Nightflyer: Alright, I know it's a tad controversial, BUUUUUUTTTTT- Favorite IRL ship that doesn't involve fictional people?

Air: Gen and Jared Padalecki, obviously, have you SEEN THEM?

Kelp: *claps loudly* MARKIPLIER AND AMY

Joy: Kenny and Gerry, the dead deer ship.

Rainkeeper: The what now-

Rainkeeper: Whatever's going on between Michael Sheen and David Tennant.

Seashell: They're not dating.

Rainkeeper: Yeah right and the Property Brothers aren't incestuous husbands.

Seashell: I-

Seashell: Y'know what, I'm not gonna-

Rainkeeper: Tell me I'm wrong, Seashell.

Seashell: I will. When you're wrong. Nightflyer, favorite ship?

Nightflyer: LET ME SET THE STAGE FOR YOU FIRST.

Air: *builds a stage*

Joy: Oh no.

Nightflyer: THE YEAR. IS 2009!

Air: We didn't exist.

Joy: Wings of Fire didn't exist.

Nightflyer: AND THERE'S A COUPLE OF COLLEGE STUDENTS IN CHEAP WIGS SINGING A DUET ABOUT HOW THEY'RE BOTH IN LOVE WITH THE SAME PERSON.

Nightflyer: And instead of either of them ending up with her, they end up dating each other and getting engaged and I love them for it.

Kelp: You said non fictional ships, you can't talk about Qinter.

Nightflyer: I WAS TALKING ABOUT JOEY RICHTER AND LAUREN LOPEZ OKAY-

*players appear*

Sunny: Where did that stage come from?

Hosts: *evil laughter*

Winter: Oh just kill us and be done with it.

Hosts: *louder evil laughter*

Kinkajou: I'm scared.

Turtle: Yeah me too, but you didn't wanna be the hapless sidekick so you're up. *hides behind Kinkajou*

Kinkajou:.....I SHALL DEFEND YOU WITH MY BARBARIC YAWP.

Turtle: Your what now?

Kinkajou: YAWP!!!!!!

Deathbringer: AH WHAT THE FU- *falls down*

Kinkajou: Yay it worked!

Moon: WOULD YOU ALL STOP EVIL LAUGHING AND TELL US WHAT'S HAPPENING

Joy: Maniacal laugh....Maniacal laugh....

Qibli: Okay that's actually worse, go back to laughing.

Rainkeeper: *unveils the wheel*

Players: *scream and trample each other in an attempt to hide from its unforgiving spin*

Joy: Sunny, come here.

Sunny: Uh, okay....

Meerkat: NO.

Joy: Sunny, do you love Meerkat?

Sunny: Of course! 

Joy: Well too bad, cause for the next three days you're all going to be trading significant others with whoever the wheel says.

Sunny:......Oh fudge.

Air: And you have to go on a date!

Kelp: So without further ado, let's see what vomit ships the wheel is feeling today! *spins*

Sunny: *screams in fear as it spins and eventually lands on....Deathbringer*

Deathbringer: Oh no. Oh no no no, WE JUST BARELY AVOIDED THIS IN THE COP SHOW.

Sunny: NEVER SPEAK OF THE COP SHOW.

Joy: This'll be good. I love the wheel.

Rainkeeper: It really should get more credit than it does

Seashell: CLAY YOU'RE UP NEXT.

Clay: *covers eyes*

Clay: I don't wanna look.

Kelp:....*whispers to hosts* Guys it landed on Peril three times in a row....

Joy: Well spin it again, I know the wheel ships Cleril as much as the rest of us,  but the point is to trade.

Kelp: *spins again, wheel lands on Turtle*

Turtle: *screams*

Clay: *looks and screams*

Peril: Moon, is this how you felt when Qinter became a thing?

Moon: Nah, I was more relieved. You just look grossed out.

Peril: I am. I am very grossed out.

Clay: I DON'T LIKE THIS.

Turtle: NEITHER DO I!!!!

Swordtail, from the closet: SHUT UP. NOBODY LIKES THIS GAME!

Air: Oh Peeeerrrriiillllll......

Peril: My only logical options are gone. Hit me. 

*wheel lands on Carnelian*

Carnelian:........

Peril:........

Carnelian: We will never speak of this to Ruby.

Peril: Done.

Rainkeeper: Tsunami?

Tsunami: I'll spin this myself, thank you very much. *spins*

*wheel lands on Meerkat*

Tsunami: Seriously?

Meerkat: Welp, time to update the will.

Sunny: YOU HURT HIM, I'LL KILL YOU, TSUNAMI!

Tsunami: Yeah right-

Sunny: *bites her tail*

Tsunami: OW! OKAY!!

Joy: Riptide?

Riptide: Let's just get this over with....

*Wheel lands on Qibli*

Riptide:.......

Qibli:.........

Qibli: Y'know, in a weird sort of way, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious.

Riptide: I think it's the scale colors. Aesthetically, we look good together.

Tsunami: I feel threatened.

Moon: You should.

Kelp: One spin for Starflight!

*wheel lands on Amber*

Starflight: Oh. 

Amber: WHY ARE THESE SHIPS HORRIBLE AND YET WEIRDLY WORKING????

Rainkeeper: Magic of the wheel.

Air: The wheel that ships Ripnami, Starspeaker, and Cleril by the amount of respins we've had to do.

Air: Anyways Fatespeaker!

*Wheel lands on Kinkajou*

Fatespeaker:.....I'm strangely comfortable with it.

Kinkajou: I'm not, I heard you kissed a cow.

Fatespeaker: It was ONE. TIME!

Rainkeeper: Oh hey, we have an odd number.

Joy: Well then it looks like Glory has to be with either Winter or Moon. Let's see what happens, and decide how to punish the odd one out.

Moon: Oh no.

Winter: CAN I JUST DIE INSTEAD?

*Wheel lands on Moon*

Glory: Dang, Winter would've been entertaining.

Deathbringer: I'M SORRY????

Air: *gasps* I HAVE A GREAT IDEA FOR WHAT WE DO WITH WINTER.

Nightflyer: Yeah?

Air: We throw him in the wheel we use when we play spin the bottle in DND!!!

Kelp: There's a chair on that wheel.

Kelp: Let's do it.

Seashell: *rolls in new wheel*

Winter: I have no idea what any of these things mean.

Joy: Oh. You'll see. *spins*

*Wheel lands on Evangeline*

Hosts:......

Air: No, we're vetoing that, spin again.

Winter: Who's Evangeline???

Nightflyer: Our scavenger author's DND character's perfect badass half-elf pirate wife.

ME: *appears*

ME: And none of you will ever be as perfect as her.

Seashell: Doesn't her family work with demons and kidnap people?

ME: Yes but shhhhh, we love her.

Seashell: YOU MARRIED HER TWO DAYS AFTER MEETING HER.

ME: IT'S TRUE LOVE *hits Seashell with a guitar and disappears*

Air: You're not worthy of Evangeline. *spins*

*Wheel lands on Darryl*

Kelp: Fuck. YES.

Winter: *sighs* Who's Darryl?

Nightflyer: *sets down a lute in front of Winter*

Winter:........

Winter: You've lost me.

Air: That's Darryl.

Kelp: He's really funny.

Joy: You'll love him.

Winter: Does he talk?

Rainkeeper: Of course!

Winter:.......*pokes the lute*

*nothing happens*

Winter:.......I can't tell if I made out easier or worse than everyone else here.

Tsunami: I'm honestly not sure either.

*Two days of swapped dating later*

Joy: Let's see how everybody's dates are going....

Clay: *hugging Turtle*

Turtle:.......You can stop now.

Clay: No.

Turtle: Please stop, I'm not used to this much physical connection.

Clay: Shhhhhhh, you're touch starved and I must hug.

Turtle: *starts crying*

Clay: *pats him on the head*

Air:....I have mixed feelings about this.

Kelp: Join the club.

*****

Peril/Carnelian: *sparring thanks to Carnelian's temporary fire proof scales*

Peril: Your footwork is SO SLOPPY!

Carnelian: WELL SO IS YOURS!

Peril: Then how come I was the Queen's Champion?

Carnelian: Because you could BURN PEOPLE-

Joy: Huh. Somehow I thought this would be going better.

Rainkeeper: I think it is. I feel like they're one of those couples that uses fighting to express themselves.

Air: That's unhealthy.

Kelp: And that's why they will never ever be canon. 

***

Seashell: Sooooo, how's the relationship going?

Meerkat: Tsunami and I are not speaking to each other.

Air: Why not?

Tsunami: Because I WANT TO KILL HIM.

Meerkat: Because I want to kill her, but we both promised Sunny we wouldn't harm each other, so the silent treatment is our only solution.

Tsunami: It's not a good one.

Meerkat: She set my house on fire.

Tsunami: He killed one of my brothers. I think that makes us even.

Meerkat: It was a shark. I killed a shark that they had crowned prince as a joke on Coral, only she never realized it happened.

Tsunami: RIP Little brother.

Hosts: *slowly back away*

*****

Glory: So like, to what degree are we dating? Cause this is weird.

Moon: Very weird.

Nightflyer: Oh, you're fully dating. You're just replacing your current SO with a new one, so anything you used to do with Deathbringer, you'll do with Moon.

Moon:.........

Glory:..........

Glory: Yeah that is NOT happening.

Moon: Then what should we do?

Glory: Uh.....I guess you can just stand next to me all day?

Moon: There's seriously NOTHING ELSE you do with Deathbringer that I could try?

Glory:.....No.

Moon: But-

Moon: *reads Glory's mind*

Moon: OH OKAY NEVER MIND YOU'RE RIGHT, I'LL JUST STAND HERE QUIETLY SOUNDS GOOD.

Joy/Rainkeeper: *slowly back away*

****

Deathbringer/Sunny: *having a spa day*

Deathbringer: *lifts a cucumber off his eye*

Kelp: Uh....Hey.

Deathbringer: I'm going to say this once and only once.

Sunny: *wraps her tail around Deathbringer's*

Deathbringer: Glory never hears about any of this.

Kelp: Or....?

Deathbringer: Or I will personally destroy every universe you date my daughter in, including this one.

Kelp:.....

Kelp: You got it Chief!

**** (I named these ones, their names are Ed, Janice, Carl, and Megan)

Fatespeaker: THE MOONS ARE GONNA FALL FROM THE SKY AND WIPE US ALL OUT AND THEN-

Kinkajou: *crying* WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID???

Fatespeaker: At least I can read!

Kinkajou: SHUT UP I'M LEARNING!

Fatespeaker: YOUR TEACHER'S BLIND

Kinkajou: WELL HE'S YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND!

Fatespeaker: WHY ARE WE EVEN DATING?

Kinkajou: I don't know, MAYBE THERE'S A STUPID PROPHECY ABOUT IT.

Fatespeaker: OH, SURE. I FORESEE ME DROWNING YOU IN THE NEAR FUTURE.

Kinkajou: AND I FORESEE ME KILLING YOU FIRST

Air: How did this happen, they made such good friends.....

Joy: *eating popcorn* The downfall of the friends to lovers trope. Wanna watch the trainwreck unfold some more?

Air:.... Yes please.

****

Starflight/Amber: *hanging upside down by their tails, completely high*

Amber: Feel the rainbow.....become the rainbow....taste....the mighty.... hunky.... rainbow....

Starflight: You make the loop de loooooo and pulll.....and your shoes are lookin coooool

Kelp: What-

Amber: HEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Starflight: FISH FACE.

Amber: St-Starlfight here showed me how to crush up skittles and snort them an- and then *wheezes* WE MIXED IT WITH COCAINE!

Starflight: Woooooo! Skittles is a helluva boss drug.

Kelp: Blitzo would be proud.

Starflight: Nahhhh, he's right there! HIIII BLITZY!!!! *waves at a leaf*

Kelp:.....*slowly backs away*

Kelp: I guess we have two drug addicts now.

Joy: It was always gonna end that way.

****

Winter: *at a fancy candlelit restaurant with Darryl*

Rainkeeper: I see you and Darryl are getting along

Winter: Of course. Unlike Qibli, he doesn't talk, so I'm finding this relationship to be a LOT more enjoyable.

Winter: And Darryl's paying for dinner, so he's a better gentleman than Moon.

Air: Darryl gives everyone only the best, right Darryl?

Darryl:............

Air: HAHAHAHAHA, that's hilarious Darryl! You should have a Netflix comedy special!

Rainkeeper: I'll look into it. Everybody else has gotten one, why can't he?

Air: E X A C T L Y.

****

Riptide/Qibli: *building a sand castle at the beach*

Qibli: If we ad more wet sand here, it'll make everything stronger and then we can add another level with a TON of fancy balconies.

Riptide: That's a great idea, I'll get more water.

Qibli: *starts crying*

Riptide: What's wrong??

Qibli: YOU'RE SO NICE.

Riptide: Am- Am I not supposed to be...?

Qibli: *cries harder* WINTER NEVER APPRECIATED ME LIKE THIS!

Riptide: Why not? You're so smart! 

Qibli: OH MY MOONS I'M KEEPING YOU. *hugs him*

Riptide: *hugs him back*

Riptide: We'll see.

Qibli: NO YOU'RE MINE NOW, I'LL FIGHT TSUNAMI, I DON'T CARE, YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR HER.

Riptide: I know.

Hosts:.........

Nightflyer: Do.....

Nightflyer: Do I go to hell if I ship it? Just a little bit?

Air: They're weirdly well matched for each other, guys I think we need to think about this more.

Rainkeeper: Already starting the fanart-

Joy: Okay yes, but RIPNAMI-

Kelp: Gorgeous of course, but I'm interested to see where this goes....

Riptide/Qibli: *wrestling and laughing in the sand*

Joy: Oh no.

Rainkeeper: It's getting to you, isn't it?

Joy: NO, I WON'T LET IT. RIPNAMI. QINTER. JOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!

Air: No one can know what the wheel has created. We must burn it all.

Kelp: What's there to burn? We can't harm the wheel, we love it as much as we love Tam.

Nightflyer: *gasps*

Nightflyer: How dare you, we can't love anything more than Tam and his bird.

Seashell: What about Air?

Nightflyer:.........

Nightflyer: THAT'S A DIFFERENT KIND OF LOVE, SEASHELL.

Seashell: Sounds like AN EXCUSE.

Joy: *sets the dare and the chapter on fire*

Joy: There. Fixed it.

Air: How did you-

Rainkeeper: AAAAAAHHHH!!! IT BURNS!!!

Riptide/Qibli: *run around on fire, screaming*

Players: *screaming*

Wattpad: *on fire*

Hosts: *panicking*

Rainkeeper: THIS WAS A HORRIBLE IDEA.

Joy: YEAH I GET THAT.

Air: GOOGLE'S ON FIRE!!!!!

All: *screams as the internet burns around them*