Right, you're on in twenty." Slumping into my dressing room chair after meet and greet, I kick my heels off neatly hitting Colton in the process who's lounged out on my sofas. I look at him and smile, it's weird to think we're nearly through with tour. The stage manager disappears behind the door again.

"What are you grinning at?" Colton sits up mirroring my smile, I shrug.

"Just things. This." I gesture around the room. He nods his head and holds out an arm, beckoning me over to him. I flop down on top of him and let his arms fall over my back.

"Hey." He smiles.

"Hey." I bite my lip, running my thumb over his cheekbone.

My head falls to his chest and we lay in a comfortable silence, the only noise, his beating heart beneath his rib cage.

"I love you." He whispers.

"I-" my fathomable reply cut short by the piercing ring of my phone. I push myself off Colton and scurry around the dressing room looking for my phone. Sofia's caller ID lights up the screen.

"Hey, Mamacita," I say into the phone. It's quiet for a few seconds before Sofia replies.

"Gigi, I need you not to freak out and stay calm okay?" She sounds panicked.

"What? What's happened?" My pulse speeds up thinking about every little thing that could have gone wrong.

"Promise me you'll stay calm and won't do anything irrational?" She pleads.

"Yes! Just tell me what's happened!" I shout getting antsy. Just fucking tell me Sof.

"Okay. It's Luca... Gigi, they've taken him." Her voice wobbles.

"You better be fucking joking Sofia. What do you mean taken?" I deadpan watching the colour drain from my face in the dressing table mirror.

" Social Services. Your mum, she overdosed and social services took him."

I can't feel anything. The room spins around me and my knees buckle. I can't breathe. The one person I swore to protect has been taken from me. I failed him.

My phone drops to the floor, probably cracking on the concrete. I feel paralysed. Completely uncontrolled.

"What's wrong?" I can hear Colton's voice but make no effort in acknowledging it. "Gigi, what's wrong? What's happened?" He drops next to me and tries to pull me into a hug.

"Don't touch me." I flinch away from his touch, he looks pained and confused.

"What? What's wrong?" He tries to help me off the floor but I push him away, the room's like a furnace.

"I need to go," I mumble, running around the room to grab things, my fingers fumble over the items. I've got no time to think about it so I just throw some random bits into a bag.

"What the fuck are you on about, you're on in like ten minutes!" He stands in the middle of the room, confusion written all over his face. I ignore him, dashing towards the door, being careful not to trip on my own feet.

"Gigi!" He shouts grabbing my arm before I clasp the handle, "What's going on? Talk to me. Don't just leave."

"Colton I need to go. They've taken him." I mumble, pulling my arm from his grasp, I feel like my body's moving my mind can't keep up with what's going on.

"Taken who? What are you on about."

"Social services! They've taken Luca! They've taken him. I couldn't protect him!" I scream, the tears I tried to suppress now bolting down my cheeks.

"Oh Gigi..." he tries to hug me again but I push him away, "We can fix this, we can-"

"No. I need to go. There's no we in this." I mutter tears sting my eyes.

You're doing the right thing.

"This is my fault. I was unfocused. I got distracted. I should have been at home with him instead of playing famous with you." I reply, concealing the emotion in the sentence.

"So I'm a distraction now?"

I wince at his tone, I should have stayed well clear.

"That's not fair. I just shouldn't have got involved. I let myself get swept up in this life whilst my brother was being neglected at home. What kind of a sister does that! I need to go home." I grab the door.

"Gigi it's not your fault, we can both go and sort this." I shake my head, the tears drop to the floor.

"I can't... not with you Colton. You deserve someone so much better and I need to focus on what's important, my family." I slap my head with my palm, this is what happens when you let people take over your head, you forget about what's important!

"Don't say that. You are my family."

I just want to turn around and hug him, let him tell me it'll all be okay. I want to tell him I love him. But I can't. It's too selfish even if it breaks me, I can't break him.

"You're not the reason I'm here," I whisper turning the handle. Colton's the reason I didn't want to be on tour in the first place, how Ironic he's the only reason I want to stay.

That sentence Literally describes everything I've done wrong. Colton shouldn't be the reason I want to be on tour, Luca and his opportunities should be but I got fucking distracted.

"Please, don't go Gigi. I love you." His voice wobbles and I know he's crying. My chest hurts, I've hurt him when I swore I wouldn't. I'm a fucking monster, I've torn peoples lives apart because I wanted to do what I wanted- I should have stayed home Instead of pretending I was some celebrity who holds any worth.

"I'm sorry Colt." I open the door and tear down the hallway, bumping into the crew as I try to conceal my sobs. The hallway seems much longer than usual. My brain runs. I need to get to the airport and get home. Then I can talk to Bleu and sort it all out.

Bleu! He was supposed to be looking after him! I trusted him!

"Gigi! Where the fuck are you going?" Will shouts from behind me but I don't stop. Must get home.

"Stop!" He shouts, the sound of his shoes clapping behind me, "Where are you going."

"Home!" I strangle as I push open the fire doors, the nights air tampering with my wet cheeks.

Flopping into the window seat, the last seat, on the flight back to London, I pull my phone out of my sweats. It's been buzzing like mad and I'm too afraid to look at it.

23 missed Calls from CJ

43 unread messages from CJ

1 unread message from Will

10 unread messages from Tessa

5 unread messages from Castro

Immediately my stomach flips and I nearly reach for the sick bag in the back of the seat.

I dismiss all of Colton's messages, I can't even think about opening them or I'll break down.

I slide open Wills.

Hey Gi. Look what you did wasn't okay but I understand why you did it. You probably won't see this message but I'm going to give you a call tomorrow. Colton's explained everything, we're all here for you and if you need anything just shout. I will be honest though... Tessa... she's not happy. I'm doing everything I can though, love. Good luck. Stay safe. I'll ring tomorrow.

I know it was wrong of me just to take off. I feel awful, I'm not even looking at Twitter. I know I've pissed off a lot of people.

Hesitantly I slide Tessas Contact,

What the fuck are you doing?

This is irresponsible

Unprofessionalism at its finest

If you don't get back to the arena right this second you can kiss your spot on tour goodbye. Your reputation gone in seconds.

I don't care if your fucking mother's dead! You do not leave tour!

Get Back here right now!

There are several more that follow of the same nature, the final one being.

Wish I could say it was a pleasure but it wasn't. You're off the tour.

I ball my fists together trying to avoid the tears that burn at my eyes. I'm... Off the tour.

I don't even bother to look at Castro's, it'll be of the same kind of manipulative bullshit, even boasting. the sight of his name just makes me want to throw up.

I've lost my brother.

I've lost Colton

I've lost my spot on tour

I've probably lost any chance of a career.

It's all gone. This hollow hole inside me is growing bigger by the second, consuming me and dragging me down. As the plane takes off I feel myself drowning into the seat, trying to understand how the fuck this has all happened in less than a day.

"What the fuck happened." I cry as Sofia opens the door, she looks shocked but immediately pulls me into a hug. I'm too tired to try and push her away so I just cry, I can feel her drag me into a kitchen chair.

"What happened Sofi?"

"Gigi.." Bleu's voice alerts me to the fact he's sat at the kitchen table, his head hung in shame and his eyes full of grief.

"I don't understand? You were supposed to be looking after him!" I shout, jabbing my finger in his direction.

"I know, it-" Bleu sighs, I know I shouldn't be ripping into him so hard but I can't help it, I'm looking for someone to blame.

"It's not his fault Gigi." Sofia grabs my arm, her soft tone reducing me to tears again.

"Can someone explain, I don't understand, If he was with you how'd he get taken and what happened to my mum?" The kitchen falls silent, "Please..."

Jacob looks at the siblings who both look down at the floor, tears brimming at their eyes. He pushes himself off the counter with a long sigh, obviously taking one for the team.

"Your mum is in intensive care. They've put her into a coma to help her body recover from the amount of pressure the drugs put on her organs."

Of course, it's sad but the saddest part it's expecting something like this would happen, it'd be too far to say she deserved it but I don't feel overly sympathetic towards her. When I said I wasn't coming back.  I meant it.

"And Luca?" I prompt, the less time wasted on my mum the better.

"The school have been worried about Luca for a long time, they've been sending social workers and letters home for months, warning your mum Luca would be taken. Even though he was living at Bleus, when your mum had the overdose it sent an alert to local authorities who saw she had a child already connected with safeguarding issues." Jacob says.

"But where is he now. I'm here now and I can go and get him, I'll stay with him this time! We'll move out and it'll just be us, all my focus on him!" I scream gradually becoming more frantic until Bleu grabs my hands.

"Gigi listen to me." His voice soothing my short breaths, " I'm really sorry." His voice wobbles.

"It's not your fault Bleu, I'm sorry, it's mine! I was selfish. I went away. He's not your responsibility, he was mine!" I cry collapsing to the floor.

"He wasn't your responsibility either! You did everything you could for him, Gigi! He wouldn't be here today If it weren't for you!" Bleu joins me on the floor.

"But he's not here!! They've taken him!" I cry hysterically, " Can't you do something legally, you're a lawyer!" I punch the wooden floor, feeling a splinter enter my skin.

"It's a conflict of interest, I've already tried. He's been put under police protection, we can't know anything about him for seventy-two hours, and it's not guaranteed after that we will either."

I need help, if Bleu can't help me, someone will. I need to know where he is! He's scared and alone, I need to find my brother! The hollow feeling inside of me is being rocked about by my sobs. Suddenly an idea overcomes my body.

"Paperwork. Did they give you the paperwork?" I mumble through my runny nose. Bleu nods. " I need it. I'm going to LA."

"Are you fucking crazy? You just got here and you're a mess. You can't travel halfway across the world again!" Sofia screams at me.

" I can and I fucking will. None of you can stop me! I'm losing absolutely everything! It's my fault he's been a subject to neglect so long, it's my fault he's spending the night with strangers that don't know a thing about him like his favourite films Hairspray or he hates when his baked beans touch his chicken nuggets. He hates having his haircut but he loves when it rains. His favourite thing is the busses and he hates the colour red because it reminds him of fire which is ironic because the busses are red!" I scream, the oxygen in my lungs non-existent. I'm drowning in this room, I'm back to being useless.

"I can't do this anymore. I'm failing everyone. I need to go." I cry leaving them all with shocked expressions. I grab my suitcase which was left by the door and bolt back to the tube station.

As I enter the platform the evening rain is just ready to start dropping. The sky's a dark grey full of regret. I watch as thick droplets splatter the pavement.

Something is clamping around my ribs, squeezing so hard I can't breathe, it's painful yet the pain makes me feel alive. Besides the hollow hole, the pain is the only other thing I feel.

I deserve the pain, it's not nearly enough in comparison to what I've caused.

I did say there might be some drama....
whoops 😬
Double update slide up ;)