I run my hand over her smooth bare thigh, her head rests on my chest and her legs are tangled between mine. Her lashes flutter peacefully against her still reddened cheeks, she's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

The sun's streaming through her curtains casting golden streaks on her silky skin. The heat's gradually rising in her small room and I've spent the last hour or so just staring at the different photographs and tour posters on the walls. Her soft breathing tickles my chest as I stroke her hair away from her face so I can see her better. She's got the best sex hair I've ever seen which makes me smile. I'm sure it's getting towards late morning but I don't want to wake her, ruin the tranquillity in the room. I feel so content with everything, I feel at peace. I don't know where this woman's been all my life but she fucking rocked my world and I never want to let that go.

The apartment is seemingly quiet, I presume the rest are nursing their hangovers. We heard them waltz in at about four this morning, singing and chanting. I can't complain though we definitely made just as much noise... well Gigi did. No wonder her neighbours hate her. I snicker to myself recalling all of last night.

Gigi stirs on top of me, stretching then wincing under her duvet that's half strewn across us. Eventually, her eyes flutter open and she smiles up at me, pulling the duvet self-consciously over her top half.

"Sore?" I smirk as she tries to arch her back and thinks against it.

"Shut up. Four rounds before dawn will do that to a girl." She giggles, nuzzling against my chest before she notices me staring down at her with a goofy smile. I think we're past the point of me being a creepy stalker.

"Ugh, please don't look at me, I probably have the worst sex hair and I look like a bald rat when I wake up." She tries to shield her face in her duvet but I pry it away from her face and cup her chin with my hands.

"You're gorgeous, even more so after last night. You're loud you know babe." I snicker.

She groans, red flushing her face as she dives into my chest to conceal her embarrassment.

"Hey, that's not a bad thing... I like it." She brings her head up, a slight smile running across her lips then rolls over next to me to grab her phone, she swipes onto Sofias contact to see hundreds of illiterate messages, looks like they had a good night.

I admire the woman laying next to me, typing on her phone but absent-mindedly rubbing circles on my thigh with her soft fingers. In half a year she's completely changed my life, turned my world upside down for the better and that's not something I ever want to let go of. Its been whirring around my head for weeks now, especially after the conversation I had with Max. I've spent the last few years avoiding getting hurt by avoiding relationships but instead my body aches when I'm not with Gigi, I crave to have her in my arms. She's taught me I need to let go of my past and that's what I'm going to do today. She's not Hailey and I know she'd never treat me the way she did which is why I'm not avoiding this any longer.

Just do it, ask her.

My pulse starts to speed up and Gigi notices my obvious look of discomfort because she lifts herself onto one elbow and looks down at me.

"You okay CJ?" She carefully brushes a strand of hair out of my eyes, pushing it onto my forehead.

"Yeah... can I ask you a question?"

"Of course... what's up?" She peers down at me.

"Alright..." I sit up on my elbow so I'm level with her sparkly eyes, my breath is taken from me as I force my words out, "Will you be my girl? Officially... you know? I know I can be as ass and I spend most of my life travelling about but so do you and I know I'll do everything to make you happy and spend time with you- and I'm waffling I'll just shut up." I mumble dragging my hand across my face. I watch carefully, not quite sure what her face has morphed into. At first, she let out a little giggle and her eyes were full of hope but now I'm just looking at a blank expression. I know she must be freaked out and scared but she knows I'll do everything I can to care and protect her. She lets out a big breath and grabs my hand.

"No," she whispers with a sympathetic smile and like that my heart cracks in two, my lungs contract in pain and I bolt up out of her touch looking for some clothes.

"Sit down Colt." She crawls to the end of the bed calmly and grabs my hand. I flinch away but she keeps a firm grip, "Please." She pleads pulling my back to the bed. I sit back down keeping my burning eyes on her tie-dye tapestry hanging from her wall. She gently cups my face and forces me to look at her. She's smiling, why the fuck is she smiling. Does she enjoy breaking me?

"Not yet. You deserve to know the truth about me, fully before you make a decision like that. You've been honest with me and taken me to your home so that's what we're doing today." She kisses me gently, reluctant to pull away, it feels like she's asking me to trust her.

"Don't get stroppy, Get dressed." She bites my lip and winks, "Trust me." She shimmies off her bed, covering herself in a blanket, then leaves the room. Leaving me confused and as hard as a fucking rock.

"You know, I like you for you, not your past. You don't need to do this, the outcome will still be the same, I still want you to be mine. I really don't care!" She reaches for my hand and sucks on her lower lip as she pulls me off the tube into a London station.

I don't think I'll ever get used to riding the underground... even when it goes overground? I mean ... that doesn't even make sense, surely it just becomes a train when it goes 'overground'?

"I care. I need to do this. Let go of the past so I can fully commit. It wouldn't be fair on you." She leans into me and hope fills my bones.

"So is that a yes?" I bring us to an abrupt stop startling her slightly. She giggles sympathetically and reconnects our hands, pulling us out of the train station.

"Come on." She tugs.

After a good walk through the streets of Hackney, we emerge into a run-down looking estate, the sun's still shining in the sky but the grime ridden highrise blocks make the atmosphere grey. Gigi stills at the entrance to a litter filled courtyard, boxed by tall flat buildings. Kids ride around on damaged scooters and broken bikes, chasing after one another. A larger group of teens strolls past us, scowling at us with cigarettes hanging out of their mouths. Instinctively I pull Gigi closer to me.

"This is my home," she takes a short breath, "Although I wouldn't exactly call it a home." She sighs and scuffs her Nikes nervously against the ground.

"Me and Sofia grew up in this courtyard, it was where we stayed out late into the night, hung around with the wrong people, where we fell out, where Sofia had her first kiss, where we made up, where we found out we were going to be Aunts... where I was stabbed walking home from school..."  she trails off leaving my face to pale, she walks forward.

"Right here, in this very spot. See this place is full of great memories but they've all be run over with the bad." She takes a step away from me and looks around the dreary courtyard, a group of boys are sitting in the corner chugging bottles of energy drinks and a couple of mothers pass them with prams, keeping their distance.

I don't think I've ever felt more privileged than I do now, a chill runs over my body thinking about how vulnerable she must have been growing up here, she was fucking stabbed.

"Where were you stabbed?" I whisper, still looking about the bleak buildings. She takes my hand and pushes it under her top until I can feel a ridged white line on her lower back. I'd noticed it last night, I'd noticed every single scar and mark on her and I admire them. I know she's self-conscious about them but they add to her beauty. It shows the strength and determination running through her veins and that's what I love about her.

I rub tentative circles across the scar and use my other hand to pull her closer to me.

"I know its kind of gross, that's why I told you to wait-" I cut her off by placing my lips on hers, she shuts up and kisses me back sweetly.

"It's the furthest thing from gross sweetheart." I murmur, placing my chin on her head, " I think it's beautiful." She squirms under my arms making me chuckle.

"You're so cheesy Hemmings... but I guess you're beautiful too." She giggles. I squint at her, beautiful?

"Don't you mean complete sex god who can make you c-"

"Blah, blah, blah, I'm not listening!" she escapes my arms and runs away with her fingers in her ears and her cheeks flaming.

I chase after her but it doesn't take too long before I'm caught up since my legs are double the size of hers. We come to a stop at the entrance to a flat block, half of the windows are smashed and litter lies all around the concrete steps. She turns to me and grabs both my hands, worry permeating her eyes.

"Before I take you in, I just want you to know... this is why I'm so focused, why I didn't go out and party like a normal twenty-year-old. My mums, not the nicest person and I cant promise you that once I open the door something bad won't happen, because truthfully  I never know what to expect when I come here. This is the real me and I need you to see it before anything goes any further. Okay?" Her hands shake a little in mine, if she trusts me enough to show me her past and her family I'm not going to walk away from that. Nothing she shows me could ever make me walk away now, not when I'm so far in because I'm falling in love with her giggles and the waviness of her hair, the freckles that bridge her nose and the few that sit on her thighs, her crazy mind and caring attitude, the colour of nail polish she uses on her nails. I want it all and nothing I see today will ever change that.

"Hey, take a deep breath, don't worry about me. Are you sure you want to do this?" She smiles weakly at me but finishes with a curt nod.

"If you want to leave just let me know?" she shakes. I pocket her into my side and squeeze her like someone's just wrapped a rope around our bodies. She takes a moment to gather herself then leads us into the block. The flat on the first floor indicated by the dented metal door and the number hanging upside down. This door had definitely seen its fair share of beatings and scratches completed by marks that lay along the disfigured frame.

Gigi taps her knuckles lightly against the door but it edges open on its own before she pushes it open fully, her hand searches for mine and links our fingers together. I take warmth in knowing she's looking for my comfort.

As the door is pushed back the smell of cigarette smoke pelts me in the face, I waft it away from my nose but it's still too pungent to ignore as my throat gives out a little cough. I try to muffle it but Gigi hears and shoots me a sympathetic look. The hall light casts into the front room which is littered with empty bottles of alcohol and various types of syringes. Gigi gasps audibly when she kneels down to assess the content of the floor. A half-broken table supports three full ashtrays, some smears of white powder and more alcohol bottles. In the corner the only bit of light, since the blinds were shut, was the small television which had been left on some local drama, the glow from the screen illuminates a pale and withered woman passed out on the sofa. Her body was lined with small cuts and large bruises. Her figure was non-existent, her bones poked through her flesh and her skin was a ghostly white. Her matted hair clouded her face which was leant against an open bottle of liquor.

Whilst I become accustomed to the sight in front of me Gigi rushes over, dropping to her knees and places two fingers to the woman's neck.

"Mum!" she screams, violently shaking the woman, "Mum wake up! Jesus, wake up!" Her shakes get more violent until another voice pulls her attention away.

"Just leave her, she's too fucked."A tall stocky man stands In the doorway at the back of the room, a glowing cigarette hanging from his mouth. Gigi ignores him and continues to shake the woman, shouting at her slightly distraught.

"I said leave her!" the man growls, startling her slightly. I watch him carefully, my eyes zeroing in on him. His dilated pupils scan across to me, "Who the fuck is he?" he points a jagged finger at me.

She ignores him again.

"Don't fucking ignore me!" he screeches, throwing the butt of his cigarette onto the floor and stamping on it aimlessly. Gigi straightens up a little but refuses to make eye contact with the guy.

"None of your fucking business Jason, so why don't you fuck off back to your scummy mates." She growls back, I presume this is her mother and her seemingly nasty boyfriend. Before he can make another snide remark two slightly beefier men appear behind him, one of them holds a knuckle duster between his fingers and the other a bright white scar covering the left side of his face. No doubt they're vicious people.

"I'd watch your fucking mouth Giovanna, I'd hate to have to let a certain someone know you're back on the estate right now." Scar man snarls obviously referring to her fuck up of an Ex. She stops shaking the unconscious figure and rounds the sofa, her jaw clenched tight, fingers balled up beside her. 

"And I'd watch yours, don't think I can't see what you're doing in there. One phone call is all it takes and you and your little business will be behind bars quick than I can say, pathetic dealers."

The man grunts, glaring her down as he dips lower to her level, both of them have smoke running from their ears and the tension is thick. I start to walk over, I know she can handle this it's only when he shoves her I leap over pushing her behind my back. She may be strong and probably stronger than them but they are bulkier and a lot taller than her. White scar squares me up and something in his demeanour changes, he clicks his tongue and walks around us, the other men following in his wake.

"Remember what happens to snitches around here, girl." And he walks out of the door, slamming it behind him. I turn around and grab the top of her arms to steady her swaying. She looks shaken up and I can see how much of a mental tole this is on her, she's lived like this all her life.

"I'm sorry, are you okay?" She raises a hand to my cheek, I kiss the side of her hand and smile gently at her.

"I'm fine, are you okay?" She moves away and goes back to shaking her mom.

"I just need her to wake up, I can feel her pulse but shes just so out of it." I watch again as she frantically shakes her mother, behind me I can hear the creaking of the door and the padding of small footsteps. Luca steps out of the room timidly.

"Hey little man," I say bending down to swipe him up.

"Colton! Does that mean I can come out of my room now? Are they gone? Is Gigi here?" he rambles off as I walk into the living room with him in my arms. Gigi's mother is now starting to come around, gradually opening her eyes.

"Is mummy okay? he cries as she tries to push herself up.

"Mummys fine." Gigi huffs taking him from my arms and walking into the kitchen area, which was even worse. We both froze at the sight, scales and numerous different types of drugs lay on the kitchen table, old food and waste all over the floor, dirty washing falling out of the washing machine. It was disgusting. Even worse when Gigi went to the fridge and opened it to a can of cider, a rotten piece of bread and some sour milk.

"When was the last time you had something to eat Luca?" She turns to him in panic.

"When I went to Uncle Bleus we had pancakes." He smiles sweetly as Gigi's face pales even more.

"That was three days ago." She murmurs, eyes filling with tears, as she stands there in a kind of trance. The thin, paled woman arrives at the door, struggling to stay on her feet. She sways backwards and forwards, trying to light a cigarette.

"I thought I told you not to come back." She slurs with disgust.

"Well I have and now we're leaving and we're not coming back." She sighs, kicking some rubbish out of her way, pulling me to the door frame. She moves in front of Gigi, gripping onto her for support.

"You can't do that. You can't take my son with you." She jabs a finger into Gigi's chest but misses and gets Lucas back instead.

"Your son? Don't make me laugh. I can't fucking believe you. All this," She gestures to the kitchen table with the incriminating evidence of illegal activity, "For what?"

"You wouldn't understand, so go back to being some beaten little housewife." She says blowing smoke into her face, I don't think she's even realised I'm stood right behind them.

"Fuck you." Gigi snares back, right against her mother's crooked nose,      " And no. I don't understand. How a mother could ever neglect her two children so badly for drugs." She goes to move around her mother and manages to get through as she sways into the kitchen table. We move quickly towards the front door but hollow shouts echo around the room.

"YOU CAN'T TAKE HIM. YOU'RE NO DAUGHTER OF MINE. YOU'RE A NASTY BITCH." She spits, clawing her way across the floor in tears, "You tore this family apart Giovanna, you made your dad leave, you can't even hold onto a boyfriend, all your friends hate you and now you're taking my baby. I'll call the police!" She cries in one last final attempt.

"Call the police and you'll go to prison for child abuse. I didn't tear this family apart, you did. I can't keep living in this toxic roundabout of a lifestyle with you, neither can he. Being away and being around people who actually support and love me has made me realise that. So I'm cutting you off, no more money and you can't see Luca. I came here today to try and talk to you and give you the benefit of the doubt but after seeing this... I can't do it anymore." Tears are now streaming violently down her face and I pull her into my side, wrapping my arm around her shoulder.

"See this!" she points at my arm, "This is love and this is support! This is what it feels like and it's the first time I've ever properly experienced it. All I ever got from you was abuse and neglect and I've been too fucking naive to do anything about it.  But being around good caring people has made me realise I've had enough and I will not allow him to be treated the same way. So we are leaving and we are not coming back." And with that, her mother fell to the floor in a psychotic mess and Gigi stormed out of the flat, crying ferociously. I run after her and she doesn't stop until she's out of the estate and around the corner. She puts Luca down on the pavement and cups her face in her hands. I wrap my arms around her as she shakes against my chest. She sobs, her breathing short and choppy but I don't say anything, there's nothing I can say to make this situation much better, I'm starstruck. It really proves how strong my girl is. I rest my chin upon her head and rub her back calmingly trying to push her breathing back into a rhythm.

Her head rests on my shoulder as the tube whizzes away from the station, the noise providing an odd sense of calm. After a while, she looks up at me with her red-rimmed eyes.

"What's the verdict?" She murmurs, confusion lines my brows, "Do you still want to ask me?"

Finally, it clicks and I let out a chuckle, lifting her chin with my finger.

"I told you nothing would change my mind, I want your good, bad, crazy. I want your everything and after today I only want you more. You are a beautiful, crazy and incredibly strong woman, who inspires me daily. So Gigi will you please be mine you goof?"

A smile arises on her lips and she just stares at me for a few long seconds before she swipes her thumb across my cheek.

"It'd be a crime to say no to that smile."

"So that's a yes?" I have to double-check.

"Yes shirt-boy, that's a yes."

Through her sadness, I can see a genuine smile, she sniffles and pushes herself closer to me.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE AN AMAZING DAY
🎄🖤🎄🖤🎄🖤