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DOMINIC

For Dominic, this was the first time since Amelia's death that having sex felt satisfying. It went from being about giving in to a desire to finishing something. Even in those first few seconds of holding Claudia, he could tell that this time differed from what he had done before. After the second time, he wanted her beside him, and he wanted her again.

He'd craved her a thousand times before, and it wasn't for sex, but for what was building between them. They genuinely loved each other.

His urge to have another go with her intensified as he watched her change into pants and a tank top. From behind.

Up against the wall. In the shower. Wherever.

If he kept thinking this way, they would never leave, and he was determined to get moving. He almost left the room to find his father and get back at him for hunting her. It was unclear to him why he had resisted doing so, but there was no need to find out.

"Are you ready?" he asked, his voice scratchy.

She nodded. "As ready as I'll ever be."

It was late afternoon, yet the heat was rising, signaling a long and scorching summer ahead.

Claudia was strapping up when he hopped into the car after checking them out of the motel.

She leaned back and looked at him. "So, where are we going?"

"To a place outside of Boston," he said, checking the front of the building before driving away. "We're four hours away."

"Massachusetts?" She chuckled. "Why there?"

"I know someone who can give me what I need."

"Oh?" She folded her arms, and a lovely smile pinched her cheeks. "Tell me more."

Dominic laughed. "I knew you'd be curious."

"Duh. Don't keep me guessing. Tell me why we're going there."

He took a big breath, trying to think of ways to say it. "The first thing is documents. New passports. Visas. Anything to keep us out of sight."

"Okay." She leaned her arm on the door and asked, "And the second thing?"

He looked at her and narrowed his eyes. "Citalopram. It's a drug for depression."

Confusion washed over her face. "You battle with depression? I didn't know that. I've never seen any medication in your house."

"I only take a few pills throughout the month, but I forgot to grab my packs before we left."

She reached out and clasped his hand. "Yeah. We didn't get to gather everything, and you were dealing with the guards."

Dominic nodded a little as he continued driving. "I wish I didn't have to take anything, but I may need to while we're together. The pill will lessen my animal impulses."

"Oh, you mean like ripping off someone's head kind of impulse?" Claudia asked in an enthusiastic tone. "Don't worry. I'm not scared. I mean, I have no reason to be, have I?"

He discussed his depression on the main northbound highway exit, as the BMW's tires ate up miles. It was the first time he had grown so close to someone in ten years, so telling her everything felt new. "You will be fine with me for a couple of hours. Possibly days. But July 1st is tomorrow, and Amelia died that day."

"Oh, God. I'm so sorry, Dom. This must be a difficult time for you."

Dominic swallowed as he shifted into the opposite lane. He dreaded bringing it up, but Claudia wanted to know more about him. "Sometimes. Her family buried her on my birthday that year, which explains why I've always been hesitant to celebrate both my birthday and Independence Day."

"Every year must be rough."

"I'm doing my best to get by. The medication has a strange impact on me, though. Sometimes it's good. Sometimes things go wrong. I can collapse and have a psychotic episode. That sort of thing."

She looked at him as if he was speaking in tongues.

A grin tugged at his lips.

"You had a psychotic break when the power went out," she stated. "You changed into someone else."

"Citalopram causes me to have a dry mouth, sweat profusely, become agitated, experience headaches and hallucinations, and occasionally feel nauseated. It varies according to when I eat and how long I go without taking a pill. I just need one, and I'll be fine for a few days."

"You mentioned that you experience hallucinations. What does that mean?"

Dominic took a deep breath and tightened his grip on the wheel. "Do you remember that time I went outside with Alex?"

"Yeah. He just showed up out of the blue."

"Well, I could see the ground rising while we were arguing. For me, it felt like we were in a fantasy scene, and everything moved very quickly."

She turned to him and nodded. "I get what you mean. You didn't take your medication as prescribed."

"Yes. My brother came over to my house to pressure me into marrying Irene because our family would benefit greatly from our union."

"He shouldn't have fought with you, Dom. Marrying into the other family wasn't what you planned for your life."

"Nope." He smiled as he looked over at her and moved into the open lane.

"What about drinking alcohol?" she inquired. "I know you enjoy drinking. Isn't it harmful to your health to take medication?"

"Only if I take too many pills in one day," he explained. "I'm stable if I go a few days without a pill and drink during that period."

Dominic had to admit that it felt good to talk about these things with her. Claudia didn't seem to judge him or turn a blind eye. She accepted him for who he was and what he had to go through. That made his heart quiver. "I don't always need drugs or alcohol to help me deal with the many conflicts I face. They're available whenever I need them," he continued.

"Would you ever stop drinking alcohol?" she asked, her voice low.

"I want to stop drinking, but there are moments when all I want is a sip of Scotch or Bourbon to calm down. I'm not an alcoholic in the traditional sense, but I drink when the mood strikes. My feelings have settled down now, and I don't feel anything. You know, no painful memories from my past come back to me."

He paused and looked at her.

Claudia appeared dumbfounded.

Dominic cracked a smile. "Your silence is understandable, Dia. If I were you, I'd be terrified, too. I think I can make it through this time of year without drinking. Unless, of course, we celebrate the holiday."

Her brow furrowed. "But you're still going to take the pills, right? They would help with anything that makes you unhappy."

"Yes. The medication can calm the raging hormones that threaten to put me completely out of control. My mind stays stable. At least until I need another pill."

She let out a low whistle.

"Okay. Even if I understand why you sometimes feel the need to kill, I'm not sure how this medicine can control your impulses. You resisted killing me, so that's worth something."

Dominic opened and then closed his mouth. His eyes narrowed as he realized he wanted to discuss different things to make the trip to Boston as pleasant as possible. Make up some nonsense story about how it worked for him at that time because he couldn't kill the woman he fell in love with even before he understood that. He didn't take his medicine because he had no reason to. Claudia had come into his life, and that changed his world.

And now it felt like a good time to change the subject, but he couldn't bring himself to do so.

His grip on the steering wheel intensified.

"Amelia's death has tormented me for almost a decade. It was like an eerie fog that would never leave my sight. My soul was dark, and my actions were unpredictable. But then I met you. I chose not to take my medication when you moved in. There was no reason to swallow them when you kept changing the negative aspects of myself."

She nodded slowly, her gaze lowered. "The whole psychopathic mentality?"

"Something like that," he said and cleared his throat. "The pills have always helped me to balance my energy levels and thought process."

He felt her eyes on him again after a lengthy moment. "Without Citalopram for a while, I can experience chest pain or shortness of breath. And possibly have a seizure. I won't need it every day, but I'll need something while we keep a low profile."

"Or you'll turn into a maniac like you have before."

Dominic slightly nodded, regretting what he did. He scared her unintentionally.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I don't know. It's probably because of the way I live. My history with medication has always been personal."

Explaining everything while on the road made him hungry, irritated, and ruthless. Dominic hoped to get what he needed once they reached Massachusetts, even though his body depended on this treatment and alcohol.

She tipped her head back and extended her legs. "What about your doctor at home? Wouldn't he send you a prescription or a refill if you needed one?"

"That would leave a paper trail, and we can't have that." He didn't have to peer at her to know she was nervous. 

"You have a point."

"I know I do."

She chuckled. "No need to rub it in."

"I wasn't trying to. That's how it is right now. We must stay hidden until things settle."

"And what if that doesn't happen, and they find us?"

He turned his gaze to her lips. "Let's take it one step at a time, Dia."

"That's what I want, Dom, but I can't stop myself. You'll feel the urge to become unstable if you don't have this drug, won't you?"

"If there's a reason I don't get it, I won't be safe. Around anyone. Including you." Dominic cast his eyes at her. Claudia's face was pale, but her stare was steady. He never lied. "So, yes, I can lose control of myself. Let us hope this doesn't happen."

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Author's note:

This scene illustrated the difficulty of quitting substance misuse. After Amelia's death, Dominic became darker. Depressed, he joined the Mafia. His prescription drug history was never portrayed because it would ruin this moment where he tells Claudia everything. With her in his life, things might get better for both of them. :)