~When the heart is down
and the soul is heavy,
the eyes can only
speak the language of tears.
-Author Unknown.

He wasn't there when I woke up. I was being paranoid. The event happened a week ago, but I still felt his arms around me and that he had whispered that he loved me. He would never come to see me. Who was I for him to come to see? He made it very clear that he hated every bit of me.

I slept through the next day and the next, I lost count of everything. Each time I go to the bathroom, I try not to look in the mirror. Once, I caught my reflection: it looked like I'd been punched in both eyes.

I can't come to speak about the day that follows because I feel like I'm about to die if I don't get out of this room. "Laura, come on, you've been in that room for a week," Tina screamed from the door for the hundredth time, banging loudly on it. I opened the door and looked at her. Before she reached out to hug me, I collapsed on the floor. "He left me, Tina, he left me." While Tina wrapped her hands around me tightly consoling me, I imagined that it was him holding me telling me that everything was okay. "I know baby girl, it'll be fine. I know you'll get over that asshole."

"I don't love him, I don't" I shook my head, denying the feelings that I had inside me. I was hurting, and he put me through it. "Well, you can't have heartbreak without love," Tina pointed out. "If your heart was really broken, then, at least you know that you loved him. It's okay to know that you love him, but I'm sorry you had to grow up this way. " She sighs, taking my face in her hands. "I get that you're hurt, but I can't fix it. All I can offer is comfort and a drink."

She slides her hand from my face, walking in the direction of the kitchen, and a few seconds later, she comes back with two glasses and a bottle of tequila.

Once we started drinking, there was a knock on the door making our heads snap to the door. Tina walked to open the door and when I saw who it was, I downed my glass feeling the burning sensation in my throat. I was feeling tipsy from just one glass, and I thought about what the whole bottle would do.

"Welcome!" I said, gesturing them to sit when they reached the living room. They watched as I sat and drank my heart out, not even offering any. It's my birthday. Why can't I celebrate with a broken heart?

"To bastards!" I said, gesturing to Vincent and Mason. "And to the girls that endure all the pain." I clicked Tina's glass while she watched me take another glass, "And to the absolute horror of getting a divorce a week before your birthday because you were stupid enough to like the bastard." I bowed while everyone stared at me. The anger radiated off Vincent while I took another glass. "This one is for you, my loving husband." I chuckled slurring as I got up, "I mean ex-husband, and you, if you may, please get the fuck out." I pointed between Mason and Vincent, a hiccup escaping my lips. "Both of you."

I swayed while I made my way to the bedroom. The entire place was spinning and I could feel my bladder getting heavy. I hit my knee on the table, and I winced at the pain, "that's what you get for being fucking careless. You don't look!" Vincent barked, and I had to snap my head in his direction. To my complete surprise, he was right in front of me.

"Me being careless huh! Don't tell me I'm fucking careless when you dared to fuck my heart up, "I said through hiccups, my voice coming out loud.

I threw the glass on the ground and stared at him, "Take it up and fix it. I want you to take my fucking heart and fix it without bleeding and ask me if it's okay. You wanted me to suffer? Haven't you had enough? Leave! I want you out of my life! " I held my throbbing head, shouting at him in anger.

"I'm not leaving," he casually said. I chuckled and shook my head, walking inside my room, locking the door behind me. My heart felt like it had been torn out of my chest by someone who didn't want it. What was I even thinking? I still felt apart of me loved him and the other boiling in anger.

"There's this big, massive black hole in my heart, and I wonder if you can see it?" I said. "You caused it. I do ponder a little if you see it. Someday it'll close, but with the pain and I hope I can manage." I threw my head back and laughed like a madwoman. "I can't believe what I saw in you. You are an arrogant bastard and I hate you so much it hurts. "I shook my head in disbelief and slammed the door behind me shut once I reached my bedroom.

My eyes were dark, almost black, filled with pain. I let someone do this to me. I had known all along that I fell too deeply. I became attached. I didn't want a husband or a lover that would push me away, whatever you may call that took place between Vincent and me, because I would never walk away from him.

I turned on the shower, stepping under it. I became sleepy each time I sat there replaying a week's event in my head. He had to come and ruin everything. I never wanted to see him.

The banging on the door jerked my eyes open. It had me thinking how long I had actually been in the shower for. The banging on the door was loud enough for me to hear, but I sat still with the water beating down on my head. I had become cold and my throat had become bone dry. "Laura, open this damn door now." Vincent, that bastard. He hurt me. Why is he still here to break my soul too?

"What the hell is wrong with you?" He shouted, holding on to my shoulder while Tina and Mason watched us. I didn't answer, he only moved his hands off my shoulders and walked away to change. I felt numb all over again. I slipped on some clothes, stepping inside the living room, seeing him still in the position in which I left him.

"Go!" I turned my head away to hide my tears and pointed towards the front door. "Get out, you have no right to come here," I choked, barely holding back the tears that insisted on falling, but I refused to let them.

"No, I'm not leaving." I clenched my hands and unclenched them. "Fine," I said, gritting my teeth, "If you won't leave, then I will." I grabbed my coat off the hook and stormed out the front door. As soon as I closed the door, I wanted to go back inside and smack him in the face.

I couldn't even go up to him slowly and look him in the eye. A part of me wanted to hug him and tell him that I love him deeply and that all of what he was doing was wrong, and what we had was more than a contract. I couldn't surround him in a warm embrace, and I couldn't feel the world around me melt away as he squeezed me back, neither of us wanting the moment to end. But all of this will always remain in my head, these stupid thoughts.

All I could do was try to release my pent-up emotions right here and now. And even that was hard. He stood staring at me, and I uttered the first words that left my mouth. "Please don't leave again." The words hardly managed to break out as the sobs I was holding in choked my voice back. He embraced me in a hug. His chin rested on top of my head.

His arms clenched me tighter. I blinked. The tears dripped from my eyelids and slid down my cheeks. I bit my lip tightly in an attempt to hide any sound that wanted to escape from my mouth; my heart sank every time I remembered when he'd hugged me.

"Laura, believe me, I wish I could stay, but I'll tell you that I'm doing this for your sake. You deserve better." A knife flung after the other, his words killing me then reviving me over and over again. The same process repeats itself.

I breathed heavier than I ever had before. I was gasping for air that simply wasn't there. My throat burned, forming a silent scream. Is this what crying feels like? A part of me was dying inside. Relief.

"Deep breaths baby, deep breaths." I couldn't no matter how hard I tried not to break down, I collapsed onto the floor in tears. Why? Why me?

"Love please, breathe for me, breathe" I followed his voice and did exactly what he said. He hugged me like it was the last thing he had on earth left to do. He kissed me like nothing else and I wish this would last longer.

"Do you like me?" Silence bounced, fell off his tongue and sat between us and clogged my throat. I knew that it was even better to be true, so I swallowed my pride and said, "Do you love me?" We exchanged blind stares, and I did not cry, I did not begin to answer, but blackness filled my ears, blackness lunged in my heart, and something that had been good, a sort of kindly oxygen, turned into a gas oven. Rejection and heartbreak.

"Just tell me you don't love me, and I'll let everything go. I'll let you go." "What?" He asked confused, but the look on his face told me otherwise. "What I said is to look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me, and you'll never see me again." "Laura, this is not getting us anywhere, this is bullshit." He snaps. "Say it!" I shouted in anger. I felt the bile in the pit of my stomach urging me to be set free, but I swallowed it back.

I reached under my shirt and pulled out the half-hearted pendant. It was the only thing he had taken an interest in. With his gaze still fixed on mine, I slid the chain over his head. "No one should have to go through the world with only half a heart, even if that means if it's shattered. I'm giving you this, so I can have another life. " I whispered as I watched him stand up. He just walked away, but his silence gave me the answer. He doesn't love me, and he will never love me.