[ everyone has a secret, but they never expected this to be taehyung's. not even namjoon.]
↳ vmon
     ↳ angst -> fluff.

namjoon hated people, so much. he hated talking to them, he hated looking at them, he hated touching them. and it was all because of his mom.

namjoon's mom was the complete opposite of what a mom should be like. she smoked all the time, came home drunk as fuck late in the afternoon after a 'night out' which turned into two days out without even telling her son. it was because all because of his mom.

sure, there were some people he counted as friends, but nothing more. he wasted no time by dating, getting disgusted at the thought of it. every time a girl or a guy confessed to him he would throw insults their way, never caring that they cried as he broke their heart. he never cared.

until taehyung came along.

namjoon had no clue who the fuck this new kid was, but when his friend jeongguk introduce him to the group, he knew he was going to hate him the most. he was so different from the rest of the group. while everyone dressed in leather jackets and dark clothing, this.. thing dressed in pastel sweaters and white jeans, acting all bubbly and happy, as if nothing wrong is going on in his life.

but one day when taehyung was absent, jeongguk told them something they would never expect.

"don't let that bubbly shit fool you. that kid has been trying to kill himself for about two years now," he explained, shocking everyone.

that kid wanted to kill himself? why? he has such a good life! he had so many friends and everyone loved him! he was so cute and charismatic, so why would he want to kill himself?

"what? what do you mean?" hoseok spoke up, pulling the cigarette out of his mouth. jeongguk just shrugged making namjoon narrow his eyes.

"taehyung absolutely despises himself. all the mirrors he has in his house is covered up because he hates looking at his reflection. he acts bubbly so no one would notice. it took me months to figure this shit out. he's been seeing a therapist for awhile and that's where he is now. he's slowly getting better, but i'm still scared something is going to happen and he'll try again." he sighed, making namjoon shiver in fear.

"jesus.. i never would've thought," jimin stated, linking his arm with jeongguk's. namjoon, despite hating people, always wanted to feel loved and wanted. he wanted to hold someone close to him and pepper them in kisses and tell them how much he loves them, but he knows that'll never happen.

"yeah no kidding. with that annoying personality and loud ass voice? never would have guessed the kid hates himself that much." namjoon finally spoke up. the group turned to him and he stared back, his eyelids lowering in question.

"what?"

"why do you not like taehyung?" jin spoke, leaning towards yoongi. namjoon raised a brow.

"i don't thou-"

"yeah, you do." hoseok cut off. "you completely ignore him when he tries to speak to you. you always complain about him when he isn't around and you always glare at him when he touches you. you aren't like that with us." hoseok explained. namjoon couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"you know i don't like people. of course i wouldn't like him either. it took you guys awhile to grow onto me and actually have me hang out with you."

"yeah but taehyung has been with us for a few months, which is how long it took for us to grow onto you. but.. it's like you're not even giving him a chance!" hoseok replied, making namjoon glare.

"that kid isn't like you guys. he dresses like a girl and acts so fucking cheery and i can't stand it. even if he does hate himself, i can't stand it." jeongguk rolled his eyes at what his hyung said.

"that's the most bullshit thing i have ever heard you say." he growled, shocking namjoon.

"excuse me?"

"you heard me, namjoon." jeongguk didn't even bother using honorifics, shocking the group. jimin unlatched himself from his boyfriend's arm.

"listen, just because i gave you a chance doesn't mean i have to give your family a chance-"

"you do know he admires you right?" jeongguk cut him off. everyone was shocked (again) at jeongguk's behavior and the news.

"that 'kid' loves how cool you are. he wishes he could be as 'hot' and 'cool' as you. he wishes you would fucking notice him at least once, and to have you wave back to him. he wants your attention twenty four - seven and gets all sad when you fucking ignore him like he's trash! do you know how many times he has came to me and had a panic attack because the person he admires the most is acting like the thoughts in his head? like the fucking shadows that crawl around him? he always mutters 'i know i'm such a disgusting creature, no wonder why he never liked me. no wonder he never talks to me.'" jeongguk stated, his jaw clenching in anger. namjoon sat up straighter, his eyes wide at the news. the kid, the kid he cannot fucking stand, the kid whose name he hates saying, admires him? him, of all people?

"okay. if you won't give him a chance, then i'm done with you." jeongguk stated, standing up and grabbing his bag and walking away from the group.

namjoon sat in silence. he admires him. the kid admires him. that thing admires him. the kid he can't stand admires him. taehyung admires him. but why? what was so special about namjoon? he was just some asshole who didn't care for other peoples feelings.

but why did he care so much? why did he care about how many people are looking at the kid? why did he get so angry whenever he saw someone else interact with him?

"holy shit!" namjoon yelled when he figured it all out. the group jumped from surprise and watched silently as namjoon ran (probably faster then jeongguk) away from the group and out of the school, running past jeongguk who was on his way to go get taehyung. he stopped though once he realized he had no idea where he was going.

"jeongguk, where does taehyung live?" jeongguk smirked slightly, knowing his little speech was going to work. he told him the boy's address and watched as namjoon rushed off, a worried look on his face.

he rung the doorbell multiple times, getting impatient. he stopped instantly when he saw taehyung standing in front of him, a confused look on his face.

"uhm.. hyung? what are you doing -" namjoon cut the boy off by crashing his lips onto the smaller boy's, wrapping his arms around his waist. taehyung tensed up but slowly melted into the kiss, placing his hands on namjoon's cheeks that were turning warm.

the kiss was gentle. namjoon kissed the boy as if he was fragile glass and he sort of was.. so namjoon was cautious.

namjoon pulled away first, out of breath from running and the kiss. he saw taehyung with rosy cheeks and half closed eyelids, making him look sexy.

"i'm sorry i was such an ass. i - i hate people as you may know and you were no exception. but when i got these new feelings like jealousy and wanting to be around you so much and wanting to kiss you and tell you how much i love you.. i didn't know how to handle it so i became worse to you. i'm so fucking sorry it took me so long to realize it and i'm so sorry for doing this so suddenly but - " taehyung pressed his lips against namjoon's to stop him.

"calm down, it's okay. it may take some time for me to get used to you not being an ass to me but as long as you're trying, it's fine. and i give it jeongguk told you my secret?"

namjoon nodded and frowned, pecking the boy's lips. "he did.."

taehyung giggled. "don't worry, i've been getting help. my therapist says i've been getting better, but hopefully you can heal me faster."

namjoon smiled. "i will, i love you kim taehyung."

"whoa! you said my name!"

"oh god.. please don't remind me of my asshole self,"

"you were literally being your asshole self yesterday,"

"okay, okay! i get it!" namjoon frowned.

"but i love you, too, kim namjoon. i may have told jeongguk that i admired you, but it was because i wanted to cover up the fact that i actually loved you."

"hmm.." namjoon hummed, kissing the boy once more.

-

i was listening to say when by THEY. the whole time i was writing this.

also the beginning is how i feel most of the time. it doesn't matter if people tell me i'm pretty and that i'm kind. it doesn't matter if i'm surrounded by so many people, it won't stop me from hating myself.

i despise myself so much and i've told myself the same lies to try to make myself feel better but i'm completely numb to them now.

aHHHHHHHH I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE DEPRESSING FUCK IM TERRIBLE

HI TY FOR READING ILY