Flashback

Trigger Warning: Mention of rape, abuse, suicide and substance use & addiction

"Scarlett was my b-best friend... and I-I k-killed her," I choked out.

I can do this.

"S-Scar and I were going to the movies, n-no actually, I d-dragged her," I let out a hoarse laugh through my tears, staring at the ground. "The m-movie was great." I remembered all the laughs Scarlett and I had during the movie. "It was w-walking back home... that was the p-problem." I shut my eyes, not wanting to recount the moments that happened thereafter, but I wanted to tell him. I needed to.

"There were t-two people... they followed us from the m-movies," I hiccupped, the tears completely blurring my vision. "One of t-them was... my dance partner. Old partner." I felt my chest constrict. "I-it wasn't even during the night... it was at five in the evening," I gritted out. "W-we weren't wearing anything p-provocative, we had w-winter jackets on!" It made me so angry when people assume it was the victims fault because of their attire.

"T-they cornered us. They had a knife on them. S-she took the blow f-for me..." I sobbed even harder. "They s-slammed... her head on the b-brick wall. S-she was knocked out, r-right away." I took a deep breath. "T-they touched her. I w-was so thankful that Scar passed out, so s-she didn't have to... feel w-what those monsters were doing to her." I shut my eyes, my mind automatically creating an unwanted replay. "I-I screamed and s-screamed, but no one heard me. No one," I whispered, looking at him but then concentrated on our hands instead. His hands tightened on mine.

"I fought against them, I-I did m-my best, but... h-he stabbed me. Again and again. He forced his l-lips on me. They r-ripped my... clothes," I gulped. "T-they... did it a-again... and again," I sobbed. "I screamed until my voice gave out and kept f-fighting to the p-point that one had to hold me w-while the other... I finally p-passed out from the b-blood and t-the pain. But I-I never gave up. I fought until I-I couldn't." I saw tear after tear drop onto the concrete. I took a minute to catch my breath.

"N-next thing I knew... I woke up with millions of tubes attached to me and several doctors w-working on me. I k-kept asking how s-she was... and no one t-told me. They put me in a medically induced coma. Finally, I w-woke up days l-later and found out s-she had been in a... coma... and then later... d-died in surgery." My voice cracked. "I didn't even get a chance to say g-goodbye to her. The last time I s-saw my best friend was when... she was knocked out on the concrete, bleeding from her h-head. I even missed her funeral."

"I w-was in the h-hospital for a several of w-weeks. I-I was doped on p-pain medication f-from my surgeries and... anti-depressants. I had b-brain surgery. They bashed my h-head in after I-I passed out. That's w-why I s-stutter. The doctors weren't able to fix everything," I explained, wiping my face, but the tears never stopped rolling. I hated stuttering. I could never forget what they did because of it.

"Shane and S-Scarlett l-loved each other. The doctor's said she w-was..." I couldn't make out the next word, but I forced myself to. "Pregnant, and she didn't even know it," I wailed, still feeling responsible for the loss of not one, but two lives. "She was going to be a mother, and she didn't know it," I whispered. "S-Shane was a m-mess. He lost his girlfriend, his child and... a part of me as well," I sobbed.

"I-it was like I l-lost my s-sister," I continued with a croaky voice. "I dropped out of college and I didn't l-leave my room for months. I r-refused to eat. I thought it would be better if I had d-died. That way I wouldn't feel any pain. Julian and Enzo... r-refused to leave my side. They went as far as getting a feeding t-tube so I wouldn't starve." I owed everything to my family for being there for me, even when I was stubborn.

"While Shane... he didn't c-come home for nights on end, a-and when he did... h-he was high," I stuttered out, remembering all the nights where he'd be found passed out in the hallway or when my mom made him throw up. "He almost overdosed one time." It was when he was hospitalized that did we realize how far he'd been gone. "H-he was sent to rehab."

"I thought I-I would never... recover," I said, finding the right word. "My mom... put us into group therapy and counselling... and truth to be t-told, it helped. It took time, b-but we got the help we needed." It's where I met my new best friend. "During t-that time, we fought the case for m-months on end t-to place them behind bars. And we finally did. But w-we were lucky; not all rapists are placed behind bars," I added, finally allowing myself to break down in more tears. I could never repay my parents, the twins, Mariana and James. They halted their lives for us. They took care of us while working hard to make sure they payed for their actions. It was also when Enzo changed the focus on his career and wanted to help place the people like them behind bars. I shut my eyes. The pain was too much.

"Dylan, I-I can't," I sobbed. "It... it hurts," I whimpered, already feeling the start of my uneven breathing and the panic attack that would follow. I think he noticed it too because I felt him scoop his arms under me and gently lift me into his lap, squeezing me tightly.

"After the other day, I read up that a tight hug can often help panic attacks," he spoke softly into my ear. I held onto him, wanting nothing more than for this to stop. For the pain to stop; and to finally be free. I snaked my hand around to his chest, placing it right over his heart.

Thud. Thud. Thud.

I counted with the paced beats, losing count after fifty, my chest still heaving in and out furiously. I didn't know how long it lasted, but Dylan gently rocked me, whispering endearments and sweet words to me, both in Spanish and English making my heart swell even more for the man. Eventually, I regained a constant and even pace of breathing.

The tears on my cheeks had dried up, my throat felt like sandpaper and my whole body ached. Dylan leaned over to his bag as handed me a water bottle which I slurped down without stopping.

"At the bookstore... when you said... I got s-scared. The last time I s-said no to someone I-I was.... So, I ran; I p-panicked." I admitted, breaking the silence, staring out to the scene in front of me. I paused before speaking again. "The same thought went through my head when y-you asked me t-today." I felt his body tense. "I want to, b-but I don't know how to not think those thoughts," I gulped. "I want to..."

He used his pointer finger to gently turn my head towards him. "I would never, ever lay my hands on you, or anyone for that matter," he spoke with glassy eyes. "Mi amor, please believe me," he begged. "I-I worship the ground you walk on, dulce corazón, I could never..." he shook his head. "Please believe me."

"I do believe you, I do," I promised, letting out a shaky breath, aware that my hand still was pressed against his chest. However, I didn't want to move it. I felt safe in his arms. I never believed anyone more than I did right now. "I trust you," I breathed out with nothing but the truth.

"I'm so sorry, Lia. I can't imagine what you've been through, mi amoda. You're such a strong woman," he praised, letting out a deep breath. "So strong. I understand if you're not ready for anything yet," he said with his voice breaking. "I-I just want to be here for you," he promised. "Please let me be here for you."

"No." I refused with a mumble. "I-I can't stand this anymore," I replied, a little louder this time. He looked at me, confusion written all over his face. I needed to just let it out. For once, I was going to follow my therapist's orders.

I got off his lap, removing my hand from his chest. My hand instantly felt cold. I stared straight at him, his oceanic eyes burning into mine. Here goes nothing.

"I-I like you," I breathed. I felt a heavy weight lift off my chest, feeling good to be able to tell Dylan. I looked down at the space between our bodies where our hands lay. This time, I clasped his hands. "I-I like you a lot, Dylan." It was finally time to tell him that I appreciated him, just like how he did to me, several times.

"I-I vowed myself not to get close or form a relationship with a boy. After him, I thought all the boys were like that. Cruel. Obsessive. Abusive. I-I didn't... understand because my brothers were nowhere near like that. I-it felt like I would always receive the short end of the stick."

I took another deep breath before continuing. "I-I kept telling him no. I didn't want to go out with him. I-I said no. He... he made me u-unconformable, and m-made... comments. I told him t-to stop and I switched dance partners. He... he c-corned me in the hallways a-at school and I-I told a professor. He did nothing. He said I was... overreacting. But I wasn't," I asserted. "I didn't tell anyone about this because I thought I could handle it for myself. I did e-everything in my p-power to stay away from him. I-I truly believed he would s-stay away after. H-he couldn't... take no for an answer, so him and a friend... raped us and k-killed my best friend." I shut my eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling.

"And then I-I fainted at the park when I-I saw you," I said with a raspy voice after a minute. "When I woke up, I thought the s-same thing had happened... b-but instead, you took care of me," I explained. "You took care of me," I emphasized, squeezing his hands. "And days after that... I always l-looked forward to seeing you again and f-found myself saying yes to you. I couldn't stop thinking about you," I admitted, biting my lip. "I-I finally thought God had answered my prayers." The waterworks started back up.

"S-Shane and my mom noticed the smiles on my face immediately." I looked up at him. "You made me happy; happier than I've ever been in my entire life," I said softly. A small smile tugged at his lips, a lone tear falling from his eye. I gently wiped it away, not wanting to ever to see him cry. "D-don't cry Dylan. Whether you realize it or not, y-you helped me climb out from under my shell, because I truly didn't know what happiness felt like until I-I met you," I expressed, the tears blurring my vision, yet again.

"No," I shook my head, having a verbal dispute between myself. "I don't just like you," I said sternly, taking back my previous confession. His facial expression fell, but he didn't say anything.

I can do this.

At this point, all my eggs were in one basket. "D-Dylan Sage... I-I... ti amo." I breathed out, waiting for his reply. I didn't care if he didn't feel the same way for me. Maybe I did. I definitely did. But I needed to say it, and I think he needed to hear it as well. Please say something. Anything. His facial expression told me everything I needed to hear.

"Amelia Gia Trevino." I gasped quietly. I didn't even know he knew my middle name. "Lia... te amo." I was in the same state of euphoria as he was. Words couldn't express what I was feeling right now. I couldn't believe this was happening. Surely, I was dreaming.

"Say it again," I whispered, leaning back a little so I could see every inch of his face. I didn't know if my hearing was correct. I pinched myself, yet I was still stuck here.

"Te amo," he expressed, leaning in and cupping my face in his hands. His thumbs wiped the tears that were falling, however there was no point. They weren't going to stop.

"And again."

"I love you so fucking much Lia," he claimed with glassy eyes. My mouth fell open. This was the first time hearing him swear. And damn, it was hot. He opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off. "I love you, Lia."

"You need to stop, or else I'll have a heart attack instead," I warned teasingly. He let out a chuckle that was practically music to my ears. I scooted closer to him. So close, I was breathing in the air he was letting out. "Just... just do one last thing for me." I felt my heartbeat speed up; I'm sure he was able to hear the jackhammer in my chest. I can do this. I gently placed my hand over his heart again. His body tensed but relaxed just as fast under my touch.

"Anything," he promised, resting his forehead against mine. His heartbeat was rapid, and it felt good to know I was affecting him just as much he was to me.

"Kiss me." His eyes searched mine looking for something. "Please." My eyes fluttered closed, waiting for him.

Just as I had imagined, his plump pink lips collided with mine—only it was better. His lips were so soft, even a fluffy cloud couldn't compare. His lips slowly worked against mine as if we had all the time in the world. Hesitantly, I kissed him back, learning as I went. Somewhere along the way, both my hands snaked around his neck pulling him in closer. While I felt his hand caressing my cheek and I could feel the other move the sweep the hair out of the way. His kiss was soft, sweet, and most importantly, I could feel the emotion he poured in it. I tried to return the feelings, letting my heart and soul spill into the kiss. At one point I could swear a low noise resonated from the back of my throat.

We both pulled away at the same time. My breaths came out in pants as I tried to regain my composure. I felt my swollen and bruised lips. This was real. He grasped my hands in his, intertwining them together.

I set my gaze back on his eyes, loving the deep colour that now flowed in his eyes. His eyebrows creased as he reached up and wiped something off my face. It was wet.

"Was I that bad?" He asked anxiously. I shook my head, intertwining our hands again. "I—"

"These are h-happy tears," I choked, not believing I could ever feel this way for someone. He made me so happy. "D-Dylan I...I..." I couldn't make out the rest of the words.

"I know," he expressed, cupping my cheek, pressing a light kiss to my forehead. "Don't cry, mi amor." He muttered, wiping my tears away. "It pains me to see you like this," he added gently as he pulled me to his side. Together we quietly watched as the wildlife passed by and the sun start to set. I rested my head on his chest, finding comfort in his beating heart while he gently ran his fingers through the ends of my hair which he released from the bun it was in. For once, I was at complete peace.

It had been at least an hour as we sat, soaking up the warm sun with light conversation flowing between us, but mostly it was quiet, and I hadn't minded that.

I slowly walked over to the edge peering down at the distance between the cliff and the water. I gulped. "Watch out," he whispered. I felt his arm cinch around my waist, pulling me back slightly. I was practically hanging off the edge before. "What chu' thinking?" He furrowed his eyebrows, trying to figure it out for himself.

"Where are the clothes?" His eyes widened before quickly pointing to the backpack he brought with him. "Can you turn around?" I asked with my back turned to him as I pulled out the clothes.

"Already have," he promised. I lightly smiled at that. After I changed into his clothes, I turned back around.

"You're good," I commented. "Are you going to change?"

"You can turn around, if you'd like," he added cheekily. I rolled my eyes, doing as he asked.

"You're good." I turned around, noticing how his six-pack glistened in the warm orange sun, casting the perfect glow on him. He ran his hands through his ruffled hair, shaking it out. "Take a picture, it'll last longer," he said smugly.

"Honestly," I spoke, my voice hoarse. "I would if I had my camera on me. I really like how the sun hits you ever so perfectly," I complimented, not shying away. I'm guessing he didn't expect that comment because his eyes widened but quickly regained his composure.

"Damn Lia," he muttered. "Are you ready?" He smirked, looking at the daring waters below. "Because my feet are scalding at the moment," he replied, motioning to the hot asphalt beneath us.

I slightly hissed as he brought my attention to the surface. "I think I am," I said, taking a deep breath in and letting it out. I quickly tucked my shirt into the shorts. We walked together towards the edge.

"Together?" I slowly nodded, holding onto the hand he lent out. "I'll be there with you," he reminded in more ways than one, aware of my hesitation. "I won't let you down," he promised. "Or drown," he added jokingly.

"Dylan motherfucking Sage, if I die, I'm coming back to haunt your sorry ass," I warned.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," he breathed. "Take the leap, Lia." And so, we did. I took the leap both figuratively and literally. After plugging my nose of course.

—

THE END

Lol just kidding, though it would be the perfect ending, wouldn't it? Ahaha

That was an emotional chapter, yeah? You don't know the amount of times I've cried when writing this.

Let me know if you cried too, haha.

Now, onto a much more serious topic:

I know rape/ sexual harassment is a huge topic that is considered taboo. Many stray from the topic, but to be honest it should be the opposite. It should be talked about and everyone should be aware of the staggering statistics the number of women, children (and men alike) that face sexual assault. The numbers shouldn't be that high. In fact, those numbers shouldn't exist at all. It should be talked more about schools, homes and literally EVERYWHERE. It only takes one incident to change someone's life forever, and not for the better.

Educate your brother. Educate your boyfriend. Educate your dad. Educate your friends. Please talk about it.

The 17-year old should not have had her thong as evidence in court. She was not 'asking for it' when raped by an older man. That 8-year old child should not have been raped by her step-father. Aly Raisman and the other survivors should not have been touched by a physician they trusted. No one should have gone through that pain, whether sober, drunk, naked, veiled, or when they had changed their mind halfway through. 

Don't forget to watch the video at the top from Halsey. Truly brought tears to my eyes. 

#MeToo