WARNING: Self-harm attempt. If you're sensitive to that, I propose you skip about half this chapter...

3rd person POV

Ryan and Anthony were completely torn. It emotionally impacted them so much, looking into each others' eyes would send a wave of rage over Ryan and a wave of sadness to Anthony. They mostly kept their distance and didn't talk to each other much. Or at all.

Ryan was reading a book when Anthony walked into the house. It was rather late, and Anthony said he just needed to buy something. "What'd you get?" Ryan asked as he looked at Anthony. Anthony just stared back and said, "I love you, Ryan." He then walked to his room.

Ryan didn't hear anything from their room until he heard heavy breathing. He started walking upstairs. When he didn't hear anything, he sped up and burst into the room. Anthony was pointing a gun to himself and his finger was just on the trigger. "ANTHONY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Ryan shrieked. He ran over to him and smacked the weapon out of his hand. "Were you about to kill yourself?" he asked. Anthony didn't look him in the eyes. Then he said 5 words that could've scared Ryan to death. "I know what I'm doing..." "Anthony, don't talk like that! Why would you do this?" Ryan asked. "Because... this is my fault. It's my fault Tammy was taken," Anthony answered.

"No, it's not! You said it yourself, it's Mary and Eric's fault!" Ryan said back. "But Ryan, after we found out that Tammy had cancer, you've been so... depressed. I felt like it was my job to keep both you safe and happy. And.. I failed..." Anthony said. He started to shake and wiped the tears from his eyes. (Don't u see how upset you're making Ryan?! ;3;)

Ryan sat down next to Anthony and allowed himself to cry for the first time in two months, since Tammy was taken. "Anthony, I know this upsets you, and I know you've lost your eight year old daughter, but- Anthony look at me, listen to me- So have I. I want to be able to get through this pain together. I know it sounds cliche and cheesy, but it's true," he said, and kissed his husband's forehead. He stood up and took Anthony's hand. "Come on. I wanna show you something..." he said.

Anthony and Ryan found themselves at a large hill near a park. Ryan and Anthony sat at the top of it. "Anthony... one night I looked up at the night sky. I didn't see any stars. But I saw you later, and I found all of them in your eyes," Ryan said. "That's corny, honey," Anthony responded, taking Ryan's hand into his. "I know," Ryan said back, kissing Anthony. "Sing something for me," Anthony requested, closing his eyes and leaning back on the grassy hilltop. Ryan thought for a while... (video above)

"Isn't this such

a beautiful night, whoa

we're underneath the thousand shining stars

isn't it nice to find yourself somewhere different, whoa

why don't you let yourself be wherever you are?

look at this place

look at your face, oh

I've never seen you look this before

isn't it nice to find yourself somewhere different, whoa

why don't you let yourself be wherever you are?

look at this place

look at your face, oh

it's shining like a thousand shining stars

isn't it nice to find yourself somewhere different, whoa

why don't you let yourself be wherever you are?

why don't you let yourself just be somewhere different, whoa

why don't you let yourself just be whoever you are?"

Ryan smiled at Anthony. He stared for a while before saying, "You're off key, babe." "F**k you, I know!" Ryan said, laughing. They both laughed for a while before cuddling together and looking up at the stars. "We're gonna be okay," Ryan said. "As long as we're together, we are..." Anthony responded and kissed Ryan lightly.