James' POV

The ground beneath me was moist and wet, slippery even, and every time my bare feet reconnected with it shivers travelled all throughout my body.

I didn't know where I was but I felt something guiding me down a path built in cold and irregular shaped stone. It continued on for as far as I could see, one very straight and dark line which cracks where covered in damped grass and weeds.

It was cold, too cold for the thin clothes I had on, dark enough for someone to trip on their own feet and through the air navigated a strong draft of wind, almost strong enough to push me further. I couldn't see much besides the path I was running on, desperately trying to find its end.

I ran and then ran some more.

It wasn't until I had nearly reached exhaustion that, out of nowhere, I saw someone, the silhouette was of a woman, she had long hair cascading down her back and gazed at me intensely. I stopped and stared, trying to get a better glimpse of her just to make sure it was actually her.

I followed the mysterious figure but every time I increased my pace so I could get to her, she would do the same. Our run turned into one long sprint and we quickly reached a building, somehow I was so caught up on the chase that I didn't even notice it until I was in it.

It had an industrial feel to it, lowered and dim lights throughout its length. I didn't quite have time to process my surroundings before I noticed she was already on the opposite side of the room.

As she took a couple of steps back, she stepped right under one of the lights, allowing me to take a proper look at her face. It was her. Her plumped, red lips with rosy cheeks, a small nose and big dove eyes right under her perfectly trimmed eyebrows and slightly obscured by her dark and now long hair, it was longer than I remembered.

She smiled at me and mouthed my name, causing my heart to race for a completely different reason.

I was even more nervous now as started chasing after her again, and despite knowing that I was heading somewhere I wanted to go, I couldn't help but to feel like my desires were behind the wheel instead of my brain. It all felt too easy, but I would do anything to hold her in my arms again.

I turned around the corner and all of the sudden the lights were mysteriously switched off and everything was pitch dark. If it weren't for my irregular breathing, you would be able to hear cold silence of the night. I kept looking around, facing all possible directions in the hopes of seeing something or seeing her again but no such thing happened.

Suddenly, her face appeared beside me, on my left, and made me jump. I turned to face her but just as our gaze locked on one another she was gone.

"No!" I screamed before drowning in silence again.

I froze. I felt claustrophobic, desperate, anxious, like I was losing her all over again but just as my worst thoughts were taking place she appeared again, for the opposite side.

There, over to the right!

I wasn't even able to start running toward her when she disappeared yet again. However, I wasn't simply going to stand there, not this time.

I started running faster than ever before with my arms in front of me to prevent hitting something my eyes neglected to see. The room felt like it was expanding as I moved and, despite running for what felt like hours, I found nothing...

I couldn't find her again, it was nothing more than an illusion. Finally there was a light at the end of the room, clinging on to hope I raced there with every ounce of energy I had left and, just as I was about to touch her, she disappeared.

I couldn't help but to fall on my knees, gasping for air and weep into the cold, empty night.

She wasn't there, she wasn't, even though I would love it if she was. Perhaps it's all been a dream and she is wanting for me at home and she's not actually dead. Maybe it's like in the movies, I hit my head or-or got severely hurt and went into a coma and this is nothing but a hallucination, an illusion manufactured by my brain.

I had to get out and find her. I got back on my feet and wipe my tears with the back of my freezing hand. As I did just that, she appeared right in front of me and before I knew it, I was surrounded by her figure. Every direction I looked there she was gazing right back at me with a wide smile on her face and a hand in front of her asking for mine. I kept turning and circling without ever leaving my position, never moving my feet too much.

I began to panic like I had never panicked before, my breathing hitched and became even faster and louder, my eyes were pouring tear after tear down my cheeks and my whole body was shaking and, at one point, my legs failed and I was back on the ground.

I kept looking at them feeling tempted to reach for one of their hands but never doing it, I couldn't bring myself to do it. My brain would command my hand but it would not move.

Soon after I felt the world begin to turn, my head got lighter and they started talking to me.

"Grab my hand, sweetheart. It's ok, everything will be ok. I'm so proud of you. I know it's hard but I believe in you, grab my hand and I'll make everything be ok again. Just grab it."

Something inside of me snapped and I heard a little voice in the back of my mind say 'they're not real' and that resulted in me shouting at them to shut up at the top of my lungs as I covered my head with my long, shaking arms.

I woke up screaming and I threw up on my comforter almost immediately. I felt sick to my stomach from that, as I put my hand over my stomach I felt my t-shirt get sticky on my sweaty body.

By that time my mum came racing into my room, probably because my scream woke her. She carefully held me against her and began to rock me.

It took well over an hour of that before my mum could successfully get me to calm down and get back to normal(ish). Over the course of my depression she had come in and rocked me numerous times, sometimes I was only able to calm down and let myself cry by listening to her heartbeat as she caressed by shoulder-length hair and rocked me.

"What happened, my big handsome baby?" She asked in a mellow and low tone.

"Nightmare, I-I saw her, I saw here again. I saw ten of her..." I muttered against her chest.

"I-I'm sorry, honey, I am sorry." As I let out a hiccup she shushed me and said everything was going to be ok once more. There was something different this time, though. I believed her.

"D-do you want to talk about it?" She asked carefully with her soft South London accent leaving me to thinking about whether or not I wanted to and if I was ready or not... "It's only 10 o'clock, you could try ringing Tessa. She should still be up, it's not that late and if she's like you described her, she's probably getting some work done for school."

"I don't want to bother her," I said and I lifted my head up.

"Don't you think she could use a distraction from all that studying? This time of the year can drive students insane if they never lift their heads from a book, you know?" She says as she tugs a strand of my hair behind my ear to keep it off my face. I chuckled at her statement and nodded, admitting defeat.

"I'll you some privacy then, handsome." She said as she removed her short arms from around my body, got up and then carefully grabbed my smelly, vomited-on comforter and left the room silently.

I laid there for a while before trying to phone Tessa. I got fond of collecting my thoughts after uncomfortable experiences after rehab, it allows me to analyze and process them, but in less technical terms it simply allows me to breathe much more easily.

I did my usual routine, phone off my nightstand and onto my hand and after unlocking it I began the call and wait for the obnoxious waiting ring to shut up, speed dial makes things so much easier.

"Come on... Please pick up," I begged despite there being nobody to hear me. "Tessa, I need you," and just as I began saying that last bit the call came through and she laughed.

"Hey, JJ," she said playfully before shifting to a more serious tone, "what's wrong?"

"Nightmare..."

"Oh, do you want to talk about it, sweetheart?"

I hesitated as my mind quickly began to change opinions, "actually, I did when I was calling you but right now, not so much. I don't really know why but, I-I don't wanna; I don't feel like I'm ready, it still needs to sink in.

"That's ok too, shall we proceed with the usual nightmare drill then?" She asked, her voice sounding like music to my ears.

"Of course, my dear lady." My accent may already be British but that doesn't mean I don't mock it once in a while. Plus, it makes people laugh, it certainly made Tessa laugh so...

"Alright, my love." Surprisingly her English accent wasn't bad, at all, it was actually pretty realistic. "In case you are wondering, it's from too much Downtown Abbey, I think."

"Not too bad, my lady. The old English charm suits you," I admit.

"Well, thank you, my dear sir."

"You're welcome, darling."

Our short but amusing mockery of the English accents felt nice, I needed to laugh, I need to smile and be happy. Talking to Tessa helps with that, she got this really chilled vibe, except when she's talking about school, especially during the finals, because you can tell from her tone that she's really stressed out.

"How's school been, have you been stressing yourself out like always?"

"Hey, I-I never, fine... I always stress myself out," she corrected herself. "It's perfectly normal, exams, more specifically finals, are a huge deal!

"Yes and no, it's not going to be the dead of you if you fail. Plus, I highly doubt you will. You work so much..."

"Thank you, James. I needed that."

"Glad I could help," I really am. It was rather nice to know that I wasn't the only one who needed a good listener, a shoulder to occasionally cry on and someone with whom I'm comfortable to share anything with.

"I know it may be the last thing you want but," she began. We both know how sleep affects her, more like lack thereof so what I thought was her request seemed perfectly fine. "I kind of feel like-like I am going to fall asleep at any moment and I-I don't want to be rude, not with you anyways."

It's kind of crazy how someone can become so predictable once you get to you know them in an in-depth level. I was nice to be able to tell what she wanted though, these kinds of situations made me feel a bit more human and normal each time. "It's alright, sweetheart, goodnight."

"Goodnight to you too, James. Oh, and it's nice see my constant usage of nicknames is wearing off on you!" We both chuckled at this, who would have thought this would happen?

"Damn, you're right but hey, at least it's not a bad thing. Goodnight, Tessa, get some ZZZs, girl, you sound like you need them."

"For future reference, it's not that nice to tell someone, more specifically a girl that they look or sound tired. You may end up being slapped or yelled at."

"Thanks for the intel, I know for a fact that that is true."

"Awe, poor little Jamie!"

"Haha, don't laugh too hard, sweetheart, don't forget I too have some dirt on you. Seriously though, get your ass in bed, it's about goddamn time you do so."

"Fine, goodbye."

"Bye," for now...

{AN}

Yey for chapter 23, where I lost myself for over a week and always seemed to forget which tense I should be writing in.

Also, my 2nd term has begun and it's not easy going back to school. Plus, I got extremely sick and then my dog got sick... We've both made a full recovery though.

As always, please let me know what you thought in the comments and vote if you liked it. Word of advice, follow my account because once I wrap this book up I will be posting bonus chapters only available to my followers.