I Am Not Used To It
"Long black again? Seriously, Tae?" Tiffany shook her head after Chris put down Taeyeon's order on the table. The blonde only smiled sheepishly to Tiffany's complaint.
It had been two weeks since Tiffany joined the company and having breakfast with Taeyeon had been her new early morning routine after she knew that both of them were always the two first persons in office. Taeyeon always arrived in office at seven o'clock. Tiffany arrived fifteen minutes after. Both girls always had their breakfast in the coffee shop where they first met. Tiffany no longer needed to ask Taeyeon's permission for joining her table, which of course was not declined by the petite boss. Taeyeon was definitely okay with that, even she was beyond happy to start her day with Tiffany's company.
"I believe Chris has more to offer beside long black. Yet, you always order the same every morning. Ah, and with that cheese bagel too. Every. Single. Morning." Tiffany continued.
"I do not see something is wrong with that though." Taeyeon answered as she took her first bite.
"You always have the same routine and choices through out the day, don't you realize? I even believe that I can mention what you have in a day perfectly." Tiffany said.
"Really? Try then?" Taeyeon dared Tiffany.
"Here. Arrive in office at seven. Have your breakfast in this coffee shop, in this exactly favorite table of yours, and the menu always are cheese bagel and a cup of long black. Go upstairs at 8:15. Start whatever it is you need to work on. Mostly it's all about meetings with board of directors, meeting with sales department, meeting with top management, checking your team's report, supervise your team's works, working on new marketing strategic or tactic, et cetera. Have your lunch at twelve, with that spicy cheesy chicken that always be your choice, except if I drag you to join me with Yuri and Jess. Back to office at one, continuing your works. You will stay in office until ten unless, again, I insist you to have dinner with Yuri, Jess, and me. Then, you will go back to your apartment or drive me to my place first if I successfully make you join the dinner. I don't exactly know what you do after that but my guess will be: you continue working from home until I don't know when. Maybe you don't even sleep at all, that's why you always need your cup of long black every single morning, and then repeat the same exact routine all over again." Tiffany stared at Taeyeon's eyes with full of confidence as she mentioned Taeyeon's routine breathlessly. Taeyeon stopped chewing her bagel. She stared back at the adorable girl in front of her who just happened to perfectly mention her daily routine. She was surprised by how Tiffany could spill it out easily as if she had known Taeyeon for a very long time.
"Well..." Taeyeon finally managed to say a word, continued chewing her bagel, swallowed it down before continued talking.
"I thought I hired you to be Marketing Junior Manger. But now I think you fit better to be my personal assistant. Should I tell HR department about this?" She grinned playfully to the girl only to earn an annoyed groan from the latter.
The atmosphere between the two girls had changed a lot. To Tiffany's surprise, Taeyeon was actually a dorky friend despite of her professional attitude. While on the other side, it was Taeyeon's first time for not being insecure about people knowing her real self. She felt so comfortable with the girl's presence that she did not even try to hide her dorky side. Her heartbeat still went crazy every time she saw the girl's eye smile, heard the girl's husky voice, smelt her soft strawberry fragrance, and especially when they had the simplest skin ship like slapping each other's shoulder as they joked around. But, the comfort she got from being around the girl made her felt so intact.
"Tae? Why can't I see this dorky side of you in working hour?" Tiffany asked out of the blue.
"Huh? Why are you asking such a hard question early in the morning, Fany?" Taeyeon pouted cutely, hardly told the girl the reason.
"My dork boss. How could that kind of question was categorized as 'hard question'? Remember when you asked my opinion about unstable currency rate yesterday morning? That was hard question, Taetae." Tiffany laughed, showing Taeyeon's favorite eye smile.
"That currency rate topic was such a trending topic recently. So it was easy to point out your opinion, Fany. The last time I checked google, dorky Taetae was not even recognized by the search engine." Taeyeon gave a fake serious face resulted another laugh from the eye smile girl. Taeyeon secretly relieved knowing her attempt to divert the topic was successful. In addition, she even made the eye smile girl laugh. Tiffany's laugh was one of the best melodies she ever heard in her life. Just by listening to her laugh, the blonde would feel the rush of happiness in her heart. They continued their morning light talks while enjoying their breakfast.
Finally when the clock showed it was 8:15, Taeyeon asked for the bill for their breakfast. They no longer had to argue about who should pay because they had dealt, as long as it was not business matter, the girls would pay for their own bill instead of treating each other. Both girls immediately went upstairs to their office in ninth floor. Taeyeon made her way to her room while Tiffany made her way to Jessica's room since she mostly worked with Jessica even though her line manager was Taeyeon.
"I will see you at lunch time, Taetae!" Tiffany gave her a bright smile when they needed to split to their respective rooms.
"You wish, Fany." Taeyeon smirked playfully before came in her room, leaving Tiffany who shook her head in amusement, seeing her boss' childish attitude. She then opened the door to Jessica's room and made her way into her own desk.
"Done having breakfast with your Taetae, Tiff?" Jessica teased as soon as she saw Tiffany plopped herself on the chair.
"Yes, and since when Taeyeon is my Taetae, Jess?" Tiffany chuckled as she opened her laptop.
"Since both of you have that cute puppy name." Jessica answered nonchalantly.
"Then Yuri must be your Yul, and you must be Yuri's Sica then." Tiffany teased Jessica back, making her senior gave her a death stare. Tiffany shivered at Jessica's stare. Two weeks working with Jessica had made Tiffany understood that Jessica sure had a reason why she was called 'Ice Princess' in the office. She always had this cold appearance and attitude towards everyone, especially when she glared at people with her fierce eyes, it would definitely made them shivered in horror. If a stare could kill, then Jessica might have killed all GG Corporation's employees by the time.
"Whatever, Tiff. Now let's start working." Jessica ended their silly argument in English, shifted her gaze from Tiffany to her laptop, and busied herself with today's workload.
Both of them focused on their works. Tiffany sometimes approached Jessica's desk to ask some confusing matters or ask for the latter's approvals for some decisions she was not sure to determine. Jessica, despite of her cold appearance was actually a very nice girl who happened to be very bright and helpful. That answered Tiffany's question on the first meeting, why did Taeyeon choose Jessica to lead the meeting instead of other more senior looking people in the room. Tiffany, on the other side, was pretty much quick in adapting and learning her new job. Jessica did not find it hard to mentor the latter. She even appointed Tiffany to be a project leader in one of marketing's biggest activity this semester.
"Tiff, I'm going to have my leave next week for three days, started from Wednesday to Friday. I will leave these important documents and decision in your care. If there are any questions regarding to them, please ask Taeyeon. I don't want anyone to interrupt my mini getaway." Jessica approached Tiffany's table, bringing a small stack of documents that would need to be taken care by Tiffany.
"Really? I need to ask Taeyeon?" Tiffany felt a little bit nervous. She was really good at adapting with her new office, and her new colleagues. But she had not yet succeeded in adapting with Taeyeon's professional side. It still made her nervous. Jessica gave her another fierce look of the day, noticing her junior seemed really nervous to ask help from Taeyeon.
"Come on, Tiff. You seem to be really close to her. You girls even always have breakfast together. Why are you so nervous?" Jessica asked.
"I always have breakfast with Taetae. Not with that intimidating Miss Kim Taeyeon. You know they are kind of different..." Tiffany explained.
"The only difference I see is that she seems to be really comfortable around you and looks a bit more humane than a working machine. Come on, I do not take 'no' as an answer. In addition, you're still in probation period. If you don't want me to give bad review, you should just say yes." Jessica threated.
"Okay! Okay! Okay Jess..." Tiffany sighed in defeat. Jessica's threat was scaring her. She had dreamt of working in this company and nothing would stop herself to give her best to be a permanent employee even if it meant to face Taeyeon's intimidating self.
"Thank you, Tiff! I know I can rely on you." Jessica smirked and made her way back to her table as both girls started to work again.
It was lunchtime already. Taeyeon sat alone on her favorite spot as usual with a plate of spicy cheesy chicken and a glass of iced long black, seriously replied an email from her phone when suddenly a husky deep voice interrupted her.
"I told you that I will you see you at lunch and you literally ran away so I wouldn't drag you to go with Jess and Yuri, didn't you?" Tiffany already stood in front of her, crossing her arms on her chest, giving Taeyeon an annoyed look. Taeyeon grinned nervously as she locked her phone and put it on the table. She indeed tried to run away from Tiffany since she noticed earlier this morning, she hardly put her best on her works because she couldn't stop thinking about Tiffany. She thought about where would Tiffany brought her for lunch, would Tiffany asked her to have another dinner after working hour? Would Tiffany be able to do well on her job? Did Tiffany have a boyfriend already? Was there any possibility for her to be more than friends with Tiffany? And any other thoughts that repeatedly drifted her focus away from her works. So, she finally decided not to see the girl for the day to let her mind worked as her normal self instead of being the stupidly-in-love Kim Taeyeon. But as soon as the girl who had occupied her mind since the beginning of the day appeared in front of her, she was not even be able to resist the urge to ask the girl stay with her, accompanying her through one hour lunchtime they had.
"Are you angry?" Taeyeon asked with pleading puppy eyes. Tiffany sighed and took a seat in front of Taeyeon, leaned forward while propping her elbow on the table to support her upper body, minimizing the gap between them. Taeyeon felt nervous at the gestures Tiffany made.
"Are you having a problem, Tae?" Tiffany asked with concern look. Taeyeon was taken aback for a while noticing the sincere attention form Tiffany. She really wanted to answered that yes, she had a problem and the problem was she most likely fall in love with the girl in front of her. But instead of blurted it out, she decided to brush it off and turned into another topic.
"Are you going to eat here, Fany? Let's order some meals for you." Taeyeon offered as she plastered a fake smile. Tiffany let out another sigh and made her way to the counter, spilling out her order to the waiter, then sat back on her previous seat.
"You were in the middle of replying your email before I came. You can continue that. Don't mind my presence here. I just want to have lunch." Tiffany sulked out of a sudden. Taeyeon was confused. She had no idea why did her crush suddenly have such a bad mood. She assumed that Tiffany was angry because she ran away from her.
"Are you angry because I ran away?" Taeyeon asked carefully.
"No, Tae. Never mind. You can continue whatever activity you had before I came. I will just quietly have my lunch here, if you don't mind. Or maybe you want to be alone? I can move to another table of you want me to." Tiffany replied without even looking at Taeyeon.
"No, no. It's okay. You can just sit here." Taeyeon quickly responded. She did not want Tiffany to move especially when she knew that she just made the girl's mood turned bad.
"Okay, thank you." Tiffany replied shortly and started to play with her phone.
Taeyeon hesitantly unlocked her phone to continue replying the email before, while eating her meals. The awkward silence surrounded them as if they did not know each other at all. Tiffany's meal came later and both girls had not had any conversation yet. She started to eat in silence. Tiffany was actually feeling uneasy with the silence but she chose not to open up any conversation with her boss because she felt disappointed. First of all, she excitedly came to Taeyeon's room to ask the girl for having lunch with Jessica and Yuri only to find the room was already empty, indicating that the owner had left the room for lunch. She obviously told her that she would see her at lunch but to her disappointment, the girl already went to get her own lunch without her. Second reason was, she already considered Taeyeon as her friend. Of course, Taeyeon was her boss after all. But, these recent days they had been very friendly to each other out of working hour. But here she was, trying to be a caring friend while Taeyeon did not even want to share her problems when obviously the supposedly dorky girl had this troubled face drawn on her face.
On the other side, Taeyeon just finished replying her email. She still had dozens of emails to be replied but she decided to reply them later because the girl in front of her seemed to need more attention than those emails. She had no idea what she had to do. She wanted to be a good friend, a reason for Tiffany to smile and laugh, a person who can be Tiffany's shoulder to rely on, and above all, a good girlfriend material for the girl if she ever had a chance to be one. She tried to arrange her logic in attempt to find out what to do but she could not find any. She finally gave up and let herself doing a thing she felt right at the moment.
"Fany, I'm sorry." She said softly without leaving her eyes from the sulking girl in front of her. Tiffany looked up to find that Taeyeon had this sincere look to her. But, Tiffany was unsure that her boss knew why was she disappointed.
"What are you sorry for?" She asked.
"For making you angry." Taeyeon answered with a frown, which made her looked like an elementary school student. Tiffany sighed knowing that the blonde really had no idea about the reason behind her sulk, but she appreciated her willingness to apologize even without knowing her fault.
"I'm not angry, Tae..." She finally gave up. Sulking all day long would not help her to make Taeyeon knew her disappointment.
"I'm just disappointed..." Tiffany continued.
"Ah, whyyyy?" Taeyeon panicked as she furrowed her eyebrows and had showed a pair of sad eyes. Disappointing Tiffany was the least thing she wanted. In Taeyeon's opinion, anger could be cured by kindness, but nothing could ever cure disappointment. Taeyeon sometimes got angry in the meeting when she found that her team did not get the best performance yet her anger would soon subsided when she knew they already put the best effort on it. But, when she knew that their team slacked on their job which resulting an awful performance, she would feel disappointed and in that case, it was hard for her to see them as they were used to be. Anger could fade, but disappointment changed. She did not want Tiffany's disappointment changed what they already had right now. It had been nice between them. It was nice to finally have someone whom she could show her true self to. It was nice to finally feel the adrenaline rush every time her heart beat to their contacts. It was great to know she had a true friend instead of a colleague or business partner. It was great to know that someone was actually caring for her. And it was great to finally fall in love.
"Because I thought we were friends." Tiffany answered.
"We are, aren't we?" Taeyeon was so confused. She did not understand what Tiffany implied to say. Even though it was mostly Tiffany who made the effort in the beginning of their friendship, and kept saying that they were friends, Taeyeon actually considered the same. Besides the feeling she had for Tiffany, Tiffany was actually the only person she considered as a friend. That was why she did not mind showing her dorky side to the girl. She was really surprised when Tiffany said that she thought they were friends. That supposed to mean they were not actually friend as Taeyeon assumed. Taeyeon's feeling mixed up with panic, confusion, and sadness.
"Friends share their feelings, Tae. That was why I asked whether you have problems or not. I could see it all over your face. But you did not even mind to give me a slight clue about it." Tiffany frowned. Friendship was one of the most important aspects in Tiffany's life beside her family and her boyfriend. She cherished friendship a lot and would do anything for her friends. As she had this friendly personality it was easy for her to consider people as her friends. And in Taeyeon's case, she had this huge admiration to the girl and really wanted to be friends with her because she found Taeyeon was very unique. She was the total opposite of her. She would love to be friends with Taeyeon and she was happy that recently they had made some progress in their friendship. She loved to see how Taeyeon slowly showed her true self. But to her surprise, seemed like this friendship only meant a lot for her side. This girl in front of her still found it hard to open herself. And noticing the way Taeyeon diverted the topic when she was actually worried about her friend, made Tiffany disappointed. Despite of all the efforts she made to be friends with Taeyeon, the latter seemed like not even considering the same.
"I... I am not used to it." Taeyeon sighed. She was indeed not used to share her feelings. She had lived her independent life for as long as she could remember and it made her used to keep everything by herself. And the word 'feeling' itself meant a lot when Tiffany was the one who said it. Taeyeon knew that friends shared everything including their feelings. But, in her case, the feeling she needed to share with Tiffany was something bigger than the one that could be shared with just friends.
Somehow Tiffany was not surprised with Taeyeon's answer. She had learnt a lot about Taeyeon personality during these two weeks since they spent a lot of time together. She learnt that Taeyeon always had the same routine every single day. She always chose the same menu for her meals. She only drank long black and mineral water. She could be the brightest person in work but became clueless in personal relationship. She mostly talked about business and works rather than having personal life's conversation. She was the best when it came to logic yet the worst to follow her heart. Tiffany also knew that Taeyeon did not really have any close friends, most of her friends were colleagues or business partner. That was why Taeyeon usually had serious Topic to be talked instead of talking about something more personal like most friends did. It was not easy for Tiffany to finally make her boss showed the dorky side of her. She supposed to understand that two weeks was not enough to make Taeyeon totally opened up to her.
"I know, Tae. I'm supposed to understand. I should've known that not everyone is like me. You know, being all friendly, touchy, and clingy all the time. I'm sorry for interrupting your space. But you should at least tell me if you need your own space. I won't bother if you need one." Tiffany explained as she stared at Taeyeon's eyes intensely. Her eyes reflected how sad and disappointed she was at that time.
Taeyeon stared back at Tiffany's eyes, and for the first time since they met, her heart did not beat uncontrolled. Instead, she felt an immense pain in her chest and for a split second there, she thought her heart stopped beating as she saw her favorite pair of eyes in front of her did not show any spark as usual.
"Fany... I... I am confused." Taeyeon finally spoke. She shifted her gaze from Tiffany to her glass of long black. She did not have any courage to be honest to the girl. She had two choices for this condition. The first one was kept her feelings hidden by not telling Tiffany why did she act this way with the consequence of losing this friendship she had with Tiffany because it would just make the latter felt more disappointed. And the second option was to told the girl honestly about what bothered her mind with the consequence of making the girl disgusted with her sexual preference and did not even want to talk to her at all. Both choices resulted in her being alone all over again. Taeyeon cursed her logical brain for automatically calculating any logical consequences that would happen, while the only thing she needed right now was trying to follow her heart. But, how could she follow her heart if every time she started listening to what her heart said, her smart brain kept interrupting her with those logical calculation.
"It's okay Tae. I'm just being silly. Never mind. We're not even best friends." Tiffany immediately replied. She did not want to be more disappointed by knowing that Taeyeon maybe did not even consider her as a friend.
"No! That's not it. I do consider you as my friend. A good friend of mine." Taeyeon returned her stare to Tiffany, showing that she was being serious. The word 'best friend' was something foreign for her. But regardless of what term she used, Tiffany was indeed one of the most important persons in her life now.
"In fact, you are the first person I consider as friend ever since I started my career." She continued.
Tiffany did not say a word. She just looked back at her blonde friend intensely, trying to understand what the girl had to say. She actually felt bad as she saw Taeyeon was being uneasy. She cursed herself for pushing the girl to the edge. She supposedly stopped herself once she understood that Taeyeon maybe just needed time to get used to these friendship things.
"But I just... I'm confused..." Taeyeon put her gaze back again to the glass on the table.
"Tae, you don't need to..." Tiffany had not finished her words when suddenly Taeyeon's word cut hers off.
"I think I'm in love, Fany..."
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