"I can't believe how... mature you are... my little Giovanna... so grown up... and loved and listened too by so many." He smiles.

Is this some sick joke? The tears rush down my cheeks and he quickly steps forward with his arms open ready to pull me in.

"Don't!" I say stepping back. His face quickly overcome with visible disappointment and shock. Sixteen years I've been waiting for this moment, the chance to ask him so many questions he left unanswered. What happened? Why didn't he come back? Did he even care about me? Why did he even leave!?

For so long I hoped something forced him to leave, he didn't have a choice and he didn't just leave his four-year-old daughter and partner, I hoped he dint leave just because he wanted to. I hoped one day he'd come back and I'd just run into his arms and hug him like I was when I was four. But now, my breath hitches in my throat, I feel like I'm going to throw up. Everythings spinning, I need it to stop.

It's all blurry, I can't catch a breath, I'm going to be sick.

I can't let them see me like this.

I turn around and barrel down the hallway looking for the first available door. I throw myself into a dressing room and collapse against it, sliding down until I hit the floor. I bury my head in my hands and sob loudly.

Why now? Why's he back? I was doing fine without him.

My nails dig into my palms and I resist the urge to start hurting myself. Old habits die hard I guess.

I can still remember him walking away from the small house we lived in, my four-year-old body wailing for him to come back. Anto holding my struggling arms as I cried into his shirt. I wasn't meant to see him leave, he was meant to be gone before I got home from school but I caught him just as I was getting home. He wasn't even going to say bye. He was just going to leave. It was his fault mum is as bad as she is. It's his fault I never had clean school clothes or a full packed lunch. It was his fault I spent years hiding and pretending I was fine. It was his fault I had no one to protect me from...

I've spent every single year after that trying to block him out, trying to forget the constant arguing between him and my mum being my last memory of him, trying to forget the man who was supposed to love me. The man who broke my heart before any boy could. Every fathers day was spent envying those who got to celebrate. I was never able to make a fathers day card in primary school like the rest of my class because I didn't have one to give it too. In the end, I used to just send them to Anto, I knew he was grateful and always tried to be my father figure but he missed his best friend too. They grew up together and were practically brothers and he left him too. Where was he when I started secondary school and got bullied profusely? When I developed chronic anxiety and had to struggle with depression? When I couldn't make it to school because I had horrific panic attacks or couldn't get out of bed because I felt like it'd be better if I didn't go on. When I had to drop out of university to help my mum? When I started working two jobs to pay for her addiction issues. Where was he when I started to hurt myself? When I was beat-

And where was he when I finally got signed, finally got given a chance? Where was he when I needed him?

My whole body now shaking violently. The soft smells of mint and citrus fill the room, Coltons made it to my side and clasped his arms around my body, his chin resting on my head as he strokes my hair. I take a fistful of his shirt and cry violently into his chest. To say I'm embarrassed is an understatement, I hate looking so weak but at this moment I need Colton more than I would ever care to admit. He holds me tightly, not saying anything or loosening his grip, a wave of safety floats through my body. He holds my head close to his chest, his fingers caressing my tear-soaked cheeks.

"Listen to my heartbeat okay? You're okay, I'm here, just listen to my heart." I do as he instructs and listen to the thumping from beneath his ribcage,

"That's it, deep slow breaths doll," He soothes into my ear," It's okay, listen and breath." He runs his hand up and down my back as my breathing starts to slow. He puts both his hands on my face and pushes me back gently so he can look at me. I try and turn away from his face, I'm being so selfish, he probably hates me and I shouldn't be dragging him into this shit. He strokes my cheek with his thumb, wiping the tears from my blotchy skin, my body still tremoring.

"Hey sweetheart look at me, who is that?" He asks sincerely.

I try and push the words out of my mouth but I just end up in sobs again, Colton pulls me into his chest, soothing me again,

"Its okay Will's going to get rid of him," Do I want him gone? I don't know? The only thing I do know is I don't want to leave Colton's arms, his strong heavily inked biceps lock around my fame proving warmth and safety.

"Come on, lets get out of here." He says pulling me up with him, he delicately wipes under my eyes with his finger then grabs my hand, intertwining our fingers, pulling me out of the room staying close to my person.

"Here you go doll." Colton smiles pushing a cold diet coke across the kitchen island in his suite. He smiles warmly then leads me over to the sofa in the lounge-like area in front of a massive flat-screen TV. Neither of us says anything, he just brings me down to sit next to him, my head on his chest and his arms securely around me.

"Do you want to see what's on?" Colton says picking up the TV remote and turning the TV on to some American reality TV channel. I can't just sit here pretending everything's fine, I hurt him and he's still trying to help me, I'm the most selfish person I know.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, tears building at my lashline, he tenses under my head then bring me up to look at him, his brows are furrowed and his icy blue eyes are lined with...compassion and... guilt?

"Why? Believe it or not, I'm not just going to sit there whilst you-"

"No not about this, I'm sorry I hurt you Colton and I ignored you and was just so mean to you, it's just I didn't want to get distracted and I need to focus, I really need to focus, I'm just so sorry-" rivers are now flowing down my cheeks as Colton engulfs me in a hug, letting my cry into his shirt again as he strokes my back.

"I'm sorry Spiller, I've been such a dick this week too, I just-" He stops himself and just hold me, I feel like he wants to proceed but somethings stopping him. I squeeze his hand.

"I did miss you this week," I whisper into his shirt. He lightly kisses the top of my head, tingles surge through my spine.

"Yea I missed you too Gigi." He sighs, " I don't understand though, You are focused, having fun isn't a distraction! You're so hard working already... why do you have this... need to focus?" He says looking down into my teary eyes. I sit up, his hand still intertwined in mine.

"Exactly! I can't be having fun whilst my-" I pause and shut my mouth quickly, I want to tell him, he's hand rubs my arm slowly, I know it's selfish but I trust him, I just hope he stays,

"That man... back at the stadium." I take a deep breath letting the tears surface, Colton pulls me onto his lap encouragingly.

"I'm not going anywhere doll, take your time." He murmurs into my neck. Well here goes,

"He's my dad." Coltons eyes visibly widen, "He left me and my mum when I was four, he left and never came back. He never called, wrote, visited. Nothing, the last time I saw him was when he walked away from our little house just leaving us behind with no explanation. Seeing him today... just hurt. Like whys, he comes back now? I needed my dad and he wasn't there." I cry, Colton stays silent just wiping my tears, he places a kiss on my knuckles.

"I'm sorry for going into a full-blown panic attack, it just bought back... bad feelings and-"

"Don't ever apologise." He looks at me sternly, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a turn on...

"It was after he left that... things got... bad which gives me the reason for why I can't get distracted..." Colton notices my body tense and cups in shaking hands in his, "So uh, after my dad left my mum was obviously upset, I mean things weren't great whilst he was here. They would argue constantly about my mum and her... issues. Anyway, after he left my mum fell into this depressed state and her addiction issues got worse, at first, she would just drink herself into oblivion but after a few weeks, she realised it wasn't enough and started taking hardcore drugs. I was only four so I didn't have much of an idea about what was going on until she lost her job. She wasn't turning up to work because she would have been out all night getting high and blacked out when she got home. So after she lost her job we lost the house and were forced to move down Hackney into a Council flat." His fingertips swirl on my palm, paying close attention to every word I'm saying.

"Hackneys the kind of place where you once you get there, you don't leave. There's a reason Clapton High Street's called the murder mile. After we moved into that flat things just kept going downhill, mum had a flow of new boyfriends, usually drug dealers and low-lives, she forgot she had a daughter. I don't blame her, it was hard once he left and living in a place like that is...fucking awful. I became self-dependent, you know, taking myself to school by five, cooking, cleaning, doing the food shop with any kind of change I could find, or every day I just wouldn't eat. Not until I met Sofia, she moved into the flat above us a few months after us and we've been friends ever since. Her dad and brother are my dad and brother, I basically because a piece of furniture in their flat. It was like that for my entire childhood and adolescent years, I couldn't wait to leave, get out of Hackney. Sofia and I were going to move out as soon as we turned eighteen, we were both going to go to Uni and live better lives. But when I was sixteen my mum fell pregnant with Luca, my little brother. I took her to all her appointments and as soon as I saw his little bean-like body on the sonogram knew I had to do I could to protect him, insure his life was better than mine, I didn't want him to have to go through what I did, I wanted him to go to school every day with a full lunch and clean school clothes, I wanted him to feel safe at home, to have someone physically and cared for him. So when he was born that was what I did, I promised him I'd always look after him and I did. As soon as we left the hospital with this tiny baby, mum went straight back to her old ways, drinking, doing drugs and dating random men, I raised Luca on my own and I wouldn't have changed it for the world. He is my everything. Anyway since I was bringing up Luca it meant me and Sofia couldn't move out like we wanted too, so we stayed in Hackney the fucking hell hole. We still applied to university and Things my surprise I got a full-ride scholarship to study music performance, I could stay at home, work at Nikis and study. I finally thought things were going to start getting brighter and better for us until my mum met this guy. He was an ass, like a major dick. He was nasty and physically abusive, always doing his drug 'business' in our flat with tones of... strange men coming in and out..."

I take a breath, trying not to burst into tears,

"Strange, high men that would do shitty things. With the abuse and hosting tones of people in the flat, mums habits got worse and more expensive as did the bills. I had to drop out of Uni and get my second job at Berkeleys just to keep up. I was absolutely devastated, my dream has always been to be a performer and I felt it just ripped right from me in that one moment. Things carried on like that for a while until this guy finally packed up and left my mum, I'm still not sure why but that obviously put my mum into her depressive state again. When I was nineteen I moved out for a while, but it didn't... work out.

"I bite my cheek, I can't go into that yet,

"So when that finally... ended I moved out to Islington with Sof and Jacob, I couldn't stay in Hackney anymore, my mum had just got with this guy called Jason, another abuse prick and she was worse than ever, I just couldn't stay there anymore especially after-" My breath hitches, I can't, not yet. Colton senses my struggle,

"It's okay, is it to do with that ex? The one you told me about in Spain?" I just let the tears flow,

"I can't... I'm sorry." I whisper, he nods in understanding and kisses my forehead again.

"So uh, moving out was the hardest thing I ever did, even though I was only like thirty minutes away I still felt like I was betraying him by leaving him alone, so I make sure I see him as much as I can, without having to see my mum. So leaving for tour was a big deal, he's living in hell at the moment and I'm having fun. I feel so selfish, I should be focusing on work so I can give him a better life and rescue him from that hell hole. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you before I just really didn't want to drag you into all my shit, I totally understand if you just want to get up and run. I carry a lot of fucking baggage." I'm now sobbing. It feels so weird being finally able to tell someone, I know I haven't told him everything but I don't think I can handle anything else tonight. I expect him to just turf me out into the hallway and slam the door in my face and I honestly would understand but too my surprise he engulfs me in the most warming bear hug and squeezes the remaining air out of my lungs.

"You Giovanna, you're amazing. You're caring and kind and the most unselfish person I've ever met. Sure we got off to a bad start, but I'd never regret meeting you. You light up a room when you walk into it and you've helped me more than you'll ever know. You're so strong... and fuck... you're just so amazing. He's so lucky to have someone like you in his life." He nuzzles into my neck and kisses my cheek softly, stopping the tears.

"Thank you... for listening to me and not...running away." I lean against his chest again listening to his heart beating quick.

"I'd never run away from you." He whispers back to me, his voice lulling me into a calm.

I missed Colton, his cheeky smile and sweet words, his pathetic humour and gorgeous biceps. I missed his ability to say the right thing, the ability to calm me down and make me feel so safe and happy.

I feel my eyelids getting heavy listening to his rhythmic breathing as my head lifts up and down with his chest. His fingers make small circles on my back and his fresh citrus scent flows around my body. My body's starting to drift off but not before Colt's big strong arms lift me up off his lap and start walking me towards his room, I don't even protest, I'm too tired and achy. He places me down on the soft duvet and removes my trainers, placing them at the foot of my bed. He then removes my false eyelashes and places the on the bedside table. His lips near my ear, "Goodnight spiller." He whispers making goosebumps rise all over my body then places a tender kiss on my temple, butterfly swim around my stomach... oh boy. He turns to leave but I roll over and grab his arm,

"Wait... can you like stay... I just uh, don't really want to be alone right now..." I whisper hesitantly.

He pauses for a moment, "Sure." I watch as he removes the T-shirt from his body and drops it to the floor, it's dark but I can still see his sculpted body. He peels back the duvet and wriggles in beside me, at first he just lays there and I listen to his heart thumping in his chest but then his fingers start to explore my arms, they run up and down tracing circles until he stops and runs them back and forth over my wrist, feeling the raised lines. Fuck.

I immediately pull away but I know he's felt them, silent tears make their way down my cheeks, they burn with humiliation and I daren't look at him.

"Gigi..." He whispers in my ear, then flips me around quickly so I'm inches from his face, "What are those." He doesn't sound angry, more concerned. I feel like I've let him down again. I let out a muffled cry and close my eyes as tight as I can, he just pulls me into his bare chest and strokes my hair again.

"I'm sorry." I cry again, his grip only tightens on me. He doesn't pressure me to say anymore just comforts me until my stupid ass stops crying again. I lie there in his arms for what feels like hours, just the sound of his breathing and heartbeat, the soft touch of his fingers and the security of him next to me. I glance over at him, his eyes are closed, I glance at the swirls of ink that cover his gorgeous skin. I place my fingers on his bicep and trace the old fashioned clock that's etched into his skin, the clogs of it twisting into the vines of roses, I follow the rose petals with the tips of my fingers. His warm skin sends waves of electricity through my hands. I delicately trace the rose vines into a skull, feeling the outline like it's silk, my thumb follows my fingers running across his skin until I get to a set of roman numerals, I run my thumb over the lines.

"What do these mean," I whisper, I know he's awake. I could see his lips forming a smirk the more I traced his arm.

"They are my nieces birthdays, in roman numerals." His gravelly voice says into my ear. He has nieces...? My heart swells, my ovaries explode thinking about Colton with babies... holy shit. Stop Gigi!

"What about this one?" I trace my fingers over the roses again, making small circles on the petals.

"Me and my brother have similar ones, it was the start of my sleeve, yellow roses are my moms favourite, I guess that was the inspiration behind it." He husks in my ear, eyes still closed.

"Smart woman, my favourite are white roses, they're just so pure." I sigh thinking about the last time I received flowers... never.

"She really is." He sighs slowly opening his crystal eyes, he smiles slightly and scans my face, I know he finds it hard talking about his family.

I run my fingers all the way down his arm until I reach his hand, picking it up and admiring the intricate detail of a lions head that sits on the back, he quickly intertwines my fingers with his and lays them gently on the bed.

"Strength of a lion." He says quietly as he removes his hand from mine and fastens it around my waist, I enjoy the warmth and security it provides. His hand moves up my back sending chills through my body.

"Your so gorgeous." He says quietly before closing his eyes again and placing a kiss on my forehead.

Oh boy, my stomach flutters releasing hundreds of butterfly, my pulse quickens graciously and a smile swallows my face.

He thinks I'm... gorgeous?

I lay there in his arms, feeling his chest move up and down, listing to his steady heartbeat. I don't want to spend time away from Colton again, it was torturous. I missed him all the time... in a way, I haven't felt before. Not in the way I miss Sofia and not in the way I miss Luca. It was like a need... I felt safe and happy around Colton, I felt good and different, I felt at ease, I trust him and it felt good to tell him everything tonight. It's like he awakens something in me, something that died a while ago, and I like it. I like him.

Wait... I like him... I like him more... more than a friend. Oh shit.

I like Colton more than a friend and I can't like him more than a friend... I just can't. 

Hey guys! This chapter was so emotional and I did shed a few tears writing it! I really hope you enjoyed it and undertand Gigis background and past, all she's trying to do is her best :(

Please vote and give me a follow! 

Hope you enjoyed 

Iz x