"I'm starting to love you..."

Mga salitang hindi ko inaasahan kay Ismael. Those words sent me a huge amount of warmth that touched my hopeless romantic heart. Napakamakapangyarihan. Kaya akong pahinain at pasukuin ng mga salitang iyon. I feel like at any moment I could die. Akala ko ay wala nang magmamahal sa akin dahil tinalikuran na ako ng pamilya ko, pero heto siya nagsisimulang mahalin ako.

"W-what did you say?" I asked, in the middle of difficulty in my breathing. He never warned me about that. I was never prepared. I guess I will never be. Napaatras ako mula sa kaniya. We are now sitting across from each other, holding hands.

"My heart keeps calling your name. It's about to burst."

Napakagat ako sa labi. I was never ready for his confession. Katulad na lang noong umamin niyang gusto niya ako. Ganito ba talaga ang pakiramdam ng nakatatanggap ng sincere na confession? I am going nuts.

"Do you want to date me?" Lalo akong napatitig sa mga mata niya. Akala ko nakagugulat na ang pagsabi niya na nagsisimula na siyang mahalin ako, mas hindi ko inaasahan itong tanong niya. Anong klaseng tanong iyon? No one can turn down his offer.

"A-are you serious?" tanong ko habang tinititigan ang kaniyang mga mata, pero kahit ang mga iyon ay nagsasabi ng totoo. Gusto niya ako. Seryoso siya sa mga sinabi niya. "What about your job? Aren't you scared? You know what happened to Professor Sybill before, right? It was because of me," litanya ko dahil unti-unting umusbong sa akin ang takot nang maalala ang nangyari bago siya dumating sa buhay ko.

He caressed my cheeks and answered me with a smile. "You just have to say yes, ako nang bahala sa lahat."

Napakagat ako sa labi dahil pinipigilan ko ang isang salitang maaaring makasakit sa kaniya, pero tuluyan na itong kumawala. "No." Napatayo ako na siyang sinundan niya ng tingin. "No, Ismael. What are you thinking?" Magkasalubong ang mga kilay ko nang tanungin ko siya. Puno ako ng pag-aalala.

"Why?" Tumayo rin siya, kaya ako naman ang nakatingala sa kaniya. "Don't you like me too?"

"I like you too! I like you too, Ismael!" My hands are now shaking. This is because of the overwhelming feelings I have inside. Mayroon na akong sariling nararamdaman para sa kaniya na sobrang lakas din, nadadagdagan pa dahil sa mga sinasabi niya. Hindi ko na alam saan ilalagay ang mga ito. Gusto ko na lang umiyak. "Kaya ako nagselos at nagalit dahil gusto rin kita! But dating is not for us in the meantime, Ismael."

"Why not?" Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko. "Aren't you convinced that I have these feelings towards you? Gusto kong patunayan sa 'yo ang nararamdaman ko." Itinapat niya ang kamay ko sa dibdib niya. Rinig ko ang malakas na tibok nito, katulad ng sa akin.

"I am convinced, Ismael. I am! And I believe every word you say, every action you take for me, pero hindi ka ba natatakot? Because I'm starting to be scared. I don't want you to experience the same thing as Professor Sybill. He was dismissed because of me. I don't want to see you punished because of me," may diin kong paliwanag.

"We can keep it a secret."

Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi ko at hindi ko na napigilang lumuha. That's what I said before to Professor Sybill. I was so desperate to be in a relationship with him, and now I can see myself in Ismael. It hurts me deeply to see him like this. Naaawa ako sa itsura niya na para bang nanglilimos ng pagkakataon para sa akin. He can buy anything he wants. How come this guy begs for me? Ibinababa niya ang ego niya para sa akin. He was so hard-hearted toward me before. I don't want him to stoop low just to ask for my heart. Napakahirap ko ba talagang mahalin?

Umiling ako at hinaplos ang mukha niya. "Pero Ismael, hindi mo deserve na mahalin nang palihim. Kung papayag man ako, I want to date you freely because I know to myself that I'm starting to love you too."

Nasaksihan ko ang pagpatak ng butil ng luha mula sa kaniyang mga mata. I never thought someone who's very wealthy and rich would cry for me or even beg for my yes. Alam ko na mayroon akong masamang ugali, kaya hindi ko alam kung may nagawa ba akong tama o mabuti para maranasan 'to mula sa kaniya. I am questioning if I deserve this. Do I deserve to be happy?

Of all my shits in life, misery, and misfortunates, he came here to me as if he were a reward for my long patience in waiting for the table to turn. And it fucking kills me because it makes me feel alive now.

"Then, what's stopping you? What's wrong with dating me?" tanong niya na siyang wumawarak sa puso ko.

"Because you deserve all the love you wanted. I want to give it to you, but how can I give it when we will be in secret? Can we just wait?"

"I don't want to wait. You're here now; why would I wait?" Para siyang batang nangungumbinsi na para bang ikamamatay niya kung hindi masunod ang gusto niya.

"I don't have much to offer, Ismael," I stated, trying to change his mind.

"I am not even asking anything from you. Just this."

Pinagmasdan ko ang mga mata niya. "Just this?"

Tumango siya. "And endure. Then, we will be fine. We will be fine," he mouthed before embracing me. Hindi ako makapaniwala, na ang isang propesor ay magagawa kong mapaibig. At maging ako ay nahulog sa sarili kong pain. I was trying my best to disagree with his offer, but here I am, in his arms, which I can never let go of. "I promised." He kissed my hair and my ear, which sent me shivers down through my spine. I closed my eyes as I felt the peace I was longing for. Dito ko lang pala mahahanap sa mga yakap niya.

I was sniffing his scent when he noticed it and teased me. "Are you trying to start something?" bulong niya.

"I am just thankful. I can't help but adore you, Ismael. You make me feel like you are so happy that I was born in this life," bulong ko.

"I am." Hindi ko na napigilan pang kumalas mula sa mga yakap niya upang bigyan siya ng mainit na halik. The talk he probably wanted to have was to clear things up between us, when all I anticipated was this. I should be the one to be asked if what I like about him is just pleasure. A part of it is true. Even if I try to deny it, my body screams for his service—the pleasure that only he can give.

"Jump," bulong niya habang ang mga kamay ay bumababa sa mga hita ko. Pinili ko siyang sundin kahit hindi ko alam ang ibig niyang sabihin. But when I jumped, he immediately wrapped my hips around his waist. Buhat niya ako papasok papunta sa kama, kung saan ako natulog kanina.

Warning: R-18 ahead. [You can skip this part or read at your own risk.]

Patuloy niya lang akong hinahalikan hanggang sa mahiga na ang ulo ko sa mga malalambot na unan. His hands are fixing my hair; napupunta kasi sa mukha ko. Pero parang hindi siya naiinis at natural lang sa kaniya ang maabala nang kaunti. He really has a lot of patience with me. I feel so lucky.

Walang salitaan niyang hinubad ang mga damit ko. Ganoon din ang kaniya. Pansin ko ang seryoso niyang mukha, habang hinahalikan niya ang bawat sulok ng katawan ko. Hindi talaga siya nagsasalita at tinitingnan lang nang malalim ang mga mata ko. Nag-iisip ba siya? Gusto niya bang bawiin ang alok niya mula sa akin?

Napaliyad ako nang magtama ang labi niya sa basang-basa kong hiyas. Ramdam ko ang lambot ng kaniyang dila at mga labi. He is doing it slowly, gently, and with affection. He is doing it right. Saglit niya lang akong niromansa dahil napansin niya sigurong maaari niya na akong pasukin.

He positioned himself; he even tapped my wet private using his thing, and there, I felt the sudden teleportation of me to paradise—to heaven.

My bridge started to collapse, and in a moment, I heard the fireworks explode. I feel the tremor inside my flesh—a tremor of pleasure. Napahawak na lang ako sa kamay niyang nasa dibdib ko.

After some thrusts, he reached out for my lips again to kiss me. My forehead is creased. I am distracted by the thought of his silence. He usually teased me. Hindi niya ba nagustuhan ang ginawa namin?

Binitiwan niya ang mga labi ko tsaka siya tumitig sa mga mata ko na. His eyes glimmer in satisfaction. Was he really just into it, kaya hindi siya nagsasalita? "I know you're tired, so I took it easy. You should be resting." Humiga siya sa tabi ko at inialay ang braso niya para higaan ako. Right, I was the one who initiated this. I was the one who kissed him first.

"Pinagbigyan lang kita," komento niya. Yes, this is him. A teaser.

Natawa ako. "Thank you for doing it for me," I said as I gave him another smooch.

"It's my pleasure, my lady." Inayos niya ang kumot para sa aming dalawa. He kissed my hair and slightly caressed my shoulder. In an instant, nakatulog akong muli.