so, i'm writing this on like 2:24 in the morning. just because i can't sleep. but who cares?

i'll be fixing this soon. but for now i just know that i needed to make this book. my thoughts are just overflowing ro the point that i break down, i cry, i shout, and get mad for no specific reason. sounds like a depressed kid, but no thanks.

i don't like to be called depressed. i don't want to be called depressed or i have depression specifically. because i think i can handle my emotions pretty well--

actually maybe not. haha. i'm crying, i'm breaking down, so what do i mean by i can handle my emotions pretty well? i'm weird.

to be honest, i feel like i know what i'm feeling. like, there's something in my head that knows how to fix it but couldn't get it out properly.

i could only sigh. SIGHING INTENSIFIES. but anyways, i just want to let others know about my bottled emotions. cause i can't just be the only one who's feeling like this right? i want to atleast know that there's people like me too who's like this. (which i know there probably is, since there's like more than 7 billion people in the world. 8 billion maybe. but who knows? anything is possible.)

i'm just laying in my bed. thinking about life. and why i'm doing this. which i kind of think is a waste of time since i could just continue learning katakana instead. but i'm not. god. what am i even writing anymore? i get lost in my thoughts, but writing?? no way.

well i just did. in fact i suddenly got a rant pop up in my head!

geez, it's about my parents so get off if you don't like people being harsh to their parents.

SUDDEN RANT :
so my father caught me not sleeping. since i couldn't bother closing my eyes (actually i didn't want to. my eyes just keep on aching whenever i close them so it would just feel like hell if i closed them that time.) and he went back to our mom, i'm guessing he told mom that i'm still awake. cause i heard my mom say "she's still awake??" yeah, something like that.
i'm probably gonna get a lot of nagging tomor-- i mean, later on in the morning. and i hate nags. but since i 'predicted' or thought about the future again. might as well prepare myself for the nagging and just listen. hopefully i don't get too mad since i'm short-tempered. which i probably will. but i'll just have to deal with it when it happens. that's all my rant.

i'm guessing it's not really a rant though? i don't know.

but how do i sleep? it's true that my eyes hurt whenever i close them. maybe it's because of radioactive or something. since i'm holding this phone 12NN to 12AM(1AM). why 12NN? well, i wake up by 10 in the morning. eat breakfast for about an hour. the next hour would be personal stuff then i'll ise the phone. i'd take breaks whenever i need to charge the phone (for about like 2-3 hours) so that's it.

i basically told the public about my schedule, but who cares? haha.

i'm gonna be writing a letter to doyoung here in this book cause my brain told me to do it even if my brain knows pretty well that i'll get anxious about it later on. that's just how my brain works. plus, i want to do something that i have never done before. which is this. exactly. opening up to the public. about me and my emotions.

also, i'll be writing a letter to the people whooknows me that'll read this. because i want to as well. because my brain told me to, and my brain thinks i must do it. so yeah. that's it.

i'm hoping i can compose myself when the nagging starts because i really hate it when people nag at me.

but ok. that's a part of life and i need to deal with it. it would be unfair if i don't get nags, while other people gets it, right?

that's all for now! i'm not gonna proofread this or whatever since i wrote this by my mind and heart. if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes, feel free to laugh at it! i don't really mind! (even if i really will, but okay!)

i want people to be free in this book, including me of course.

i'll be writing here my true emotions even if they wouldn't make sense at times!

that's all! i'll be signing off!

•°☆ —clixheee 2:54AM