I knew I said I would choose Zeke over Hayden, but some things just couldn't get done overnight.

Never in the days I still hoped Hayden would jump in my bedroom window with the intention to make a mess with me—but the situation was already messy to begin with. He was already over me, and forget about all the good things we've done together.

I made him feel so much better than what his wife could do. I could do better than her. She's better off dead.

I would take her man back with me.

Renee was still going to work, Hayden would give her a ride to her workplace, and he would also pick her up back home. But during her fourth month, I just found out she asked to work from her home, and so at that point, there would never be a point in my life that I could hope for Hayden to get in my bed once again.

So, I had to find the perfect time to see Hayden leaving their house.

I was sneaking through the living room's window when I saw someone come out of the door and it was Hayden. He went straight to their car in the driveway, and as soon as he got their car out of it, he drove away. I didn't take my chance away and took a taxi passing by and told the driver to follow the car to where it was heading. I didn't care how much it would cost me.

The ride didn't take long, we reached the local hardware where I watched Hayden walk inside the store. I paid for the taxi and walked inside the store looking for his whereabouts.

I don't know where to find him. I had no idea what to say when I got to find him. I'm kind of scared. Alam ko naman wala naman siyang gagawing masama sa akin. Both of us did it behind his wife's back. If he didn't want to continue it with me anymore, I needed some closure.

I checked every aisle to look for him, and when I found him, I didn't move in my spot until his head shifted to my direction and there he saw me standing like a statue, staring at him like he was a painting on the wall.

He looked at me, stood tall, and put his hand inside his pocket.

"Mitchel," he said. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

I knew I had come up with something. "Uh. . . I was looking for a filter pump for my kitchen sink. Jax told me to get one soon so I thought I should get one so he could fix it sooner. . ."

"Jax," he muttered. "He was the plumber, right?"

Dahan-dahan naman akong tumango sa kanya habang naglalakad sa palapit sa akin. There was this tension that was building up. Kaming dalawa lamang ang nasa aisle na 'to, and it was intense for me. I felt like I would be gone in my knees as sooner as I thought.

"Are you fucking him?" he asked, clenching his jaw. 

Napapikit-pikit ang mata ko sa tanong niya. Hindi ko alam kung sasagutin ko ba siya o magdadahilan na lang ulit ako.  

Muli naman akong tumango sa kanya. I think he should know what he was missing. "Yes, I did. We could be fucking as well, but you weren't talking to me."

"Good for you."

"Is that all, Hayden?"

"What do you want me to say, Mitchel?" he asked, but I couldn't say a word. I don't know where to start. "As you can see, my wife's pregnant, and I need to focus on her. I can't let her know what he had done before."

"So, it was over?" I asked.

"It is over," he said with finality. "But good for you for sleeping with my best friend. Now, we also don't talk with each other. He hated me. I don't think we would ever be friends again."

"I can talk to him," aniko. "I would explain it to him, and I'm sure hindi ka naman niya matitiis."

Napangisi na lamang ito. "Good luck on that."

Napabitaw naman ako nang malalim na buntonghininga. Napayuko na lamang ako, pero inabot nito ang mukha ko. Ang daliri niya ay nasa ilalim ng baba ko at dahan-dahan niyang iniangat iyon upang magtama muli ang mata naming dalawa.

"I'm sorry if I didn't talk to you and let you know about it," he said, in a calmer tone. "I felt like I didn't need to explain it to you because there was no such thing between the two of us. We only slept with each other and that was it. I'm sorry if you get attached to me. It was my fault. "But don't forget about me, we can still be friends, alright?"

"Okay. . . I thought I still could have you back, but if not, can I just join you in whatever you are buying?"

"Sure. . . Come with me."

Bumalik naman ito sa pagtingin-tingin niya sa mga tool. Wala naman talaga akong balak bumili ng filter, and I haven't fucked Jax in a long time, so I just told him it wasn't the right filter I needed. He told me that he could just come into my house and ask for the tools he needed because he knew I would lend him it, but then he said, it was about time for him to get his stuff. I didn't even bother about what he was getting and putting on his basket, there was bleach, rope, whatever.

When we lined up at the cashier to pay for the things he got, he told me if I wouldn't be going anywhere, he would give me a ride back home. Hindi na naman ako umangal. 

Nang matapos niyang bayaran ang mga binili ay lumabas na kami ng store at saka tumungo sa sasakyan niya. He told me to sit next to the driver seat kaya ro'n ako pumwesto. As he settled inside, napansin ko naman na hindi pa niya ini-start ang sasakyan, pero wala namang mga tao o sasakyan sa paligid namin so he could just get his car out of the parking space.

"May nakalimutan ka ba?" tanong ko pa.

"Yeah, I think I did. . ." he said. The next thing he did surprised me.

Mabilis niyang inalis ang belt ng pantalon niya ay ibinaba niya ang pantalon niya kasabay ng underwear niya. Nanlaki na lamang ang mata ko dahil tinitigasan siya. Kinuha nito ang ulo ko at kanyang idinerakto sa pagkakalaki niya. He didn't even utter a word, he just wanted me to do it. I suck him, and he was moaning so hard that it turned me on. He thrusted his hips, and I choked up everytime his cock hit my throat, but I didn't mind. It was the moment I have been waiting for to happen again.

There was a different kind of rush, we were outdoors, and people could see us out there. I was scared, but the thrill I was feeling, I couldn't get off my chest.

A moment later, he was shuddering, and uttering his breath that he was close and I didn't prepare myself because he just exploded inside my mouth, and it seemed like I was drooling. I didn't waste a bit of his cum, and he groaned, leaning his back against the chair as he was trying to recover himself.

"Fuck, that was great," he said. "You always gave good head, Mitchel."

When I put my head up, he kissed me, and it was such a good time for me. The anxiety I had earlier had flushed down the toilet after I got to have him once again. I knew I would get him back. I knew he couldn't resist me.

He started putting his pants back on. "Remember what we talked about, Mitchel."

I nodded. "Yes, I'll take this secret to my grave. . ."

"Glad to hear that. . ."

He started the car's engine and we drove out of the parking and went back home. Kinakabahan pa ako dahil nasa sasakyan niya ako. Nang marating namin ang tapat ng bahay nila ay bumaba ako at nagmadali akong tumungo sa bahay as if we did something bad—we did, at sana hindi mahalata ni Renee.

Abot labi naman ang ngiti ko dahil sa nangyari sa amin ni Hayden. He wasn't able to stop the urge to hook up with me. I just knew at that point, he wasn't over, and I wasn't over him—even though he will have a baby soon.

A lot of things could change along the way, and their baby's future, too.

***

"Fuck you, Hayden! Why are you doing this?"

Nagising na lamang ako sa lakas ng sigawan sa kabilang bahay. Napabangon ako bigla sa pagkahihiga sa kama at tumungo ako sa bintana upang pakinggan kung anong nangyayari. I got worried since I knew I heard Renee shouting, and she was pregnant and this could be bad for her.

I stayed in my spot for the next few minutes and the fighting, screaming, and shouting continued. What I had in my chest made me feel so scared. Nalaman na ba ni Renee kung anong meron kaming dalawa ni Hayden? Was she trying to punish him? Hindi ko maintindihan. Puno ng kaba ang dibdib ko as I was trying to make a conclusion about what was going on.

It was eight in the morning and they were making a scene in the neighborhood.

Nagulat na lang din ako nang biglang magbukas ang blackout curtains mula sa bintana nila. Nakita ko si Renee at Hayden ro'n. Napatitig ako sa kanilang dalawa at gayondin sila sa akin. Napalunok na lamang ako ng laway. Masama ang timpla ng mukha ni Hayden at si Renee ay hindi ko mabasa. Halo-halo na ang emosyon nito.

Nang tumalikod si Hayden at iniwang nakabukas ang kurtina ay lumabas ito ng kwarto, pero hinabol ito ni Renee ng sigaw. Lumabas ako ng kwarto at tumungo ako sa salas upang marinig ko kung anong nangyayari, but the next thing happened, Hayden walked out of their house with his wallet, phone, and keys on his hand. Dumiretsyo ito sa sasakyan niya at pinaandar niya ito palayo.

Renee was left alone on their porch, crying her eyes out. Lalabas sana ako para puntahan ko siya, pero nag-hesitate akong puntahan siya. Pumasok siya sa loob ng bahay ulit at narinig ko pa ang malakas na pagsara nito ng pinto na halos padabog niyang ginawa.

Napaupo na lamang sa sofa habang iniisip kung anong nangyari sa kanilang dalawa. I wanted to send Hayden a message, but I thought it wasn't the perfect time to do so. 

Mayamaya lamang ay may kumatok sa pinto. Sa sabik ko na baka si Hayden iyon ay agad akong tumungo sa pinto at pinagbuksan ito. Nagulat at may halong pagtataka nang si Nanay Kla ang bumungad sa akin.

"Nay. . ." bungad ko.

"Narinig mo ba 'yon, 'nak? 'Yong mag-asawa ba 'yon?" tanong nito at tumango ako para kompirmahin iyon. "Anong nangyari sa kanila?"

Napailing ako. "Wala akong idea, Nay. . . Nagising na nga lang din ako nagsisigawan na silang dalawa. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. . ."

"Bakit naman kaya. . ." Hinuha pa nito. "Matanong ko lang din, 'nak. . ."

"Yes, Nay?"

"'Yong asawa niyang lalaki, si Hayden. . . Bakit madalas ko rin makita no'n sa bahay mo? Lagi siyang bumibisita sa 'yo noon? Anong ginagawa niyo?"

Napalunok naman ako ng laway. "Wala, Nay. .  . May hinihiram lang din siya tapos minsan nagpapatulong lang ako."

"Ah, gano'n ba. . ." anito at saka ito tumago. "Mabuti naman na tinutulungan ka niya. Oh, sige, babalik na muna ako sa bahay dahil hinahanda ko pa ang lulutuin ko. Bibisita ang anak kong si Gio. Baka gusto mo siya ma-meet? I would love you to meet my son. . . Single siya, 'nak."

Hindi ko napigilang mapahagikgik. "Ikaw naman, 'nay. . . Nirereto mo pa ako sa anak mo."

"Ano ka ba. Thirty years old na ata 'yon at wala pang asawa. Alam mo, pumunta ka na lang mamaya sa bahay ko. Lunch time, ha? Aasahan kita. . ."

"Sige, 'nay. . . Pupunta ako."

"Okay. . ." 

Nang umalis si Nanay Kla at tumawid ng kalsada papunta sa bahay niya, isinarado ko naman ang pinto at isang malalim na buntonghininga ang pinakawalan ko. I thought we were being careful enough before. Napapansin na pala kami ni Nay Kla. But good thing, she doesn't have any clue about it. She doesn't know I was hooking up with a married man, but funny thing is, she was setting me up on his gay son.

Maybe I could put up with him and forget these situations I felt like there was no way out, but the truth. But as long as the secret was inside the vault, everything would be fine. I would be fine.

***