[taekook, taemin, taegi, taeseok, taejoon, taejin] [angst] [2.8k words]

— where taehyung leaves them 7 tapes of reasons —

warnings : curse words, maknae taehyung, shortest taehyung

idea from '13 reasons why'
—-> if you haven't watched it yet ): go, go watch it, ish naice

7 REASONS WHY

"last but not least, it with a heavy heart that i say that we have lost one of our students. kim taehyung, who is a senior at seoul university but he had recently left us. a bright student with such great personality, brimming with passion and innocence. please do keep him in your thoughts and hearts. thank you students." the dean, mrs park, expresses her feelings of sadness and loss to the students of the university.

once the students had dispersed, whispers and small talks of the student kim taehyung was the topic of the day since what had happened.
the news of the petite ravenette's passing spread like wildfire, everyone was shocked.

however, the ones that have suffered much more, even though it's only been a day since the passing of their beloved maknae, it's already been terrible from the six boys.

"i miss him hyung." jeongguk whispers, his voice hoarse from the amount of tears he had shed last night.

"we all do ggukie." hoseok answers, the usual sunshine vibe now extinguished.

the boys sit in silence, in their own little world.
jeongguk, jimin, hoseok, yoongi, namjoon and jin were the popular students of seoul university, everyone knew them.

it was a huge surprise when they befriended the new kid, kim taehyung, already labelled weird and a nerd o the first day.

why? because he wears pastel, oversized sweaters and was always so happy, and ever ready to study and learn.
he was bullied for that and the boy never knew what was so wrong with being happy and wearing his favourite shades of colour.

_________________

the last bell of the day rings and the students flood into the hallways, noice echoing throughout the entire corridor.

opening his locker, jimin shoves his books into the confined space, grabbing his textbooks for some studying over the weekend.
his eyebrows furrow in confusion however, when he notices a small cubic parcel.

grabbing a hold of the parcel, he shuts his locker and makes his way out of the building and to the entrance to meet his friends.
on the way, the blond glances at the note that's stuck on the small parcel.

to : my favourite hyungies (:
from : taetae <3

unknowingly, a few stray tears escapes the boy's eyes, staining his soft cheeks.
reaching the boys, everyone's faces were alarmed at the sight of jimin in tears.

"what's w-wrong min?" jin asks, cupping jimin's cheeks in which his teary eyes were visible to the group.

forcing himself out of jin grip, he boy silently hands the parcel over to jin.
a soft gasp escapes his lips in surprise.

"well?" namjoon asks.

"i-it's a p-parcel, from t-taetae." jin whispers in disbelief, staring back at jimin.

"where did you get this min?" jin asks.

"m-my l-locker." the blond fiddles with his fingers, wanting so badly to know what's inside.

"let's go to my house, and u-um, see w-what's i-inside." namjoon clears his throat, his mind racing.

- namjoon's house -

carefully opening the parcel, jeongguk's eyes fill with confusion as he takes out tapes.
each tape labelled with what everyone is familiar with, tae's handwriting.

"l-let's w-watch this." yoongi whispers.

when they found out about the news, it's as if yoongi has gone mute.
he barely talks and as everyone predicted, tae is his source of energy and happiness.

'reason 1' was written on one of the tapes, placing the cd into a player to watch.

the screen lights up and a bright smiling tae comes into frame, everyone's eyes already tearing up from seeing their maknae.

[a/n : italics are what's happening in the tapes, non italics are in reality]

shifting in his seat, the petite ravenette smiles brightly, eyes glistening as he gazes directly into the camera lens.

"hi hyungies!" the boy waves cutely, his pastel pink sweater paw flopping around.

he clears his throat, the atmosphere now becoming more serious that before.
the boy shifts his gaze elsewhere, before letting out a painful, nervous laugh then looking directly into the camera.

his eyes held so much pain and suffering, so much need and hope.
jin slaps a hand over his mouth, tears already flowing down his cheeks at the look in tae's soft chocolate brown orbs.

"so, by the time y-you're seeing t-this, m'probably g-gone." tae chuckles.

"i can't t-take it anymore h-hyungies. everything is t-too m-much and i-i don't know h-how much i c-can handle anymore. m'tired of it. t-taetae tired hyungies." a few stray tears leave his eyes as he cracks out the most pain-filled smile ever seen.

the boy looks down, fiddling with his fingers a little before looking back up.

"reason one. do you guys remember jaewon and his stupid gang? yea. s-sometimes i question m-myself. i-is it such a s-sin that i like p-pastel colours and s-studying? is it t-that wrong that b-b-bullying is t-the answer?" tae screams into the camera, tears rolling non stop down his soft cheeks.

"h-he was b-bullied?" hoseok whispers in disbelief, eyes filled with shock.

the boys exchange shocked glances, all this information new to them.
the burning passion for revenge already set on jaewon and his gang, oh boy.

"h-how did w-we not k-know?" jeongguk asks, griping his hair harshly, blaming himself.

"p-please don't b-blame yourselves hyungies. t-taetae didn't w-wanna tell you b-because he d-didn't wanna b-be a b-bother." the ravenette sniffed softly, wiping his tears away.

he smiles gently into the camera.

the boys could feel their hearts filling with pure sadness but a mix of warmth at the love radiating from tae's beautiful smile.

"i forgive them hyungies."

the screen goes black and everyone's jaws drop at the last sentence tae had said.

"h-he forgives them?" jin mumbles to himself, not believing that they boy actually did that.

"h-he's too kind." jimin wails and lets out soft cries, burying his face into his hands.

silently, namjoon switches the tapes.
he puts in the one labelled 'reason 2'.

"h-hyungies!" the boy squeals loudly, swaying his body excitedly, showing off his pastel blue sweatshirt with a small, smiling cloud on the top right corner.

"i know m'too happy in these tapes, but i think i should. because taetae's gonna be free!" tae smiles, looking around the room.

"reason two. from bullying comes public humiliation. i guess that's what jay and his brother min did after they saw from m-me suffering w-with bullying from j-jaewon." tae starts, already tearing up he looks up.

"i-it's NOT FAIR! it's not f-fair. h-how dare they. how c-could they have the h-heart to stalk taetae? how c-can they take p-pictures of taetae w-without his p-permission? h-how did t-they get it at the r-right time? w-why would they hyungies? just w-why?" tae says, voice infused with so much hurt and fear.

"i-it was when hyungies went for y-your retreat. t-taetae was all alone for o-one week and t-they followed taetae h-home. t-took pictures of t-taetae changing. and p-printed copies and s-showed the w-whole s-student body!" tae exclaims, tears full on.

"oh my goodness." namjoon gasps, fresh tears taking over the already dried ones.

"t-taetae was s-scared hyungies. he didn't know what to do. b-but m-mrs park found o-out and h-helped taetae." the ravenette smiles, grateful from the help.

"b-but it's okay. taetae forgives them."

"h-he's talking i-in third person g-guys." yoongi points out, the rest nodding as their hearts clenches in pain.

tae never talks like that without a reason.
he only addresses himself in third person if he's acting cute or if he's in pain, fear or sadness and it's very rare.

but i guess reality is painful when it really hits you harshly.

______________

'reason three' was on, everyone's faces already filled with tears.

"hEY HYUNGIES!" the boy screams brightly.

his extra-ness making the boys coo and laugh softly, their hearts breaking at how much tae suffered and they didn't know.

beating themselves up was one thing, but feeling guilt after guilt and then beating yourself up is painful and that's what the six boys felt right now.

"reason three. i guess after the p-public humiliation, n-nobody wanted t-to be taetae's friend. b-because everyone s-stopped talking to him. t-they made him f-feel s-small and alone and taetae d-doesn't l-like that." tae explains, playing with the strings of his pastel purple hoodie.

"w-when..?" namjoon asks in disbelief.

when the boys were around tae, everyone used to talk to him, and by everyone they mean it.

"s-still when h-hyungies were gone. t-taetae was alone and sad. s-so he buried h-himself in h-homework and s-studies. t-taetae even forgot to e-eat." the boys pouts.

"b-but. i forgive them." the boy smiles.

feeling utterly numb, namjoon, like a robot, inserts the fourth tape.
tears unstoppable for all the boys, not even bothering to wipe them away.

______________

"hyungies ~" tae giggles softly.

he shifts around on his chair, looking small as ever in his oversized baby pink sweater.

the boys could clearly see the eye bags under his eyes, dark circles decorating his eyes.
the chocolate brown orbs now seem to be void of all emotions expect defeat and sadness.

and that hit the boys really hard.
how did they not know?

"reason four. the cause was t-this day. today...was not fun." the boy begins, his voice now emotionless and full of hopelessness.

"taetae g-got hurt and s-scared. today, taetae got t-touched i-i-in places and h-he d-d-didn't like it. taetae tried p-pushing them away, but he's so w-weak." the boy begins to cry, letting out his tears and heavy sobs.

jeongguk's jaw drops, not believing one bit that his dongsaeng was touched uncomfortably.
his lips purses into a thin line of pain.

"taetae was j-just walking t-to class d-during lunch and t-then jay, min and his f-friend pinned t-taetae to a wall a-after pulling him to a s-secluded c-corner. taetae c-can never forget the l-look on t-their faces as t-they came closer to taetae." the boy squeezes eyes shut, not wanting to remember anything.

"t-their lips were e-everywhere. k-kisses and h-h-hickeys. j-j-jay's h-hand were all o-over taetae's b-body and h-he didn't l-like it hyungies." the boy hugs himself tightly, tears crawling down his cheeks.

the boys could feel their hearts breaking, weeping in sorrowful pain at the sight of their precious maknae torn and broken.

"t-taetae doesn't k-know what he d-did wrong hyungies. h-he doesn't know why he deserves all this. t-taetae feels d-disgusting hyungies, he doesn't l-l-like it." tae ruffles his fluffy raven coloured hair.

"but, i forgive t-them."

the screen goes black and nobody moves, it's as if time stood still for them.
jeongguk begins to cry, tears falling onto his cheeks, already missing tae.

"i c-can't hyungs. i-it's t-too much. h-how did we n-not k-know?" the boys asks, his mind breaking into in mush.

__________________

"hyungies, hi." the boy's tone now sad and down, hollow and hopeless.

"reason five. i never knew i could be able to feel so disgusting and tainted. i never knew i could be able to feel such embarrassment. i never knew i could be able to hate myself this much. i just feel so so used." tae's voice small and needy, wanting love and protection.

"w-what's he talking about?" jimin asks, his voice hoarse from so much crying that his eyes willingly let out the salty liquid.

"i will never forget this day hyungies. this day that pushed me to my brink, this day that will forever remain in my mind even if t-taetae's gone." he says softly.

"i was raped. used, touched and tormented until i feel so utterly disgusted and dirty. no amount of scrubbing will ever get rid of this horrible feeling." tae whispers, his voice cracking but surprisingly no tears.

the boy rolls up his baby pink hoodie sleeves and shows the camera his bony wrists that were filled with bruises.

some bruises from hands holding onto his fragile wrists harshly whilst others are his doing of scrubbing hardly on his soft skin.

nothing could prepare them for what tae had said, literally nothing.

their baby was raped?

tears running down their cheeks, bottom lips wobbling in guilt and hopelessness.
hands clammy and their frames shaking.

a loud cry of pain from jeongguk alarms the boys, he cries his heart out.
yoongi pulls the younger closer, crying softly.

"it's not your faults hyungies. it's nobody's. he, j-jay just decided to do it i guess? to torture me, to ruin me." tae explains, eyes empty and sunken, the usual brightness now gone.

his mind void of all emotions, blood vessels fuelled with sorrow and his shattered soul.

"everyone makes mistakes. and so did jay. so i forgive him." tae smiles a little into the camera before the screen goes black.

guilt. that's what they felt.
the only question that runs through all their minds is : 'how did we not know?'

blaming themselves, their minds now playing tricks on them, teasing them.
picking on them and pointing all the fingers on them, wanting them to fee this way.

jin silently puts in the next tape.
their hearts not ready for it.

"hi hyungies." tae smiles softly.

"this is something nobody knows about me because i've always felt embarrassed by this. i never want to admit this but it's what i have to do. so hyungies, do you ever wonder about my parents?" tae asks, eyes twinkling as he looks into the camera.

"...no." hoseok whispers in answer.

"reason six. my mom passed on when i was very young, she left me and my dad because of cancer. she's my hero hyungies. she was so so loving and always there for me. my dad d-decided to remarry years later and i was happy that he found love again. he met this woman who was amazing, in the beginning." tae says softly.

"they got married a few months after and she started to abuse me. she would h-hit me and curse at me. hurt me p-physically and she would e-even starve me. i a-asked myself what i did wrong, what taetae d-did to d-deserve all this p-pain." the ravenette whispers, his voice erupting with pain and fear.

"maybe taetae j-just deserves the pain. she's still h-hurting t-taetae now, but maybe because he exists, she does that. m-maybe it's taetae's fault eomma left. maybe, i-it's my fault." he cries softly.

"b-but it's okay. i forgive her."

"a-abuse?" hoseok repeats in disbelief.

"h-he's such a kind soul. h-how does h-he deserve such p-pain?" yoongi mumbles, his heart hurting.

________________

"it's my last tape hyungies! i made seven because together we are a group of seven. and our bond is unbreakable."

"hyungies, even tho m'up there, taetae will always be by your side, taetae will always love you all. unless you don't want me too."

"so, reason seven. the voices in my head. the terrify me greatly, scare me to death and make me feel like a complete failure. they scream, t-torment and c-criticise me until i overflow with s-sadness every minute of my life. i c-can never get a break." the boy smiles through his salty tears.

"i-its as if t-they enjoy m-making me feel down and u-useless. that's basically what t-taetae's feels all the time. t-taetae is a burden, sorry hyungies f-for being a burden to you, sorry for being a-annoying hyungies."

"hyungies, taetae loves you so so much! and he'll always b-be with you. i h-hope you will keep me i-in your hearts f-forever." the ravenette gives the camera a soft smiles.

his eyes twinkling brightly.

🙈🙉🙊

m'so sorry for not updating ):
i've been super busy and exams ;-;

but answers to my q&a will be up soon.
thank you reading as well!

OKAY WAIT I DIDNT REALISE 200k READS AKJSJAJJWJJX WAT

WAIT, OML THANK YOU >///<
m'actually gonna cry T^T

—-> love y'all 💜

next : taekook