also a human not a lifeless creature, I started living a lil more, and slowly slowly without my knowledge, he make me depending on him..

I gave in to him..

I always deny that I need someone to to be dependented on but after King , I can't deny that..

I don't even  want to pretend nither want me to keep fooling myself by denying this fact, my heart want him, it's want King, I need him...

In this current situation, I know, I only need him, only he can comfort me, he can take care of me when I alrady lost me after fighting with Mr.Krit and drawing down in my old version of me, I was scared of being old Uea again.

From my childhood I only want a home which I never get where Everyone love me,accept me, and feel proud of me beside that don't  judge me just because I don't get fit into the definition of man given by the orthodox society.. but with King, I start feeling like he is the home which I craving for since i was a kid.

Where I can be secure, where I can rest, where I don't feel any shame to accept my weakness, I am not an alpha, my body is not the perfect example of masculine beauty rather its give famine glimpse which attracts people like these crips.. I'm not physically that much strong which is fitted to the definition of being a man in the society, I accept am way more softer than being a macho man, in the way of growing up I always judge by the society for my appearance, they always greed for my beauty but never accept me to be a part of them, in school I never had any friends, because boys doesn't want me to be a part of their group as I was not good at playing  football or basketball or sports, they don't want a baggage like me and girls not allowed me because I am a boy, even my own family, my mom never accept me and expecting her to comforting me is far away from her...

But King, he is not like others, he never judge me.. he always accepts me as I am, he never treated me less than him though he always protect me.

There is a myth men don't cry but I cry and now also I want to cry and get releave from this burden which I carring from day one when this Krit joined.. but with that I need King to comfort my acheing heart, he is the only person with whom I can cry my heart out and get some relief without being judged and more over I believed King will always keep me secure from every evil eyes, he always protect me from who ever it was,my ex-boy friend or my boss Mr. Krit,

King always encouraged me to fight,he told me I should take stand for me..he make me realize I should not allowed anyone to take advantage from me,I'm  not a toy..I am strong enough to fight back and keep me safe...And today I did it...

I want to make King proud by telling him I have done it, I fight back, I save me all by myself just like he said to me... But now, no more I can bear the pain I want him, I need him to comfort me to embrace me, Now I have no shame to tell him about my needs as I alrady allowed him to broke the wall around me, I want to tell him I need him..

As soon as I took the last step I found King standing there with a mix expression of shock and confusion on his face, there is something at this  moment which make me hold back my self from making my step towards him.. This ora of King doesn't familiar to me, it's shaken deep inside my soul..I never seen him like this so calm, so cold, so indifferent from anything..

"Why did you go to his office "... his calm and cold voice make me severing, My eyes meet with his eyes, those eyes are so empty there is no more concern or affection.. Is he really asked me this question, for a sec I can't believe he is really questioning me. is he really don't know why I went to Krit, is he really think I will go to Krit on my own interest, is he really don't know this Krit can come up with any daam excuses..

I was crashing down inside, why he is not understand, I can't avoid him for the sake of keeping my job, he is my senior authority I have to go when ever he call me for reporting, today also he call me with the excuse of work..

" how could I avoid ??"... I asked..I try my best to keep my voice steady...

"Why not, I told you to say no, can't you do that or you don't want to do that??"... this counter questions fell like a slap to my face.. Disgusted and disbelief is clearly visible in his voice...

"What are you mean King??".. am not able to digest what actually going on here between us.. King who always support me he doubted me. is he really thinks I want to sleep with my boss inspite of knowing I never have this type of intentions, but his farther words are last pin on my shattered soul...

" How should I know Uea,you two ware alone in the room.".. King just spitting the words like they left a bitter test on his mouth..

"why are you so mad at me,King..." as soon as my mouth alter those words I feel like my world is breaking down. I allowed King to be a part of my world but seem like again I made a mistake by allowing my heart to be dependented on a person who don't even  trust me, and without trust we cannot go anywhere....

After so long I got some one whom I started loving, whom I started trusting.. I let him be close to me, allowed him to brake the wall and start opening up with him.. I really thought he is not like others, he has a soft heart.. He have some kind of  kindness in his heart for me.. But now he is accusing me blaming me that I seductive my bosses and sleep with them for getting benefits, how could he think that even, I'm not able to believe King is doubting me..

Tears started beginning up into my eyes, I try my best to hold it back, a new anxiety started bulding up into my body. Again all my fears scince my childhood started controlling my mind.. I'm sinking down in the pool of darkness again...I try to gather all my currage...

My heart still not rady to believe this King is real..

And again I looked into King's eyes for the scarch of familiar comfort, but only find hurt, anger, disappointment towards me just like my mom and lastly disbelieve, this hurt me more, this is so unfamiliar to me.. I didn't do anything.. why he doesn't trusting me, but if there is no trust then we should not be together, may be this is the last time when we are faceing each other, though my heart doesn't agree but my mind alrady told me it's already over as King alrady find his life...

"King!!! If you talk like that,you can't be my friend anymore" .. this time I don't even try to hide the heaviness in my voice and allowed the tears to make their way..

My head start hurting a lot I feeling my vision is getting darker and darker, I lost control on my body, I feel  like I was about hit the ground... But before that for the last time, I don't know why, I just want to tell him I don't do anything, I didn't betray him, I don't want to go Krit, I don't have any interest on Krit, He tricks me,but I can't speak as I feel a pressure on my heart and buried my vision ...