My phone continuously dials in my ear for a few minutes. Come on Bleu, pick up the sodding phone! I chant inside my head, dangling my bag in-between my teeth, pulling my coat up further onto my shoulders as I take a grip of my phone in my hand again.

The ringing continues as I set off down the street in a brisk walk. Wisps of hair that had fallen out of my bun blow in the chilly air, some damper whisky-smelling stands sticking to my forehead and sides of my face. I really need a shower, I smell like I've just taken a bath in liquor... thinking about it, I technically have. I roll my eyes as images of the American asshole and his pervy friend replay in my mind. The way his dark, icy eyes bored deep into mine and the way his sleeve of tattoos added more definition to his already ripped bicep and-

"Hello?" the rings go silent and Bleu answers, his voice gravelly and low.

"Bleu!" I practically shout down the phone.

"Oh Jesus Gigi, do you know what time it is?"

I pull the phone away from my ear and look at the time. 3:04 AM. Shit. I forgot that normal people don't run on the same fucked up sleep schedule I have.

"Shit. I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you up, but I missed your calls earlier because I was working, and you left a message saying to call you back, so I thought it was important and I better call you back just in case? Is everyone okay?"

I wrap my puffer closer around my body and shove one hand in a pocket.

"Oh, my bad babycakes I completely forgot you work late! I just called to let you know that I saw Jason going into your mums flat today when I was taking Zada down the park."

My breath gets stuck in the back of my throat and anxiety races down through my veins. I stop in the cold night and look up at the stars, using them as a distraction from completely freaking out.

"He was still there when I got back, and dad said there had been a lot of shouting and screaming whilst we were out. He also heard a lot of loud bumps and bangs; he thinks there was a lot of glass items being thrown too. My dad said it stopped suddenly but he couldn't hear if anyone left the flat or not. I didn't know what to do so I thought I'd call you."

He goes quiet and takes a deep breath.

"I went down a bit later to check on Luca and see if he wanted to have tea with Zada at dads but there was no reply when I knocked."

I curse under my breath watching the water vapour float off into the clear sky. I look down at my shoes and rub my temple. I don't know what to do. This isn't the first time something like this has happened and I know it won't be the last but the last time it happened it had been in the day or at the start of the night. Not at 3 in the morning after I've just had a face-off with some American prick. I want to go home get in the shower and get a few hours of quality sleep but as much as I don't want to see my mum right now, I know I need to check on her.

"Thanks, Bleu I'll go around and check on her now, I've still got my keys on me. I'm just leaving work now, so I'll probably be about 40 minutes."

"Alright, do you want me to come in with you? Just in case? I can drive over now and pick you up, it'll be a lot safer, you know I hate you girls walking home at this time of night, but every time I bring it up you two-bite my bloody hands off!"

I chuckle, Bleu's Sofias older brother and since I practically lived with her family for my entire childhood, Bleus also like my big brother and I love him as though he were. He's always looking out for me and he's always treated me the same way he's treated Sof. He even has me saved in his phone as 'Sister G' which melted my heart when he showed me it. Bleu also has a little girl with his wife, Zada, she's my younger brothers age and weirdly enough they've become best friends too. Like I did, my brother spends a lot of time with Bleu and his family.

"It's fine babe, I know how to protect myself, I'm a Hackney girl aren't I?"

I let out a forced laugh to try and lighten the mood a bit.

"Anyway, we both know I could flatten Jason like a bug!"

Jason maybe some lard ass wanker but he's high most the time which would make it easier for me to knock him out cold, I refuse to be scared of the toss bag. On the other end of the line, I hear Bleu laugh lightly then sigh,

"I'd feel a lot better if I came just in case Gi." He says in a whiny tone.

"Honestly Bleu I'll be fine. Can you do me a favour though?"

"Hmmm, depends what it is..." he stops for a minute,

"I'm not dealing with yours and Sofs legal charges again fucks sake."

I laugh, the last time I asked Bleu for a favour, Sof and I had just been arrested by the police. We'd spent all night in a tiny little cell in some dingy part of outer London. I can't even start to think about that night, it takes up too much energy; energy I don't have.

"No,"

I carry on laughing.

"Can you just swing by the flats and take Luca to school with Zada tomorrow morning? If Jason's been round today mum won't be in any kind of fit state to even get up out of bed let alone walk him to school. I know it might be out of your way and I can pick Zada up another day after- "

Bleu calmly stops my frantic rambling.

"Of course, Gi, don't worry your pretty little head about that. I'll pick him up at 6:30 so he can have breakfast with us too"

"Are you sure? I'll give you some petrol money and- "

"Of course, Gigi and you don't owe me a thing, you're family babe."

I smile slightly at the end of his sentence.

"Thank you, thank you, Thank you! Bleu I've got to go I'm just coming to the tube station so i'll probably lose signal in a bit. I'll talk to you tomorrow okay?"

"No worries, text me when you get to the flats, and then when you get home! Love you loads trouble, Bye"

"Love you too Bleuy, Bye"

I hang up the phone and slide it into my tote bag hanging off my shoulder as I reach the tube station. I head past the small newsagents locked up with a large metal fence and over to the barriers. I fished around in my pocket for my oyster card and place it on the top of the barrier. The gates swing open and a gust of air blows between my legs. I get onto the top of the descending escalator towards the Victoria line platforms and take my earphones out of my bag, and put them into my ears before I reach the end of the escalator. I make my way out onto the platform, Warm air hits my rosy cheeks, warming them up slightly from the harsh February weather. The platforms fairly deserted which is to be expected on a Tuesday night, or Wednesday morning, but the quiet brings a sense of calm. I love riding the tube after I've finished work. I can just turn off and listen to my music, forget for an hour who I am and pretend I'm in a music video.

Joining the platform, a gaggle of girls who are pretty sloshed, half of them have their heels in their hand hands and the other half are stumbling over each other. There's glitter running down their faces and rings of black under their eyes, they let out squawk like giggles as one of them collapses on the floor. I roll my eyes and push myself up from the hard bench I had been sat on as feel a tube coming.

A force of warm air runs past my body, the whips of my hair blowing sideways. The Tube comes hurtling around the corner stopping quickly at the edge of the platform. The doors swing open as I cross the yellow line and take a seat on the empty carriage.

I lean back into the bare seat watching the platform whir out of view and replaced by black that consumed the dimly lit carriage. I hit shuffle on one of my more recent playlists and Maisie Peters fills my ears. I release a deep breath and close my eyes enjoying the quietness of the tube in the early mornings, it brings calm and usually helps me wind down after work. Sometimes I'll sit and write lyrics between my stops, finding a weird sense of inspiration from the silence and clicking of the train on the track or the unusual people who join me some nights. I wonder where they've been or where they're going, what they're like, if their mass murderers or if they have a family waiting at home. They're my favourite songs to write, ones about random people on the tube. But tonight, I'm finding it hard to enjoy the peace and calm because I have no idea what's waiting for me when I open the door to the small council flat in Hackney. I open my eyes again, agitated, as the tube pulls into the third station, which like the past stations is deserted.

I get off the train at Highbury and Islington and find my way onto the overground tube that goes in the direction of Hackney. I watch as grey, tall skyscrapers fly past the windows. As we get further from Central London the tall, expensive, glass-windowed towers become harder to find and flat blocks and weathered building start to appear more frequently. Each one looking more shit than the last as we travel faster towards the end of the line.

I hop off the train at Hackney Central and walk through the empty station on the other side of the tracks.

It's a good 20-minute walk from the station to the Nightingale estate, I always underestimate the time it takes to get here, but as I enter the estate the same feelings of fear and unwanted nostalgia fill my body. I hate it here, I always have, Sof and I couldn't wait to get out, start fresh somewhere new and exciting. Somewhere safer, where there's no fear of getting shot or bottled on your way home from school. Somewhere you didn't have to pass obvious drug dealers when you're taking your younger siblings to school. Somewhere fucking normal and sane. If I could, I wouldn't come back to this place at all. I'd pack my bags and move to somewhere like Los Angeles. The land of the fucking free.

I walk through the estate passing damaged bikes and parts of children's toys just lying on the floor, broken. I step over loose syringes lying on the floor and large shards of a green bottle. I quicken my pace finding myself now deep in the concrete jungle of flat blocks. Around here most people live the life of crime or they don't really live. You're lucky to get out and become something. Anything at all.

It was always mine and Sofia's biggest dream to get out of Hackney. When we were younger, we'd joke about our future and our dreams. We said we'd live in Los Angeles in a big house with a pool and several pink and yellow cars in the driveway. I would be some big sell-out singer and Sofia would have her own clothing lines and end up owning a company as big as Gucci, as well as being my personal stylist on the side. We'd live happily and freely, providing enough to get our family's out of this place too and they'd live in big houses too, close to us in America. When your ten I guess anything is possible, you don't know the meaning of hardship, you don't even know the proper meaning of rent.

I smile thinking about the unrealistic dreams we used to have but my smile fades as I reach my old flat block. I take a deep breath before heading towards my mum's flat door. I wrestle round in my bag for my keys and cautiously place them in the keyhole. Turning them gently as I push the door open with apprehension. With a creek the heavy door gives way, casting the light from the yellow-lit building hallway into the front room of my mums flat.

I stand still in the doorway, smoke fumes wafting around my face from the half-lit cigarette that lay in the ashtray on the table. The small TV in the corner of the room illuminating the empty bottles of cheap liquor scattered on the floor. Smashed picture frames lay on the floor besides half-broken bottles and large kitchen utensils that were probably thrown during their fight. I sigh and walk into the flat, closing the door quietly behind me making sure not to wake my mother lying face down on the sofa, the neck of a wine bottle leaning against her fingertips. The two-bedroom flat is tiny, but she still can't manage to bloody clean it. It's not like she doesn't have time either, she sits at home all day either getting pissed or high.

There's piles of dirty washing at the far end of the room, empty wrappers and random bits of food spread around the floor. Cigarette butts lay aimlessly over the cushioned sofa and trod into the carpet. The only good thing about this room is Jason's not in it. Knowing Jason wasn't here I felt a lot more relaxed and less on edge. Now I can go home to my bed and still get a good few hours of sleep. I look around at the room and groan. It's a fucking mess.

I turn the TV off knowing that leaving it on would leave a hefty dent in her electricity bill this month, the one she still can't afford to pay as she still doesn't have a fucking job. I stand in front of it taking in how bad the room actually looks; it's a fucking tip and it'll only get worse.

I run to the kitchen in search of black bin bags. I riffle through the kitchen cupboards trying to find them. There's a pile of clean clothes that had just been dumped out of the washing machine and onto the floor, still wet and food stains and more cigarette butts rest among the kitchen counters and table. It looks like a landfill in here.

My eyes water at the potent smell coming from the overfilling bin that looked like it hadn't been emptied in months, cartons and packaging piled around the sides of it. Light seeps out from the slightly agar fridge door, I open it wider to find absolutely fuck all. She hasn't even got any food in. How the fuck is she looking after her child when she hasn't even got any bloody food in! I slam the door shut in frustration and then I hear the sound of small feet padding down the hallway and into the kitchen.

"Gigi?" A small whisper says from the doorway.

I turn to find my little brother clutching his balding teddy I got him for his third birthday to his side, dressed in his dirty pyjamas.

His honey brown curls are dangling in his small eyes and his body begins to shiver, my mum probably spent the money I gave her for the water bill on booze. I feel crushed when he starts to shift from foot to foot in an attempt to create some kind of warmth.

"Hey, baby!" I say smiling rushing over to pick him up in my arms.

I swing his body onto my side and begin to walk him back to his bedroom.

"I'm sorry I woke you up!" I whisper in his small ear.

"It's okay Gigi I was having a bad dream anyway. What are you doing here?" he asks rubbing his eyes, I smile sweetly at him.

"I'm just doing a bit of cleaning for mummy okay?"

"But it's the night? Can't you clean in the day? Then I can see you!" he exclaims as I drop him softly into his bed.

I pull the Spiderman covers over his body and crouch down to face him. I brush his spiral curls out of his deep blue eyes with my hand. Luca smiles at me, his small dimples appearing in his cheeks.

"I can't baby I have to work tomorrow," his face falls and I can feel a dull ache form in my chest.

There's not a day when I don't wish I could just bundle him up in a warm blanket and take him away with me. Take him somewhere he can have a better life. One with clean fucking pyjamas.

"But uncle Bleu is going to come and pick you up tomorrow and take you to his so you and Zada can have breakfast before he takes you to school" his dimples quickly appear again.

"Really! Uncle Bleu always makes us pancakes for breakfast when I'm there!" his eyes light up with excitement.

"Does he? Well, make sure you eat one for me tomorrow okay?"

I know that when he goes to Bleus, he always overfeeds him because we both know he doesn't get fed properly at home. There wasn't even a slice of bread in that kitchen.

"I always do Gigi because I know pancakes are your favourite," he says as he yawns.

I bend down to kiss him on his cheek and continue to stroke his head as his eyes flutter shut.

"Goodnight Lukey" I whisper as I get up to go back to the kitchen.

"Can I see you soon Gigi, I miss you" he whispers once I reach the doorway.

"Of course! I'll see you soon baby" I whisper back without turning around to face him, out of fear ill start crying.

The only thing that brings me back to Hackney, is Luca. I hated the fact I was leaving him in this shithole with a good-for-nothing mother. I wanted to bring him to live with me, Sofia and Jacob but I wouldn't be able to look after him properly with two jobs. Mum and I also fell out over it, she said she'd call the police if I tried to take him. I felt selfish, I still do, he's stuck here whilst I'm halfway across the city.

Luca was born when I was sixteen, I've practically raised him considering my mum was either too high, drunk or running off with her most recent of boyfriends to actually care for him. I love him as if he were my own child and leaving him was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I try and see him as much as I can but at the same time, I also try and avoid my mother and her current boyfriend Jason. I hate coming back to hackney and avoid it when I can. When I do get to see Luca, I ask Bleu to drop him round to my flat in Islington. Sometimes we bake or go for a walk in the park or sometimes we just sit and do his homework. But I treasure every moment I spend with him.

I walk back into the kitchen and decide to start cleaning in there first, pulling out the cleaning sprays and yellow marigolds. In total it takes a good hour to just skim the surface on the dirt in the living room and kitchen. I've used so much beach I think I might be high on the fumes.

I even went down to the twenty-four-hour Tesco to pick up some basic food for the fridge, I spent one of my paychecks but at least I know Luca will hopefully be fed properly.

I finish up in the sitting room and dispose of the black bag full of glass bottles along with the months old kitchen bin waste. Just as I'm about turn the handle on the door and make my getaway- my mother stirs on the sofa. I freeze, squeezing my eyes tight shut, my heart pounding in my ears. She soon settles and I turn around to look at her, I'm glad she didn't wake up as I really don't have the energy to talk to her right now so Instead I grab the blanket from the back of the sofa and drape it across her corpse-like body. I finish putting the blanket around her body and notice the fresh bruises lining her arms and face. I place my hand on her cold cheek and kiss her lightly on the forehead, smelling the liquor on her breath.

When Bleu said there had been banging, I already knew what he had done, it's a regular thing, I haven't seen my mum without any kind of bruise on her skin for years now. I've begged my mum to get rid of Jason or even come and move into my tiny flat with me for a bit if she was scared but she just ignores me all the time and changes the subject.

Jason's a pig but my mum just can't be on her own, she always has to have someone on her arm or in her bed. She feels like she has to have a boyfriend to feel some kind of validation and love.

I stand up from the sofa and make my way out of the door into the chilly early morning air. The sun is peaking up behind the high-rise building and the birds are chirping from the bare tree branches. I plug my earphones in and check the time, it's just gone five to six. All I want to do is get home and sleep the day away, but I start work again at eight thirty and I know the commute back home is going to be worse as commuters will be starting to arrive in the city at this time. I head back through the estate begin my journey back to Islington.

Hey guys! Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes!

I really enjoyed writing this chapter and its a long one too! Nearly 4000 words but I hope you enjoyed it and got a deeper look into Gigi's life!

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Thanks for reading!

Iz x