"I...I don't know where to go", I hate to sounding weak but this time I sound so weak..

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Uea

Today almost after two months King went to his condo after getting call from his mother that she is coming to meet him, Still he told me he will returned back at night,but at this moment I really need some time to compile my self, for thinking about life where the hell it's headed now, so many things are going around which am not able to understand, sometimes I feel like am drawing down again in my past this days very frequently I started having those anxiety attacks, I don't know how long I could hide this things from King, or when he got to know about all this then will he willing to continue this contract??..

I don't why thus thought keep bothering me or may be I know.. But I need some time alone to think if it's one night only that will also be ok..So when today King got call from his mother I came up with a plane to resist him from coming back tonight..

I told him him Mr.Khun want to come tonight. Now he knows about my and Mr.khun relationship,I my self told him about it after that day..I was scared that he will mis-understood me as he saw me and Mr.Khun together.. I remember how dengours his eyes ware when he first time saw Mr.Khun taking care of me..And I was scared that may be he will leave me because of that misunderstanding...

First I want to say Jade will come today but I know he can manipulate Jade but not Mr.Khun so I decided to say that Mr.Khun is coming today he want to watch series with me as his two months rentis pending becouse King is staying with Uea, so unwillingly he agree to stay in his condo tonight....

Scince King started living here I also feel very comfortable when he is around but it's not good for my heart as I alrady figured out my feelings for him, and knowing King nature it's better I start creating distance,otherwise it's really going to be dangerous for me..So I find this way to stopped him atlist for today I even told him not to call me..

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As he only left at 12:00 A.M. after having breakfast together and I am all alone in my condo again, As I moving my eyes though the empty apartment I realized it'd a big messed with King's clothes, shoes are lying here and there,his office bag which is open and hanging on my study chair,his expensive watches some are on study table some are on kitchen counter,rest to the study table occupied by his video games, play stations,oohh man this man I think is freaking rich and had no value for money he buy two Playstation who does that..But this things making my study table a serious mess.So I decided to clean my apartment..

Living with King is very difficult,it make me very tired,he is always very energetic and keep playing around, keep doing random stuffs or listen music at top of my TV volume or playing vedio game and force me to play with him..And if he not doing any of this then he only annoyed me by kissing me every now and then, hugging me not allowed me to do home chores, though he never demand for s*x more than our agreement but always on mood of floor play I know he do this things for only tease me, but he never get tired,but my energy totally drained..

But today as he is not here I decided to sleep early after completing my work, after completing my work I decided to call it a day as I was really tired,and I went to sleep,I was too tired to even changed my clothes..

When I awake up again it was almost night, I awaken by King's call the conversation was really small after disconnecting the call I went in bathroom change my clothes and come back to my bedroom and looked around my clean room and go back to sleep but what I missed it's the date on the calendar.The date just after today It's evoke a memory I almost forget..

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King

It is a weekend and I want to spend time with Uea,but my mom called me she want to visit me as she have some important business with me,I try to postpone her but she is quite stubborn, like son like mom,after all she is my mom she have to stubborn...So I have to go to my condo..But then I want to come back to Uea after meeting my mom, becouse the day after today is very special day for me and I want to be with him, but Uea informed me Mr.Khun is coming for watching series, I know he lives in Mr.Khun's condo and as rent in every month Uea have to watch a series with him.

I know it's a lil weird but with Mr.Khun it's normal but he is a really good person..As I alrady told you guy this family is our family friend but still am not sure about this people becouse the much I knew about them was that they were involved in so many illegal businesses And the closeness of Mr.Khun with Uea making me lil worried. Actually my Uea is really innocent for this world he doesn't understand this difficult maths,and I can't take any risk with Uea,what if they try to use him or harm him..so I indirectly ask my parents about them..

My parents told me about Mr.Khun and Mr Kinn that they saw a lot of difficulties from his childhood,how his Uncle Betrey his Dad and their dad committed suicide when Mr.Khun was only eleven,PhI Kinn was Ten and their younger brother Kim was only five, but still he raise his brothers very well..

I know Mr.Khun really love Uea like his own brother, From when I start to knowing about Uea's life I feel really greatfull to Jade and Mr.Khun when I was not there for him this two persons were with him,and till today both of them love Uea and really care for him.. So when Uea told me he want to come for series I can't help but have agree to stay in my condo only, and If Mr.Khun is there then I don't have much worries about Uea. I know Mr.Khun or if it Mr.Kinn they can also protect Uea in any case..

In morning I try to kill as much time I can kill in Uea's place then finally left from Uea's condo around 12:00 am..the moment I left his condo I started missing him again badly, so many thoughts keep coming into my mind,
Each passing minutes I started worrying about him though I know Mr.Khun always take good care of him still.

I know it's not a healthy habit but still I can't help myself to stop worrying about Uea...I don't want to make Uea looking weak to anyone nither he is weak but his health condition, his ex-boyfriend,his hard encounters with his mom and it's after effects make me freaking out every moment..But I can't call him he told me not to call him as he is going to be with Mr.Khun but finally in the evening I gave up and dail his number.

He was sleeping,that mean he is alone,I heard his sleepy voice he sound so tired, when I asked, he told me he was just clean the house and then fall asleep..am sure he didn't eaten anything after breakfast so I told him I already ordered dinner for him,I ask him about Mr.Khun is coming or not, because if he not coming I will go back to him,to be very honest I don't have any strength to leave him alone, I can't afford it thousands of thoughts stared running in my mind what if power went off and his inverter doesn't work or what if he again have some bad dream or have anxiety or panic attacks again..what if he not able to sleep he will be awaken whole night all alone, but he told me Mr.Khun will arrived any time so there is only thing I could do is sit back at my condo and just worrying about him...

So,I'm okay with the fact that he is not gonna be alone and cut the call after remaind him to eat..now I can also feeling relaxed..

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Uea

I was awaken by constant ringing of my phone when I picked it up see Jade, Mr.Khun,Mr.Kinn,And all the office colleagues texted me,except King..

"Happy Birth Day"!!!

Like every year Jade send me a series of msgs but this year there is a addition he told me he can't come this time he is out with Mai, then Mr.Khun also shower his love in extra dramatic way just like him.. I happity replying them one by one...

It is just because of my colleagues and Jade and Mr.khun I got remember that today is the day when I open my eyes for the frist time to see the world.

Otherwise I almost forget about this day just like her who gives me birth then don't want to remember me as am the most painful part of her life.. It's years now my mom wish me "Happy Birth Day ", she doesn't even want to remember my birth also as she considered this most unfortunate event of her life...

May be that is the reason I never have any excitement about my birthday, it just a ordinary day for me like others days...

I put my phone down got up and have a cup of coffee then went to take a shower I decided to go to the river side to feed the fish, it's really give peace to my restless mind, generally on my birthday I preferred to stay low key and alone this day hurt me the most,if its your birthday then every body gives you extra attention I don't like much attention on me..I feel uncomfortable so I like to spent my entire day at my room..I don't want any one around me..

It is the most painful day for my life bocouse every time on this day the feeling of Uea being unwanted unworthy, keep it's evidence properly..

After feeding the fish I was sitting on the bank of the river, when I got call from King..

"Hey you got up early,I thought you must be sleeping after watching series with Mr.Khun "....

"BTW , many many happy returns of the day,Happy Birth Day my lil Uea"... I was surprised he knows and remember my birthday..

" Tell me baby what you want?? what ever gift you want, I promise I will give you that".. he added

After few more conversations we cut the call. He want to come back to my apartment but I stopped him by saying I have some important work so I need some alone time to finish it we will meet tomorrow. he sounds lil disappointed but agree.

King

Today is Uea's birthday, this is his first birthday with me,I mean this is his first birthday when I am with him and I can make him feel special and happy, it's really really important day for me as it's my Love's birthday..I want to be with him today, I want to make this day very special as it's his first birthday together but look like my destiny doesn't want that, first last night he was with Mr.Khun so I can call him can't wish him at 12'o clock, then today also when I want to go to him he stopped me by saying he have some important work. I know he is lying he doesn't have any work he just want to be alone... generally every year this day I noticed him goes missing from public,back then I thought it may be he spend this day with his friendz who are unknown to me or with his family but after knowing him I know he just want to be alone don't want any one or may be he don't want me to be with him today, I can sense that sadness in his voice,but today is his birthday I will give him whatever he want so if he want to take some time for himself,I will not disturb him today.

Though I have so many plans for his birthday but it's ok I will wait for him until he get rady for it..

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Uea

After taking to King unknowingly the smile came onto my face its get bigger when I saw the next name flash on my phn..It's my lil sister Doonkao,she wish me Happy Birthday, but immediately my happyness changed into the worries when she told me to come to home,it's long time that her brother not visit her and she missing me, she want to come but she is not that much big that she can travel alone,and I know my mom will never take her to me to meet me,and today as it's my birthday she considered this as a special day for her too,she want to meet me and she wants to give me her gift which she prepared for me,even she told me mom also want me to come which was quite surprising for me, when she talking her voice trimble I know how much she love me, she never get love from her own sibling which she deserves and I can't see her sad ,going back to my house is very difficult for me it's almost 10 year now I don't went back there because my mom don't want me there more than that it's because of her husband I don't want to be there,I remember how he always touched me my private areas, sniff me,kiss me, remember those touches making me sick,I don't want to go back to my house but for my sister I agree to visit this time..I told her I will visit her at evening,she became very happy and start asking me what I want to eat,she told me she and mom going to cook my favorite dishes,but I told her I will eat whenever food is there.. But I kept my finger crossed and hopping I will not meet my mom's husband..

At evening when I reached there and rang the door bell I saw my lil sister running toward me to open the door and hug me tight.. The bright smile on her face make my day better,but her smile was vanished by our mom's command, she reminded her to close the door otherwise unwanted insects will come in, I know what she mean Thongkao also know, she look at me then pull me inside and again hug me, for her sake I ignored my mom's commend and assured her I'm fine and greet my mom too, but there is no response no happyness or joy on my mom face after seeing me..There is only disgust..

Donkao give me her handmade painting of me and her together I was looking at it,just then my mom call her to go with her for helping her. Just at that moment I heard the hoarse voice which make my body stiffen..

"Long time no see,Uea... " my mom's husband my step father asked me I can't help but have to greet him because my mom just entered with food in her hand

"It's good to see you here,I really missed you my son"..May be he sounds like just a normal step father but I know his double means sentence, he is just a hypocrite perverted fifty year old guy who always take advantage from his step son..I start remember the past when he try to abuse me and take my advantage,when I told my mom about that back then she doesn't believe me and lock me in store room and lash out on me

My mom call every one for dinner,we settled down to the dinner table,I was sitting quietly, my childhood memories keep running on my mind I started feel sick I try to held back my nausea as that person sit beside me and continously talking with me,

Your dad is saying something,don't you think you should give him answer,why are you always behave wired,see how much your dad is happy to see you but you,she told me and then on my behalf she her self give him the answer

"Now Uea is making money,so he must be fine unlike us,did you know Uea how hard it is for your sister to make money for her tution fee,you are rich so give us some money"....Greed is clearly visible on her face and voice,but my sister face went dark now she getting understand and me too,why mom want her to call me and invite me here, ofcourse for money, and my Mom use my birthday as a opportunity to call me here and demand more money from me..

I don't even eat two spoon,I was angry and sad but when I saw Doonkao face its more pale than me I don't want any more drama there so I stood up

"Uea!! Have some work, and asking permission to leave now.." Donkao hold my hand and says sorry to me.. I know she us feeling guilty for calling me here
I want to comfort her but I can't take it anymore more so I just assure her we will meet soon .. Then informed mom that I will transfer money to Doonkao account directly which make her happy..

But today I know what is my value to my mom I am just a money earning machine to her...

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Today when I got a call from Doonkao and she told me mom also want me to come, I started thinking that may some day she will accept me, she will love me but no, I was just a fool, in this many years nothing is changed, my mom doesn't love me doesn't care for me,she even use my birthday for her own sake..remembering this my chest goten tight,,my head start hurting so much..

I was driving aimlessly, My view started getting buried as the rain outside and the tear from my eyes making it foggy.. I am feeling restless, air around me become so thick I not able breathe anymore.. I don't know where to go.. I saw my phone lying on passenger seat I picked it up and call him..

" Are you home,am coming "..

Now standing infront of his door I don't know why am here, till today I saw so many huddle in my life but I never feel this weak..scince my childhood I face every thing by my own I never feel my heart need any support... But today whrn my own family abandon me the only person comes in my mind is him King..

Standing in front of King's door don't know why suddenly in this many years first time my heart need someones support King's support, King's essence to breathe, King's touch to heal....

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A/N

Hope my butterflies are going good.. Here is the new shot plz shower your love on it and Let enter into
"The Luner Circle "with me on
01/07/ 2024....