AaronRubicon

Tom and I were childhood best friends. And were convinced that we were funny. So convinced that, when we grew up, we drove across the country to make our mark writing comedy in Los Angeles. And against all odds, we did.Until one day, Tom told me something about himself. Something shocking, something I never expected. A secret that would change everything.Our friendship had survived the hellish halls of High School and the cut-throat studios of Hollywood.But would it survive this?A work of fiction inspired by true events, "PRONOUN PROBLEMS" is the hilarious and heartbreaking story about what happens to a guys' friendship when one of them stops being a guy.(Cover by the talented and oh-so-patient @Lucyface, aka Lucy Rhodes.)…

AaronRubicon

"Sure, it was robots this time. But who's to say that it won't be zombies next time? And when the zombies do come, who's going to be ready for it? Me." - Marietta "I mean, like, say what you want about the robots, but at least they weren't gross!" - LilaWelcome to the long-awaited sequel to the irreverent and uproarious 2015 Watty Award-winning EVERYONE DIED + MY iPHONE STOPPED WORKING!It's been three years since humanity was *almost* wiped out and the lucky survivors are now breathing easy, confident that they no longer have anything to fear from murderous robots. And indeed, they do not.But unbeknownst to them, there is another extinction-level threat on the horizon. It's a ferocious new enemy... and it smells terrible.Cover art courtesy of my ridiculously talented friend Dave Pressler. http://www.davepresslerart.com…

AaronRubicon

*****WATTYS 2015 WINNER!*****WATTPAD STAFF PICK (9/7/15)In the end, the robots win. But you already knew that."Everyone Died + My iPhone Stopped Working" is a collection of short interviews with some of the survivors. People who have tremendous insight into the rise of Artificially Intelligent machines or, more often, don't.Why did the robots rise up? What did they want? Why couldn't they be stopped? Can they be stopped now? Is humanity doomed? And what the f--k is going on with the squirrels?You will get the answers to all of these questions. Or some of these questions. Or none of these questions. We'll see.I will be updating this once a week until I run out of stuff that I find funny. Then I'm done.Cover art courtesy of the hilarious and ridiculously talented Dave Pressler. (http://www.davepresslerart.com)…

AaronRubicon

In the fall of 2007, a quirky, sensitive girl named Hannah had a crush on an insensitive jerk. And I was her father.In the summer of 1984, a quirky, sensitive girl named Emily had a crush on an insensitive jerk.And I was that jerk.Loosely based on a true story (well, several, actually) "The Idiot Who Ran Into A Tree" is a comedic, bittersweet tale of parenting, teen angst, summer camp and a quarrelsome oak.All the names have been changed. The nicknames, however, have stayed the same.…

AaronRubicon

#103 in General Fiction / #162 in Short StorySummary: When Robyn gets engaged to Brian, her second thought is "I love this man!" But her first thought is, “I have to lose weight!” So she signs up for an exclusive weight loss program called Tenacity for Women. They say that results are guaranteed. And boy, do they mean it.What follows is a hilarious odyssey of diet, exercise and madness!…

AaronRubicon

#86 in Short Story (7/11/15)Remember your "first time?" Well, I wish I could forget mine. As a Freshman in college, I met Carrie and we fell in love. We thought we were the perfect couple. We thought we would always be together. But after we decided to consummate our relationship, it all came crashing down. Bitterness and recriminations followed. Now, it is my college reunion and I find myself face-to-face with Carrie for the first time in twenty-five years. And I realize that I might have a chance to heal the wounds of the past... or possibly make them a whole lot worse. Switching back and forth between past and present, and told in first person, this is a work of fiction that is, as they say, "inspired by true events."New cover courtesy of Elicia Hyder, who just couldn't stand to look at the horrendous old cover any longer. *******PLEASE NOTE: THIS STORY CONTAINS SEX, PROFANITY AND ADULT SITUATIONS*******…