theattentivesoul

My entry into Margaret Atwood's #Freeze-Dried Fiction contest. Read Margaret Atwood's story, the Freeze Dried Groom, then read my story as a prequel.When Dr. Claire Ledus loses her sister in a tragic accident, her life is changed forever. As she grieves, she struggles to forgive the man whose carelessness cut her sister's life short. Is Clyde Davis a monster, or simply a man who made a terrible mistake? Perhaps Clyde deserves Claire's forgiveness. But when Claire learns the truth about her sister's life after her death, she is no longer certain she can forgive herself.…

theattentivesoul

#Wattys2014 Award Winner: This candid, heartfelt collection of essays addresses many of life's thorniest challenges. Whether you struggle with a perennially messy house, run away worrying, depression, an unhappy relationship, mega-stress or even the devastating loss of a loved one, give yourself the gift of The Power Of Rest. You'll find comfort, encouragement and inspiration here, and come away with a renewed appreciation of your own inner wisdom and innate desire for peace, gratitude and simplicity.…

theattentivesoul

Our plane touches down at one in the morning, and I text my best friend of 28 years, "We landed thirty minutes early. Colorado tail wind!" From memory, I tell the driver the address. Forty five minutes, if he drives quickly, and my children will be tucked under the same blankets I used when we were gangly seventh graders giggling over boys. When I cried myself to sleep after the sudden death of my sister, and hid from the home I wasn't always ready to return to. Dreaming the peaceful sleep that is possible only when you know you are safe, as the future rolled towards me with its diaphanous edges and gently lit hopes.…

theattentivesoul

Celebrating Mother’s Day when your mother is dying is no picnic. Don’t rush to judgement, though. It isn’t that I don’t cherish the memories of our last holiday. It’s just that it was awful. Harrowing. Absolutely terrible. But perfect nonetheless.…

theattentivesoul

It took me time to internalize some of life’s finer points, and God knows there are plenty more I’m still working on (such as “moderation in all things” or, “worry is useless”). Fortunately, I was a quick study in one area that has helped me thrive in many others. This gives me hope, and makes me think I’ve made up for lost time. It’s this all important piece of wisdom; you won’t get far in life without good friends by your side.…

theattentivesoul

My mom was well known around town for her eccentric style, and the way she shopped, cooked and dressed made my family stand out even more. We were colorful (in a weird way) before reality TV made being odd and dysfunctional cool and edgy.But, like most kids, I just wanted to fit in and eat pizza. But my mom hated blending in even more than she hated pizza (unless, maybe, it was topped with eggplant and arugula). She insisted on making Basque pickled tongue and soup with chicken feet. Normal just wasn’t her thing. Of all the strange dishes that colored my childhood, oxtail soup stands out the most in my memories.…

theattentivesoul

When we feel hopeless, we’ve allowed the song of our sadness to drown out the grace and beauty of our futures. Hopelessness is a transient condition that feels agonizingly real. Death, however, is a permanent solution to that temporary agony.…

theattentivesoul

#Wattys2014 Award Winner…

theattentivesoul

Buddhists characterize the agitated, restless quality of our negative thoughts as the Monkey Mind. Like a troupe of monkeys swinging through the forest, our minds rarely pause to savor the peace of the present moment. Instead, they move wildly from branch to branch, chattering and screeching about what we have or haven’t accomplished, how we fear we’ve failed or will fail. Our negative thoughts keep us in a locked in a constant state of worry while we fritter away the moments of our lives in a turbulent back and forth journey between what was and what might be.…

theattentivesoul

Yesterday was our 18th anniversary, but I did not buy my husband a gift. Instead, I baked seven pies. Year eighteen, with its traditional gifts of porcelain and garnets, hadn’t been a banner year, or put either of us in a gift-giving mood. I believe, as wholeheartedly as I can, that next year’s anniversary will be worth celebrating.…

theattentivesoul

I have a confession. I love my husband, but all too often, I throw around the D word; divorce. If he looks at me funny when I’m premenstrual, chats up the cute barrista at Starbucks, doesn’t buy me a birthday present or falls asleep when I’m talking to him, I feel the words bubbling up in the very core of my being and they seem to tumble out of thier own accord. "I can't do this anymore!", I wail (to him or myself, depending on who's awake and listening).…

theattentivesoul

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.” Richard BachSoothsayers, quacks, mystics and sages have predicted the end of the world for thousands of years. When Haley’s Comet, the Hadron collider, Y2K and the selection of the new Pope didn’t precipitate the end, doomsday watchers scrambled to find a new symbol on which to hang their hats, one which might work the world into another froth and frenzy of fear.…

theattentivesoul

I know what’s in my purse (old receipts, a maxed out credit card and some stale crackers). But hearing what other women carry in their bags gives me inspiration. You carry a sewing kit, tweezers and a mini umbrella? Excellent! It sounds like you're ready for anything. Admittedly, I’m a little weird, but I’m not alone in my purse preoccupation. Women’s magazines detail the exact contents of celebrities’ purses (e.g. $30 tubes of lip balm, seaweed gummy bears and pictures of their dogs). Clearly, I’m not the only one interested in what other women are lugging around in their handbags. But, as countless men have wondered, why do women carry so many things in their purses and do we really need all that stuff?…

theattentivesoul

Fear. Misinformation. A winding road paved with good intentions. All foundations of senseless wars waged throughout the ages. Have we grown any savvier?…

theattentivesoul

The holiday season isn’t simply a time of celebration. It is also a season of perpetual busyness and endless (sometimes forced) effervescence which begins right after Halloween and doesn’t let up until New Year’s. That’s a long stretch of merry making for anyone suffering from depression, struggling with an addiction, grappling with the loss of a loved one or healing from a broken heart. Sometimes, the holidays simply aren’t that happy.…

theattentivesoul

My life in twenty tags. #17: Both my parents wanted to be writers. My mother wanted to write a children's book entitled, "Birthday Cake For Breakfast," and my dad tapped away at a novel for years, but no one ever knew what he was writing about. Their words died with them. I am terrified that will happen to me.…

theattentivesoul

When we choose our dreams well, following them leaves us feeling exhilarated and hopeful. But if we chase dreams carelessly, before their time or for the wrong reasons, the endeavor leaves us feeling restless, lost and confused. So, is there a way to determine if our dreams are indeed worth following? If so, how can we know when the time is right to step out in faith, and begin making our dreams our new reality? There is, if you examine your dreams carefully.…

theattentivesoul

One winter morning, the disorderly state of my house weighed quite heavily on my heart. I felt like the ancient Sisyphus of Greek mythology, eternally condemned to roll an immense boulder up a mountain, only to have it slip and roll away as he neared the finish line.  Like Sisyphus,  I felt as if my days were consumed by pushing piles of dirty laundry, dishes and displaced toys up a mountainside until they lurched down to bury me, day after live long day.…

theattentivesoul

There’s lots of wisdom hiding in children’s stories if you just know where to look. Fairy tales teach us to follow our intuition; if the apple is too shiny or grandma doesn’t seem like herself, follow your gut and bolt! Fables remind us to honor our unique strengths; don’t try to run your race like everyone else- sometimes, slow and steady is your best bet. Children’s tales often convey such a mighty message in a tiny package that pound for pound, page for page, they offer at least as much inspiration as any self help book (or more!), but in an easier to digest format.…

theattentivesoul

Have you made your New Year’s resolutions? Perhaps you’ve vowed to drink more water and cut back on junk food so you can squeeze back into your skinny jeans. Wherever you’ve set your sights, you should be aware of two very different types of resolutions. One is helpful and positive- this is your garden variety New Year’s Resolution. The other is nasty and hurtful- this is a Soul Sucking Resolution. The latter will draw you downwards, kill your spirit, take away your natural enthusiasm for life and eat the flower on your birthday cake!…