Standing face-to-face with Julian has to be one of the hardest things I've ever endured. His black locks were in messy ringlets from his constant game of tug of war with his hair. The presence of deep black circles on his eye bags reveals how stressed he's been. His blue eyes shift around the room in a lost state.

Julian has always been hard to read. Even when I thought there were some feelings between us, I couldn't tell by looking at him. He's always been good at wearing a mask, a facade, to save himself from the pain I'm undergoing. While I let him straight into my heart, Julian kept me at arm's length.

Until the night of my wedding.

As cliche, as it sounds, I thought we became one, like Julian was finally removing the mask over his face. That night, I saw his blue irises twinkle for the very first time, and I mistakenly took it as his love for me. It's my fault for jumping the ship — I've always struggled with moving too fast.

Right now, there's nothing left in his eyes.

Just rawness.

Against my will, my heart chips at the broken sight of him.

He doesn't deserve it, but I can't help how my heart reacts when I'm in his perimeter.

I sigh. "Are you going to say something, or am I just wasting my time?"

Julian blinks, taken back by my response, and honestly, I didn't mean for it to come out as harsh as it did. "I-I'm sorry... It's just I've dreamt about this moment for so long, but now, I don't know what to say."

I stifle a chuckle. "How convenient."

Julian's hands rake through his hair. "Isabela, if I would've known what would've happened that night-- I wouldn't have gone all the way with you."

Another corner of my heart drops to the floor, if it's even fucking possible. My heart pounds in my ears, mellowing Julian's voice in the background. Is he saying he regrets sleeping with me? It makes sense for me to regret it because he ditched me like a hitchhiker in the street, but him? He got his cake and ate it too.

Wow.

He probably just regrets the consequences of his actions.

Midway through his following sentence, I open the hospital room door and slam it as I stalk to the elevator. The fucking nerve on his guy.

"Isabela! Isabela!" My finger violently bashes the elevator button, praying it opens before Julian reaches me. Open, goddammit! Just as I was about to step inside through the two opened doors, Julian grabbed my wrist. "What happened to my five minutes?"

I force a smug smile on my lips. "I decided to cut them short."

"Isabela..." He blows out a shaky breath.

"What! What?" I rip my wrist out of his grasp. "Your sorry for sleeping with me. Okay, thank you. I appreciate the apology. Now, can you get the fuck out of my face?"

"Jesus fucking Christ," he grinds out under his breath. "I don't regret sleeping with you, Isabela. That's not what I meant. That night... the moment we shared, was one of the best days of my life. I was referring to what happened afterward."

He can't even physically say what he did.

Hysterical laughter slips past my lips. "Don't be. How stupid of me to not see it for what it was-- a one-night stand."

He grits his teeth and tightly folds his hands together. "Fine. Go ahead and keep hating me because that's clearly what you want, Isabela. I know I fucked up, and I'm sorry for leaving that night. The predicament doesn't matter. It was still unfair to you. If I could go back to that night, I would've ignored the call and stayed because I don't think I can take any more of this."

Julian points at the center point of my face-- my eyes. "You look at me like I'm some monster, and I completely understand it. I don't blame you at all. I just wish we never had to come to this."

Those deep blue eyes shift away from me, a pained crease forming between his brows. He looks so lost and disheveled. A stark contrast to the stoic guy I once knew.

"Isabela." The vulnerability in his voice slices right through me. "How can I fix this?"

Every time I look at him, I'm overthrown by a tsunami of sorrow, resentment, frustration, yearning, and craving. But the most effective stimulation of them all is resentment-- how dare he walk back into my life, thinking a pitiful sorry was good enough for me to forgive him?

Tears blur my vision, but I scrunch my nose to restrain them. "Just go. If you want to fix this, then you need to let me go."

Julian shakes his head, his gaze locks with mine, nearly stunning me with the intensity. "How can you ask me to do the impossible? No, I'm not doing that. I can't leave you."

A stabbing pain twists in my chest with his words. "But you already did." I take a deep breath as tears roll down my cheeks, and I hate myself for acting like a weak little girl. "Julian, you left me for a year. A fucking year. You were my rock. The one thing I could count on, and then you disappeared right when the going got tough. I needed you... and you were nowhere to be found."

Julian's lips fold in as a cascade of tears falls from his eyes. "I-I'm sorry. I hoped my letter could stand as some type of hope for the both of us to overcome the darkness in our lives. That's an optimistic take on it, isn't it?"

My brain short-circuits, zoning in on two certain words in his sentence-- My letter. What is he going on about? A sense of curiosity and confusion shoots through my veins.

I narrow my eyes at him. "L-letter? What are you talking about?"

Our eyes lock for a brief moment. A cloud of confusion dangles over our heads like a ceiling decoration. Everything inside me comes to a complete standstill-- my breath, my thoughts, my pulse. I don't even think I'm blinking anymore as I stare wide-eyed, falling into the blue whirls of Julian's eyes as I wait for his response.

A flicker of defeat flashes across his face. "I should've known Damien would've gotten rid of it. Fuck..."

I squeeze my eyes shut and bite my lip. "W-What did the letter say?"

Doubt carves into his features. "Why I had to leave all of a sudden..." Julian toys with the end of our friendship bracelet, his eyes full of unsureness. "You always perceived me as this good guy, a knight in torn armor, but I've done plenty of things I regret. I lost my family to those mistakes. In order to protect them, I had to do things I didn't want to do, and I failed. They were going to kill my mom unless I showed up there in twenty-four hours. I acted on my instinct."

My body restarts itself, breathing and pulse patched. Questions race through my mind like they were running a marathon. First of all, fuck Damien. Something deep down hurts, messing with my emotions and jumbling my thoughts. I wanted to be angry at Julian, but how when his family was at stake?

However, I feel betrayed in a whole other way.

Julian didn't trust me.

When I opened myself up to him that night, he didn't reciprocate. I didn't second guess it, nor did I want to force him to reveal things about himself. But it hurts how easily it was to confess everything in a letter. What did I do wrong? Did I make him feel uncomfortable to open up to me?

"W-why didn't you tell me about the letter and your mom?" I blow out a shaky breath. "Why, Julian?"

"I t-tried." His voice cracks. "Isabela, I thought you knew. There was so much in that letter I wanted you to know about Isabela. I wished it had reached you... maybe then, you wouldn't hate me so much."

My heart and my head hurt with all the knowledge pilling on top of each other like a wobbly Jenga tower. The letter, the contents inside of it, Julian's other life, all of it. Frustration seeps through me as I rake my fingers through my hair. I did so many things because I was so fucking furious-- what does that say about me?

My vision blurs at the edges from the waterworks threatening to drop. "If I had known... If I had known, you wrote the letter and didn't leave me in the dark." My lips tremble. "That you cared that much about me and about us... If I had known, I would've fought you and been by your side. Why did you keep me in the dark?"

Julian's brows furrow. "What do you mean?"

Needing more air, I move into the elevator as it opens up, but Julian follows inside, pressing the emergency button to halt everything. "Fought for us. I would've fought for us! I mean, at the club and the games. I wouldn't have pushed you away or hooked up with Lorenzo. I-I mean..." My heart races with each word that leaves my mouth, but I can't bring myself to stare into his eyes. "You should've told me that night! I would've been there for you through everything!"

Julian moves as fast as lightning, his hands caging my face as his vibrant blue eyes connect with mine, and my breath is nearly stolen away. "Baby, I thought you knew. I thought you knew, and that it didn't change anything. From the moment I met you in that alleyway, I've been yours. I know I did a terrible job showing it, but it's true."

A sob breaks from my lips as Julian's thumbs wipe the tears falling down my eyes. My stomach twists into knots of guilt. So much has changed, and I can't believe how I acted. He would've let me continue hating on him if it was what made me happiest. I hate the whirlwind of emotions ripping me apart.

Another wave of tears spills from my eyes while Julian watches me cautiously. "Then why? Why? Why did you throw it all away? Why? You just left. You could've reached out-- called or texted. I would've figured a way to h-help you."

Guilt flashes in his irises. "I wanted to, Isabela, but I couldn't have you in harm's way."

Fighting back the sting of tears, I say, "I... I thoug-." The words struggle to crawl out of my throat. "I thought that we loved each other."

"We did." Julian audibly swallows. My body tingles with awareness, and goosebumps rise as his thumb strokes my cheeks in the way I used to be accustomed to. "W-we do. God, I wished this was under better circumstances, but I can't keep this inside anymore. I love you, Isabela. I should've told you this that night."

He's right.

The timing couldn't be any worse.

I can hardly recognize the man standing in front of me. How do I know he really left a letter that night and isn't lying to win me back? Julian's abrupt disappearance caused an uproar in my trusting abilities. I continuously trusted him, even after exposing my family's whereabouts to Damien and my birth control pills, but that night was the final straw.

I needed to see everything myself to believe in him.

Breaking from his hold, I retract away, and press the emergency button to get the elevator moving again. "H-How could you say that to me right now?" The bell chimes as the door opens on the ground floor. "You're such an asshole. Don't follow me!"

I bolt out of the hospital, storming into the windy breeze from the outside world. My teeth chatter as I wrap my arms around myself, supporting myself from having a mental breakout at the entrance.

"Bella-boo?" Lorenzo calls out, pulling the cigarette from his lips. "Shit. Do I have to fuck someone up? No one makes my best friend cry."

I throw my arms around Lorenzo's shoulders and bury my face in the crook of his neck. He groans for a split second, complaining about his cigarette falling to the ground, then starts rubbing circles on my back. Finally, away from Julian's glance, I unfold and bawl like the little girl I am, drenching Lorenzo's sweater.

"Let it all out, bestie," Lorenzo teases, trying to lighten the mood.

"Lorenzo," I say, sniffing. "I hate him... Why did he have to come back? It was so much easier to hate him when he was gone."

His laughter vibrates into the hug. "It's always easier to hate the object of desire when it's a million miles away. Lucky for you, you don't have to go at it alone. Promise"

The exact moment feels like Deja-vu.

Another person promised to stay with me through thick and thin.

Isn't it funny how I got to the point of believing in Lorenzo Moltisanti? And oddly enough, I think he might be the one to break the curse.

Hey guys.... *release your angry comments about me taking so long here* I'm finally back 🫣😅😅😅😅😅😅I'm SO SORRY GUYS I DIDNT EXPECT MY LIFE TO TURN INTO A REAL-life book for like a month...

Anyways things are starting to simmer down so finally I have brain power to write again!!!

What do you guys feel about their first discussion about everything? Do you understand Isabela hesitation? Or are you annoyed and just want them to make up already?

We have to have angst guys 🤪🤪🤪everyone gotta suffer!!

What do you guys hope to expect from the next chapter?

Hope you guys can forgive me and I love y'all even if you guys hate me for a while for being a flakeeee 😂😂😂😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨💀💀💀

Love ya!!!

Also omg Mika is almost at 1M I will literally die if that happens 😂😂😂