I feel like I'm floating on water.

My hands waver in the air, flapping like fish. It's hard to explain, but clouds haze the entire scenery. A dark, foggy view. It's almost like I'm in heaven. Or the place in between. Holy moly -- am I dead? No. I wouldn't be thinking this much if I was. The numbness withers away, searching for my consciousness. One after another, my senses come to life.

Taste.

The metallic, raw flavor on my tongue. Mouth dry. Numb to the movement.

Scent.

Rubbing alcohol wafts to my nose.

Touch.

It's almost jarring to move my hands to explore. Paper crinkle under my palms. My pinky digs into a smooth surface. A cushion? I have to be sitting on something or lying down.

Sight comes last.

My eyes flutter open. I'm unfamiliar with this room. My awareness sharpens as my hands tighten on the cushion examination table. The light is too vague to get a good observation of everything. A stainless steel medical tray stands a little too close to me. My muscles tense up. Panic floods through me. Where am I? Did one of Damien's enemies kidnap me?

I almost forgot the most important one-- sound.

"Miss Arias." His raspy, relief tone stirs something inside me. He places the bundle of gauze on the table and rushes to my side. My muscle loosens when he cups my face, tilting it to get a good read on me. "Thank god you're awake. I was almost about to resort to mouth-to-mouth resuscitation."

Seriously. I'm seriously starting to think the universe has it out for me.

Using my forearms, I push myself to sit up, but my muscles fail me. "It's okay. I got you." Julian pushes me into his chest as he leans over, pressing something to rearrange the examination table. "You drove yourself far tonight. I've never seen you get so angry before."

A light rumble vibrates in my chest. "Are you scared of me now?" I say playfully, my lips aching as I smile.

Julian doesn't crack a smile at my joke. It was a dumb one, but he usually finds those funny. His deep-seed blue irises express a vulnerability I haven't seen since the night on the bridge-- it makes my heart skip. Hard to breathe. Hard to think when he stares at me with those eyes. He wins the war harboring in my chest with a simple glance.

His hands glide to the back of my head, cupping it and pulling me into his chest. I feel so protected.

He sighs. "You could never scare me away." His voice comes out raw, exposed. "I'm so sorry, Isabela. The only thing I know how to do is protect you, yet I fail again. I should've never let you walk away from me."

I cling to his jacket, peeping up at him. "Mr. Lui, please don't blame yourself. I'm fine. I'm still here."

His temper bleeds out. "How could you say that?" I follow his eyes, trailing down the bruises left on my body. "This night could've ended differently. You could've been Hanni. All because I let the control slip from my fingertips. I don't want to repeat the same mistake."

My heart sucks up all the admiration for Julian like a sponge in water. Same mistake? Does he mean? Julian compares the thought of almost losing me to the events of the night his sister died.

He is terrified of losing me. Julian might not want anything romantic, but the fact that he cares about me-- fuels my fantasies. It's been a while since I've been around someone who genuinely cares about me. It's refreshing, daunting-- I don't want to lose this. Maybe friends are all we will ever need to be.

"That's in the past," I protest. "You can't live your life in fear of it. Mr. Lui, I know you. I know you won't ever make that mistake again. When push comes to shove, the day I need you-- you will be there for me."

His dark coal eyes meet mine and light up with a hint of a vibrant smile-- I want to see those in full glory. "I want to be there for you, Bellissima. That's a promise I can keep. When push comes to shove, I'll be there."

"Promise?"

He thuds into the rolling chair beside the examination bed. "I promise."

Julian unloads medical instruments onto the tray, spreading them apart with his eyebrows pulled in taut. The tricep of his arm flexes as he rummages through all the equipment. Someone could say I'm going in for surgery with all these tools lying there. An ache flares between my legs when I rearrange myself on the bed.

"What's wrong?" Julian asks.

I shake my head. "Nothing. Like you said, I overexerted myself."

Julian stares blankly. He's thinking in his head, analyzing my responses and reactions. His irises bounce from every bruise on my exposed skin until meeting my eyes. The way his eyes stare at me makes me feel naked-- worse than when I took my dress off in front of him. Gosh, I'm so dumb. Damn it! My face is burning.

Julian pins the baby hairs on my face back. "How did the fight start? I missed the fun part."

My eyebrows rose in amusement. "The fun part?"

"Yes." A lighthearted expression takes shape on his face. "I love drama. Didn't you know that?"

I roll my eyes and thump him in the chest. "Shut up. It was just a stupid misunderstanding." My laugh dies out as I let the hurt sink in. Physically and internally. "We were never really friends. In their eyes, I was just the weird girl with a hot best friend."

He tips his head to the side. "Hot best friend? Am I just a piece of meat for you girls?"

A dopey smile peeks through my sadness. "It's their words, not mine."

Julian draws a deep breath, reaching for my hand and clasping the ends of my fingers in his. "Fuck them. If they didn't fall in love with you after five seconds of meeting you, then they're freaking weird ones. Forget them. They didn't deserve to be exposed to your light. Find someone who does."

My throat tightens as I try to get the words out of my mouth. "H-How do I know when I found someone?"

Julian licks his lips, his eyes peering at his thumbs, stroking my knuckles. "Everything makes sense. You won't ever have to hide yourself from them. You will feel completely at peace with them."

A somber cloud hovers over me. It's been following me for days. The storm never ends. Every day, it's constantly hailing heavy rains on my shoulders. I found someone who does deserve my light, but he doesn't want anything other than friendship. I guess I'll have to learn how to settle with what I can get. It wouldn't be the first time. All I do is accept what I'm given.

If Julian only wants a friendship--I'll stop pushing for more. Having Julian is better than not having him at all.

Julian blows on a cotton ball after dampening it with rubbing alcohol and presses it into the cuts on my cheeks. I hiss, the blistering heat rushing through my veins. Fudge. I'm talking to my crush with scrapes and bloodstains on my face.

"Sorry for your night ending like this..." Julian trails off, dropping the cotton ball on the medical tray. He clears his throat. "I know how badly you were looking forward to achieving your first with Jaxon."

My nose scrunches at the first syllable of his name. I don't want to remember a single thing about him. My disappointment is evident on my face as I turn to the side away from Julian-- he's just going to say I told you so. It was my own freaking fault for assuming Jaxon had manners and would treat me like a princess.

Using his finger, he spins my face to meet his blistering gaze. "What are you not telling me?"

My mouth opens and closes again. I don't know how to say it without looking pathetic. Will his perception shift after I explain it?

His expression hardens. "Say it."

My eyes sting. "Jaxon. We went into the bedroom together." My mouth was dry, but I forced a swallow to keep going. "It was my fault. I led him on. I couldn't go through with it-- I just kept picturing how my father treated me. Jaxon was the same way."

Julian hisses bitterly, his jaw clenching. "Tell me everything he did. Don't leave out a single detail. You can trust me."

I shift my gaze from Julian, peering up at the ceiling and lying on the examination table. "It was just talking at first. Then Jaxon started feeling around, and I felt paralyzed. Like I brought this upon myself for wearing such a slutty outfit." Even hours later, anger simmers in my gut like a match igniting. "He tried to rape me... or he did? I don't know. It's all a bit hazy. All I know is he forced his fingers inside me, even when I said stop."

I flinch when Julian suddenly jumps from his chair, propelling the swirling chair towards the wall. Julian walks with vigor, scouring through the piles of nonsense in the corner of the room, throwing every useless thing at the wall. Fear spikes in my gut like sprouts in a field. I'm not scared of him.

But I'm terrified for him.

Julian finds a long, thick, sharp black knife-- machete? He flips it back and forth, strapping it to his belt and fleeing to the staircase in the room.

I bolt upright. "Where are you going?"

Julian halts on the second step. "Where do you think?" The wooden stair creaks as he turns around, his expression hard, reflecting a predator in pursuit of his prey. "I'm going to teach him a lesson. No one puts a hand on my girl and gets away with it. Maybe then he will learn the word stop."

Dropping to my knees, I tug on his blazer, and he stills, his back rigid and tense at my touch. "Please don't go. Not tonight."

"Isabela." My name leaves his lips in a rough, raspy tone. "You expect me to let him get away with this? No one disrespects you. I've killed a man for much less."

A shiver runs down my spine, a mixture of anxiety and excitement. I'm worthy enough to get blood on his favorite suit.

"Please, Julian," I plea, his eyes softening when I spoke his name. "Don't leave me. I-I don't want to be alone tonight. I need you. There's always tomorrow and the day after that. But tonight, I want you to stay with me."

I brought out the big guns-- my puppy dog eyes. It's a striking, unique tactic that's supposed to get men like Julian on their knees. If he really values my feelings, he will stay with me.

His muscles relax. "Goddammit, Isabela. How am I ever supposed to walk away with you looking at me like that?" He sighs, catching me off guard as he hails me into a bridal carry, hauling me back to the examination table. "Let's get you cleaned up."

I smile. "Thank you."

Julian dabs the cotton ball on my cheeks, wiping away the dry blood and patching my face with bandaids. "How do you not hate your father? After everything, he's done to you."

I shrug. "I don't know. It's not because I have a kind heart— I just haven't fully grasped the lengths of what he has put me through. Mr. Lui, I'm so far damaged, I don't know if I can find the glue to piece me back together. Sometimes I think I'm so used to the abuse that I subconsciously search for it over love."

"He applies to my conditions as well," Julian says, softening the edges of the bandaid on my forehead.

My eyebrows knit together. "B-But... that's before we even knew each other. I didn't mean a thing to you back then."

"You mean something to me now," he softly adds, his voice thick and sugary sweet like maple syrup. "I'm sorry the world dealt you a shitty hand. It's always the pure souls who suffer the most."

I scoff. "Pure? I'm not even a hundred percent sure if I killed someone tonight or not. I'm far from pure."

His sapphire irises pierce through mine, heightening the whirl of honesty in them. "That changes nothing. Miss Arias, what you did tonight is called surviving. You can't let people walk all over you. Damien better watch out because he's next."

I roll my eyes, laughing at his joke. "Yeah, right. I'll get a bullet in my skull before I get the chance."

Julian stills.

That's what the thought of death does to people. I'm not afraid of it. Dying can't be any worse than living. Being locked in a room for months and months changes a person's perspective. It's like solitary confinement. My own thoughts were my worst enemy. I've thought about cutting my life short--almost achieved it, too. There was no hope for months. What did I have to look forward to? Marrying Damien?

Slowly, the clouds are floating away, and the brilliant sun peeks through the shadows, displaying a beacon of hope-- a reason why I'm still here. It almost feels too good to be true, but I don't want to risk losing it.

"Death isn't pretty."

"Death isn't something to be afraid of," I add, curling my hands around the edges of my dress. "It's just a black void. We all end there one day. Personally, I'll like to choose how I go. A fire perhaps, or drowning."

Julian's knuckles turn white from his hold on the gauze. "Don't. We all end there one day, but I'll fucking burn the world down if they take you away. Your time will come when you're old and gray, peacefully passing in your sleep."

"I didn't take you as a guy that believes in happily ever afters," I tease, sticking out my tongue. "Not everything has a fairytale ending. I learned that the hard way."

Something gleams in his irises, imitating twinkling lights as they float down my body. "For you, I do."

What do I  make out of that?

Men are a complicated species, especially Julian.

The definition of wishy-washy. Even when I throw myself at him, he pushes me away. A defense mechanism, maybe? I know he doesn't plan to work here for the rest of his life. We can enjoy whatever time we have with each other.

Julian removes his blazer, revealing his black vest and light blue collar shirt. He fits the material so well I fear he might tear it if he flexes his arm. The black ink on his skin awakens the horny demon inside me. So hot. His veiny, slender fingers adorn with a dove. I wonder what hides under his shirts.

He clears his throat. "Do you feel comfortable removing your dress? I want to check for marks or bruising."

A lump forms in my throat. "Well, I already did it once tonight... what's another, right?"

The zipper is impossible to reach with the lack of mobility from my strained arm. I grunt in frustration as I struggle to touch it, scrunching my nose because of the pain in my muscle.

I chew my lip harshly. "Can you help me?"

He nods, draping his blazer over the back of his chair. I stand up, pressing my knees against the examination table and pushing my hair to the right shoulder. The cool breeze tickles my bare skin, causing goosebumps to rise. It's the dressing room situation all over again.

But ten times worse.

Something shifted in the air. The tension is so thick I feel like I can hardly breathe. A knife couldn't leave a dent in it. My heart hammers when his hands grace my back, gently nudging the zipper.

"You have a cut on your neck," Julian says, extracting the warmth from his hands. "I'm going to disinfect it."

The sound of him ruffling through objects echo in my ears. Adrenaline pumps through my veins, thick with intensity.

Julian grips my shoulder, holding my hair back. "I'm sorry. It will only sting for a second."

He dabs the cold cotton ball on the back of my neck. Pain sizzles in my skin like bacon on a pan. I swallow my whimper, gnawing at my lip for the ache to vanish. Julian softly blows on my wound to combat against the discomfort. My body reacts like a drug addict, trembling from the sensation. A shiver slithers down my spine.

It's intoxicating.

Fire simmers across my skin. The exhale from his lips on my skin causes my eyes to shut in submission. Am I the only one bothered? Pain wavers in the background, overpowered by eagerness. His thumb traces the heightened spot of my neck. I twist my neck, flickering my gaze up to meet his.

I'm breathing as if I had just sprinted on the treadmill. His ocean irises lock on me, wavering a decision in them. Something that will change everything. Permanent tattoo ink on our skin. We both get lost in each other's eyes at the thought of the inevitable. Without realizing it, I creep closer and closer to Julian, our faces mere inches apart.

His eyes fall to my lips.

I do the same.

His plump, thick, pink lips put me in a trance.

Taking one step, our noses glide over each other. "Tell me to stop... tell me we are making a mistake," I mumble, his minty breath fanning my lips.

"Fuck that."

With a twitch of his jaw, he gently wraps his hand around my neck, possessiveness glimmering in his eyes, and does the single thing that changes the course of our relationship; he slams his lips against mine.

Books don't do first kisses justice.

Nothing compares to how Julian is making me feel. It feels amazing, way too good, and it's too much for me to process.

All my senses heighten when his other hand respectfully travels down my waist, resting on my hip. Butterflies tingle in my stomach. It starts slow, like Julian is afraid of what I can handle until he throws everything out the window. His tongue glides across my lip, begging for entrance in an eager, starved manner.

My hands skate up and down his firm, muscular chest, desperately clinging to him. He's kissing me like it's the last thing he'll ever do. A pained growl rumbles in his chest and vibrates through me as he takes my bottom lip into his mouth, tugging on it. I groan as a harsh ache comes from my freshly torn lips.

To my dismay, Julian pulls away. "Am I hurting you?"

My eyes fixate on his lips. "Only if you pull away one more time."

We both collide like we're fighting in a duel. I don't hesitate when his tongue seeks entrance again, opening my mouth as my thong gets moist by the second. I'm a goner. I've been a goner since he appeared in that dark alley. Almost like I found the puzzle piece I'd been searching for years.

My lips match his, just as hungry, just as eager as he is. Probably twice as much. If kissing Julian feels this good, then I wonder what sex will feel like. My nails dig into his strong shoulders, swallowing one of his groans. It's the sexiest sound I've ever heard, so I do it again. Julian rewards me with his tongue, licking, flicking, sucking mine, causing my knees to lose feeling.

Luckily, Julian palms my ass, boosting me in the air as I wrap my legs around his waist. Holy moly. I feel his excitement against me. Jolts of electricity sting me as his boner grinds against my clothed sex.

Holy Jesus.

He's so hard and big.

My stomach constricts. I want to go all the way, but after everything tonight, it might not be the best idea. Julian wraps his hand around my neck, slightly limiting the oxygen from my windpipe. My finger roams through his hair, getting lost in the soft mush of his hair.

Julian pulls away, resting his forehead against mine, his lips red and thick. "God, how did I survive this long without you?"

I laugh, catching my breath. "I think that's what I'm supposed to say," I heave through my nostrils, nudging our noses against each other. "Where does that leave us?"

"I care about you, Isabela." Julian licks his lips, his voice sound loss in need and turmoil. My heart constricts in anticipation of his answer. "More than I should." He pushes a strand of my hair behind my ear. "You have me dismissing all my rules. I'm scared of living recklessly. I'm scared of what can happen if we get caught."

"Don't think about the what ifs," I whisper, playing with his hair. "Let's live in the moment."

My heart nearly beats out of my chest when he interlocks our hands, pressing a kiss on my knuckles. "You will be the death of me because I can never say no to you. Let's keep this professional. Two rules."

I nod. "Hit me."

"One, we don't label our relationship. Let's just enjoy each other's company. Two, nothing personal. I'll help you achieve everything on that bucket list, but I can't promise a relationship."

My eyebrows brunch together. "So... friends with benefits, basically?"

Those never end well in books.

He bobs his head. "That's all I can offer. That's the only way I know I won't fail you."

Something in my gut wavers. It's pointing me in the opposite direction, to walk away from Julian's proposition. Is it possible for a girl like me to entertain a sexual relationship without getting my feelings involved? Or am I way past that? I don't want to lose this chance.

I want Julian in any way I can get him.

Even if he's half in and out.

All I need to remember is to leave my heart close and locked.

"Fine." I smile, pressing a kiss onto his cheek. "Friends with benefits, it is."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Scream with me!!! It's finally the moment everyone has been waiting for...

Was it everything you imagined? Did I disappoint? Did you want to see it go further 👀👀👀?

How long do you think the friends with benefits situation will last? Or will want to break it first— Julian or Isabela?

One of my favorite chapters along with the one on the bridge... so far... I have better ones coming 👀👀🙊🙊🙊I think you're going to love it

Thank you for getting tainted hearts to 88K reads like that's insane!!! I'm so so happy and grateful you're enjoying Isabela and Julian's story so far❤️❤️💜💜❤️💜💜💜!! Can't wait to read all your comments

💜❤️💜❤️

Love ya