"Are you excited for tonight?" The middle-aged woman with auburn hair leans forward in her seat with a warming smile.

"Yeah but I'm also pretty petrified." I breathe out.

It's the night of the Grammys.

"That's to be expected lovely. You've got this. I'm rooting for you Gigi and If you feel overwhelmed or feel an attack coming on, remember what I said and the ways to help cope with it." I nod as we both get up from our chairs and head towards the door.

"Well I'll see you again next week and I expect to hear all about it okay!" My therapist beams, opening the door for me to exit.

"Of course, thanks, Meredith. See you next week." I call out walking down the hall past her receptionist.

Yeah, therapist.

What happened with Castro took a bigger tole on me than I had initially played out and I decided that maybe I needed to talk to someone, get help for my anxiety and revisit the past. Even though Colton has helped me deal with it all immensely, it's good to talk and just get things off your chest with a stranger. I never knew how much I needed it until I was half a box of tissues deep with Meredith the first time I saw her.

Of course, I was hesitant about a therapist at first, I keep myself to myself but Colton helped me see that it would be good for me to start addressing what has happened with other people- and that starts tonight. I have a little surprise for my Grammy performance. I guess that's why I'm extra nervous.

"Hey babe," Colton greets as I jump in the passenger's side of his Lamborghini that's parked on the curb outside the building.

"Hey, you want to go grab some lunch?" I smile linking our hands together. He nods and starts moving away from the curb.

"Antos?" He asks checking his mirrors. I nod looking at the LA morning livening up on the seafront.

When we pull up outside the recently finished Italian I can already smell the rich tomato and herbs flowing from the front door. After I told Anto I was moving to America he wasn't overly happy and went off in Italian at me but then came to a compromise. He bought a restaurant out here and is in the midst of making Antonio's a chain since it's done so well in London which is why I'm not surprised it's picked up here. That's evident when we walk in and the place is packed, waiters running about everywhere and it's only been up and running a few weeks.

"Gigi!" Anto calls out, he splits his time between here and the UK. The kids love it because they get to come over here so often.

He engulfs me in a hug and leads us over to a table at the back of the restaurant.

"Stanotte è la notte! Stanotte è la notte" he sings dancing me around the table.

'Tonight's the night! Tonight's the night!"

I giggle, he's more excited than we are!

"Sofia dropped off my suite earlier! Ah, you wouldn't believe it, Colton, it looks meraviglioso!" He blows a kiss from his lips in true Italian fashion as he dances away back into the restaurant.

"How was therapy?" Colton asks as a waiter sets down our usual order.

"Yeah, it was alright." I shrug, I don't mind talking about it with Colton, he understands and never judges me.

"Good, how are you feeling about the trial?" He leans across the table to grab my hands. Castros case got referred to high courts recently and the trial date is in a few weeks, I've already agreed to give my statement in court. In the end, quite a few girls came through, from Jenny the assistant I first met in London too poor interns who'd been scared to ever work a job like that again. Our legal teams seem to think we have a good case building but I suppose it can go any way, especially with a white wealthy male.

"Yeah, I mean scared I guess but ready. He needs to be trialled for his behaviour, he can't get away with it."

"I'm probably going to be saying this an awful lot today but I am so proud of you." He smiles at me making me go all melty inside. He still manages to make me weak in my knees.

"Right, you three. Your suites are hanging on the back of the door. Gigi come with me." Sofia instructs wheeling a clothes rail covered in clothes bags and accessories in, "I've sent your parents their outfits and now all I need to do is get you in yours!"

The boys walk over to find their suits and Sofia drags me out of the room up to the bedroom with a tape measure having from her neck.

"I still can't believe you live in a place like this... like this is your bedroom, a view of LA to wake up to every morning." She sighs throwing a box of pins onto our freshly made bed.

"I know it's crazy still but hey you only live along the hall." I chuckle. I asked Sofia to move in with us, she was going to rent a tiny apartment downtown but it ended up falling through last minute and we have like ten extra bedrooms so I forced her to take one.

"Just until I get on my feet!" She exclaims. She always says that but I love her living here and so does Colt. She's our own personal stylist.

"Right are you ready!" She bites her lip with a grin and pulls a clothing cover bag out of the suite.

"Wait! Let me, FaceTime Jacob! I feel like he needs to be here for this!" I get out my phone and the FaceTime chimes ring around the room. Suddenly his face fills the screen and his boyfriend pops up behind him, Jacob asked him to move into our old apartment when me and Sof left. It was really hard leaving him in London and I miss him all the time but he wouldn't leave London, he's not LA prone and he's so happy with his job and where he is in life right now.

"Hey, foxy." He says setting his phone on the kitchen counter.

"Hey hey! Are you ready? I'm about to see my dress." I grin laughing at their squeal on the other end.

"Alright... three...two... one...." Sofia slides the zip down and all of our jaws drop.

The dress is skin-tight sheer mesh, that has triangle band-shaped gold diamonds, that drip down the areas that need to be covered like icicles. One sits on the chest and drips down to the top of my stomach, the other sits on my hips and drips down to the top of my beds and the other one sits on the bottom of my thighs. It's got sleeves but no back, it drops to the floor and has an incredible train.

It's gorgeous, simply beautiful. The most amazing thing I've ever seen and my best friend has designed it.

"Wow." I gape at the dress.

"Do you like it?" She asks smoothing out the material.

"I love it." I melt wrapping my arms around her.

She helps me into the dress taking bits in and up a little bit until it's secured onto my body. It's mesmerising. It's snug on my curves and long on my legs.

Although it's skin-tight, I keep having to tell myself I look good. Because I do and we haven't got time for intrusive thoughts today.

My makeup artist and hairstylist arrive to give me a sparkly smokey eye and put my honey highlighted hair into curly waves. Sofia helps me into a pair of gold Louboutins and nearly cries when she sees the final look.

I really do look- well honestly I look fucking great.

"Shit, you gotta help me down the stairs." I laugh once Sof and I reach the top of the marble staircase. We giggle our way down, both clonking in our heels.

"Thanks for this Sof. You're insanely talented. The fact you've been able to make nearly fifteen outfits in such a small amount of time."

"It's what I do baby." She winks at me, nearing the bottom step.

"Holy fuck." Jaydens the first to the staircase looking so cute in a lime green Gucci suit that has their signature tigers running up the sleeves- Sof had designed it, sourced the materials and made it all, "You two look incredible." He whistles.

"I second that." Lucas follows in a more modest suit, a simple checked blue matching set.

"You two look so smart!" I coo with a bright smile.

"One of you has to help with this bloody-" Colton stops fiddling with his sleeve and looks up from the bottom step. His eyes darkening when he scans me, "You look so fucking gorgeous Gigi. Honestly you just blow me away every time I see you." He blinks a few times and scoffs with a smile.

"Well, you look so handsome." I giggle moving down a few steps, holding onto the edges of his teal-y green suit. His top few buttons on his white shirt are undone and his hair is gelled back in his normal fashion, all but the one tiny curl that bounces on his forehead.

He tilts my chin with his hand so we're inches apart from each other's faces. His hot breath hits my cheek and one of his hands grabs my waist whilst the other dances in the nape of my neck. Then his lips crash onto mine and I'm lost in a moment of bliss and fire. The urgency and need apparent on his tongue and the loving and passion in his hands as they caress my body. His cologne fills the space as he starts to drawback, leaving my cheeks flushed and lips swollen.

"Jesus come on or we won't get there in time." Jayden sighs already walking off making us chuckle.

Just as I get into the car waiting to take us staples centre, my phone buzzes with a picture from Bleu.

The picture shows all of my London family holding a big banner that says "We love you, Gigi. We're so proud." And Luca is sat right in the middle holding a massive bouquet of flowers. He's settled in so nicely with Bleu and although I miss him so much I know he's safe and well looked after which means I'm ready to start my own career and family without having to worry as much about messing things up for him.

I shoot a text back explaining how I love it and love them as the car starts it's route to the red carpet.

"I told you I'd be seeing you at the Grammys!" The same reporter from the AMAs says with a slight chuckle, "And you are totally the best dressed her tonight. That dress is so incredible." She shakes her head in awe.

"Ah thank you! My best friend Sofia Carmichael designed and made it, the same as Jayden, Lucas and Colt!"

Totally hyping my bestie up. She deserves it.

"So you're up for seven awards tonight and Colton you're up for eight. You two are even competing in the same category! How does that feel?" She points the mic to me.

" I still feel like this is a dream and I'm going to wake up in a minute. It's honestly just too crazy to fathom words." I giggle.

"Yeah I mean, the song we wrote means so much to us and to have it nominated in so many category's is just so incredible so thank you all so much!" Colton adds with a very genuine smile.

"And uh on a more personal note we just want to congratulate you guys since we saw you've just moved in together! How's that been?"

I look at Colton and smile, "It's been amazing. Apart from the fact the boy can't cook or clean it's been incredible."

"Also your album comes out in a few days Gigi! Whilst Coltons is still sitting at number one!"

"Yeah, it does! It's been a lot of hard work and it's been a long time in the making but my first full album with De Jamerio is going to be out in a few days! I'm so thrilled and I can't wait for everyone to hear my life in music over the past few years!"

"Well, I for one am excited. I hope you guys enjoy tonight! We're all rooting for you!" The reporter says energetically making me giggle slightly.

It's fine. Deep breaths and control. Keep calm.

"You doing okay sweetheart?" Colton whispers in my ear. I nod at him. I'm fine I just need a moment.

He grabs my hand and squeezes shooting me a warm smile.

"I'm proud of you no matter what." He whispers.

"And I'm proud of you no matter what." I place a kiss on his cheek as the main lights come down and the applause begins around the room.

Holy fucking shit the Grammys are starting.

I am a fucking mess. My mascaras probably run down my cheeks, my eyes are red and puffy and I can't stop shaking. I've won four Grammys so far.

Best pop solo performance with 'about a boy', Best New Artist, Song of the year with 'Spiteful', a song I wrote in my bloody bedroom and Best pop duo with Colton.

Jayden won three Grammys and Coltons on four too. We're up to the final award of the show- Record of the year, the big one. The final lasting impression one.

"Right we're down to our final award of the night, Record of the year. Let's recap our nominations for the award." A representative of the Recording Academy gestures for the VT to play. Video clips of all our songs roll around and when it gets to mine and Colton's our whole row of family and friends erupts.

"Okay, and the winner of the 2020 record of the year is-" The room is so silent you can hear a pin drop. My heart is beating erratically in my chest as Colton's grip on my hand tightens. Jayden has hold of my arm and Jess is leaning on my shoulders from the row behind. The woman opens the golden envelope and slides the paper halfway out, cautiously.

"Fight for it- Gigi Lastra and Colton Jax." The woman smiles into the microphone.

My blood runs cold and I'm sure my heart stops for a few seconds. I can't hear the shouts and cries from our family that are jumping in the isles, people are shaking me and hugging me but my hand never lets go of Coltons. He cups my face,

"We did it baby!" He screams crashing his lips to mine. His hands cup my neck and cheek as my tears roll onto our lips.

"We... we uh did it?" I whisper leaning my forehead against his. The tears are shedding violently as Colton leads me up onto the stage, Jayden and Sofia pick up my train and fix my dress for me once I've taken the award from the woman at the stand.

I hold the Grammy in my shaking hands, Colton's arm sneaks around my waist keeping me steady, his smile shines in the gold on the award. His eyes are bright and full of life which makes more tears leak from my eyes.

People are still cheering and hollering when I turn to face the masses that occupy the hundreds of thousands of seats. The stage lights crash down onto my diamond-encrusted dress.

"Wow uh... I..." I look at Colton, flabbergasted. He chuckles.

"I think what we're trying to say is a massive thank you to the Recording Academy and all our fans who have supported us, we wouldn't be here without you," Colton exclaims for me.

"Yeah, a huge thank you to our families, our LA lot down in the front row and our Londoners at home. I love you guys so much!" I blow a kiss to the camera at the left of the stage.

"This song means a great deal to us as I know it does amongst our fans. It came from such a deep and meaningful place so for it to win Record of the year is an unbelievable feeling." Colton looks to me.

"To everyone at De Janerio and our teams who made it possible, this is for you. This is also in dedication of those who have lost their lights. You're not alone, you may feel lost but you will find that brightness. Don't give up and love who you are. A few years ago we were both at a point where we wanted to give up, we were lost and alone but the one thing that kept us going was music." Coltons arm tightens around my waist as his fingers draw circles on my hip.

"Music gave me a second chance and it bought me the woman who changed it all. This award is hers, without her I wouldn't be accepting this. Gigi Lastra everyone..." He takes my hand and pushes me forward slightly encouraging the crowd to clap as he steps backwards.

I'm proud of me... I've come so far and this is only just the beginning.

"Grammy awards twenty-twenty. It is an absolute honour to close the show for you tonight. A huge congratulations to all nominees and winners." I walk out onto the stage, shaking like a leaf but I manage to get to the piano stool without melting. I'd been tasked with closing the show and I have something completely secret up my sleeve. This is the start of my next chapter and a way of saying goodbye to the past.

I start on the chords, the melancholy dramatics filling the arena. This song was written about the domestic violence I suffered and I survived. It took a while to write and going to therapy, opening up more, made me realise that I need to talk about it and that I'm so much stronger now. I hit the chorus and the accompaniment of more instruments layers the sound making it more powerful.

'I love you, stuck like your knife.'

'The marks of your heart look much like bruises.'

My voice is pushing out as much as it can, raw emotion dripping from my tongue.

'I thought I deserved that kind of love, you made me believe it.'

'I can't sleep now, your face ingrained when I close my eyes.'

The bridge hits and that's when my surprise comes in. The back of the stage opens up and fifty women all come out holding candles dressed in shirts that say 'survivor'. I had been doing my research and I'd come across a choir that's made of women who have been victims of domestic abuse and I knew I had to get them on board with me.

I get up from the stool at the last chorus and join the women in the centre of the stage for a more acoustic sound, they sound amazing and soulful layering their harmonies. Tears are falling from my eyes as I look at the women that join me on the stage.

I love me.

I'm going to have bad days and that's okay.

It's not a bad thing I struggle with anxiety.

My curves are beautiful.

It's not my fault.

My past does not define me.

I am worthy.

"I am a survivor. We are all survivors."

And I was born to Take The Stage.

Okay... wow... it's done! TTS is officially complete 🖤

Thank you to all my readers who supported me on this journey, it's crazy I've actually written a book... sure it's not perfect but I gave it a go :)

Thank you all so so so much for reading! I may do some bonus chapters in the near future so keep your eyes out! ;)

Check out my new story Balance and have an amazing 2021!

Iz x