The first show of the tour in London was galvanizing, moments that will be etched into my memories forever. Waiting on the ramp to go onto the stage I had my heart in my mouth, I could hear the low hum of collective chatter from the audience, the smell of smoke filled my nose as the fog machine started up,then...darkness. The arena lights blinked off and the audience started to cheer, I couldn't hear over the thumping in my ears, I could feel the ground underneath me spinning, I couldn't get my feet to move until I felt a hand on the small of my back. Coltons hand and encouraging smile, he winked at me and nod. His touch sent a wave of confidence through my spine. I filled my lungs with as much air as I could muster and took the mic from a small man in black wearing some headset.

"You've got this Spiller." He shouted over his voice clear over the forever growing roar of the audience, his words made my heart fuzz a little... his words gave me that last bit of encouragement I needed he was right, I could do this. This is what I want to do. How'd you do that Colton Jax...

The rest of the set was a subliminal blur. The lights hit me and the music powered through my body awakening me, it felt so natural and so unrealistic, but it was realistic and I was finally- as cliché as it sounds, living my dream! The rows of people filling the arena were singing my songs! The songs I wrote on a tube or in the storage room at Niki's. They knew all the words and sung along! That night I had an epiphany, I need to work on the future and work on myself because that night on that stage I was happy... it felt right... like I've always belonged there.

I couldn't say the same about leaving Luca, I watched from the tour bus window after the show, his little hands waving the busses off whilst tears trickled down his face, I felt all happiness crumble down into a shitty heap and spent the whole night crying into my pillow, I've called him a few times since we left and Bleu said he was upset and quiet at first but he's doing better now, just hearing his little voice on the phone makes my endorphins flow out in bursts.

I will forever be thankful for what Colton did for me the other night, and actually, ever since, he comes to my dressing room nearly every night just to see if I'm okay and have a conversation with me to take my mind off things. I feel like I hardly know who he is anymore, he's funny and gentle, he's the one person on this tour that when I'm with him I don't feel so alone or homesick.

We've been touring for a week now and we've already been to four different countries, each night seems to get better than the last and every night I hear the audience singing my songs! My EP is still at No.1 in the UK and has climbed to No.5 in the US, my EP has officially been in the charts for a whole week! Wills even talking to the label about having my own pre-show meet and greets since he thinks the demand will be high enough. However I still feel like a bit of an outcast amongst the crew and staff, I don't talk to many people and I tend to ride alone when we travel, it seems Colton does that too. He doesn't talk to the crew or any of the staff and the only times I see him go out are to nightclubs and when he brings back all too willing girls. It's all making me feel pretty lonely and homesick but I'm meant to be meeting Colton to do some writing today which will take my mind off it.

"Well good morning Spiller, what a fine morning it is in... actually where are we?" He asks rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, I roll my eyes and shake my head before taking another bite of my buttered toast.

"Antwerp you idiot, late night?" I say, immediately wondering why I said that, I already know he had a late night, I could hear the banging against the hotel room wall until about three am. I feel my face heat up, thinking about Colton ban-

"Uh, something like that.." he says awkwardly sitting down on the bench next to me in the makeshift cafeteria which is really a large cinderblock lockerroom under the area usually used for sports teams. He's sat nonchalantly without a shirt on, his abs flex as he wriggles on the hard bench, I can't help but watch the ink move up and down on his toned body, I just want to trace the delicate drawings with my fingers, how anyone can't find him attractive is unbeknownst to me. I've already felt what it's like to have him on top of me once... Jesus Christ stops Gigi.

"Where the fuck is Anter- whatever?" he asks drawing my attention away from his gorgeous body and back to my toast.

" Antwerp! Uh its Belgium I think, I don't know I failed geography at school." I shrug taking another nibble on the crust,

"Figures..." He snickers under his breath

"Hey! You little shit!" I say punching his flexed upper arm, it feels like I just hit a brick wall, he laughs at me clutching my quiet possibly shuttered knuckles, " and would it kill you to put a bloody shirt on?" He raises one of his eyebrows

"Why does it distract you doll?" He tenses his abdomen,

Yes.

"No.. its just people want to eat without you sitting half-naked!" Good save Gigi. He narrows his eyes at me smirking then winks, sending goosebumps all over my skin. Control yourself, my god!

"Ah, so this is the cafeteria, where all you commoners eat... don't act like they don't enjoy it, either." He scans the room, and wiggles his biceps, winking at me. "Full of character, I should definitely eat here more." He flashes his cocky smile obviously being sarcastic,

"Yes, you should. Get off your danm high horse and eat amongst us commoners. We might not have your fancy salmon served with a gold leaf sire but we do have buttered toast." I do a mock posh accent, he rolls his eyes then quick as lightning leans across me and grabs my last slice of toast. His non-snatching arm lay across my chest, its heavy as fuck but I kinda like it there... oh my god what is wrong with me.

"Hey!" I try and reach for my toast but he's already shovelling it into his mouth,

With a full mouth, he manages to get out,

"Eh, kinda stale." I shove him and scowl, he finishes his mouthful and laughs at me.

"Come on we've got writing to do Spitfire." He bounces off the bench and walks out of the door like nothing ever even happened. I just sit there gobsmacked.

"Are you still fucking sulking Spiller?" He asks, we're sat cross-legged on the studio floor and he has a guitar perched in his lap, he leans on the instrument with a sexy smile.

"Come on! Stop being dramatic! It was just bloody toast." He leans the guitar on the sofa edge and crosses his arms scowling intently at me.

I roll my eyes, "You do. Not. take another person's toast... you... bread thief!"

I already want to shove the supposed insult back into my mouth,

"Bread theif... well thank fuck you're better at writing then you are insults!" He furrows his eyebrows at me almost concerned for my sanity, "Speaking of which, we need to carry on." He taps his pen on the paper in front of him, only half-filled with lyrics,

"Ooo sorry, who'd thought Shirt boy was so focused and serious..." I jab at him,

"For your information, Colton Jax is very focused and serious!" He says in a defensive tone.

"Oh really..?" I say giggling. Who still refers to themselves in the third person?

"Yes. Jesus Gigi you barely even know me so how would you know anyway?" Welp really hit a nerve there, disgust drips from his words, which does make me feel guilty. I don't actually know that much about him other than he's cocky, sexy and steals peoples toast. Silence fills the room and Colton just fiddles with a guitar string, now he's sulking like an immature child.

"Tell me about you then!" I burst out... time to start knocking those bricks down, Colton looks up from his lap, looking puzzled.

"Just google me." He says bluntly.

I roll my eyes, "No Cocky, I want you to tell me, tell me about CJ, not The Colton Jax" I lean closer to him, pleading.

"God you're annoying, why would I want to tell you about me anyway, what do I get in return?" He places the instrument down,

"What do you mean you imbecile? The privilege of being my friend!" I scowl at him,

"Aw fwends! Gee! I didn't realise you care that much about me!" he places his hand on his heart sarcastically mocking me, I scowl at him.

"Alright how about a question for a question then?" I nod, only seems fair.

"I'll go first though, as it was my idea. So CJ, tell me about your homeland...where are you from, I know you're from America but whereabouts? Did you grow up with any siblings?" I say leaning forward actually very intrigued to hear his answers, I wouldn't be surprised if he was an only child with his entitled attitude sometimes.

"Firstly, that was like three questions so I get three in return!" I roll my eyes and nod, it's always so competitive with him, "Okay so, I grew up in Calabasas with my family, but I currently live in a penthouse near downtown LA and I have a house in the hills. And I grew up with four siblings. Happy?" He rattles off quickly.

He must come from a bloody wealthy family if he grew up in Calabasas! I don't need geography to know that... only KUWTK. And four siblings! What?

"What are they like? Your siblings? Where does baby Colton come!" I ask enthusiastically.

" I am child three of five."

"Middle child that explains a lot," I mumble under my breath.

"Jess is a Doctor, Elijahs currently COO of my dad's company, Arrow is still in high school and Arlo is in elementry school." I'm about to ask more when he directs the question back to me, he obviously doesn't like talking about his family very much... considering I didn't even know he had one.

"What about you, I know you've got your brother but are there any more?"

Just thinking about Luca made my heart squeeze painfully, I don't answer, I just sit in silence trying to hold the tears back. I wonder how he's doing? If he's been feed today? If his homework's being done? If he's in clean clothes?

"Sorry I'll ask-" Colton says awkwardly sensing the struggle written on my face,

"No it's okay, I just miss him... Uh, it's just me and him in London but my godfather, Anto, his kids are like my younger siblings, I love them just as much!"

"Oh, yea, how many of them are there?"

"There's four of them, Marcello- computing genius, Apollo- next David Beckham, Jade- A complete diva and Alessio- who is as mad as a box of frogs." I chuckle thinking about his chubby hands running a toy truck across a table at Antonio's.

"Defiantly... unusual names." He chuckles

"Antonios Italian so he wanted cultural names."

"Like yours... Giovanna right?" I look at him surprised, how did he know that?

"Right..." I say slowly,

"I heard you on the phone a few weeks ago." he tries to explain,

"Giovanna Euterpe Lastra," I say proudly, barely anyone knows my middle name since its so rare and kind of weird,

"Euterpe?" He exclaims,

"She was a muse in Greek mythology, presided over music. In classical times she was named muse of lyric poetry." I giggle nervously, Colton stares at me, he looks so intrigued by my story, it's cute.

"That's such a fitting name, it's beautiful." He finally says. I can feel a blush rise to my cheeks, I try and hide it with my hair.

"Do you miss them?" I blurt out. "Your family? You said the other day you understood what I was like..." He takes a deep breath and looks at the floor, this is usually as deep as he goes, I'm expecting him to change the subject any second now but-

"Yea. I miss my siblings and my mom, we were all really close growing up and..." He pauses, pain spreading through his eyes, I put my hand on his arm,

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me," I say quietly.

"When I got signed... I left straight away, I was only sixteen so it hurt a lot of them. Of course, they were happy for me, well most of them were. But with my schedule and all the fame, I kind of neglected them. I used to skip family trips or miss big family dinners. I'd ignore phone calls because I simply thought they weren't worth my time. God, it sounds so awful. I was just following what the label wanted..." His voice trails off, he sounds like he's about to cry. I take his hand in between mine and squeeze it, I can hear the guilt and regret in his voice, the slight wobble it carries, the angle his head points to the ground. The sacrifices he's made just to follow what the label wanted. He squeezes my hand back and we just sit next to each other,

"You're not a bad person Colt, sixteen is such a young and impressionable age, I don't know them personally but if they put up with your arrogant ass for sixteen years they probably love you!" I say softly.

"Do you judge me...?" He practically whispers, "I see how you are with your brother, your such an amazing, caring person Gigi... ." With my hands still cupping his, I turn to him,

"Of course I don't judge you! I know what it's like to make sacrifices and to be so heavily influenced by something you make the wrong choices. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, it just means you taken the wrong turn... everyone does it. I know I'm new to the whole worldwide tour thing and I'll never be as big as you are but I feel and see the pressure you're under CJ, I see the amount of pressure the label put on you as well as the whole world."

I'm so good with Luca is because there's nobody else to look after him, all the sacrifices I've made have been for him. That's something I don't quite want to share yet, I know he's opening up to me but the fewer people that know about my living situation at home... the less chance I have of being looked down on... again.

"I've taken the wrong turn and can't find the right one." He chuckles deeply.

"Then I'll help you find it, even though you took the piss out of me for failing geography." We both giggle, his sexy smirk reappearing on his face.

"Thanks, spiller... I've been so shitty to you and you're the only one I've... well I've ever talked to about this shit, I'm not used to expressing and shit but I wasn't always this much of an ass. I'm sorry." Suddenly he pulls my body into his side, squeezing me. I don't move I just snuggle tighter into his chest inhaling his vanilla-ry scent, a scent I could never get tired of. Nothing about it feels forced or awkward, it feels safe and nice.

Suddenly the studio door swings open and Colton practically jumps away from me.

"Hey, Gigi the whole team-" He pauses under Colton's harsh gaze.

"Do you fucking mind? You can't just barge in and-" He shouts arrogantly, the old Colton is back in the room, I sigh.

"COLTON!" I bark at him, silencing him like a schoolboy whos been swinging back on his chair. He just scowls at me.

" I'm so sorry Mr Jax I uh, nevermind," Jeremy says from the door, he's one of the lighting crew, we've spoken a few times and he seems pretty sound.

"No it's okay Jeremy what did you want to say?" he balances from foot to foot, going a darker shade of red by the second.

"Well uh... the crew and dancers are having a kind of get together tonight, kind of a tradition on these tours, it's a bit like a get to know you a thing but everyone's going to be there so I thought you might want to come?" he asks pushing his glasses back from the tip of his nose.

Warmth spreads through me, this might be a chance to make some friends on this tour and not feel like so much of an outcast.

"We'd love that!" I say quickly.

"We?" he asks still shying away from Colton's harsh glare.

"Yea me and Colton," I say rising to my feet.

"WHAT." Colton bellows, causing Jeremy to run away from the door.

"Come on don't be a spoilsport, come mix with the Common people, the people lower down in the chain." I mock him.

"No way! You are insane if you think I'm going to sit in a room full of my staff."

Hey guys!
My updating schedule is probably going to be a bit slower just as I'm going back to school soon and I'm going to be pouring all my energy into my A-levels! I will still be writing and I promise this will be finish though so don't worry!

Thank you all so much for reading and I'm sorry for any grammar errors and punctuation errors!

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Iz x