[taekook, taegi, taemin, taejoon, taeseok, taejin] [angst] [1.8k words]

— where taehyung is depressed and his members don't know —

warnings : maknae taehyung, short taehyung, triggering

DROWNING

he found himself on the bathroom floor, gripping the blade tightly right above his already scar filled wrist.
fat, cold tears stream down his face and his lips quiver in pain and fear.

he feels as if he's drowning in a pool of fear as hands claw at his legs, pulling him down.
crying silently, the boy looks at his wrist.

littered with fresh new cuts, brimming with the crimson liquid as tears fall.
his heart cracks when he promised himself he would be clean, it's only been two days.
non of his hyungs know, and he doesn't intend on making his hyungs know.

quickly washing up, the young caramel head hisses as water caresses his cuts.
still crying softly, he wraps the medical tape around his wrist.

he grabs his bottle of pills and pops two pills into his mouth, filing them with water.
he sighs, stepping out of the bathroom.

he wipes at his eyes harshly and walks into his and jimin's shared room.
he sighs in relief when he sees his best friend still asleep, snuggled up in the blankets.

best friend? oh honey, he doesn't care
actually, they don't care
they don't deserve a pathetic shit like you
you're just pulling them down

"t-that's t-true." tae whispers in agreement at the voice in his mind crackling at him

slipping under the covers of his fluffy, thick blanket, the boy sighs silently.
curling up into his blankets, he drifts off to dreamland, welcoming the darkness.

_____________

groaning in annoyance, the caramel head blinks his eyes a few times.
looking over to jimin's bed, he frowns seeing his best friend gone.

"why didn't he wake me uppp." tae whines as he pouts, getting out of bed.

jumping out of bed, the boy hisses slightly at the hard impact of his bony feet on the floor.
taking a quick shower, he stares at his wrist.
tracing the deep cuts lining his thin, fragile wrist, the boy grimaces at what he had done.

snapping out of his trance, the caramel head slips on one of his sweaters with some ripped jeans shorts and a pair of socks.
he walks down the stairs, his feet hitting the floor boards, moving silently.

"i'm worried about taetae." tae stops in his tracks when he hears his name being said by his best friend, jimin.

"how so jimbles?" hoseok asks.

"i saw him coming into bed last night with tears in his eyes." jimin says, his tones infused with so much sadness, it hurt.

gasps were heard and tae immediately feels horrible, he feels bad knowing his members are worried about him.

the boy feels like a burden.

such a fucking burden to them
they don't care, just pretending to
do them a favour and die

putting on a blank face, the boy walks into the dining room and plops down in his chair.
the table silenced and tae looks up with fear and confusion in his eyes.

"what's wrong hyungies?" tae asks, his eyes truly confused with the silence.

"nothing tae." yoongi smiles warmly.

tae nods and hesitantly take a bite of his stack of pancakes in front of him.
after their breakfast, the boy head to the living room for some binge watching since it's their day off which is very very rare.

settling on the couch, tae snuggles up into jimin's warm embrace, smiling in content.
the older of the two laughs and hugs tae tightly, pulling him closer and nuzzling his nose into the younger's soft hair.

"who's turn is it to pick the movies?" jin asks as namjoon pecks his forehead.

"it's taetae." jeongguk smiles at the boy snuggles up in jimin's arms.

tae perks up, his eyes widen in surprise.

"really ggukie hyungie?" tae squeaks out, his cheeks red.

"yeap, go ahead and pick."

"um. how a-about suicide squad?"

the boys nod in agreement and get ready to watch the movie.

in the middle of the movie, tae gets out of jimin's hold and walks over to the kitchen.
grabbing a glass, he pours some water.
as he gulps down the water, he gets startled by a voice saying his name.

due to the shock, he jumps and drops the glass.
the sound of his glass hitting the floor shakes the caramel haired male to the core.

jeongguk, who was the one who called tae, steps forward towards the younger.
unfortunately, he didn't notice a small shard of glass on the tiled floor and steps on it.

"ah! o-ow!" jeongguk whimpers in pain, clutching his right leg as he drops to the ground.

tae gasps as tears fill his eyes seeing one of his beloved hyungs in pain.
kneeling down, the caramel head places a hand on jeongguk's leg.

"d-don't touch it tae!" jeongguk shouts.

the boys hear this and rush to the kitchen only to see jeongguk holding his leg and tae with a tears and a hurt expression with tears.

"move tae." jin says and immediately the group huddle around the boy who's hurt.

tae whimpers and he steps out of the kitchen.
reaching the front door, he slips on his shoes and runs out the dorm with tears slipping out of his eyes, staining his hollow cheeks.

_______________

his skeletal body shivers in the cold wind as the boy walks down the sidewalk to a park.
tears still running down his face and staining his beautiful face, he doesn't care.

such a nuisance
hurting your hyung? wow
great job you pathetic bitch
go, do it

the last sentence that the voice said to him struck him deep.
he stops and scans his surroundings, a lightbulb goes off in his head and the boy nods.

he makes his way to the park, specifically the lake that's so utterly famous.
heaven lake, the lake that's is famous for suicide.

~ meanwhile ~

"there, done." jin smiles as he wraps up the bandage around jeongguk's foot.

"thanks hyung." jeongguk smiles.

settling back down onto the couch, the boys get comfortable, wanting to finish the movie.
jimin however, looks lost.

"where's taetae?" jimin asks.

"tae?" yoongi calls out as he searches the house along with hoseok.

the duo come back and shake their heads, but hoseok looks so disturbed.

"what's wrong hobi hyung?" jeongguk asks, eyeing his hyung who looks confused.

hoseok holds up two bottles and walks over, sitting down beside jimin.
jimin grabs one of the bottles and begins to read the information.

"uses, a-anxiety attacks, s-social a-anxiety disorder, panic a-attacks and...d-depression?" jimin utters in disbelief, tears already forming.

the boys look at jimin stunned, their hearts clenching in pain as the just found out that their ball of fluff and sunshine and precious maknae has depression and they didn't know.

"w-what? h-h-how?" jimin looks at hoseok, his eyes showed all signs of fear.

"h-how d-d-did i n-not know?" jimin whimpers, tears dropping.

hoseok engulfs the poor boy in a hug as the boys could feel tears on their cheeks.
suddenly, yoongi's phone rings and he takes a glimpse at the caller and gasps.

taetae 🌸

[bold : the boys] [italic : taehyung]

"hello? taetae?" yoongi calls out, his voice sounding so concerned and soft.

"a-am i o-on s-speaker h-h-hyungie?" tae asks and he was.

"y-you are t-tae." jin stutters.

"w-where are you t-taehyungie?" jeongguk asks softly.

"are y-you okay g-ggukie h-hyungie?"

"i'm alright taetae. c-come back, w-we need to t-talk." jeongguk pleads.

"no! i d-don't deserve y-you guys. you're t-too nice to me. i h-hurt y-you and i n-need to be p-punished." tae explains.

"w-what do y-you mean?" jimin asks.

"heaven lake. i'm g-going h-hyungies. i'm in s-so m-much pain. i'm t-too t-tired to fight a-anymore. i j-just want to s-sleep forever without a-any p-problems b-bothering me." tae whispers into the phone and the boys could clearly hear him getting closer to water as they could hear his shoes scraping on the boardwalk of the lake.

"n-no! t-taetae! please! we will help you." hoseok pleads as the boys already got into the van.

"i l-love y-you hyungies. i-i'm sorry f-for being such a b-burden. i'm s-sorry for being a-annoying. i'm s-sorry. t-thank y-you for all the l-love and the h-happy times."

"tae...please don't." namjoon whispers.

"h-hyungies, you're l-like my s-second family. i c-can't live w-without b-but i h-have to go. i can't h-hold you d-down." tae continues.

the boys reach heaven lake at that moment, but boy was the park big as hell.
they could hear tae's strained, fear infused voice through the speaker of the phone.

the boy had muted their line of the phone so that tae couldn't hear them.

"where is he!" jimin grumbles.

"calm down chim, we'll find him." namjoon pats his shoulder.

the boys looks around the park, coming towards the huge lake with beautiful large trees decorating the surroundings.

"come on tae. i don't you to go though what i went through!" yoongi ruffles his hair in frustration, looking for tae.

the boys frown, since when did yoongi have depression and how come they didn't know about this.

"w-when hyung?" namjoon asks.

"a really long time ago. before BTS." yoongi explains, his eyes scanning the lake.

"there!" yoongi points to a small, shivering frame on the edge of the boardwalk.

the boys run to the boardwalk and their hearts break at the sight of their precious maknae crouched at the edge with his small frame shaking horribly.

the sounds of his broken, vulnerable cries attack their hearts with a thousand arrows.
jimin rushes towards his best friend and pulls the younger into a hug.

tae freezes but relaxes when he recognises the scent of his best friend.
the rest of the boy join in, spreading more warmth to the broken boy.

"h-h-hyungies." tae whispers in fear.

he looks up at all his hyungs, eyes sparkling.
the boys' hearts clench at how tae's eyes show so much pain and how lost they look.
his small frame looking smaller in the sweater and they could see his highly prominent collarbones and cheekbones.

"oh taetae, why didn't you tell us?" hoseok asks, caressing his hollow cheek.

"i w-was s-s-scared." tae mumbles.

yoongi lifts up tae's head with his finger under tae's chin, smiling softly.

"we will never leave you. we're all here for you and we love you so much taetae. i don't want you to go through what i went through. we will help you, always." yoongi smiles.

tae whimpers and leans into yoongi's chest, crying softly, letting out all his feelings.
the boys are stunned at the speech that yoongi gave, it moved them.

"t-thank you h-hyungies." tae whispers.

"you're welcome sweetie." jin smiles.

🙈🙉🙊

hey lovelies!
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kay bye my angels ~ ❤️

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